“Are you okay?” Josh’s voice is timid, just like it always is these days. It’s almost as if everyone thinks that I’m a ticking time bomb that’s about to go off at any moment. I kinda feel that way too. “Do you need anything?”

“These numbers.” I bang the paper down on my desk much too hard. “They don’t add up.”

“Wh-what do you mean? The numbers in this place are always meticulous.”

A heat rises through my body. To be honest, I’m sure it should be aimed at something else entirely, but I don’t want to get lost in that right now. “I know, but things have been a little slack recently, haven’t they? I’ve been slack. Always spending my work hours fucking around with some woman who didn’t even respect me.”

“Uh, well . . .” Josh averts his eyes everywhere. Clearly, he doesn’t want to get into this conversation. “I can always take a look at them if you’re worried. See if I can spot anything that needs improving.”

I slide the paper over to him and dart my eyes over to the desk still sitting in the middle of my office as a torturous reminder that the best time of my life wasn’t anything like that at all. It was all a lie.

“You know what? That needs to be moved as well. Get someone up here to take it out.”

“Are you thinking of finally hiring another personal assistant? It’s been over a month now . . .”

“I wasn’t, but yes, you’re right, I should. I’m tired of trying to do it all by myself. I need someone here.”

“There isn’t any chance of . . . well, you-know-who coming back to work here?”

“I know that’s what everyone thought was going to happen, but it isn’t. I will not be fucked around by anyone. I’m not going to be made a fool of again. She’s done, I’m finished with her, it’s over.”

“No, I know. I just wasn’t sure if she would come back to work. You don’t want a lawsuit on your hands.”

“Trust me, I’ve thought about that, but it won’t happen. If it was going to, it would have been done already. Or at least on the way. Plus, she knows that she did wrong, so I’m certain she won’t bother. It’s fine.”

“Yeah, okay, I just . . . I don’t know. It doesn’t feel quite right to me.”

“Well, it isn’t up to you anyway. And you were the one who told me not to get involved.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have started this topic. I’m sorry.”

I blow out a giant breath of air, irritation bursting through my veins. I’ve been like this the whole time, ever since I first saw Jodi with fucking Lucas. Like I’m on the edge of everything I can handle, and anything else will explode. I curl my fists tighter, trying to keep it all locked away. I don’t want Josh to feel the brunt.

“Right. Well, is there anything else you want to talk to me about?”

“No, I suppose not. I just came in to check on how you are.”

“Yeah, well, you can see. I’m doing fucking marvelous . . . is that what you want?”

“I don’t want any of this. I just want the old Brock back. This has changed you.”

That comment knocks me sideways. I knew everything was hard, but it’s taken a lot for Josh to say this to me. He must really think that I’ve changed. I don’t like this one bit. It winds me up that I’ve let another woman do this to me, take me out of my comfort zone and turn me into someone else.

“Right, well whatever. I’ve got a lot to do, so I’ll speak to you later on, okay?”

Just as he’s about to leave, I see another face peeking around the corner. Shelley, with a guilty expression playing on her lips. It takes everything I have not to yell at everyone to just get out.

“Hey, Brock, I just wanted to pop in to see what’s going on here?”

“Why?” My expression hardens, and I fold my arms across my chest. “So everyone can gossip about it?”

“No, boss, we’re all just concerned about you. You don’t have a new PA, and you seem very stressed.”

“Shelley, I know you aren’t here because of me. You don’t ever go out of your way to talk to me unless it’s work-related and you have to, so what is it? Hmm? What’s going on?”

“This is work-related. I want to know that everything is running smoothly, that’s all.”

“No, it isn’t that. I know it isn’t, so why don’t you just be honest with me?”

“Have you spoken to Jodi?” Those words fly out of her mouth so rapidly she almost trips over them all as she goes. “I keep trying to get hold of her, to speak to her. She’s my friend, and she won’t speak to me . . .”

“Are you trying to pretend you don’t know what happened between me and Jodi?”

“I don’t really know anything. You broke up, and she isn’t here anymore. I guess she lost her job at the same time.”

“It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t straightforward. Don’t make out that I’m the bad person.”

“I’m not. I’m just trying to figure out what’s wrong. I’m hoping I haven’t upset her.”

“No, trust me, you haven’t upset her. I’m sure she’ll speak to you whenever she’s ready.” I push myself up from my desk, unable to focus on work anymore. Not with everyone digging at me. “But I’m getting out of here now. I have to get home. I need to send some emails from there. I’ll speak to you later on.”

I see Shelley and Josh share a look, but I choose to ignore it. Let them think what they want. I know the truth. I like burying myself in work at the moment. It’s usually a good distraction, but it doesn’t seem to be working for this.

“Mom, stop looking at me like that. I came here for a rest from it all. I don’t need a lecture from you too.”

“I haven’t said anything yet! I’m just sitting here opposite you. It seems like you have a guilty conscience.”

I peek out of one eye, giving Mom a look. I only came to see her because being at home alone wasn’t working out for me. Now I regret it a lot. She’s going to start digging in a moment. I should’ve prepared for this.

“Go on, Mom. I can see the questions behind your eyes. You might as well get it out.”

“I just haven’t seen you for a while, Brock, so I want to know what’s going on with you.”

“You mean with regards to Jodi?” She doesn’t deny it. “I already told you over the phone.”

“You told me that you and she broke up, but I never learned more than that. I know you might not want to talk about it too much, but it seems to me like you need to get it off your chest.”

“I don’t need to get anything off my chest. I don’t want to talk about it, that’s all.”

“Did you do something?” she persists, ignoring what I want completely.

“No, I didn’t do something. I didn’t want it to end. It wasn’t me that made it fall apart.”

“No, I thought you didn’t. I haven’t ever seen you as happy as you were with her. It’s weird.”

“If you thought I was happy, then why do you think I’m the one who did something?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t understand why things would end between you.”

“It just did, Mom. Can’t we just leave it there? I don’t want to discuss it anymore.”

She’s silent for a few moments, and I think she might finally be listening to me. I slide my eyes back fully closed and breathe deeper, desperately trying to calm myself down. I’m doing alright at the moment, surviving this quite well, but today everyone’s been on my case about Jodi, making it impossible.

How am I supposed to recover from my addiction if everyone keeps bringing her up?

“I really thought you were going to be with her forever. That’s what I don’t get.”

“Mom, leave it.” I’m going to have to tell her in a minute, just to shut her up. “Please, talk about something else. Why don’t you tell me about what’s going on with you?”

“Did it just fall apart? I mean, the connection between you two was so strong.”

“Mom, she cheated on me, okay? That’s all I’m going to say to you. She was cheating on me, probably the whole time, so that’s why it ended. Do you think maybe we can just leave it there?”

The silence in the air is palpable. I peer at her to see all the color drained from her face. She wasn’t expecting that, obviously. Nor was I. She must understand that. This is why I’m so stunned.

“I’m sorry, Brock. I didn’t realize. That must have been awful for you.”

“That’s why I didn’t want to talk about it. Because it always happens to me.”

Mom nods slowly, gulping down as she tries to digest this. “What happened?”

“Do I have to go into detail, Mom? Can we not just forget about it and move on?”

“I would prefer you to. I just can’t see it. Jodi was so into you when I saw her.”

“Yeah, she was playing me. You just got caught up in that.”

“No, I don’t believe it was a game. I don’t. That’s why I want to know. It’s understandable because of what happened with your ex-wife, but I think you react too quickly to things.”

“Okay, fine.” I sit up straighter and glare at her. “We were out on a date with some of our friends, and she was on her phone the whole time, barely paying attention to the rest of us, and then she stormed off, and I followed her.”

“You did?” She clutches her hand to her chest, shocked at my behavior. “Why would you do that?”

“I could tell that something was wrong, so I went to find out what. I heard her on the phone talking to some guy named Lucas, and then she went outside to talk to him, and I saw him kissing her.”

“Was she kissing him back? How much did you see? Did you talk to her afterward?”

“They were in the shadows, so I saw what I saw, but it was enough. I knew what was happening, and I talked to her afterward. She pretty much admitted it. Okay? She might as well have told me she did it.”

“Oh right . . . I see . . .” She shakes her head thoughtfully. “I guess I didn’t realize . . .”

“Thanks for the conversation, Mom, but I need to go. I have to get out of here.”

“No, don’t leave. I don’t want you to go. I want you to talk to me about it.”

“Mom, it’s over. It happened ages ago. I’m done, I’m moving on . . .”

“You keep telling yourself that, but just know that I’m here for you.”

I walk all the way to the front door before something stops me and I turn back again. I don’t really want to be alone right now. I just don’t want to be bombarded with questions either. This actually feels worse than when my marriage came to an end, despite that being a much longer relationship, and I’m not coping all too well after all. I thought that not drinking myself half to death and not fucking everything that moves was a good sign.

Without saying another word, I slink back to Mom’s couch and sink into it, flickering my eyes closed again. Thankfully, this time she takes the hint and leaves me alone to grieve.