I don’t like this. I don’t like it one bit.

I shift uncomfortably from foot to foot as I stand in the darkened alleyway waiting for him to come. My heart pounds, and cotton explodes in my mouth. I know this isn’t right. I cannot believe that I’ve been guilt-tripped again.

I press my cell phone to my ear, calling him again, just about prepared to cancel. I’m not here for my benefit, am I? And he doesn’t even have the decency to turn up on time. This is fucked up.

“Well, well, well . . .” his voice drawls from behind me, making me jump. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

“Don’t you answer your phone ever? For fuck’s sake, Lucas, I have better places to be.”

“What, than seeing me? I don’t know if I believe that. I’m the lightness in your life.”

I roll my eyes and snort. This cheekiness is what lured me in with Lucas. At one point, he was the light of my life, the person who brought sunshine into my darkest of days. His bright smile and funny jokes, the way he always made me feel special . . . It was alluring until I saw the much darker side of him.

Maybe it was his darkness underneath that really attracted me. I recognized it in myself and him.

“Okay, whatever, Lucas. I’m not getting into that today. We’re here for a reason.”

“So you don’t want to catch up then? You don’t want to do small talk?”

I bristle, anger coursing through my veins. “Of course not. I have other places to be.”

“You have a new boyfriend?” There it is, that darkness again. “You’ve moved on that quick?”

“Quick? Lucas, we’ve been split up for ages. There’s no speed to it at all.”

“Oh my God, you have. You fucking have. I can’t believe it. I thought—”

“What? That we would end up back together? Not a chance, Lucas.”

He steps closer to me, his shadow covering me. I stare up at him defiantly, refusing to be intimidated. My hands fall on my hips and my eyes narrow, but that doesn’t stop him from backing me into a corner.

“But it’s only because I’m all messed up, right? You’re still my one, the person I’m destined to be with. I’m cleaning myself up for you. You know that. We talked about it.”

“I told you that you need to clean up for yourself. Not for me. And you aren’t anyway.”

“I am. I just need to get myself out of this hole. I told you. Just one big win, and I’ll be good.”

“And I told you there won’t be a big win. That’s never going to happen.”

“You don’t fucking get it, Jodi. You don’t understand. You aren’t seeing it from my point of view.”

“No, because I’ve listened to it over and over, and I don’t get it. You should just change.”

He steps back and runs his eyes up and down me, leering. I shiver and fold my arms across my chest, trying to hide myself as if he has x-ray vision and can see right through me.

“I would change if I thought I could have you at the end of it.”

“Don’t do that.” Tears prick my eyes. “Don’t do that to me. Don’t put it all on me.””

“I’m not. This isn’t some emotional blackmail thing. I just want to be with you, Jodi.”

He grips my arms and gives me a desperate look. I can see what he wants me to do. He wants me to tell him that I’ll be his, to give him something to live for, but I can’t do that. I won’t. I’m not giving him false hope. Even if Brock wasn’t in the picture, I wouldn’t go back to Lucas. I don’t need any more complications.

“Lucas, this can’t be about me. You need to get help for yourself. I can’t do this.”

“So you do have another boyfriend. This is fucking ridiculous. Who is he, Jodi?”

“That isn’t it. This isn’t anything to do with me or someone else. I’m here to help you. Nothing more.”

“No, no, no. I don’t fucking believe you. You’re a slut. You’re fucking around with anyone and everyone.”

His words echo something Thomas said to me once before. He basically told me that I didn’t want to commit to him because I wanted to keep opening my legs for everyone else. It didn’t seem to matter that I only sleep with people I have real feelings for. Nothing got through to him—he only saw what he wanted to see.

“Lucas, I came here tonight to help you,” I tell him in the calmest, most considered voice I can manage. “But if you’re going to speak to me like that, then I have no reason to be here. None at all.”

“What? I’m not allowed to have an opinion then? I’ve loved you ever since we broke up. I’ve held onto the dream that me and you will be together again, and now I have to learn that you’re with someone else. Am I not allowed to be blindsided by that? I don’t even know how to feel. I’m gutted.”

I shouldn’t melt, I shouldn’t cave to more of his emotional blackmail, but I can’t stop myself. All the anger slides off me like water, and all I can see is his sad, desperate expression. He is desperate. He’s been through so much. The sadness of losing his parents, which sent him into this spiral in the first place, shines through.

“I’m sorry, Lucas. I didn’t know you held on to me and you like that. I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” He shakes his head. “We are friends. I don’t know why I keep going crazy for you.”

He reaches out to me, and I let him hold my hand. He smiles thinly before averting his gaze.

“Look, Lucas, I’ll give you the money I have to help you. It isn’t much. I have my own place to pay for now, so I can’t keep bailing you out over and over again. This will have to be the last time.”

“How much do you have?” He’s on high alert now. “It needs to be in the thousands.”

“No, three hundred dollars. That’s all I can do. Like I said, I have my own place—”

“So go back to Millie’s. I need more money than that!”

“Don’t be so selfish, Lucas. Are you freaking kidding me? I can’t live on my friend’s couch forever just so I can keep bailing you out. You need to stand on your own two feet. I can’t even afford this—”

“I already told you this is the last time. This isn’t me being selfish. I’m trying . . .”

I’m starting to see even clearer what Millie was talking about. I’m enabling Lucas, making him worse all the time by bailing him out. I want to hold my money in my hands and tell him to fuck off. I would if I didn’t keep imagining him kicked to death in a ditch somewhere in the seedier bits of Vegas.

“This is the last time as far as I’m concerned. I’m done with being your bank.”

“But you have a fancy job. You must get paid loads. I don’t see why it’s such a problem. I would help you out if you needed it. But I suppose I’m a much better friend to you than you are to me.”

“Fuck you, Lucas.” I toss the envelope at him, and the money scatters out. For someone who isn’t happy with the amount, he sure dives to the ground quickly and grabs up the bills as if he’s a starving animal rooting around for scraps. “I’ve done everything I can for you, and this is how you repay me? Don’t you ever contact me again, do you hear me? Delete my number, cancel me from your life, pretend I don’t exist. I am done being your friend. I’ve tried to be good to you, to keep you out of trouble, but I’m checking out. This is me, done.”

“No, Jodi . . .” he cries after me. “Let me say sorry. I don’t want to end things like this.”

“No, you don’t want to end things at all because I’m all you have left. Had left. I’m out.”

His wails behind me make the tears stream down my face, but I don’t look back. I can’t. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to crack again. This is hard, but it’s the right thing to do. I’m at a good place in my life with Brock, I’m moving forward, so I don’t want anything from my past to affect that. It’s time to leave it all behind.

I gulp back the sobs as I step into the nearest cab to take me home. I feel deflated, empty, numb. Now all I need to do is go to sleep, wash this day off of me, and start again tomorrow.

The dawn sunshine bursts into my bedroom, making me bolt upright in bed. It takes me a couple of moments to work out why I fell asleep with the curtains open, but it doesn’t take long until it all comes rushing back. The horrible meeting with Lucas, all the tears, the emotional exhaustion, the collapse on the sheets as I came in.

I rub the sleep from my eyes and grab my cell phone to check the time. My heart stops dead.

Lucas: That was pretty fucked up, Jodi. I don’t know what sort of shit you were trying to pull then, but it hurts. Point proven. I get that I’ve leaned on you a lot, but everyone else has left me. Don’t leave me too.

Lucas: I’m begging you, Jodi, don’t leave me as well. I can’t handle it. I feel all panicky.

Lucas: Okay, now I can see that you’re just being a bitch. This is all some fucking game to you. Well, fuck you, this is my life. It might not be what you understand, but it’s MY life, not yours. I can do what I want.

Lucas: They’re after me now. They’re going to kill me. Can I come to your place? Where is it?

Lucas: If I die today, it’ll be on your head. I hope the blood washes off your hands easily enough.

Lucas: I’ve done some research on you. I know you’re with some rich guy now. What are you trying to pull? You could have given me a lot more than that money. I can’t believe you want me dead, you bitch.

Lucas: I know who he is now as well. Brock fucking Stanton. Is he your boss? You might think you’re being all discreet, but it only took me a few hours to figure it all out. You aren’t smart.

Lucas: They aren’t going after me anymore. They are after you instead. You’ll end up dead.

Lucas: Oh, sorry, did I say you? I meant your guy. He’s actually worth something. Unlike you.

Lucas: I hope you realize that all of this is your fault.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I try with shaking fingers to call Brock, to see if he’s okay, but before I can get to dialing his number, a message comes through from him. As his number flashes up on the screen, panic consumes me.

Brock: Hey, do you have any plans tonight? I was thinking we could go out for a few drinks. With some friends of ours? Get to know each other a little better . . .

“He’s okay?” I know Brock. He would have told me if not. “Oh, thank God. He’s okay.”

Now I just need to find a way to appease Lucas, to stop him from escalating this. I guess I can’t quite put my past behind me just yet. Soon though. I’m going to have to. I want that future!