Six years old ...

The shrill sound of a baby’s cry woke me.

I opened my eyes, rolled onto my back, and listened. The crying continued, and it got louder and louder. I groaned, turned onto my side, and pressed my hands over my ears to drown the sound out, but it didn’t help. I dropped my hands, sat upright on my bed, and shouted, “Mama, Kane is awake!” I waited for her to make some noise to let me know she heard me, but she didn’t. I frowned as I pushed my warm, cosy blanket away from my body and slid out of my bed. I rubbed my eyes as I walked over to the doorway of my room, I squinted my eyes to help me see because my nightlight wasn’t very bright.

I opened the door and stuck my head out into the hallway. It was dark, and the only light I could see was the moonlight that shone through the windows. I swallowed, and the urge to close my door and get back into my bed was strong, but when my baby brother screamed, my chest tightened. With trembling limbs, and tentative steps, I made my way down the hallway to my parents’ bedroom. I opened the door without knocking, and said, “Mama? Daddy? Kane is awake.”

No one answered me. Feeling worried, I quickly found the light switch to the room, and flipped it on. My parents’ bed was empty; the sheets were still neatly made which told me that they hadn’t gone to sleep yet. I turned off the light, closed the door, and ran all the way down to the end of the hallway to my brothers’ bedroom. When I opened the door, the room was in darkness, which I knew wasn’t right. Alec liked having a nightlight just like I did. He was only three, still a baby, so he needed one. I just liked having one ... I didn’t need it or anything.

“RyRy,” Alec sobbed when I flipped the light on. “Kane’s sad.”

I widened my eyes when I saw tears stream down Alec’s face. He was next to Kane’s crib, trying to climb into it. My one-year-old brother was screaming so loud it made me want to cry too.

“It’s okay,” I said, rushing over to Alec, pulling him into a hug. “It’s okay, Alec.”

My brother squeezed me so tight it hurt a little, but I couldn’t focus on him. Kane was screaming so loud that I worried something might be wrong with him. I leaned down to Alec, put my hands on his shoulders and said, “Grab your favourite teddy, and go and sit on your bed, okay?”

I had to repeat myself three times before he understood what I wanted him to do. He sniffled as he bobbed his head and did as I asked. I turned my attention to Kane who had tears running down his face as lay on his side and looked at me. His eyes stared into mine, and I knew he was telling me something, but I didn’t know what.

“Hey baby,” I smiled at him. “It’s okay, RyRy is here.”

Kane didn’t care that I was there. He continued to cry, and scream, and because of this, so did Alec.

“Alec, it’s okay,” I said, my throat tight because I was fighting off a sob. “It’s all okay.”

“Mama,” Alec cried. “I want Mama!”

I wanted our mama, too. I knew I couldn’t search the house for her, or my dad, because I couldn’t leave my brothers alone while they were crying. I needed to protect them and make sure they were okay even though I was so scared that I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking. I looked from Alec to Kane and tried to pull the bar of his crib down, but I wasn’t strong enough to do it, and that was when my own tears fell. I tried my hardest not to cry, but I was scared. I didn’t know how to make my brothers stop crying, and I wanted my mama.

I wanted her so bad.

I looked at Kane, then wiped my eyes. He was only a baby. He couldn’t even walk yet, and he needed me to help him. I was six, I was a big boy, so I had to be brave and take care of my brothers because I loved them, and they loved me. And when you loved someone, it meant you took care of them. That was what Barney said, so that was how I knew it was the truth.

“I’m coming, Kane.”

I used all my strength and pulled Alec’s toy chest to the front of the crib, then stood on it. I jumped, pulling myself over the bar of the crib, and fell next to Kane. He was still crying, but when I sat up and reached for him, he calmed down, but only a little. I lifted him into my arms, which was a little hard to do because he was starting to get a little heavy. I hugged him to my chest and kissed his face. It made me feel better to do that, so I kissed him a lot. I set him on my legs and wiped his face. I smelled his dirty diaper then, and I realised why he was crying.

“Alec,” I called my brother who was sitting on his bed holding his brown teddy bear, watching me. “Come help me. Hold Kane when I give him to you, just until I get out of here.”

He climbed off his bed slowly, lowering himself down until his feet touched the floor. He stood on the chest in front of Kane’s crib, then he raised his arms and waited as I lifted Kane over the bar. I struggled to lift him high enough, but I knew I made it when Alec grunted, and said, “Got ‘em.”

I quickly pulled myself over the bar once more and lowered myself onto the chest. Alec was struggling with Kane; I saw his little arms lowering because he couldn’t hold him up anymore, so I quickly took him in my arms and told Alec to get back into bed. I carried Kane over to the bed and pushed him up onto it. I grabbed a clean diaper and the wet wipes I saw our nanny use to clean Kane back when she worked for us. She hadn’t worked for us in a few days. She usually took care of my brothers at night-time, but now that Mama fired her for wrestling with Daddy, it meant that Mama should be taking care of Alec and Kane ... but she wasn’t here to do it.

I removed Kane’s pyjamas and told Alec to play with him so he wouldn’t move while I was changing his diaper. Alec put his face next to Kane’s and pulled a funny face and made funny sounds. Some of them were so funny that Kane stopped crying long enough so he could laugh. I laughed too ... until I took off the dirty diaper. The stinky mess was so bad that I wanted to cry again. Alec complained of the smell, so I quickly grabbed two handfuls of wet wipes and cleaned my brother’s butt and his pee-pee.

There was doo-doo everywhere ... even in his butt crack. When I cleaned it all, I grabbed a fruity smelling bag and put the dirty diaper and dirty wet wipes into it and tied a knot. I put it in the diaper bin, then went back to Kane. Putting a fresh diaper on was hard. Really hard. It took five tries, and a few different diapers until I figured out how to get it on properly. I put Kane back in his pyjamas because they were still clean. He should have been okay, but he started crying again, and that was when I started to panic because I didn’t know what to do.

“I’m hungry.” Alec sighed.

Food.

“That’s it,” I said looked at Alec. “I think he’s hungry.”

“I’m hungry,” he repeated.

I gave him his teddy bear. “Hold teddy, and I’ll go get you and Kane food, okay?”

Alec widened his eyes. “No, take Kane.”

I frowned. “Alec—”

“No,” he snapped and hid under the covers of his bed.

I wiped away tears that filled my eyes. Alec didn’t like it when he was on his own with Kane when he was crying. It scared him, and I knew that. It scared me too, but I had no one to help me, so there was nothing I could do. I had to take him with me.

“I’ll bring him with me,” I said to my brother. “You just stay here, okay? I’ll bring you food.”

“‘Kay.”

Alec remained under his blanket with his teddy as I hoisted Kane off the bed and carried him out of the room. Kane rested his head on my shoulder as he cried, and I had my arms wrapped tightly around him. My heart beat so fast against his chest when I thought of him falling. I was terrified of him being hurt, but I was even more scared of my dad finding out because he would kick me again. He always kicked me when he was mad at me.

My tummy hurt just thinking about it. It was dark as I walked down the hallway, down the stairs, and into the kitchen. I turned on the light, and by now, I was sobbing right along with Kane. I wanted my parents so bad, but I didn’t know where to look for them. Everywhere was silent except for Kane’s cry. They weren’t home; I knew they weren’t.

I had to lay Kane down on the cold floor as I quickly got milk and yogurts from the refrigerator. I grabbed one of Kane’s empty bottles, filled it to the top with milk, then put it into the microwave for a few seconds. I remembered our nanny making my his milk too hot one day, and it took a long time for it to cool down, so I opened the door every five seconds to check how hot it was. When it was nice and warm, I took the bottle out and tightened the top of it. I picked Kane up and hugged him to my chest. I grabbed his bottle and the packet of yogurts and quickly left the room. When I got back into the bedroom, Alec was still under the covers, but he popped his head out when he heard Kane’s cry.

I quickly put Kane on the bed, then climbed up next to him. Pulling him onto my lap, I put his bottle against his lips. His hands latched onto the bottle as he drank. The relief I felt that he was no longer crying made me sniffle, but I used my free hand to wipe my face. I watched as Alec broke off a yogurt tub, opened it, and used his finger to eat it because I forgot to bring a spoon. He ate two tubs before he sat back and watched Kane drink his bottle with sleepy eyes.

“Kane’s sad.”

“He was just hungry and needed his diaper changed. He’s okay.”

I hoped, anyway.

Alec frowned. “You are sad.”

His eyes were on my cheeks where I knew some tears still dampened my skin.

“I’m okay.” I smiled big just to prove it.

Alec blinked. “I’m scared. I want Mama.”

I swallowed. “When you wake up, Mama will be here, okay?”

He nodded and said nothing further. I looked from him, to Kane, then around the room. I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing that they were in here alone, so I looked back at Alec and said, “Grab the rest of the yogurts and come with me. We’re sleeping in my room tonight.”

Usually, I had to say things a few times for Alec to understand what I meant because he was still only a baby, but right then he didn’t need to be told twice. I held Kane in my arms, ignoring that they burned from carrying him, and Alec had a death grip on my pyjamas pants as we walked out of his bedroom, down the dark hallway, and into my room. My brother ran and jumped up onto my bed, burrowing his way under the covers. I smiled as I closed my bedroom door and joined him with Kane. When he was finished with his bottle, I fed him some yogurts until he got that sleepy look in his eyes. I wiped his face with my sleeve, settled him under the covers between me and Alec, who was already asleep, and I stared at the both of them for a very long time.

I turned my head as looked at my bedroom door when I suddenly heard voices. The sounds were faint, but then they got loud as footsteps passed by my door. I knew the laughter belonged to my parents, and I waited for them to go to my brothers’ room to check on them, but when I heard their bedroom door open and close, a pain spread across my chest. They should have checked on my brothers, realised they weren’t there, then run to my room to see if they were with me ... but they didn’t.

I looked at my brothers as tears welled in my eyes once more. Our mama and daddy were very mean to me, and sometimes to my brothers, but they should still take care of us. They didn’t, though, so I was the one who had to look after my brothers tonight, and they didn’t even care enough to see if they were okay. They just laughed and went to bed like they didn’t care. I cared, though. I cared about my brothers more than anyone ... even more than I cared about my mama. They were babies, and they needed to be loved and protected, and if my parents wouldn’t do that for them, then I would.

“I’ll always take care of you guys,” I swore as my eyes roamed over my brothers’ sleeping faces. “I promise.”