CHAPTER 17
Luke woke up in a daze on his couch, the details as to how he got there not entirely clear. That was, until his shoulder ached and he was reminded of one event: he got matching tattoos with his brothers. When he looked at the unremarkable green clover, he sat up, leaning forward with his face resting in his hands. He was too old for this shit.
There weren’t enough booze or a hangover grand enough to let him forget he was going to be a dad. That part of the evening was clear as day. He also learned something new about himself: he knew exactly how to be a first-class dick when he felt blindsided. He would have to remedy that before it was too late.
Before the booze owned the night, his conversation with his brothers had cemented to memory. Even three sheets to the wind, their words had run through his mind all night, even in his dreams – that was, before the night turned to a blur and tattoos apparently happened.
He slipped into their room on his way to take a shower and get his head straight so he could talk to Daisy. He had some apologizing to do and hoped like hell she could forgive him. Despite his behavior, the idea of losing her, or the baby, broke him.
Over the course of endless shots of who the hell knew what, and pint after pint of local ale, he discovered who he really was and who he wanted to be. He also knew who he wanted to share that with. Wrapping his mind around the qualities his brothers shared was tough. It wouldn’t be an overnight process where he’d just accept everything they said, or what Daisy had said, but he would work on it though – he had a reason to work on himself.
Standing under the warm shower, he prayed his guilt would wash away with the scent of stale booze. Daisy was his dream girl, though he never thought such a thing existed for him. She was perfectly made just for him. If her were being honest, he knew that all along, but he was just too stubborn to acknowledge it because he was scared.
Loving that big meant he had something that big to lose, and karma didn’t play nice. That’s why guys like him didn’t have women like Daisy. He’d tempted karma with a life of sins. What he failed to realize was there wasn’t another shoe waiting to drop. He’d already paid the price for what he’d done with the guilt-ridden conscience he carried. This was the balance he so desperately needed to recognize. Sometimes the wrong thing is the right thing – the longer he let his brother’s words simmer, they made sense. Sometimes you do bad things for good reasons, and that could be okay.
As he got out of the shower, he let those ideas sink in. He wasn’t fully subscribed to them, but he really wanted to wrap his head around it. He wanted Daisy and their baby. The only way that would work was for her to forgive him, and for him to forgive himself. He loved her, and he already loved that baby. The idea of becoming a dad pinched his heart in a good way. It was his clean slate, and his clean conscience. Maybe he deserved them after all.
Standing in front of mirror, towel around his waist, he stared back at himself. He wondered who he really was or was meant to be. He knew who he wanted to be. Stroking his beard, he decided he wanted to be the man Daisy deserved and the father his child needed. He could do that, and if he sucked at it, he would try harder.
He was once a soldier – the harder a mission, the harder he fought. This was his biggest battle yet, and he would fight harder than he ever had before, because they were worth it, and he deserved it. He would protect them both through their circumstance, find that which threatened her and put it away forever so they could start their life – together. When the door opened behind him, he stilled. Daisy.
Daisy woke up to subtle noises in the bathroom. She looked at the empty side of the bed to her right before noticing Gibson laying outside the bathroom door. There was a pile of clothes next to the hamper, not in the hamper. Luke came home. She wandered to the living room where she found more clothes and a blanket on the couch where he’d slept. She picked up the shirt and immediately cringed at the odor. Smoke and booze. He’d been out at the bar, with his brothers, it seemed.
After Luke left, City had called in the troops. The ladies each brought a dessert to share and tissues, then cried with her over ice cream, brownies, and chocolate milk until well past midnight when she finally convinced them she’d be fine alone. Though she felt awful, they’d made it better, and she’d felt better having them to lean on.
Half a dozen brownies in, she’d decided she wasn’t going down without a fight. Convincing Luke he deserved this, and was a good man, was the plan. Their baby would be lucky to have him as a father. She would fight for them. Luke was always protecting everyone else – it was time someone did the same for him. She would gladly do so. She loved him.
The pain in his voice and sting of his words weren’t for her the night before. He was punishing himself – trying to convince himself he wasn’t worthy. He wanted to believe awful things about himself because the truth was more than he could reconcile. He wanted that baby, he wanted her…he wanted to be a family, because that was the real Luke. He wanted normal – to bury his demons. He just didn’t know how. She’d help him.
As she walked by the hamper, she dropped the shirt in before scooping up the rest of his clothes to toss in too. She startled when she noticed blood on the sleeve of his undershirt and worried he had fought or that something happened to him. Without hesitation forgoing the courtesy knock, she opened the bathroom door, a sudden urge to see him.
Wearing only a low-slung towel around his hips, she drank him in. Their eyes locked through the mirror, and she moved in closer, but didn’t say a word. The new tattoo on his shoulder made sense of the blood on his shirt, putting her more at ease. He was fine.
But were they?
Daisy gently stroked the skin around his new art as she looked it over, offering a soft, barely-there smile.
Leaning her head against his arm, they continued gazing at each other through their reflection, and without a word spoken, so much was said in that moment. Luke’s expression was sullen, full of regret, and his shoulders slumped forward. He was vulnerable.
His beard looked different, and that was when she noticed the straight edge and shaving cream on the sink.
Daisy picked up the shaving cream, dipped the brush inside, then gestured for Luke to take a seat on the edge of the bath. Shaving cream applied, she placed a folded hand towel over his shoulder and picked up the straight edge. Silence still lingering between them, she carefully removed his beard, one long stroke at a time, until his face was bare.
With a gentle touch, she wiped away any remnants of her work before cupping his chin in her hands and tilting his head back so she could see him for what felt like the first time. This was the real Luke – the man who had been hiding behind his beard and every other façade he’d erected over the years. His vulnerability was visible — he was a broken man finding his way home.
Something new danced in his eyes. They were lighter, and there was clarity where there was once a darkness that held him hostage. She sweetly smiled, and he smiled back, albeit subtly. In their silence, through the intimacy of the moment, they’d discovered something words could never define.
His hands slid up her legs, disappearing under the oversized shirt – his shirt – she’d slept in. With his hands resting firmly on her hips, he pulled her forward, leaving a soft but sweet kiss on her belly. He rested his head there as his arms snaked around the small of her back, holding her firmly against him.
With his forehead to her belly, he whispered, “I love you.”
Luke’s gaze drifted up, searching the emotional stare locked on him. “And I love you too.”
He took to his feet, never losing the connection between them. Her view stayed in sync with his, and she said, “I love you too, Luke. All of you. Every piece of you.”
Then, he kissed her.
Daisy removed her clothes as he dropped his towel without hesitation, never looking away. They stood there completely bare, unashamed, without embarrassment, confident and sure of themselves for the first time in as long as either could remember. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she pulled him to her mouth, where the heat between them was less feral and untamed, but more sensual and full of intention.
He lifted her, wrapping her legs around him, and carried her to the bed where he gently placed her in the middle, hovering over her. “I love you, Daisy. I’ve loved you since the beginning, and I’ll love you until my end. I didn’t mean—”
“Luke. I know you didn’t—”
“No. I need to say it.” She nodded, and he went on. “I didn’t mean those things. They were about me, not you. I want you, and this baby, but I was…afraid. I won’t be afraid anymore. I will never push you away or doubt our future. I will spend my life making it up to you. You are everything to me, Daisy.”
A tear ran down her face as joy danced in her heart. She was home. He was her home. They were going to be okay, one way or another. Words weren’t enough to convey what she felt – how he made her feel. So she showed him instead.
Luke made slow, sweet love to his lady until they both drifted off, locked in each other’s embrace, right where they belonged.
Daisy woke to Luke’s hand splayed across her belly, propped up on an elbow while on his side. She stretched, working out the sore muscles their long morning bed had provoked.
She turned to face him, her hand on his cheek, “You okay? You look so serious.”
“Marry me.”
“What?”
“Marry…me.”
“Luke…just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean…”
“Marry me, Daisy. Even if there wasn’t a…baby…I’d want to marry you.”
“You’re serious.” Not a question, but a statement, she was surprised.
“So damn serious.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. I just can’t believe there’s a little person in there. Your stomach is so flat. Are you sure there’s a…baby…in there?”
“Five tests say yes, but he or she can’t be that big yet. It’s still early. I’ll be a whale before you know it though.”
“You won’t look like a whale. You’re beautiful and I can’t wait to see what you look like with my son, clear out here.” He held his hand away from her belly, indicating just how big he thought she’d get.
“Your son? What if it’s a girl?”
“I think it’s a boy.”
“And how do you know that?”
“Because girls scare me.”
Laughter escaped her at his unexpected comment. “It’s going to be fine, I promise, even with a girl.”
“Daisy…about last night.”
“Luke it’s okay. I get it – it’s really okay.”
“No, it’s not okay. I was an ass. It wasn’t about you, it was about me. I guess…I guess maybe I was worried, maybe even scared, like I said. I need to tell you something…about me, and I understand if you are not comfortable with it or if it concerns you, but know I would never, ever, hurt you…or the baby.”
“Luke…”
“You are my priority – both of you. Not because it’s a job but because you’re mine – you’re…mine.”
“I’m not afraid of you Luke and nothing you can tell me would change that.”
“I don’t know about that.” He rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling
“Is that why you shaved the beard, because I said it was scary? I didn’t mean that literally.” Now on her side, facing him, she rubbed his clean-shaven face as she spoke to him and tried to get through to him.
“No…it’s not. I did that for me. I need to quit living in the past and hiding in it out of fear. I still don’t entirely believe I can have this – you, a family.”
“Believe it, O’Reilly. It’s happening.”
“I just worry the other shoe is going to drop. I’ve done so many bad things. I’ve been the cause of others grief and pain. I’ve torn families apart, just as we’re starting one. I’ve left women widows and children orphans. I don’t have a right to want a family if what I do is destroy them.”
Daisy held his face in her hands, and looked him in the eye, “Luke, you would never hurt anyone intentionally, not without reason and I know that. You are the most loving, loyal, difficult, and protective man I’ve ever known. That was your job, Luke…this is your life.”
Eyes welling with tears, he looked away, trying to collect his thoughts, “I don’t ever want my past to come back to haunt us. Harm you, or the baby.”
“It won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know you and I know you won’t let it. Luke, I trust you with everything, I’ve loved you since my first night here I think. Let go and love you too, okay?”
He smiled weakly, before nodding in agreement. Sliding an arm under her, he lifted her body onto his and held her, kissing her head, while they lay there in silence.
She says, “Yes.”
With a furrowed brow, he asked, “Yes, what?”
“Yes, I’ll marry you, Luke O’Reilly.”