ALEXIS (AGE 15)

“ALLIE, YOU LOOK SO beautiful, baby,” Momma said, lifting her fingers to her lips as tears trickled down her cheeks.

I rolled my eyes and scoffed before mumbling out my thanks and walking past her into the hall.

“I mean it. Colt’s a fool.”

“For the last time, Mom, I don’t like him like that!” I shouted, stomping down the stairs in my heels. I felt like a baby giraffe trying to walk in the damn things.

I finally looked up from my feet when I reached the bottom step, and there he was...Looking like a damned GQ model, in the foyer chewing his lip to keep from laughing at my embarrassment. Great!

My face warmed. “Hey, Colt,” I called as I stepped onto the marble tile. “Where’s Marci?”

He coughed. “She...uh. She’s meeting us there.”

“Us?”

“It’s our first homecoming, Alex. I thought we’d ride together?”

Well, at least he hadn’t completely ditched me. It had been hard having to share my best friend with his new basketball teammates and the girls who fawned all over him at school. Skanky bitches. I felt him slowly slipping away, and I hated it.

“A goddamned fool,” Mr. Fowler agreed as he walked out of the kitchen with my father trailing closely behind. “Alexis, you look lovely, honey.”

I cleared my throat and looked up at Mr. Fowler. “Thank you, sir.” He was a big black teddy bear of a man, and had always treated me like his own.

Then my own father walked over, wrapping me in a tight hug, and whispered, “A damned fool,” into my ear, and I’d had enough.

I glanced over to Colton, whose head was now hanging in embarrassment, and felt my blood begin to boil. “Why do y’all do this to us? Why do you have to make everything so weird just because we’re in high school now? Nothin’s changed! We don’t like each other like that, okay? Stop trying to mess up our friendship. He’s like my brother. It’s gross.” I felt that lie churn in my stomach. “Just...just...stop it, okay?”

All four of our parents mumbled and nodded, and Colt looked like he was about to punch someone. Why’d our parents always have to ruin everything?

I walked over to my best friend and reached for his hand, tickling his palm with my newly manicured fingers. “Sorry, Colt.”

With a tight-lipped smile, he shrugged. “Don’t worry ’bout it, Al. Like you said, it’d be like dating my sister.” He forced a laugh. “Gross,” he agreed, scrunching his nose.

Ouch. That stung. The truth was that I’d slowly been developing feelings for Colton over the last few years and I hadn’t known what to do about them. Our parents teased us endlessly about how we’d been betrothed from the womb. Our mothers thought it would be the coolest thing ever to have their children wed. Our fathers had played ball together in school. They were ridiculously close, all four of them. They’d never monitored the two of us very closely because honestly, I think they’d have been over the moon if a relationship ever formed between us. But one hadn’t. Apart from that one kiss, Colt never showed any interest in me, and I tried for all I was worth to hide the immense attraction I had for him.

I’d always thought Colton was beautiful, with his dark caramel skin and light green eyes. His hair was a mop of silky brown curls, and those dimples could melt the panties right off a nun. His muscles were becoming more defined. Somehow, my friend had turned into a sexy man-boy, and I wanted him. I wanted desperately to be on the receiving end of those flirty smiles he reserved for all of the other girls. Girls who I knew were only my friends to get closer to him. I wanted the stolen kisses and admiring looks. I wanted to be more than one of the guys, and I had to get over it or I’d end up losing my best friend completely.

I dropped his hand, feeling awkward. “Let’s just go.”

Mrs. Fowler drove us, trying to lighten our mood on the way, to no avail. Colt was pressed up against his door behind her seat and me against mine on the passenger side. We didn’t speak to each other. Not one word. I’d never felt so uncomfortable with him in all my life.

As she pulled up behind the line of cars waiting to drop their kids off, his mom glanced at us in the back seat with a toothy smile. “You two lighten up. They were just teasin’ ya. You only get your first homecoming once...Make the most of it, huh? I’ll pick you two up at eleven. Have fun!”

When the car finally rolled to a stop in front of the gym doors, I bolted as fast as humanly possible. Bile churned in my stomach. It felt like we’d just had a huge fight, only we hadn’t. I headed straight for the bathroom, the one place I knew he couldn’t follow, to fix my makeup and dry my eyes, and as luck would have it, bumped right into Marci and her two minions, Jessica and Lacy.

“Hey, Alex,” Marci chimed with feigned excitement. “I take it Colton’s finally here?”

Forcing a smile, I widened my eyes in a lousy attempt to keep the tears from falling in front of her. “Yeah, he’s somewhere around.” I hated that my voice broke.

“Great! You know I love you, right?” she asked, placing a tentative hand on my shoulder. I could sense there was more coming.

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, nodded, and smiled. “Mmhmm.”

“Just...don’t take this the wrong way, okay?” she asked, smoothing her poufy pink skirt.

I didn’t even try to hide the eye roll as I crossed my hands on my chest. “What, Marci?”

“Well, he’s my boyfriend...yet he’s always with you. I think maybe it’s time you find a boyfriend of your own...”

Lightbulb. Why hadn’t I thought of that myself?

I smiled the first and last genuine smile I’d ever offered Marci Mayweather. “You know what, Marci...I think you’re right.”

After she and her entourage left the restroom, I stared at myself in the floor length mirror. I looked good, and I knew it. My royal blue dress was form fitting with an open back. The bodice was covered in sequins, and the skirt was short and lined with layers of tulle. Coupled with my four-inch silver pumps, my legs looked amazing. So, maybe I didn’t have much going on in the boob department, yet...but my ass was to die for, and I owed it all to the rigorous workouts it took to uphold my position on the school’s track team.

I opened my silver clutch and applied a little more lipstick and the smoky-eye I’d spent hours practicing at home. Then I released the pins in my hair and let it fall in a cascade of dark brown curls almost to my waist.

I didn’t know when I’d become that pathetic girl pining away for her best friend. But it ended tonight.

When I walked out of those bathroom doors, instead of hiding from the boy who’d been my very best friend for all of my life, I’d take my rightful place beside him. I wasn’t going to lose him over a stupid crush. Colton was mine first, and as long as I kept those feelings in check, he’d be mine forever.

“Hey, guys,” I called as I walked confidently over to Colton and our usual crowd, who were huddled near the DJ booth.

Colt visibly did a double take. “Hey, Allie, where you been? I was lookin’ for ya.” He eyed me skeptically.

With a coy smile, I leaned in closer to whisper into his ear, allowing my lips to accidentally brush his skin. “Restroom.” The manly scent of his cologne almost made me falter...almost.

He placed his hand on my bare back, and every nerve ending in my body sparked to life. He leaned in close, and I could smell the mint from the gum in his mouth. It took all of my resolve not to melt into a puddle at his feet. “I like your hair down like that.” His warm breath caused a chill to move throughout my body.

I shook it off and ruffled my hand into his curls before placing a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks, bro,” I said, stepping to the side.

“Alex...” Colt’s teammate, Ryan purred. “Lookin’ good.” He roved his eyes up and down my body. Normally, I thwarted all of his advances—all of anyone’s really; God, how pathetic was I?—but I smiled and returned his perusal.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Ry.”

From the corner of my eye, I could see the confusion on Colton’s face. He’d just have to get used to seeing me with guys the same way I’d had to get used to seeing him with girls. Our friendship was too important to lose over hormones.

“You wanna’ dance, Alex?” Ryan asked, reaching for my hand.

I think I shocked myself along with everyone else in the crowd when I smiled and answered, “I’d love to.”

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice my own pain reflected in Colton’s eyes on the dance floor, but in some twisted way, it felt good. There he was with Marci in his arms, and for once I wasn’t feeling the sick pang in my chest alone. He felt it too. I could tell. And I’d bet he felt it a million times worse than me because I’d had years to adjust to it and he was only just learning what it felt like to watch the other half of your heart in the arms of someone who wasn’t you.

I tried to focus on Ryan, to feel those familiar butterflies when he touched me. But he didn’t even spark an ember. Nothing. I felt nothing when he pulled me tighter to his hard chest. Not even a flutter as he trailed his strong hands up and down the naked skin of my back and when he licked the seam of my mouth and dove in, giving me my first kiss since the one I’d shared with Colt in my bedroom two years before, I had to fight the urge to retch.

It was awkward at first, but when I saw the pissed off look on Colton Fowler’s face, it suddenly became bearable. I got really into it, digging my nails into the back of his shirt. I gave as good as I got and felt a triumphant smile curl my lips as Ryan groaned into my mouth. So maybe it wasn’t fireworks and butterflies. Maybe it paled in comparison to the innocent, inexperienced kiss I’d shared with Colt on my pink floral comforter. I could become addicted to the way it felt to make my best friend jealous. I think I just had...

Ryan and I had worked ourselves into a steady rhythm, and after the third slow dance we’d spent with our tongues down each other’s throats, I felt a tap on my shoulder. In my mind, it was Colt. He’d had enough and was coming to stake his claim on his girl...his girl being me. I’d have to reconsider all of this getting over Colt nonsense that I’d only just committed myself to. I smiled as I pulled my lips from Ryan’s and turned to find a blinding white light shining right in my eyes.

“That’s enough,” Principal Hart said sternly, lifting Ryan’s hands up from where they’d wandered to my bottom. “Let the girl breathe.”

My face warmed as our friends did little to hide their laughter. Mr. Hart also played ball with our fathers, and I knew I’d be hearing more about this later. The joys of growing up in small-town Texas. “I’m really disappointed in you, Alexis,” he said, drawing his brows together. “And, Ryan, have a little more respect for the ladies, huh? Keep your hands above the waist, or I’ll be calling your parents.”

Ryan chuckled. “Yes, sir,” he responded with a salute. “Sorry, sir.”

Mr. Hart nodded then turned his attention to Colton, who looked like he could breathe fire. “Colton, don’t let your friends disrespect her,” he said pointedly, as if he were my keeper. I hated that everyone made him feel responsible for me.

“No, sir,” Colt responded, glaring at Ryan.

For the remainder of that evening, I felt the tension between us like a living thing. However, I didn’t let that little embarrassment put a wrinkle in my plans. I flirted and danced with our friends all while the warden seethed beside me. Oh, he didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. His disapproving looks and the way he didn’t leave my side said more than he could have. Eventually, he’d get used to it. He’d learn to hide it just as I had. Until then, I’d enjoy his misery.

The ride home was quiet. Colt sat a little closer to me this time, but he didn’t speak. I stared out of the window with a giddy smile on my face as I answered all of his mother’s questions about the night. I may have gushed a little about how much I liked Ryan to rub salt in the wound. Hey, he’d been flaunting Marci and all of his other girls in my face for two years. He deserved to suffer a little.

I’d be sleeping over at Colton’s tonight. We’d been spending the night at each other’s houses since we were toddlers. It’d become the routine for our parents to alternate weekends with us. It gave them kid-free time to do their own thing, and Colt and I were always together anyway.

Colt stormed off to his room as soon as we got home. Mrs. Fowler asked if anything had happened and I told her that I thought he and Marci had got into it. I couldn’t tell her the truth, although she’d probably have been proud.

“I’m so glad you had such a great time, honey. I was starting to wonder if you’d ever get into boys,” she teased. “Although, you know, we’d still love you, even if you liked girls...It would just make your betrothal a little harder to sell.” She winked.

“I’m not a lesbian, and I’m not marrying Colt. The sooner you all get that through your heads, the better.”

She giggled, wrapping a long tendril of my hair around her pale finger. “Stop fighting fate,” she whispered, kissing my forehead. “You two were made for each other...You’ll see,” she added, slipping her finger from my hair and walking off to her room before I could argue.

I huffed out a frustrated breath as I marched up the stairs. The butterflies that had lain dormant for most of the evening were stirring up a frenzy in my tummy. I rapped my knuckles lightly on Colt’s door. When he didn’t answer, I let myself in, noticing he’d already pulled out the trundle from beneath his bed. The trundle we had yet to use. We’d always slept together in his bed or in mine. He must be really pissed.

I listened to the steady spray of the water from the shower through his bathroom door, and a waft of his soap filled his small room. I sat on the edge of his bed, feeling dejected...longing for the days when we were still innocent kids making mud pies and riding our bikes up and down the dead-end street for hours and hours.

The bathroom lock clicked, and I sat up straighter, plastering a smile on my face to disguise the hurt. “Hey,” I whispered.

Colton walked over to his dresser, grabbed one of his undershirts and a pair of boxer shorts from the drawer, and tossed them next to me on his bed. He looked so sad, and I almost regretted the entire night. But then I remembered all the times I wore that same look. All the times he hurt me, and I got those emotions in check real quick.

“Hey,” he said quietly. “Bathroom’s free.”

I rose from his bed, my heart sinking to my toes, as I walked past him into the bathroom that was still steaming from his shower. I wished he’d have grabbed my arm and pulled my body to his, finally confessing that he too felt all of the same things for me that I’d been feeling for him. But he didn’t. After shutting and locking the door, I sat on the edge of the tub, silently releasing all of the emotion that I could hardly contain any longer.

I slipped out of my dress and into his clothes, bunching the collar of his shirt into my hand and holding it to my nose, breathing in his familiar scent...wishing that things could be different. That there really was such a thing as fate. That the two of us really were destined to be together. That it wasn’t all just a bunch of bullshit that our parents had been feeding us since we were babies. I wished that they hadn’t planted those romantic ideas in my head. That it didn’t hurt so much to love him. Most of all, I wished that he’d loved me back.

When I was sure that he was asleep and I wouldn’t have to explain my red, swollen face, I crept out of the bathroom and found Colton quietly snoring on the trundle. He’d left me his bed. His body was curled into the fetal position, and his beautiful face turned toward the door.

Reluctantly, I climbed into his bed alone and stared at the bare skin of his back that had somehow begun to change from a boy’s into a man’s without my permission. I fought the urge to crawl down there and lie next to him. He wouldn’t push me away. But I respected his new boundaries, because one of us had to be strong enough to set some, and with tears soaking his pillow, I fell asleep to the familiar cadence of his quiet breaths.