"Oh man. I can't believe you fucking hung in there for all nine innings. Insane." Jeremy patted my back as we stood side by side in the locker room at our lockers.

"It was a bit of a stretch, but I was on point." I turned back to my locker and pulled out my clothes. "You gotta lean into that shit as you get older. It comes around less often."

"Naw. You're full of shit." He slammed his locker shut and turned, dropping his towel. "You going with us tonight to drink?"

The first thing that came to mind was getting back to my mom's place to pick up Lyndsay. I'd been going out too much lately, my dad was right. "Naw. I need to get back to the house."

"Aww... come on, man. You know Daddy Warbucks is coming tonight." He snorted.

"Hey." I turned and gave him a look. "Don't talk about Martin like that. He's a class act." I was glad to hear Martin was coming. I'd nudged him to come spend some time with us earlier that week.

Jeremy lifted his hands. "Alright. Sorry. Looks like I hit a nerve."

"He pays our overrated salary, cock." I turned back and grabbed the rest of my shit before closing the door and walking to the bench closest to me. I dropped my towel and got dressed, ignoring the guys messing around. They were all overly excited from our win being so big.

"I know. I was just kidding." Jeremy pulled his t-shirt over his head. "So come with us."

"Where are you guys going?" I worked to get my clothes on and fought with myself over what the fuck to do. I needed a release like nobody’s business, though I could find that with a beer and a long shower. I didn't need another pretty face in my bed, but it was much more appealing than my hand.

"Over to Ruska's. You know you love that place. Come for a little while. We'll play some darts. Loser buys the beers for the night."

"You never do well with this, Jer." I smiled and forced myself to relax. Lyndsay was already sound asleep and my parents probably were too. To go over there that late would mean pulling the baby from her warm bed, and for what? So I could get some sense of being a good guy?

That ship sailed a long fucking time ago.

"Then you have nothing to lose, old man."

"Alright, punk. It's on now." I finished getting ready tying my shit-kickers and stood up. "We going their first?"

"Yeah. Someone set up a buffet over there in the back from what I heard." He dangled his keys in front of my face. "You want to drive the Porche?"

"No." I pulled out the key to my bike. "I'm not driving your pussy car."

"Why not? You don’t wanna get some pussy?" He wagged his eyebrows, looking like the punk he was.

"I don't need to drive anything to get some action. Watch and learn tonight." They were good guys, and I fit pretty well right in the middle of them. I walked down the long hallway to the parking lot and found my bike. I got on it and drove out to Ruska's, enjoying the solitude the ride provided.

Some of the guys were already at the bar when I got there, all of them much too happy to see me.

"Food is in the back!" Jeremy walked in behind me, surprising me a little.

"Did your wheels touch the road?" I smiled over at him and walked to the back of the bar. The smell of Mexican food filled my nose, and I breathed in deeper. "Fuck, I'm starving."

"Me too. Enjoy man. They'll keep it full." He grabbed a plate and handed it to me.

"I'm aware nugget head." I popped him in the back of the head and moved in front of him. "You're the newbie. I've been doing this for seven years. Get the fuck outta here."

Jeremy laughed and pressed his shoulder to mine as we moved down the buffet line. "That pretty blond over there is eye-fucking one of us. I'm going to say it's me."

I glanced up to find a pretty woman with great lips and a tight dress watching me closely. "Yep. She's watching you, buddy. I give it ten minutes and she'll be in the back room, on her knees, sucking you off."

He groaned. "Fuck that sounds good."

"Too much. Too soon." I filled up my plate and made my way to one of the tables where some of the other players were. We chatted about baseball, tits, and money as we ate. Nothing out of the ordinary. The bucket of beer between us ran out far too quickly, and I was nominated to get another one.

"Alright. Alright. Shit." I got up and walked to the bar, reaching into my back pocket. Where the fuck was Alan, Joe, and Martin? I was almost positive all of them would have been there by then. "I need two buckets of beer, please."

"You bet, handsome." The bartender gave me a flirty smile and turned to start working on my order.

"So brunettes?" The pretty blond from across the room smiled over at me.

"I'm sorry?" I turned to face her a little and took her in. Too thin. Always.

"I see you checking out the bartender. Do you only like brunettes?" She gave me a pouty look. Money and dick. That's all the women in my life wanted. It was a little sickening, and yet the bastard in me woke up and stretched. Time to play.

"I'm not concerned with the color of her hair. I just wanna know if she spits or swallows."

Her expression turned seductive. "And which do you prefer?"

"Come on now, baby doll. You know men like a woman who knows how to drink the good stuff." I turned back to the bartender and paid the tab. I turned back to her and let my eyes move down her body slowly, feeling nothing. "Why? You thirsty?"

"For you? Absolutely."

"Good. There's a room in the back just before the bathrooms. Head that way and I'll give you what you're after." I turned and walked away from her, not at all concerned with what she or anyone else thought. She wanted to suck a dick? She could borrow mine for a while.

"Fuck you, man." Jeremy moved up beside me.

"Not my type, handsome." I winked at him before setting the beers down. I grabbed one for myself.

"I'm talking about the blond. She was totally waiting to pounce on you, wasn't she?"

"Oh yeah." I hit my beer against his. "I'm going in for a blow job. Pull me out in about ten minutes. Closet before the bathrooms."

"What? Why?"

"Cause I'm not sticking my dick anywhere but her pretty mouth. Do what I said, or I'll get you back good for leaving me there." I turned and walked to the small closet, knowing that Jeremy would help me out. I'd done it for him a week or two before.

"Hi." She stood beside the door.

I opened the door and moved back. "After you, princess."

She moved into the closet and turned to face me as I reached up and pulled the string for the light. "I love watching you on the field."

"Great. On your knees, please." I reached out and helped her down before leaning back and pressing my upper back to the wall. "Have fun."

"What? Do you want me to just-"

"Pull it out and suck it. You asked for it. No playing shy. It's a waste of time." I reached down and slid my fingers into her blond hair, hating the stiff texture of it. She had too much of something in it.

"Okay." She moved in and worked me out of my pants, moaning and groaning about the size of my dick.

I pulled her closer and wrapped my fingers around a thick chunk of her hair to hold her in place as I slid the full length of my shaft down into her mouth and deeper into her throat.

She didn't gag. She knew exactly what she was doing. Good. It made me feel like less of a bastard. I closed my eyes and imagined Terra on her knees, her nighty a soft pink, her nipples hard and cheeks red from embarrassment. I'd let her suck me off a million times when we were kids, and fuck if she wasn't amazing at it.

I'd be her first, and she mine. I wanted the rest of her first times, but something told me that they were already gone.

My orgasm swelled in my balls, and I picked up my pace, fucking the pretty blond fast and hard. She gripped my thighs and held on like a champ, taking more and more of me until my shaft was covered to the base in sticky wetness.

"Fuck," I moaned and let myself go, pumping my hips and letting her drink me dry. Dizziness had me reaching for the wall behind me as I leaned back and pulled my cock from her. Guilt slammed into me as it always did. I wasn't the kind of man to fuck a girl's face in a closet, and yet there I stood, doing just that.

"Delicious." She stood up and smiled. "Fuck me?"

"Yeah, baby." I spun her around and bit my lip. Come on, Jeremy.

"I've wanted you since you started playing baseball seven years ago." She slid her hands up the wall and arched her back. Her ass barely caused a bump in her skirt. I needed so much more.

A knock on the door had her yelping. I jerked it open to find Jeremy standing there - wide-eyed. "Fuck, Dude. You need to get out here. Martin was in an accident and didn't make it."

"What?" I pulled my pants up and tucked myself inside, grateful for the bastard. "Sorry. I gotta go."

"Next time?" she called after me.

"Yeah. Of course." I wrapped an arm around Jeremy's shoulders as we walked back to the team. "Dude. Ten minutes. Not twelve. Not fifteen. Fuck."

"Danny-" he started.

"And don't mess around like that. Use something else next time. Martin is like a dad to me." We walked up to the team, and the pale faces and a few teary eyes caused me to stop. "What's going on?"

"Dude. I just told you." Jeremy pulled from me and turned to face me. "Martin got in a car accident on the way over here. Joe was driving and he's okay, but Martin didn't make it."

It was almost like time stilled. Everything moved in slow motion.

"No," I whispered and turned to walk toward the door. I pulled out my phone and found a message from Lance to call him as soon as possible. "Fuck."

I walked out into the cold night air, knowing I should call, but there was no way I could get my voice to work. Pain laced the center of my chest, and the memories of losing my sister, Jannie three years before, roared to life.

Death was finality. It was a fucking bastard that took and took and never gave back.

"No." I got on my bike and started it up. I'd just go to Martin's and find him there. He probably just skipped out. He had to have. My thoughts raced back to a couple days before as I pulled out of the parking lot with my heart racing.

We'd won the game and I'd finished showering last, leaving me the only one in the locker room. After getting my shit together, I had walked back up to the field. The bright lights were still on, and yet it was completely silent on the field. I walked toward the pitcher’s mound, something I'd done a million times, and yet that time it felt different.

I stepped on the mound and bounced my feet as the wind shifted and blew hard up against me. I let my eyes move along the outfield and breathed in the smell of the stadium. My heart swelled in my chest. My life was so damn full. Only one thing was missing.

"You've been in love with this place and this sport your whole life." It wasn't a question. I turned to find Martin standing in front of the first row of seats behind home plate.

"Yes, Sir. I have been." I walked toward him and smiled. "I hear you're coming out drinking with us tonight."

His chuckle was warm. "I guess I'm stuck then."

"I'm glad you are. The guys need to see you from time to time."

"Naw, but it's a nice gesture." He moved to sit down in one of the seats as I walked closer. "You know that my time here with the team is almost up, right Daniel?"

"I do." I slipped my hands into my jean pockets. "I'm not happy about it, but I understand you wanting to do something else with your life."

"That does sound nice." He leaned back and let out a long sigh. "I know everyone is nervous about Terra taking over when I resign, but she’d be so good for you guys. She’d wake you up."

I wanted to tell him that I loved her. That I always had, and that I probably wouldn't stay if she came back. It hurt too fucking much to watch her rule the world - my world - and not be able to reach out and take her as my own. A mixture of sadness and anger burned through me.

"Promise me something." He leaned forward, pressing his forearms to his legs.

"Yeah. Anything." I pulled my hands-free and reached up, gripping the bars above me. He'd been like a father to me most of my life, right alongside my own.

"Don't leave for at least one season after she gets here, okay? I know you two have a past-"

"Martin."

"I'm serious. You walking off the team would be hard for her to come back from, with the players and within herself."

Did he know what we were together? What she meant to me.

"You don't know what you're asking me to do." I pleaded with him with my eyes.

"I do, and I'm sorry for asking, but you're like a son to me, Daniel. Do this thing for me and help my baby transition. She's going to come in screaming and kicking."

"And if I can't?"

"Then I respect that too." He smiled and leaned back. "Although seven years does seem long enough to suffer over a broken heart."

"I'm not sure it will ever heal." I dropped one hand and rubbed my chest. "You still miss Mrs. Harmon?"

"Every day. Every night." He glanced up at the heavens and smiled. "That's why I never remarried. There's no need to. Not when you had the best the first time around."

I chuckled. "I'll do my best to honor you, Martin. I'll stay as long as I can, especially if it helps Terra."

He turned his attention back to me. "Good. Now, get out of here and go live your life."

"This is my life." I turned and walked toward the parking lot, waving over my shoulder and thinking about the promise he wanted from me. It was an asinine thing to do to me, but he loved Terra too much to let her stand alone, and she wouldn't. I'd help as long as my heart could bare it.

Tears blurred my gaze as I tried to stay focused on the road. It was my fucking fault that Martin had come to Ruska's in the first fucking place. How could I ever explain that to Lance? Or better yet, to Terra?

I couldn't, and it was pointless trying.