The way Fitz looked at me, his gaze so hot, I may as well have been staring into the sun. He pressed small kisses to my lips. Once. Twice. Then a third time. My throat tightened with emotion. It was a strange combination of desire and fear of not knowing what was to come. I had read the first time was painful, but I didn’t know how painful it would be.

“I love you, Cadence,” Fitz whispered. His face was sober, telling me he understood the meaning of what he was about to do. In that moment, lost in his tender gaze, all my worry seemed to vanish.

Slowly, he pressed forward. I closed my eyes and clung to him, trying desperately to relax. It hurt, and although that was to be expected, my muscles tensed involuntarily and resisted the intrusion. Fitz was patient, pressing light kisses to my forehead and stroking my hair and shoulders as he tried to relax my body. I appreciated his willingness to be gentle even though every inch I took was a painstakingly slow process. He wrapped a strong hand around my thigh to keep it up and around his waist, then he was all the way inside.

“Sweetheart, look at me.”

I opened my eyes to meet his gaze, finding a mixture of desire and worry. The combination nearly stopped my heart. The way he looked at me made me feel as if I were the only person in the world.

“I’m okay,” I assured.

His warm breath heated the side of my face as his lips moved over my cheeks until eventually landing on my mouth. He continued to kiss me, repeatedly breaking the kiss to check on me. Unable to speak, I would simply nod my assurance.

His hips continued to pump forward slowly, allowing me time to adjust to his girth. I stroked his back, needing to memorize the feel of his warm body so close to mine. After a while, the pain seemed to subside. It was either that or I was just getting used to it. My body seemed to be buzzing with endorphins, and it was hard to tell.

Talented fingers stroked along my body, from my hip bone to the curve of my breast. He molded a small globe in his palm before reaching down between us to stroke my most sensitive area. He stayed there, teasing and flicking, but never once stopped moving inside me. Low in my belly, something constricted. Blood rushed through my veins. Every muscle in me drew tighter and tighter, the sensation coursing through me like the best rush of an analgesic drug. My body seemed to seize. I gasped. My vision blurred.

“Fitz!” I cried out as the most delicious sensation washed over me, thrilling and complete. It ran through my veins until I thought I might burst.

“Shh, sweetheart,” he said softly and stroked my head. “I hoped to make you come, but I wasn’t sure if it would be possible on your first time. While it thrills me to hear you scream my name, the night is very quiet and sound carries.”

“Oh no! You don’t think–”

He cut me off by covering my mouth with his.

“No, I don’t think anyone heard,” he murmured against my lips. “We’re far enough away, but we should still try to keep it down.”

He began to move slowly inside me again. All symptoms of pain were gone, subsiding into a tender yet sweet kind of ache. I thread my fingers through his hair, enjoying the feel of his mouth moving down my neck and shoulder.

I would never forget this moment. The feel of being held in his arms. The feel of him inside me. There have been many moments in my life I’d come to cherish, and this will forever be one of them. Just seeing him here, moving above me, so gentle and tender with his touches, eradicated every doubt I may have had about who he was inside.

Pulling back, his heated gray eyes locked on mine. His movements became jagged, faster, his body tensing as he groaned. His grip on me tightened, holding me hard against him until he slumped down on top of me.

“Are you okay?” he eventually asked in a quiet voice.

“Yeah, actually. I’m good.”

He reached up to stroke a hand over my hair to cup my face.

“You’re the most beautiful thing in the world. I love you, Cadence.”

Something broke open in my chest. The sincerity of his words nearly knocked the breath out of me. Every thought in my head disappeared. The only thing I knew was I needed him and love always found a way. We’d figure this out and find a way to stay together somehow. And if for some reason we couldn’t, if this ended up being the last night we ever had, I vowed to never regret what we shared.

Fitz shifted, carefully withdrawing from my body until he was lying next to me. We lay there quietly for a while. Soul Asylum sang about a runaway train, drowning out the sounds of our heated pants as we both came down from the most incredible kind of high. He trailed a finger lazily up and down my belly, and the most strange and marvelous feeling came over me. I’d actually just had sex for the first time. I was no longer a virgin.

And like I promised Fitz, I had no regrets. Tonight was special. He was special.

When I got home that night, I was thankful my parents were distracted by the TV in the living room. As quietly as possible, I led Dahlia to my bedroom, slipped in, and soundlessly shut the door behind me. Dahlia walked over to her pile of blankets in the corner and plopped down with a loud thud.

“Cadence, is that you?” I heard my mother call.

Shit.

“Thanks a lot,” I whispered to Dahlia before answering my mother. “Yeah, Momma. It’s me. Just getting ready for bed.”

I waited a beat. When she didn’t knock on my door, I breathed a sigh of relief. I never lied to my parents, and I certainly didn’t want to start now. Walking over to the large mirror hanging above my dresser, I examined my reflection.

The girl in the mirror didn’t look any different. My hair was a little mussed and my cheeks were pink, but it wasn’t anything permanent. The tenderness between my legs told a different story, but even that would go away with time. On the outside, everything seemed perfectly normal, but I knew I had emotionally changed forever. Fitzgerald Quinn was my Heathcliff, my Mr. Darcy, and my Colonel Brandon.

And he had officially put his eternal stamp on my heart.

The next morning, I woke up early and took a shower. I also got dressed, ate breakfast, and tried to finish up the last of my summer class assignments. All of these extraordinary accomplishments occurred as a non-virgin. Strangely, nothing much seemed to have changed. Except for the fact I now had a chirpiness about me I struggled to suppress.

My mother eyed me strangely over her morning cup of coffee.

“You’re awfully bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning,” she observed.

I smiled but said nothing as I finished the last of my Cheerios. After clearing my bowl to the sink, I filled my water bottle with ice water from the refrigerator and grabbed a couple of granola bars from the pantry. Having all I needed to get through to the afternoon, I headed out to start the workday.

As a woman. As a non-virgin.