ALEXIS

RING. RING. RING.

Jeez. Whoever it was, was persistent. After the third call in a row, I’d decided it was probably important enough that I should answer. “Hello?” I groaned, my voice still drunk with sleep.

“Alexis,” Dean breathed out, his voice cracking. “I’m so glad you picked up.”

We hadn’t spoken in weeks. Not since the morning I broke up with him. I couldn’t tell for certain, but it sounded like he’d been crying. A huge knot formed in the pit of my stomach. Immediately, I started imagining all of the many horrible things that might have happened. “Hey, Dean,” I cooed. “Is everything okay? You sound upset.”

“Yeah, uhh. It’s Dad...He was in an accident.”

“Oh God, Dean. Is he—Is he going to be okay?” Memories of Mr. Ryan, who was like a second father to me, flashed in my mind.

A loud sob broke my thoughts, nearly ripping my heart in two. “They don’t think he’s going to—” He couldn’t finish. My entire body began to shake as I broke out in a cold sweat, his words ringing in my ears. His cries suffocating my heart.

“Dean,” I cried, clutching my hand to my chest as warm tears streamed down my cheeks. “No.” I gasped for breath, but it was no use. It was as if the air had been sucked from the room. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t real.

Dean cleared his throat, taking a moment to compose himself. At his next three words, I began shoving my belongings into my suitcase. “I need you...” He needed me.

I jotted down the hospital information, promising him that I’d be there as soon as I could, and booked the next flight home. All I could think about at that moment was getting to the hospital as fast as possible. I needed to be there for Dean. I had to see Mr. Ryan before he— No. I wouldn’t even think that way.

After packing the last of my things, I attempted to call Colt, but the sound of his ringtone came drifting through the bathroom door. He’d forgotten it on the counter. Brilliant. There was no time to wait. My plane would be departing in two hours. My only option was to leave a note.

Dear Colton,

I miss you already, and I haven’t even left...

As soon as I finish writing this, I’ll be on my way to the airport to catch the next flight home. Dean’s dad was in a bad car accident this morning, and it doesn’t look good. I know that you understand how much Mr. Ryan means to me, and why I need to be there right now. Still, I hate leaving without saying goodbye—truthfully, I hate leaving at all. The past few weeks, especially last weekend, were the happiest I’ve been in years.

This is a conversation I hoped we’d have in person, but I don’t want you to come back, find me gone, and assume the worst. So, this letter will have to do. I’ve made my decision. Hell, if I’m honest, I made it the minute I hopped on that plane to come to LA—to come to you. You’re the reason I couldn’t say yes. I know that now, without a doubt. There’s no way that I could ever marry Dean feeling the way I do for you. I’m in love with you, Colton Fowler. I think maybe I always have been.

Thank you so much for everything. The summer, this weekend, your big cock—the shirt, you perv. I’ll call you later tonight when I get settled.

Love always,

Allie

xoxo

After folding the note in half, I wrote Colton’s name really big on the outside, then set it on the nightstand, placing his cellphone on top. There was no way he’d miss it. Colt would come straight for his phone the minute he got home, and he’d find my letter.

The three-hour flight back to Texas felt more like three days. It was crazy how time always seemed to stop at the most inopportune times. I’d gotten myself so worked up by the time we landed that I was ready to bowl over the line of slow-moving passengers just to feel my feet on solid ground. God, I hated flying.

When I finally got off that plane, I hightailed it to the baggage area, locating my mother almost immediately. With her arms flailing above her head, she stood beaming up at me as I moved down the escalator at a snail’s pace. When I got to the bottom, she was there, wrapping me in her familiar embrace. It was then when I finally felt safe enough to allow myself to fall apart. Right there. In the airport.

“Oh, honey,” Momma crooned, finger combing my hair as she held me tightly to her chest. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed her ’til she was holding me in her arms. Burrowing my nose into her neck, I breathed in a deep whiff of her perfume, holding it in and allowing it to sooth the hurt for just a moment.

I was afraid to ask, but I needed to know. A lot could happen in three hours. “Is he—?” I choked on a sob, unable to finish the question, but Momma knew what I was trying to ask.

“He’s alive—” her face contorted into a frown “—but it’s not looking good, baby.”

I nodded, trying to swallow down my tears. I had to get my shit together before I saw Mr. Ryan and before I saw Dean.

On the way over to the hospital, I filled mom in on my summer with Colton, intentionally leaving out the parts where we’d been hooking up. Until I was certain of what would happen between the two of us, I was not getting our parents involved. But I had hopes that maybe soon...Just the mere mention of him had my heart clenching in my chest.

When she stopped at a red light, Momma’s head turned in my direction. I could see a question brewing in her eyes and that she was trying to decide whether or not to ask it.

“What?”

Her throat cleared as she fidgeted a little in her seat. “Did you decide what to do about Dean?” My mother looked terrified of my answer.

“No,” I answered quietly, clearing my throat. “I can’t...I’m not ready.”

“Oh, thank God,” she let out a loud sigh, tossing her head back with relief.

Rolling my eyes, I swatted her arm gently. “Light’s green.”

My mother dabbed at the tears in her eyes as she pressed the accelerator. Ever the drama queen. “I’m proud of you, honey.”

“For what?” I certainly wasn’t feeling proud of myself for any of this.

Her eyes stayed fixed on the road as I felt her right hand patting my leg. “For being brave enough to put yourself first. I know how much you care about Dean, and it’s never easy to hurt the people you love, even when you know in your heart that it’s the right thing to do.” Mom turned to look at me briefly with a sad smile. Too emotional to speak, I simply nodded my head. “I was so afraid you’d end up marrying the wrong guy for all the right reasons.”

“I just can’t...He deserves better, Mom,” I croaked. “To think I let him waste so many years with me.” A wave of nausea hit and my throat thickened.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Allie. A broken heart is easy to fool...You fell in love with being loved, but you can’t force your heart to love a person back...no matter how badly you may want to.”

Tears pooled in my eyes. “I wanted to, Mom. I really thought I did.”

“I know you did, baby.”

“Alexis!” I heard my name bellow through the waiting room the instant I stepped through the emergency room doors. Spinning around to locate his voice, I was nearly knocked off my feet when Dean’s body slammed into mine. I felt his arms snake around my waist as his lips landed on the bend of my neck, and my pulse started to race. I stood stalk still, holding my breath with tears pooling in my eyes as Dean’s grip tightened. It felt as if he was afraid to let go. As if he thought I might disappear. As if he already knew.

Arms that for so long were my shelter suddenly felt all wrong. My body tensed as I laced my fingers behind his neck, hugging him back, sending up a silent prayer that he couldn’t feel the strain. Internally, I warred with the desire to comfort him and not wanting to give him even an inkling of false hope. Dean loved me so much. It was in the way he looked at me, the way he touched me...It’s no wonder his love was such an effective band-aid to my shattered heart. And here I was about to break his. I hated myself.

My eyes swam with tears as I untangled myself from his hold, backing away just a little. “How’s he doing?” I rasped.

Dean shrugged, his eyes glossy as he fought back tears. “He’s in surgery now to try to repair a lacerated lung.”

“What happened?”

Dean’s hand moved through his hair, pulling at the ends. “He, uh. He fell asleep after pulling an all-nighter at the plant...Went off the road and slammed into a tree at around five this morning.”

My hand lifted to cover my mouth as I sucked in a sharp breath. I felt his knuckles trail up and down my spine in what was meant to be a comforting gesture and nearly jumped out of my skin. What was the matter with me?

“Alexis?” Mrs. Ryan asked, squinting her eyes as if she were seeing a ghost as she came around the corner. I was thankful for the interruption.

“Mrs. Ryan,” I returned, meeting her halfway and wrapping her in a hug. She looked awful. Her usually impeccably styled hair looked like it hadn’t seen a comb in days. The makeup on her face was smudged and her clothes rumpled. She’d been through hell today, and it showed. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, kissing the hair at the side of her head.

“I don’t know what I’ll do if he—” Her face contorted with pain, silent sobs wracking her tiny frame. Her fear was tangible, shaking me to the bone.

As her cries began to quiet, she went limp in my arms, nearly fainting from exhaustion. Dean stepped in, walking her over to a small cluster of chairs, where the three of us sat together and waited.