ALEXIS

“I’LL BE BACK TO see you tomorrow,” I whispered to Mr. Ryan, bending to place a kiss on his cheek. “You get some rest, okay?” He squeezed my hand, mumbling something I couldn’t understand, as he drifted off. I stared at him a moment longer, still shaken by how close we came to losing him today. By the grace of God, he’d survived the most difficult surgeries, and the doctors were now saying that although he still had a long road ahead of him, they were expecting a full recovery.

“You mean a lot to him,” Dean said, scaring me half to death.

“Jesus! You scared the crap out of me.” We were only allowed in one at a time, and I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be in the room. I was already so on edge with the accident and the flight. And this unfinished business with Dean.

He smiled a lazy half smile. “It’s so good to have you back, Alexis.” He walked over to his father’s bedside, taking my left hand into his, and twisting an invisible ring around the third finger. With a shake of his head, he blew out a breath.

Gulp. I wasn’t ready for this. Not here. Not now. “Dean, I don’t—”

His smile returned, but this time it didn’t reach his eyes. They were sad, defeated, resigned. “It’s okay, babe.” His head tilted to the side, his lips flattening into a straight line. “I took a risk, and I lost...but I’ll never regret us.” A lone tear crept down his cheek as he squeezed my hand.

I could hardly breathe. “I don’t—I don’t understand,” I stammered.

“He was the wildcard...” Dean sulked, playing with my fingers as he explained. “Everyone could see the connection the two of you shared, but I was foolish enough to take my shot anyway...I knew it that first summer at the beach. I watched the way you watched him with Chelsie and caught every dirty look he threw my way. I fell hard and fast for big brown eyes and a broken heart. Actually, I think it was your heart that attracted me the most. If you could love the guy who broke your heart so fiercely, then I wanted to be the one who put it back together. Surely, you’d love him more...”

My lips started to quiver. “I’m so, so sorry, Dean.”

“I’m not mad, Alex.” He trailed the back of his hand down the side of my face, rubbing his thumb along my lower lip before pulling it away and fisting it at his side. “How can I be mad over something you didn’t even realize when deep down I knew it all along?”

“I loved you, Dean,” I whispered, needing for him to know that.

“I believe you,” he said with a sad smile. “I felt it. That feeling’s what’s kept me holding out hope that maybe someday your love for me would surpass the love you had for your best friend. But you can’t choose who to love. You can’t just turn it off. You were never going to stop loving him because that’s not the type of person you are, and ironically, it’s one of the things I will always love most about you.”

I could no longer see through the tears flooding from my eyes.

“When I proposed...you ran right to him. I knew then that it was truly a lost cause. But I still wanted to fight for you...to fight for us.”

“Dean, I—” He held up a finger, asking me to wait. So, I zipped my lips and let him get out the rest of what he needed to say.

“I sort of had a rough day after we spoke while you were in California.” His handsome face flushed with embarrassment. “I drove myself crazy wondering what was happening between the two of you every minute of every day until one night my dad and I had a few beers and I confessed everything. He made me promise to let you go. Not only for me but for you too.” He looked over to his sleeping father and smiled. “And he was right, Alex. We had a good run, but it’s time for you to go get your happy ending...and who knows, maybe someday I’ll find one of my own.”

God, I wanted that for him so much. “You will,” I whispered, fighting back tears, “and she will be the luckiest girl in the world.”

“There’s my girl!” Mr. Fowler announced when I ambled into the house feeling like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. “How was my boy? He lookin’ okay?”

“Yep, it’s me,” I sang as he enveloped me in his big arms, the scent of his coconut lotion filling my nose. “Colton’s good, Mr. Fowler. Really good actually...” As drained as I felt from this never-ending emotional rollercoaster of a day, speaking about Colton had my pulse racing and a smile stretching from ear to ear.

“How good?” Mrs. Fowler broke in, waggling her eyebrows. “Did anything happen while you—”

“Hey,” my dad barked, cutting her off. “That’s my baby girl.” He glowered her way as he walked into the room, placing a kiss on the top of my head. “None of that matchmaking business.”

Colt’s mom ignored him, looking at me expectantly.

“What happened is...we had a wonderful time.”

“That’s it?” she asked in mock horror. “That’s all you’re going to give me? A wonderful time. What’s that even mean?”

“It didn’t suck,” I shot back, sticking out my tongue.

Momma shook her head, giggling. “Told you. Either there’s really nothing to tell, or Allie here is keeping secrets.” She aimed her first two fingers at her eyeballs then pointed them at mine.

“Y’all are ridiculous,” I laughed, feeling the heaviness of the day beginning to lighten with each minute that passed in their presence.

After dinner, I excused myself for a shower and sleep. But what I really needed was some alone time to call Colt. The separation was wearing me down. I needed to hear his voice. I was anxious for a response to the letter I’d left this morning. I felt like throwing up because I really laid it all out there, feeling pretty confident that he shared my feelings to some degree. Still, there was always the possibility that I was completely off base.

I grabbed a quick shower to wash the rest of the day away before plopping down on my bed and digging my phone out of my purse, which I’d just realized I had never turned back on since the plane ride. With all of the excitement at the hospital, it had completely slipped my mind. As I powered it up and pressed my finger down on Colton’s name, I hoped he wouldn’t be too upset with me for completely falling off the grid today.

“Hello.” My heart sunk when I heard a familiar, high pitched voice that did not belong to Colton. Pulling the phone away from my ear, I looked to make sure that I’d called the right person.

“Is anyone there? Hellooo?” My heart rate sped up to an alarming speed. Taking a few deep breaths, I mentally tried to talk myself down from the ledge. Maybe there was a good reason—nah, I couldn’t even come up with one. He knew how I felt about her. He’d seen the way she treated me.

“Lyla,” I deadpanned, feeling every hair on my body rise. “Where’s Colt?”

Her responding giggle set my blood to boiling. “He’s in the shower right now...should I tell him to call you back?”

Breathe. Breathe, Alex. “Whose shower?” I asked, biting back tears. Like it even fucking mattered. They were together. She had his phone. And he was in. The. Shower.

“Mine, why?” she asked, playing coy.

I had nothing. Not a single word as tears pooled in my eyes and my heart shriveled up and died in my chest.

What the fuck was happening? I mean, we hadn’t discussed exclusivity, but if we were together...Shit. Were we together? We hadn’t had a chance to discuss that either...But we slept together. Wasn’t I worth more to him than this? I told him I was in love with him and his response was to climb right back into bed with her?

“Wait, are you crying, Alex?”

The broken heart I thought I’d lived with all these years had shit on the pain of this moment. It was crippling. I couldn’t have answered even if I wanted to.

“You are, aren’t you?” She sighed loudly into the speaker. “You didn’t think a man like Colt would sit around licking his own wounds, did you?” Another giggle. “Trust me, girl, he’s got plenty of us lined up more than willing to do it for him.”

Despite my best efforts, a sob escaped.

“Oh, honey.” She tsked. “You have so much to learn about life.”

She hung up, and the screen darkened. I hated to admit that she was right.

I knew nothing. Apparently, not even my best friend. About the only thing I was certain of at that moment was that Colton and I were through. Completely. I might not have been able to control who my masochistic heart decided to fall in love with, but I had a brain smart enough to shield myself from the pain. Loving Colton Fowler came at a price I could no longer afford.