Millie
It had been a couple of days since Jesse’s reconciliation with Addy, and she was absolutely blossoming under the warmth of her father’s love. A huge grin constantly lit up her face, and her infectious giggle became the theme music for the Connor house.
Jesse was also changed, but not totally, it had to be said. When he was with Addy, he was lighter and more relaxed, playing and cuddling with her at any opportunity. It was as if he was trying to take back the lost two years and cram them into the few hours that he spent with her every day. As for his attitude towards me, well that hadn’t changed. He barely spoke to me and when he did, I was lucky to get more than half a dozen words out of him. His family fared a little better with the amount of effort that he put in with them, but he was still a little distant, spending all his time and energy on Addy when he did come to the house.
Unfortunately, my feelings for Jesse hadn’t changed either. I still craved for a glimpse of him every day, and my heart still stumbled through any appearance he made. Allowing himself to care about his daughter again had smoothed out the worry lines on his forehead and cleared a little of the sadness from his eyes and he looked rugged and beautiful, all at the same time.
As I contemplated how I’d get through the next eleven months looking at Jesse but not touching, Addy came running in with an old shoe box.
“Hey, what have you got there?” I asked, watching as she placed it carefully on the kitchen table before climbing up onto a seat.
“It’s my box of hearts,” she exclaimed.
“A box of hearts? What’s that?”
Addy smiled at me and shook her head. “Didn’t your granma make you a box of hearts?” she asked.
“No, she didn’t. She made me a jumper once and the arms were too short.”
Addy looked at me a little perplexed.
“A sweater, she made me a sweater,” I explained.
“Oh, okay.”
She turned back to her box and slowly lifted the lid and placed it on the table. Her mouth dropped open, and with the level of awe on her face as she looked inside the box, you would have expected to see a pot of gold glowing in there.
“Aren’t they pretty?” she gasped.
I leaned closer and looked inside to see lots of hearts of varying sizes. There were paper hearts, fabric hearts, one made from thick twine wrapped around some wire and there was even an eraser made in the shape of a heart. On each one was writing, and as I looked closer, I could see that they were names, written in what I recognized was Bonnie’s writing.
“They have names on them,” I said.
Addy nodded. “Of course, because they are people’s hearts. Look.”
She reached her tiny hand inside and pulled out the twine heart. It was then I noticed that it had a small tag hanging from it. Addy passed it to me and I read the name ‘Miss Cynthia’.
“That’s the one I wanted,” she said as a matter of fact. “Granma is going to take me later to give it to her.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, not really understanding. “So, did you make it as a present for her?”
Addy frowned. “Your granma really didn’t make you a box of hearts, did she?”
“No,” I giggled. “She really did only make me an awful sweater.”
“I’m giving Miss Cynthia her heart because of Tommy Kincaid.” Addy crossed her arms over her chest and inclined her head.
“No, sorry sweetie, I still don’t understand.”
“Tommy Kincaid is sweet on Miss Cynthia. I know because he goes to the diner every day and sits in her section so that she has to serve him. Elizabeth’s mommy told Granma that every time she goes in for coffee, Tommy is making googoo eyes at Miss Cynthia. And Elizabeth’s mommy buys a lot of coffee for the sheriff and the deputies. She answers the telephone at the sheriff’s office,” she explained with an earnest nod.
“So because Tommy Kincaid likes Miss Cynthia, you’re going to give her this heart that you made for her.”
Maybe it was a local tradition, not that I really understood what Addy meant, but she handled the hearts so carefully that they were obviously very precious to her.
“I’m giving it to Miss Cynthia because it’s time for her to give it to Tommy.” She carefully placed the twine heart on the table. “He loves her, so now she needs to give him her heart so that they can live happily ever after.”
As I watched Addy’s little fingers trace the outline of the heart, I felt my nose twitch and tears spring to my eyes. This gorgeous little girl truly had a romanticised view about love; exactly as it should be when you are four years of age. Addy’s ideas that if you kissed you were in love and that to be happy forever you simply gave someone a paper or twine heart, were magical and beautiful. She amazed me more each day and I hoped that Jesse knew what an honour it was to be her father.
“Who else’s heart is in there, sweetie?” I asked, resting a hand on Addy’s head.
“Lots of people.” She grinned up at me before turning back to the box and pointing to a heart. “That’s Mr Duncan from the library; poor Mrs Duncan died and Mr Duncan is lonely. Uncle Brandon.” Addy giggled. “He might give it to you.”
I shook my head and tried not to look too horrified. “I don’t think so, Uncle Brandon and I are just friends.”
Addy shrugged and turned back to the hearts. “Uncle Garratt’s is the eraser. I thought he might give it to a girl at his school called Jemma, but he didn’t,” she gave a sad sigh. “That pretty one, that’s yours; look.”
Addy held out a piece of white fabric; it had lemon flowers on it and had been cut with pinking shears. On closer inspection I could see that my name had been written on it in black ink. As I stared down at the heart, I gulped back the swell of emotion that threatened to burst out.
“For me?”
“Yes, Granma cut it out for me the day after you got here.” Addy put the heart back in the box and pulled out the final one. It looked to be blue foil covering cardboard, and in the middle was the name ‘Daddy’.
“This is Daddy’s,” she said softly. “I made it for him at Christmas. I heard him crying for Mommy on Christmas Day.”
Addy gently laid the heart back in the box, on top of mine, and the put the lid back on it. Leaving Miss Cynthia’s heart on the table, Addy climbed down from her chair, reached up for the box and then scampered away with it.
As I sat at the table waiting for her, the door opened and Bonnie came in carrying a basket of rolled up sheets and pillow cases – today was linen change day in the bunk house.
“Hey, honey,” she sighed and dropped the basket onto the floor. “The damn machine is broken in the bunk house. I’ll have to do these over here.”
I chewed on my bottom lip and gave her a slight head nod. Addy’s little box had certainly done something to my heart.
“You okay?” Bonnie asked. “Jesse hasn’t done something has he?”
“No,” I whispered. “Addy showed me her box of hearts.”
Bonnie smiled softly and cupped my face with her hand. “Oh honey, she hasn’t upset you by making you a heart, has she? She was insistent because she said you looked sad.”
“I thought I’d hidden it well.”
“Not from Addy.” Bonnie gave my shoulder a squeeze and then sat down. “You don’t have to tell me, but I’m here if you ever need to talk.”
I took a deep breath and told Bonnie all about Dean and Ambrose. Her mouth gaped open and she held a hand to her chest as she listened.
“A man?”
“Yes, a man. But, it wasn’t meant to be and to be honest, I don’t feel as sad about it as I did.”
Bonnie didn’t say anything but gave me a knowing smile. Maybe she knew what I’d known for weeks; I evidently hadn’t loved Dean but simply the idea of being a couple, being married.
“Is it a tradition?” I asked, feeling distinctly uncomfortable thinking about Dean. “The box of hearts?”
Bonnie shook her head. “No, just an idea Addy had. Just last summer I read her a book about a little boy who kept his wishes in a box under his bed, and Addy loved it. The little boy was magical and he would give his wishes to people who he thought needed or deserved them, and when he did, they would always come true. So,” she sighed with a tinkling laugh. “Addy had the idea that if she gave people their heart to give to someone they loved, or who loved them, they would live happily ever after.”
“Oh my God,” I whispered. “She is the sweetest child I have ever met.”
Bonnie’s eyes glistened with pride. “I know, and thanks be that her daddy realizes that now, too.”
“He’s really turned a corner with her, hasn’t he?” I said, avoiding Bonnie’s gaze, sure that she’d see the truth of my feelings for Jesse in my eyes.
“Yes honey, he has, and I can’t tell you how relieved I am. Ted and I were talking about it last night, and we agree we can cope with him shutting off from us, as long as he never does again with Addy.”
“He’ll get there one day,” I replied.
“Let’s hope that doesn’t take too long either, hey honey?”
Bonnie smiled and got up from her seat and moved across the kitchen to the discarded laundry basket, giving me a wink as she did so.