As I listened to Zander’s breathing even and felt his grip slacken slightly, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d told me.

I’d never been in love, not really. I’d had strong feelings that might have been teenage love for my high school boyfriend, but since him I’d only felt lust and desire.

I couldn’t imagine spending almost a decade building a life with someone, only to lose them. To have them taken from me in an act of violence like that, and then not even get a chance to say goodbye.

It was unfathomable, and while it broke my heart, I was honored that Zander had told me.

I didn’t know what was developing between us. All I knew was that I liked him, and I wanted more. I wanted to wake up next to him and fall asleep in his arms. I wanted to see him smile and have him tell me about his day. For the first time in years, I wanted to be with someone, and not just for sex.

It was hard to explain, but waking up this morning with him still holding me had been more intimate than anything we’d ever done physically. Knowing he’d held me close and protected me all night was amazing, and not something I’d ever had before.

Was I falling for him? Probably. It was still early, so I wasn’t about to jump the gun and declare my undying love— that would most likely terrify him, and I knew it wasn’t true as of yet. But I could see something real developing between us.

I wasn’t tired, but I was happy to lay in Zander’s arms as he slept. I’d have to leave in a few hours so I could get my reading done and make sure everything was okay at home before I headed in to do my dance shifts. If we spent the time exactly like this, then I’d leave a happy man.

* * * * *

I ENDED UP DOZING ON and off as Zander slept. His body was so warm, and the constant and consistent cadence of his breathing was almost hypnotic. He shifted me in his arms a few times, but his grip never lessened. Instead, he pulled me closer and rolled toward me slightly so more of my body was pressed against his.

It was getting late. My phone was still in my jeans pocket, and there wasn’t a clock anywhere that I could see, but by the sun, I could tell it was well into the afternoon.

I had to go. I’d texted Mom to let her know that I might not be coming home last night so she wouldn’t worry, but I needed to get the reading done for my class in the morning. I was just trying to figure out a way to gently wake Zander when he shifted and pulled me even closer as his breathing picked up.

He woke up slowly, hugging me to his body for a moment before he relaxed his arms and pulled just far enough away so he could look down at me.

“Did you sleep at all?” he asked, blinking as he got his bearings back.

“A bit. How are you feeling?”

“Refreshed. This is a nice way to wake up.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss on my forehead.

“It really is.” I closed my eyes so I could enjoy the contact, and when he pulled away I smiled.

“When do you have to go?”

“Soon. I’m not sure what time it is, but I have a lot to do before my shift.”

“Where’s your phone?” Zander asked as he rolled onto his back, pulling me with him as he picked his phone up off the bedside table and glanced at it. “It’s just after three. That okay?”

“It’s good. Gives me lots of time. And my phone is in my pants.”

We sat up, and I stretched as Zander reached out to push a lock of hair off my cheek.

“I have to work tonight,” he said, dropping his hand. “What’s your schedule like?”

“I have class all week. I usually cam Monday, Tuesday, and then either Wednesday or Thursday. Dancing Friday and Saturday, but I have next Sunday off. What’s yours like?”

“I’m working nights tonight through Tuesday. I have a day shift on Wednesday; I’m off Thursday, then working Friday and Saturday nights.”

“Wow. Our schedules couldn’t be more different if we tried.” I chuckled as we both climbed out of bed.

“We have a bit of an overlap,” he pointed out, watching as I picked up my clothes and started to strip off the shirt he’d lent me. “Want to do something on Wednesday?”

“Sure.” I tried to keep a giddy smile off my face as I nodded. “I’m done class at four.”

“I should be done by five. You want to meet me at the bar and grab a drink?”

“Will there be food?” I asked playfully.

“Of course. I wouldn’t want you to starve on my watch.”

“Then it’s a date.”

I noticed the way Zander’s jaw tensed when I said ”date” and wondered what that was about. We’d agreed to see each other so for all intents and purposes, it was a date.

I stripped off the pajama pants he’d given me and quickly pulled on my clothes. My phone slipped out of the pocket of my skinny jeans and landed on the floor just as Zander came around the bed to pick up the clothes I’d taken off.

Thankfully, I had a shatterproof case, so I wasn’t worried about it breaking, but the home screen lit up as it settled face up on the floor.

“Holy fuck, that’s a lot of messages,” Zander blurted out as he picked my phone up and handed it to me.

According to my notifications, I had seventeen missed calls and thirty-one texts. I knew who the calls were from, and he was the reason I’d put my phone on silent before meeting with Zander last night. I had no idea who the fuck would be texting me much, and my first thought was that something had happened to Mom or Levi.

I quickly unlocked the phone and went into my text log. Nope. They were all from the same number, and after opening the thread, I saw they were screenshots from my cam shows.

I didn’t want to deal with this right now, so I powered off my phone and shoved it back in my pocket.

“Everything okay? You look spooked.” Zander reached out and put his hand on my arm comfortingly.

“It’s nothing.”

He didn’t press, and I didn’t offer any more of an explanation. I didn’t want to tell Zander about the calls. They weren’t a big deal, and things were so new it didn’t seem worth it to lay that on him right off the bat. Eventually, this asshole would get tired of bothering me, and they’d stop on their own.

“I’ll drive you home. Just give me a minute to change.”

“You could have changed while I did,” I pointed out playfully, my gaze tracking Zander as he went to his dresser to pull out fresh clothes.

“I could have, but where’s the fun in that? This way we both get a bit of a show.” He winked and stripped off his shirt by the back of the collar. I didn’t know what it was about that move, but I always found it so hot, and Zander made it look especially good.

“Very true, and I’m loving the show so far.” I raked my eyes up and down his fit form as Zander loosened his pajama pants and let them fall to the floor so they puddled around his feet. “If you keep that up, I’m going to get a sore dick from it being squished in these jeans.”

“What? This make you hard?” Zander stood there naked, gripping the base of his cock as he gave me one of his impossibly sexy grins.

“Fuck, yeah.” I nodded, clearing my throat as I adjusted my erection so it was pointed toward my hip and not being crushed by the waistband of my jeans. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

Zander smiled, a real and true smile, and let go of his half-hard cock. I liked this playful side of him, but I was only then realizing just how hard this no-sex arrangement could be. Everything about him turned me on, and I was powerless to resist his teasing.

I waited as he pulled on the rest of his clothes before we headed down to the living room so I could grab my bag and he could get his keys.

The drive to my building was pretty quiet, but it wasn’t a strained silence. It was comfortable, and I liked how he didn’t seem to mind that I wasn’t babbling to pass the time. We reached my building, and he parked in front to drop me off.

“Text me tonight?” I asked hesitantly, not wanting to sound needy but also not wanting to wait until Wednesday to hear from him.

“When I’m home.” He nodded.

“Great. I’ll talk to you then. Have a good shift.”

“Enjoy dancing.” He paused and then gave me a shit-eating grin. “Feel free to send me a picture of your costume.”

“Are you sure I shouldn’t send it to Alex?” I teased, hoping it wasn’t too soon to joke about that.

“Why not send it to both of us?” he suggested with a laugh.

“Nah, just you.” I leaned forward to kiss him, but Zander immediately pulled back, a panicked look on his face.

“Later,” I said quickly, pushing the car door open as my face flushed.

I didn’t understand Zander’s reaction, and I was a bit embarrassed. We’d already had sex and spent the day in bed together, but we couldn’t kiss in his car in front of my building?

Before I could start driving myself crazy thinking about it, I closed the door and leaned down to wave at him through the window. He waved back, an unreadable expression on his face, and I turned and headed toward my building.

There could be a ton of reasons why he hadn’t wanted to kiss me. I couldn’t really think of any at the moment, but there had to be lots. I tried to reassure myself that it wasn’t a rejection and that Zander wasn’t ashamed to be seen with me in public, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t a one-time thing.

* * * * *

BY THE TIME WEDNESDAY rolled around I was wiped. My dance shift on Sunday had taken a lot out of me, but I’d made a hell of a lot of tips, so it was worth it. I had a lot of studying to do during the week, so on Monday and Tuesday I’d pretty much come home from school, done my work, and then gone online for my cam show.

During my shows, I’d wondered if Zander was watching. He’d been in my room before, and I’d told him when I was going on. A part of me felt that should weird me out. The guy I was seeing, had slept with, might be watching me flirt and jerk off on camera for money, but it turned me on. I knew I had a bit of an exhibitionist streak in me. You didn’t get into internet porn without getting off on being watched, but it had always been the idea of strangers watching that had gotten me off. The thought that he might be watching me, jerking off with me and getting off when I did added a level of heat to my shows I’d never had before.

I didn’t know if it was my extra enthusiasm, or that I’d lucked out and my viewers had extra tokens to tip, but I’d made more in those two days than I usually did in a full week.

I’d broken my Ohmibod out again on Tuesday. My viewers had been hungry for it, and I’d actually craved it. I didn’t know what it was exactly, but it was like a switch had been flipped, and now the vibrations felt fucking awesome, and I’d had to fight not to come too fast. It was a far cry from the last time I’d used it, and I had a feeling I’d be pulling it out more often now that I knew just how awesome it could be.

Zander and I had texted each other sporadically. It had started with a few halting texts asking how my day was going or how things were at his work, but by Tuesday they were flowing better. I tried not to second-guess every text I sent, but it was hard for me not to overthink things. It’s what I did.

By the time I was done school on Wednesday and was heading to The Den, I was nervous.

After how Zander had reacted to my calling our meeting a date, and how he’d freaked when I’d tried to kiss him in his car, I had no idea what to expect. It wasn’t like I wanted crazy PDA or anything. A kiss goodbye and acknowledgement that we were out together and not just friends didn’t seem like too much to ask for, but I wasn’t so sure those were things he’d be able to do.

By the time I pushed the front door to the bar open, I was sweating slightly, and my hands were actually shaking a bit. I hadn’t been this nervous since my first few times on cam when I’d been trying to get used to the idea of being watched while simultaneously worrying that no one would watch me.

I didn’t see Zander anywhere, but there was that blond guy I’d seen him with at Chimera behind the bar quietly talking to a dark-haired man who was systematically turning the glasses on the hanging shelf so the labels all faced the same way.

I took a second to watch the pair. They seemed close, but the energy between them wasn’t sexually charged. The blond guy, Rhys, I think? It almost seemed like he was trying to help the dark-haired man calm down.

It wasn’t that he was outwardly distraught, but his hands were shaking as he turned the glasses, and his back was ram-rod straight with his shoulders tight.

I didn’t want to intrude, but it looked like the dark-haired man was a step away from a panic attack, and I had to try and help.

Right after my mom had been diagnosed, I’d suffered from panic attacks and anxiety. Every time we had to go to a doctor’s appointment or I took her to treatment, I’d been convinced that it was the last time I’d see her or we’d get the news that there was nothing they could do and I’d lose her. I’d hidden it from her the best I could, but it had still consumed me. Levi had always been able to talk me down, and he’d helped me find coping skills I still used to this day when things got overwhelming. I couldn’t afford therapy to deal with my issues, but his parents had spent a butt load of cash on shrinks and psychiatrists for him before he’d left home, so he had plenty of knowledge to share.

I moved slowly, walking up to the bar as quietly as I could. I didn’t want to spook them, but I wasn’t trying to sneak up. Rhys saw me and nodded to the office door.

“Zander will be out in a minute. He’s just doing the turnover with Evan.”

“Can I help?” I asked, nodding to the dark-haired man. He had yet to turn to look at me, but he’d stopped turning the glasses.

“I don’t think so—” Rhys started, but the dark-haired man turned and looked right into my eyes.

He was handsome. There was no doubt about it. His dark hair was complimented by nearly black eyes and tanned skin. His features were softer than I would have expected considering his tight clothes showed off a body that was made of pure muscle. He was basically a darker and more baby-faced version of Rhys.

“I’m Kai, Zander’s friend,” I introduced, keeping my eyes on the dark-haired man.

“Tristan.” His voice was tight, but his eyes never left mine.

“Hi, Tristan. Would you like to step outside with me for a second? Get some fresh air?” I knew I was not only being incredibly bold, but also intrusive. “If Rhys can handle things here, that is.”

Tristan paused and then looked at Rhys.

“I’ve got it if you want to go,” Rhys said quickly.

“Sure.”

Tristan’s voice was a little clipped, and his posture was still so stiff I imagined I could lay him out across two chairs and use him as a balance beam, but at least he was willing to go with me.

I waited for Tristan to come around the bar and fell into step beside him as we made our way outside. I kept about an inch of space between us and stayed half a step ahead so he could see I didn’t pose a threat to him.

Once we were outside Tristan turned to the left, and we ended up in the small alley between the bar and the building beside it.

“Don’t mind the smell.” Tristan leaned against the wall of the building, his back still straight and his eyes on a spot way above my head.

It took a moment for me to realize the dumpsters were at the end of the alley.

“It’s fine. I’m going to be spending my days in worse smells when I’m done school. I barely notice it.”

Tristan’s gaze slid to mine at my comment. I’d piqued his interest. “What do you mean by that?”

“I’m going to be a vet. Animals are cute, but they can be real stinkers sometimes.”

Tristan cracked a smile and nodded. “Our dog was like that. He would let out the worst farts. There were times he’d be sleeping and drop ass so bad he’d wake up and run. Damn dog could clear a room.”

I laughed and leaned against the wall. “My friend’s dog was like that. Only I think he used to time his farts. He’d walk through a room, let one rip and keep walking. Nasty.”

Tristan chuckled. “You ever have a dog?”

“Nope. Never had any pets.”

“But you want to be a vet?”

“I do. Have since I was a kid.”

“So you’re pretty smart?”

“I get by.” I shrugged, happy to see Tristan relax a bit as we continued to talk.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” he asked after a pause, his dark eyes on mine.

“I know what it’s like to feel like things are spinning out of control. I figured Rhys couldn’t leave to help, so I took a chance that you’d let me.”

“What makes you feel like that?” he asked quietly.

“Losing control. When things seem like they’re going to fall apart and there’s nothing I can do to fix them.” I glanced at Tristan and saw him nod slowly. “My mom was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago. I’d had issues with anxiety before then but could always control it. When she got sick, it all came crashing down on me.”

“How did you get through it?”

“My friend Levi. His parents spent a small fortune on getting him ‘help’,” I made little air quotes with my fingers. “Not all of it was good for him, but he was able to teach me a few things.”

“They tried at the VA hospital, but the shit they told me to do doesn’t work in the real world.”

I tried to keep my face neutral at his statement. VA hospital? Tristan was a veteran?

“Like what?” I asked softly.

“Picturing my happy place. I never found it so that doesn’t work. There was this hourglass thing that helped. It was two toned so every time I flipped it I could watch the colors settle, but I’m not going to walk around with an hourglass in my pocket. Plus, I’ve never found one like it.”

“Any other tricks?”

“Grounding, but that only works during an attack, not before. What works for you?”

“Refocusing. Trying to get my mind to focus on something else.”

“Like what?”

“Music, dancing.” I shrugged. “When things got really bad, I’d choreograph simple dances in my head until the panic went away. If that didn’t cut it, then I’d repeat something in my mind until it was all I could think about.”

“I’ve never tried either of those. Everything I was taught told me to let my mind go blank.”

“A blank mind always fills with the worst thoughts, at least for me.”

“Me too. So, you’re a dancer?” Tristan asked, changing the subject.

His voice was strong and clear now, and he seemed relaxed.

“Yeah. I dance at Chimera.”

“I never could dance, even before this.” He nodded to his right leg. “And I can’t handle clubs anymore.”

I wanted to ask him what had happened but kept my mouth shut. It wasn’t my place to ask him anything, especially since this was our first conversation.

“Dancing helps me focus. The money’s good, and I like it. A lot of guys have certain assumptions about go-go dancers, but whatever. It’s what I do, and I own it.” I shrugged.

“Like what kind of assumptions?”

“That we’re all easy. You have no idea how many guys I’ve had to turn down after they’d offered me sex for cash, like a fucking hooker.”

“If people assume things about you, that’s on them,” Tristan said simply. “That’s their issue. It has nothing to do with you or what you do. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself.”

“I try not to.” I smiled at Tristan’s words. I’d never heard it put quite like that, but he was right.

“I’d better get back in. Rhys will freak if I’m out for too long.” Tristan smiled fondly.

“You’re close?”

“He’s my brother. Not literally, of course. But he’s been more of a brother to me than mine ever have.”

“It’s good you have someone like that.” I pushed off the wall and followed Tristan back into the bar.

“Thanks, Kai.” He turned and smiled at me as we reached the front door. It lit up his entire face and took all the worry lines and stress away from his features. He looked like a completely different man than the one I’d seen when I first walked in.

I nodded, smiling back at him. “It was nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

Zander and Rhys were standing at the bar talking to an older man when we walked in. As soon as the door opened, all three men turned to stare at us. Rhys looked relieved, the older man seemed curious, and Zander looked confused.

“Hey.” I stopped a few feet in front of Zander, not sure how to greet him.

“Hey.” He smiled and leaned forward, brushing his lips against my cheek in a brief kiss. Okay, so kisses hello were fine, just not goodbye?

“You’ve already met Rhys and Tristan,” he continued, coming to stand next to me. “This is Evan. He owns the bar.”

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you.” I held my hand out and smiled as Evan shook it.

“You too, Kai.” He glanced at Zander and then back at me. His expression told me he had more to say, but he kept it to himself.

Evan was also incredibly handsome but in a rugged and mature way. He was taller than Zander and built like a brick shit house. His eyes were deep brown and intense, and while he wasn’t scowling, his features seemed tight. It didn’t take away from his good looks, but it made me wonder what had happened to make him look like that.

“Ready to order, or do you need a menu?” Zander asked as he turned to me.

“Whatever beer is on tap, and you promised food,” I reminded him.

“You like greasy bar appetizers?” he asked with a grin.

“Oh hell, yeah.” I nodded enthusiastically.

“Two IPAs and an app platter,” Zander ordered as he turned to Rhys.

Rhys punched in the order while Tristan poured our drinks. I was about to offer to pay when Zander pulled out his wallet.

“Employee discount.” He winked, and I smiled, glad he wasn’t making a big show about telling me that he would buy the first round.

As Tristan slid our drinks over, Rhys looked between the beer and me.

“What? You thought I’d get some fussy cocktail?” I raised my eyebrow at him as I picked up the cool glass.

“No, sorry—”

“Don’t worry about it. Not the first time someone has assumed something about me.”

Tristan grinned at my pun, leaving Rhys looking more than a bit confused.

“I’ll be in the back if you need me.” Evan nodded to the office door. “Blaze and Cody will be in soon so try and get the inventory and restock done. I have a feeling things will be picking up later.”

Rhys and Tristan nodded.

“It was nice to meet you, Kai.”

“You too, Evan.”

Zander nodded for me to follow him as Tristan and Rhys got to work.

“So, how was your day?” Zander asked as soon as we’d sat down.

“Okay. I had a lab this afternoon that dragged on forever and a day. My partner for the class is a slacker. He showed up hungover and expected me to do all the work while he sat there playing on his phone.”

“Is this the first time he’s done that?”

“Nope. Pretty much every time we do group work he’s pulled this.” I took a sip of my beer, relishing the crisp and clean flavor as it burst over my tongue. It was also cold enough to frost the glass. Exactly how I liked it.

“Can you talk to your professor?”

“It’s not worth it. At least this way I know it’s done right.”

“You don’t mind carrying him like that?”

“Meh.” I took another drink. “Eventually he’ll get a partner who won’t and then he’ll be screwed. It’s easier to just let it go.”

“Easier, huh,” he gave me a pointed look.

I sighed and looked into my glass. I hadn’t planned on telling him this part, but I needed to explain that I wasn’t some passive doormat. I had a reason.

“The first day we were paired together he kept calling everything gay. This class is gay. The lab is gay. The party he wanted to go to got canceled. Gay.” I shook my head. “I asked him to stop using that word as a slur, and he laughed and told me to get over it.”

“Did you push it with him?” Zander asked as he took a drink of his beer.

“I did. I told him I was gay, and I didn’t appreciate him saying that in front of me.”

“What happened?” Zander asked tightly when I fell silent.

“He said that he’d figured out I was a ‘fag’,” I almost spit out, I fucking hated that word, “before I even opened my mouth. Then he made a crack telling me to make sure I kept my mind off his dick and on the labs and we’d be fine.”

“Fucking asshole,” Zander seethed, his hand gripping his glass tight enough I was worried he might break it.

“I’ve heard worse. You don’t grow up my height, with my build and like guys without people being assholes about it. At least it was just words.”

“Have you had someone do more than just use words?” Zander asked, his voice heavy with rage.

“I got beat up in school a few times.” I shrugged. “There was this one guy, Emmet, and he hated me. He would knock my books out of my hands and shove me into lockers. He called me every name you can think of. It started when we were in middle school. He and his cronies cornered me a few times saying I was checking out their junk in PE, and they beat me up. I wasn’t even out at this point, but they knew.” I sighed. “After I came out and Mom and I moved, I switched schools and met Brian.”

“Brian?”

“My high school boyfriend,” I clarified.

“Did it get better?”

“Much. People were accepting of us. We were open in school, went to prom together and everything.” I grinned at the memories. “There were a few asshats who had shit to say about us, but no one hurt us. Probably helped that Brian was a big man around campus.” I laughed.

“What do you mean?”

“He was on the school football team.”

“Quarterback?” Zander asked with a grin.

“Running back.” I shook my head. “I learned a lot about football after we got together.”

“So he protected you?”

“I think his reputation and his status in the school protected me to a certain extent, but we weren’t the only gay kids in our grade, and definitely not in the school. Like I said, it was pretty tolerant.”

“I never had that in school. I didn’t come out until college.” Zander admitted.

“Did you have a hard time?”

“Not really. No one suspected. I kept it hidden, and I was pretty popular.”

“Did you date girls?”

Zander looked away, and I knew what that meant. He’d used beards like so many young gay men.

“A few. I cared about them, liked them, but I knew I could never love them.”

“Did you tell them the truth?”

“No. I should have; I know that, but I couldn’t.”

“Did you sleep with them?” I almost slapped my hand over my mouth. That wasn’t any of my business.

“Yes.” He nodded. “I had three girlfriends. One each year after I realized at the end of freshman year that people would start talking. I slept with all three.”

“How?” I had to ask. “I don’t think I could get it up for a girl. I’ve never tried, mind you, but I don’t think I could get hard.”

“I was a teenager. A strong wind could’ve gotten me hard.” He chuckled. “I only did it a few times with each of them. I put it off as long as I thought I could and managed. I did what I could to make it good for them, but I knew it wasn’t what I wanted.”

“So would you say you’re bi?”

“No.” He shook his head. “But I guess I lean a little more towards the center of the scale than some guys.”

“That’s kinda cool.”

“Really?” Zander raised his eyebrow before taking another drink.

“Labels are so confining.” I shrugged. “I think it’s cool that you’re comfortable enough with yourself to just be you and own it. The only other guys I know who’ve been with girls talk about it like it was some big secret or they’ve broken some sort of code.”

“I’ve never understood that.” He shook his head. “Someone’s past is whatever they wanted it to be. It’s not like you get extra points for only being with men.”

“Really? You mean you’re going to take away my gold star?” I teased.

“Yup. I’m taking it and tossing it out with the empties.”

“Damn it. That’s like, the only thing I’ve ever won.”

“But did you actually win it or even earn it?” he asked playfully.

“No, I guess not. Fine. Take it away.”

Just then our number was called out, and Zander went to get our food. He came back with a giant platter of bar food, and I almost started salivating.

There were wings, mozza sticks, breaded zucchini, loaded potato skins, fries, sweet potato fries, and what looked like jalapeño poppers.

“Need a refill before we dig in?” Zander asked, nodding to our half-empty drinks.

“I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to hold off until you get back,” I warned. Almost as if to prove my statement true, my stomach growled.

“Dig in, Just save me one of everything.” He winked and headed back to the bar.

“I’m not that much of a pig,” I muttered, knowing better than to shout that out loud.

I picked up a mozza stick and dipped it in the marinara sauce they’d put in one of those tiny cups and almost started purring when I bit off a piece. The cheese was still hot but not enough to burn, and the breading was crispy but not greasy. I finished off the stick and then grabbed a popper and dunked it in what I hoped was ranch dressing before cramming the whole thing in my mouth.

Yup, it was jalapeño.

My eyes watered slightly as the heat from the peppers hit my throat, but the balance with the sweet cheese made it so the heat wasn’t overwhelming.

“You need a moment alone with that?” Zander asked with a grin as he sat down again, sliding a fresh beer toward me.

I’d just taken a bite of a loaded potato skin and was in the process of counting the flavors when he’d come back. There were five that I could taste. The potato was soft, and the skin was crispy, the sour cream offset the cheddar cheese mixed into the filling, and then there were the real bacon crumbles that added a hint of salt to the mix.

“We’re good.” I finished my mouthful and grinned. “I’ll just put on a show for you.”

Zander’s eyes darkened at my words, and that’s when I realized their double meaning.

“So, your shows,” Zander popped one of the poppers in his mouth, seemingly unaffected by the heat of the peppers.

“My cam ones?” I had to make sure he wasn’t talking about my dancing.

“Yeah.”

“What about them?”

Was he going to ask me to stop doing them? I needed the money, and I liked doing them. I could understand if it made him uncomfortable, but was I willing to give them up if he asked?

“Do you think it would be weird if I... I mean, I was maybe going to...”

“Watch them?” I asked cautiously.

“Yeah. I didn’t see more than a few minutes of that one show. I’m curious.”

“It won’t bother you?”

“Believe it or not, no.” He finished off his first beer and pushed the glass aside. “The thought of other guys getting off watching you, knowing you’re only with me... it’s kind of hot.”

“Like what you were saying about my dancing?” I asked carefully.

“Exactly like that, only better because no one can put their hands on you when you’re on cam.”

“I don’t let guys—”

“Relax.” Zander grinned. “I meant when they’re shoving tips in your shorts.”

“Oh, well, yeah. That does happen.”

“So, would it be weird? I wanted to ask you before I did.”

“Not at all.” I flushed and picked up a zucchini stick. “I was actually thinking it would be hot if you were.”

“Really?”

I nodded and stuffed the zucchini in my mouth, trying not to blush. “Just don’t tell me your screen name. I like the idea of anonymity. If I knew you were there, it might be too much for me.”

“How so?”

“I think about you when I do them. Ever since that first night, after the club. Last night I wondered if you were logged in and the thought of you watching... well, it got me a little too excited.”

“What do you mean?” Zander asked, a lascivious gleam in his eyes.

“I got too close and had to pretend I had to go to the bathroom so I could calm down.”

Zander leaned back and picked up his beer, a cocky smile on his full lips.

“Shut up.” I picked up a chicken wing and concentrated on taking a bite as I felt my face grow even hotter.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Zander chuckled and picked up one of the potato skins.

We managed to finish off the entire platter, and while I’d eaten more than my fair share, Zander hadn’t held back either. We’d chatted about random things, and when our bellies were full of greasy bar food and beer, a young blond man came up to clear our dishes.

“Cody, you’re not a busboy anymore,” Zander scolded playfully as the guy — Cody — loaded his arms up with dishes.

“True, but there was no other way to come over and force you to introduce me to your date. I’m the only one who hasn’t met him.” Cody looked at Zander pointedly.

“Layla hasn’t.”

“Fine, I’m the only one with boy parts who hasn’t.”

Zander laughed and nodded to me. “Kai, this is Cody. Cody, Kai.”

“Nice to meet you.” Cody grinned at me. “I’d shake your hand, but I didn’t think this all the way through.” He nodded to the dishes he was carrying.

“You too, Cody.”

I couldn’t help feeling a flare of jealousy when Zander patted Cody on the back affectionately and gave him a smile that was a little more familiar than the ones I’d seen him give Rhys. Had he and Cody had a thing at some point?

Cody looked like he was just out of high school, but if he was bartending, then he had to be at least twenty-one. He was slender like me, had blue eyes like me, but his hair was blond, and he was a bit taller and broader. If I was Zander’s type, then so was Cody.

“What?” Zander asked after Cody had left.

“Nothing.”

“You look like it’s something.”

“Were you and Cody ever...”

“No.” He shook his head emphatically. “Cody is like a little brother to me. He’s only twenty-two.”

“I’m only twenty-four.”

“He’s a young twenty-two. Besides, Cody’s in a committed relationship. You would have seen his ring if his hands had been free.”

“Ring? He’s married?”

“Symbolically. He and his boyfriends wear them since getting married isn’t an option for them.”

“Boyfriends?”

“Two of them.”

“He’s in a throuple?”

“A what?”

“A threesome couple. A throuple.”

“Yeah. A throuple.” He laughed at the term. “You were jealous.”

“Was not.”

“You so were.”

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes, refusing to admit the truth.

“Trust me; I don’t look at anyone here like that. And there hasn’t been anyone I’ve looked at like I look at you, not since...”

“I’m sorry for assuming. And it means a lot that you’d say that.”

“I have a type. I’m not going to lie. You’re it to the letter, but not every guy who looks like my type turns my head. There has to be more for me.”

“Well, you’re pretty much my type too.” I swallowed, wishing I still had some of my drink left. “And I get what you mean. There has to be something special about them for me to really notice.”

“So you and your friend Levi...”

“What? No.” I shook my head quickly. “We’re friends. Well, we’ve messed around a bit, but we don’t have those kinds of feelings for each other. I love him, but I’ve never been in love with him.”

“You’ve fucked?”

Now it was Zander’s turn to sound jealous.

“No. Just fooled around.”

“Sorry. I went a little alpha male on you there.” He grinned sheepishly. “What you’ve done in your past is none of my business.”

“It’s okay. I had to fight the urge to challenge Cody to a duel, and you’ve never had a thing with him.”

“Want to get out of here?”

“Sure.” I nodded and we both stood.

“Do you have much to do tonight?”

“A shit ton of studying. I have a major test in the morning,” I said regretfully.

“Okay. I’ll drive you home.”

I could hear the disappointment in his voice and tried not to smile. He didn’t want the date to end either.

I was just pushing my hair back from my forehead when Zander leaned in and gave me a kiss.

His lips lingered on mine for a moment as his tongue quickly dipped into my mouth. Before I could do more than meet his kiss, he pulled back.

I felt like I was floating as we headed out of the bar. We’d had an awesome date, and he’d kissed me in front of everyone at the bar, including his friends.

As he waved goodbye to Cody and Blaze, they both looked a little shell-shocked as they waved back.

He liked me, and this was a real date.

“My car is in the lot this way.” Zander nodded to the right when we stepped out of the bar.

As we turned, he paused so he fell into step a few paces away from me. I wasn’t a big hand holder, so I hadn’t been about to reach for him or anything, but it would have been nice if he’d stayed a little closer and not made it look like he was my chaperone.

We walked to his car in silence, and I tried not to think too much about what was going on.

As soon as we were in the car, Zander visibly relaxed and looked at me. “Are you busy on Sunday?”

“Um, not that I know of. I’ll have some work to do, but I don’t have any tests or assignments due next week.”

“Do you want to come over after you’re finished dancing on Saturday?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It would be nice to wake up with you again.”

“Yes. Definitely.” I couldn’t help grinning as a flush moved over my skin. “Pick me up again?”

“I’ll come over after I’m off. We should be done around the same time.”

“Too bad you can’t come earlier and watch my set. It’s pole night, and I have a few new moves I’m going to be busting out.”

I saw Zander shift out of the corner of my eye and suppressed a grin as he adjusted himself. It was nice to know that the thought of me dancing got him hard.

“Will you send me a picture of your costume?”

“I’ll do you one better. I’ll get Angel to take a video of my warm-up.”

“Tease.” He groaned and ran a hand through his thick hair.

“I can be.”

It didn’t take long to get to my building, and when he’d parked in front I turned in my seat.

“I had fun,” I said honestly. I wasn’t one to play games, so I didn’t see the point in being coy.

“Me too. Maybe we can find something else to do on Sunday that we can both enjoy. Spending the day in bed is awesome, but might be too tempting.”

“I’ll plan something.” I grinned excitedly. It would be nice to be the one who was in charge of our next date.

“It’s a date. Enjoy your studying.”

“Thanks. Would it be weird if I called you when I was done? To say goodnight?”

“Not weird at all.” He smiled and patted my hand where it rested on the seat beside me. “I’d like that.”

I leaned forward again, expecting another kiss, but Zander didn’t move. In fact, it was as though he purposely looked away from me and pretended that he hadn’t seen me lean in.

Another wave of shame and hurt washed over me. He could kiss me at the bar, in front of his friends, but not in his car? The only explanation I could think of was that he was embarrassed. Not all men who liked femme guys were okay with broadcasting it. His ex might have been flamboyant as he’d told me, but that didn’t mean he’d want to publicly claim me.

“I’ll talk to you later.” I pushed the door open and scrambled outside before he could see how hurt I was. He wouldn’t be the first guy who wanted to hide me.

“Later, Kai.”

I closed the door, a little harder than I needed to and hurried into my building. I really needed to study and freaking out about the guy I was seeing being ashamed of me would only be a distraction.