“My sister wants to meet you.”
I looked up from my textbook and stared at Mark’s overly earnest face. It was a couple of weeks after our magical night on the lake and we were studying across from each other in the library. Mark was having trouble with math, and being the moderately adequate boyfriend that I am, I had offered to help him. This was how things worked between us. Mark planned the fairytale dates and I taught him how to use the unit circle. A perfectly fair tradeoff if you asked me. I raised a brow and set my book aside.
“I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but your sister knows who I am.” I’ve even seen her tattoos that you probably don’t even know about.
“Yes,” Mark said slowly as if talking to a child, “but I want to introduce you to her as my boyfriend.”
“Mmm,” I said, neither affirming or denying the request. I still didn’t like the idea of her finding out, but I knew I was going to have to give a little wiggle room somewhere if I wanted this relationship to work out, and despite my better judgment, I really did.
“How much have you told her?” I asked.
Mark scoffed.
“I didn’t tell her anything. She just invited me to lunch one day and demanded to know everything about my new boyfriend. Then when I asked how she knew that I even had a new boyfriend, she went on for a good twenty minutes about how I had a happy ‘freshly fucked’ glow about me and I got really weirded out and refused to tell her anything as punishment for saying those actual words to me out loud.”
“Huh,” I said. It was actually kind of nice to know that my teammates weren’t the only nosy people involved in the situation.
“So what do you think?” Mark asked.
I chewed on the end of my pencil.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea...especially with her relationship to Steve. Like, I don’t know if I’m ready to be out period, much less to the dude who shares a room with me, you know?”
Mark nodded.
“I understand. I’d like to say Shan can keep a secret, but you’re right. She does tell that awful man everything.” He made a gagging motion before collecting himself again.
I sighed, feeling like a heavy weight had been removed from my chest.
“Thank you.”
Mark smiled and his fingers twitched, moving a millimeter closer to mine. In a rare show of bravery, I closed the distance and rested my hand on top of his. He blushed and looked down, running the fingers on his other hands through his hair. I wanted so badly to kiss him, but that was one bridge I was not yet willing to cross. At least, not here on campus in the light of day.
I was about to crack a joke, something about him being really cute when he was smitten, but then I heard a familiar voice from a few feet behind me.
“Undies? Is that you?”
I ripped my hand away from Mark’s so fast that it created its own little breeze and turned around to face Sandman. He had his thumbs hooked on his backpack straps and a surprised smile on his face. The sight of it filled me with dread.
“Hey, man,” I said, internally cringing at the high-pitched tone to my voice. “What’s going on?”
Sandman shrugged.
“Nothing much. We missed you this morning.”
My heart started thundering. Thank God he hadn’t actually said the word 'practice.'
“Yeah, well.” I shrugged. “I had a bunch of assignments to catch up on.”
The only real thing I’d been catching up on this morning was sexy time with Mark. An oral report, if you will.
Sandman raised his eyebrows like he clearly didn’t believe me.
“Whatever you say, man. So who’s your friend?”
At this, I finally worked up the courage to look at Mark. He was smiling kindly at Sandman, just as he would at any stranger, but I could see the questions lingering in his gaze.
“This is my friend Mark,” I said, feeling like a traitor. “And this is Tyrone.”
Sandman came closer and the two of them shook hands.
“Nice to meet you,” Sandman said. “Hey, Undies, are you going to team br—”
“OH MY GOD,” I shouted suddenly to keep him from saying anything else about me being on a team. “I just remembered I have to go turn in an assignment like, right now. Remember, Mark? For, uh, geometry?”
Mark narrowed his eyes and then stood, taking care to push in his chair and return all of his papers to his yellow binder.
“Geometry…right. We should, uh, go take care of that.”
I nodded vigorously and frantically gathered my own things.
“Sorry, T,” I said, making up a new nickname for him on the spot, as if that wasn’t suspicious or anything. “I’ll text you later.”
Then Mark and I speed-walked out of the library and into the afternoon sunshine. We didn’t slow down until we walked behind a building and disappeared from sight. I sagged against Mark and hid my face in my hands.
“That was possibly the least smooth performance I’ve ever seen in my life,” Mark commented, stroking my arms consolingly.
“I know,” I groaned. “I just panicked.”
“I never would have guessed,” Mark deadpanned. “Why did that guy call you Undies?”
“Because my name sounds like an underwear brand,” I answered. I never thought I’d live to see the day where I actually had to defend my awful hockey nickname, but here we were.
“I get that,” Mark said. “But, like, isn’t it kind of rude? Who is he to be calling you something like that anyway?” There was an edge to his voice that did nothing to stall my racing heart.
“He’s just this guy I hang out with at the gym sometimes,” I said. “And the name’s just a joke. I promise. I have a weird nickname for him too.”
“What is it?”
“Sandman.”
“Why is that?”
“His last name is Sandoval,” I explained.
“Okaaaaay,” Mark drawled. “Well, he seems pretty nice.”
I nodded.
“Yeah, he is.”
“Maybe we could all hang out sometime? I know you don’t want anyone finding out about us, but I could be really discreet. Then maybe you’d feel comfortable enough not to freak out every time someone you vaguely know sees us together.”
I just frowned up at him and shook my head.
“What?” he demanded. “Is it because I’m not bro-y enough?”
“No, I’m so sorry. Like, I’m not ashamed of you, or of being...you know, but I just don’t think...I’m...I’m not ready for that. Not yet.”
I shrugged helplessly.
“So, let me get this straight,” Mark said, a slight edge creeping into his voice. “You won’t meet my sister, you won’t introduce me to your friends, you don’t want us to be seen together in public, and you honestly expect me to think you’re not embarrassed of me?” He reached down and quickly squeezed one of my hands. “Of this?”
“I’m sorry…” I tried again, but Mark wasn’t finished.
“I know you’re not ready to be out yet. I get that. I really do. It’s hard, and it’s gotta be even harder for someone like you who has family and a reputation and something to lose. I don’t want to pressure you. You deserve the chance to do everything on your own terms, but you know you can’t hide this forever, right? I can already see how much it’s weighing on you. Wouldn’t it be easier to go through life not having to feel so scared all the damn time? Like, what’s the worst that could happen?”
I closed my eyes and imagined myself sitting next to my mother in a crowded auditorium during the MLH draft, waiting impatiently for my name to be called and never hearing it.
As if sensing my distress, Mark softened his demeanor and put a tentative hand on my shoulder.
“Hey. You don’t have to do anything right now, but think about it okay? I just want you to be happy, Carter. As happy as you possibly can be given the circumstances.”
A took a deep breath and gave him a sharp nod.
“Okay. I will.”
I pulled away, putting the proper amount of friendly distance in between us. “Let me walk you to class."
Mark’s signature smile returned, if not a tiny bit sadder, and he nodded his head.
“Sure.”
When we got inside the proper building there was a group of students waiting out in the hallway for the classroom to empty so they could go inside. I decided to wait with them. I wouldn’t get to see Mark again for a few days at least and I didn’t want us to part on a sour note.
Mark leaned casually against the wall and dug out his phone. I was confused for a second as to why he was ignoring me, but then my own phone chirped in my pocket and I unlocked it to find a string of kissy faces and heart emojis lined up in rainbow order. It was about the lamest peace offering I’d ever seen.
I wanted so badly not to laugh, but I just couldn’t help it. I looked up at Mark’s smirking face and snorted, giving him a play smack on the arm.
Ur so lame. I typed back
Yeah, but you like me.
I do.
I cradled my phone against my chest and waited for Mark to respond, but he didn’t seem interested in typing anything else out. He was just looking up at me, staring more intimately than I would have liked for the public space.
Before he got the chance to say whatever sappy thoughts were on his mind, the doors to the classroom opened and people started spilling out and then in. I used the crowded tide of students as an excuse to step closer to Mark, disguising the gesture as an attempt to get out of their way. Mark and I waited patiently until every last one of them had disappeared from sight.
“Have a good class,” I said, voice low and full of emotions that I didn’t even know how to explain.
Mark nodded and pushed away from the wall. He stood on his tiptoes, and my heart started racing for a moment, thinking he was going in for a kiss, but he just leaned in to whisper something in my ear instead.
“I love you, Carter Haynes.”
He didn’t search my eyes or give me time to respond. He just walked away from me and into his trigonometry class, leaving me stunned with this plain admission of facts.
I stood there until one of the stragglers showed up and tried to hold the door open for me. I shook my head and slowly started backing away from him like a crazy person. Then I turned tail and ran.