“How was your weekend?” Julia asked innocently.

“Don’t ask,” Harper replied.  It was Monday morning, and they were in the studio, where Julia was balancing the books while Harper reviewed a set of proofs. 

“Too late.  I just did.”

“It was…cold.  My furnace went out on Friday, and I didn’t have heat until yesterday morning.”

“Oh, no!  Why didn’t you call me?  You could have crashed at my place.”

Harper shrugged.  “I thought you might already have company.” 

“Well, I didn’t.  And you would have been welcome to stay.”

Harper hesitated but then decided that she needed to talk to someone about what had happened.  And Julia was probably her best option.  “I stayed at Finn’s.”

Julia slapped her hand on the desk.  “Get out!”

I did, but not fast enough!  “I’m serious.  It was late, and I wasn’t sure who to call, and…”

“Finn rode in on his white horse as usual.”

“His white truck, but close enough.”

“How was it?”

“How was what?”

“How was it having a sleepover without wanting to tear his clothes off?”

Julia had unknowingly opened the proverbial can of worms, and they all came wiggling out.  After Harper gave her a synopsis of what had transpired, she sat back and waited for her friend to weigh in. 

“It’s about time.”

“Huh?”

“You two have been dancing around each other for weeks.  It was only a matter of time before something like this would happen.”

“But it shouldn’t have.”

“Why not?  Better him than some stranger.  You’ve known Finn for years.  I would think that would make things easier.”

Harper thought about how easy it had been to kiss him at first, before she’d freaked out and backed off.  “It just feels wrong.”

“Wrong to you or wrong to other people?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure Blake’s family would disapprove.  Even though they like Finn, they might think that I’ve been harboring feelings for him since before Blake died.  I would hate for anyone to think that.”

“If they really know you, they won’t believe that.  Besides, their opinion shouldn’t be as important as yours and Finn’s.”

“I’m not sure what Finn thinks.  I left before I got a chance to find out.”

“Don’t you think you should talk to him about it?”

“And say what?  Sorry I stuck my tongue down your throat, but is there any chance you want me to do it again?”

Julia laughed, but then she quickly sobered.  “Oh no.  What about Will?”

Harper sighed.  She’d given it a lot of thought over the weekend and had decided that she and Will were better off as friends.  While she dreaded having to tell him that, she didn’t want to string him along.

“Never mind.  I can tell you’re not into him.”

“Sorry, Jules.  I really like Will, but you’re right.  I’m not into him like…”

“Like you are with Finn.  I get it.  Those O’Brien boys are irresistible.”

Harper eyed her closely.  “You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

Julia averted her eyes.

“I knew it!”

“Knew what?  You don’t know anything.”

“It’s Connor, isn’t it?  You’re seeing Connor.”

“We’re not seeing each other.  We’re…”

“Having sex?”

“You make it sound so vulgar.”

“I just have one question.  Why have you been so secretive about it?”

Julia glanced up at her.  “It was his idea.  He said his brothers would give him hell if they knew he was seeing someone regularly.  Besides, it’s no big deal.  We’re just fooling around.”

“Having sex.”

“You already said that.”

“Wow, Jules.  I’m kind of surprised.”

“Me too.  Wait a minute.  What part are you surprised about?”

“Well, I’m not surprised about your attraction to Connor.  I noticed the spark between you two that night at the restaurant.  But I am surprised that you’re treating this so casually.  Since I’ve known you, you’ve had one long-term relationship.  I wouldn’t expect you to settle for a fling.”

Julia stiffened.  “What’s wrong with that?  Lots of women do it.  Why does everyone have to end up married with children?”

Harper raised her hands in surrender.  “Sorry.  I didn’t mean to judge.”

She sighed.  “You’re right.  It’s not my usual M.O., but I thought I’d try something different this time.  It’s not like I’m expecting Connor to change.  I know what kind of guy he is.  I’m just having a little fun.”

Harper nodded and decided to keep her concerns to herself.  She didn’t know Connor that well, but from what Finn had said, he was a real player.  She’d hate it if Julia got hurt.

“You can’t tell Finn about this, Harper.  Connor was very adamant about that.”

Bossy O’Briens!  “Ok. But take it from me—secrets have a way of slipping out.” 

Julia shrugged.  “We might not even be seeing each other a week from now.  Anyway, we should probably get back to work.”

And girl talk was officially over.

 

The rest of the week went by without a word from Finn.  She shouldn’t have been surprised, but she was.  He’d called her faithfully once a week for over a year, and now, nothing.  Of course, she could have picked up the phone and called him, but she didn’t know what to say or where to begin.  Thankfully, she had several photo sessions scheduled, which kept her busy through Saturday.  It was only at night, when she lay down in her big, empty bed, that she replayed the kiss. 

Maybe she had embellished it in her mind, but she didn’t think so.  She replayed the entire scene repeatedly until she’d become so hot she had to whip off the covers.  It wasn’t just the kiss itself, but the way he’d held her, the way he’d gazed at her, like he’d been just as enthralled as she’d been.  It would have been so easy for him to scoop her up in his arms and take her to his bedroom, but he hadn’t.  And the way she’d felt in that moment, she would have gone willingly.  But Finn was respectful to the end, taking what she wanted to give without pushing her limits.  He’d kept himself in complete control, while she’d almost lost hers.

She wondered if he’d been thinking about that night too, and if he wanted a repeat.  But then what?  She didn’t want the kind of relationship that Julia seemed to be having with Connor.  She didn’t want to be anyone’s secret lover, least of all Finn’s.  Their friendship had always been open and honest.  There wasn’t much she’d kept hidden from him, especially after Blake’s death, when she’d poured out her heart to him on more than one occasion.  He knew her so well that he’d understand that she’d need time to process what had happened.  And when she was ready, she’d call him, and they’d have the dreaded conversation that Julia had alluded to. 

But now she had to get over another hurdle—Blake’s memorial birthday dinner.  When Harper pulled up to Blake’s parents’ house, she noticed that Nina’s car was already there, and she cringed.  If Nina hadn’t taken kindly to seeing her with Will, how would she feel if she knew about Finn?  Finn had been like an honorary family member, but would they accept her being with him?  Not that that was ever going to happen, but still.

Taking a deep breath, she walked up to the front door carrying a container of cookies in front of her like a shield.  She and Blake used to walk right in, but now she rang the doorbell just like a stranger would.  In fact, after the funeral, Blake’s mom had specifically said, “Don’t be a stranger.”  Yet that was exactly what she was starting to feel like, more so with every passing week.

Standing out in the cold, she waited until Nina finally opened the door.  “Hi, Harper.  Come on in.  Mom and Dad are in the kitchen.”

No hugs or kisses were exchanged, which was typical for her and Nina.  They’d never warmed up to each other.  They were generally polite, but that was it.  Like now, when Nina took her coat and hung it up for her. 

In contrast, Blake’s parents, Tim and Trish, greeted her with hugs, albeit less enthusiastically then when Blake had been alive.  She’d noticed they looked older now, and she felt tears prick her eyes.  She had lost her spouse, the love of her life, but they had lost their only son, and if her grief had been crippling, she could only imagine what theirs was like.

“You didn’t have to bring anything, dear,” Trish said, taking the cookies from her. 

“I wanted to.”  The task of making cookies had helped calm her nerves before coming there.  She’d been angry at herself for feeling uneasy about seeing Blake’s family, but she knew what was at the root of it—Finn. 

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, but Harper seemed to be the only one startled by it. 

“Nina, will you get that?  I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Finn for dinner too,” Trish said. 

Luckily, Harper was standing close to the kitchen counter, and she grabbed it for support as the blood rushed to her feet. 

“Are you ok?” Trish asked, looking concerned. 

“Yes.  I’m fine.  I haven’t eaten in a while, and I think my blood sugar just dropped.”  Along with my heart.

“Oh.  Well, we’re going to eat right away.  We were just waiting for you and Finn.” 

And speak of the devil, in he walked.  “Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said, looking directly at Trish.  And then he leaned in and kissed her cheek before shaking Tim’s hand. 

When he turned toward Harper, his only acknowledgement was a head bob and a brief, “Harper.”

“Hi.”  That was it.  One word was all she could muster, when she really wanted to shout, “What in the hell are you doing here?”

Oblivious to Harper’s discomfort, Trish said to Finn, “I should have invited you last year, but I wasn’t thinking clearly.  We all know how close you were to Blake.”  Her throat caught, and Tim immediately took over. 

“Well, now that everyone’s here, let’s eat!”

“Can I help you with anything?” Harper asked, hoping for a distraction. 

“No, dear.  Nina can help.  You and Finn go ahead and take a seat.”

“Can I get you a beer, Finn?” Tim asked.

“No, thanks.  Water will be just fine.”

Harper and Finn went through the archway into the dining room, and they stood there for a moment, staring at one another like they were seeing each other for the first time.  “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here?” she whispered, but it came out as more of a hiss. 

“Here you are,” Tim said, entering the room with two glasses of water for them.  “Sit, sit.  Make yourselves comfortable.”

Yeah, right, thought Harper.  Thinking it would be best if she didn’t sit next to Finn, she sat in the nearest chair, and then he took the seat directly across from her.  Now she’d be forced to look at him during the entire meal.  Just great! 

Tim sat down at the head of the table and made small talk with Finn while Trish and Nina brought in the food.  Trish was a good cook, and Harper used to really enjoy her meals, but right now, the sight of all that food made her stomach clench. 

Once they were all seated, Trish clasped her hands in front of her and nodded at Tim, which Harper knew was his cue to say grace.  But this wouldn’t be an ordinary prayer.  This would be a heart- wrenching tribute to their son, who would never grace this table again.  As usual, Finn looked like the poster boy for composure.  If he felt uncomfortable, it was impossible to tell.  He simply bowed his head along with the rest of them and waited for Tim to speak.

“Dear, Heavenly Father.  We have gathered together today in honor of our lost loved one’s birthday.  When you called our son, Blake, to be with you, we were devastated, and our faith was shaken.  But it is through your love and grace that we will find healing.  Please bless this food that we are about to receive in Jesus’s name.  Amen.”

“Amen,” everyone chorused. 

When Harper glanced up, Finn was staring at her, but his expression was hard to read.  Empathy, sadness, guilt?  She couldn’t be sure, but she quickly looked away as Trish passed her a bowl of mashed potatoes.  It bothered Harper that she hadn’t cried at Tim’s speech like she had last year, and she blamed it on Finn.  He wasn’t supposed to be there, and his presence had thrown her off.  She couldn’t look at him without remembering what it felt like to kiss him, to be held by him.  If she felt guilty before, it was even worse now.  Being in this house—Blake’s family home—with Finn sitting in the same spot that Blake would have sat in—it was just too much. 

Harper zoned out as the dishes were passed, and she placed small helpings of everything on her plate.  She’d hoped nobody would notice, but Trish, the consummate mother who enjoyed feeding people, did. 

“Don’t tell me you’re on a diet, Harper.  You hardly have anything on your plate.”

Harper gave her a thin smile.  “I’m not dieting.  I just want to make sure there’s enough for everyone else.”  It was a lame excuse, but it was the first thing she thought of.

“She means me,” Finn said with a wink at Trish.  “You all know how much I can eat!”

Everyone laughed, and Harper was grateful for the save.  He might not have done it on purpose, but it had taken the focus off her, and she was glad.

“How’s business, son?” Tim asked.

Son?  Really?  She knew how close they’d been to Finn, but to hear Tim call him “son” startled her.

But Finn didn’t miss a beat as he began talking about his thriving business. 

Harper forced herself to eat everything on her plate while she listened in.  Maybe it wasn’t so bad that Finn was there after all.  He was keeping her from having to make small talk, when what she really wanted to do was go home, curl up under a blanket, and read a book.  It was difficult to sit there playing the part of a grieving widow when, a week ago, she’d been kissing her husband’s best friend. 

“And what about you, Harper?  Anything new?” Tim asked. 

Four sets of eyes bored into her, and she squirmed uncomfortably as she tried to come up with a response.  Just as she’d opened her mouth, Nina interjected.

“Why don’t you tell them about your new friend?  Will, isn’t it?” Nina said.

Harper’s brain went into shutdown mode, and she looked to Finn for help, but he’d picked up his water glass and was taking a long drink.  She was on her own. 

“Yes.  Will is Julia’s cousin.  You know my assistant, Julia?  Anyway, she insisted that I meet him, and…”

“And we all met up for dinner together.  Me, Connor, Julia, Will, and Harper.  Seems like a really nice guy,” Finn said. 

Poor Trish was wringing her napkin as Tim sat there thoughtfully, his hands clasped in front of him, while Nina calmly ate a bite of mashed potatoes like she hadn’t a care in the world.  Harper concentrated on keeping her expression neutral, and she sat on her hands lest she be tempted to reach across the table and smack Nina.  Damn her for being so insensitive.  Especially here, today, when they were supposed to be talking about Blake, not Will, or Finn, or any other man.

Clearing her throat, Trish looked at Harper and said, “Well, I suppose you have to move on sometime, dear.  And if Finn says Will’s a good man, then he must be.”

“She’s right,” Tim said, clapping Finn on the shoulder.  “We trust this guy as much as we trusted our own son.  He’s a good man to have looking out for you.”

Unbelievable!  Harper felt like she’d fallen down a hole onto a stage and was acting in a bad screenplay.  Tim and Trish were giving her their approval to date Will based on Finn’s recommendation?  Little did they know that it was Finn they should be worried about.  She shot him a look across the table, but he’d obviously already picked up on the irony of the situation.

“Thanks, guys, but Harper’s a good judge of character too, and Blake’s a pretty tough act to follow.”

Ok, that’s it!  She’d been sitting there quietly, listening to everyone talk about her like she wasn’t even there.  Besides, none of them knew what they were talking about!  Nina started to open her mouth again, but Harper cut her off. 

Directing her attention toward Tim and Trish, Harper said firmly, “Will is just a friend.  We’ve seen each other a couple of times, but it’s nothing serious.  It’s just nice to have companionship occasionally, that’s all.”  Her voice cracked on the last sentence, and she inwardly cursed.  She already felt vulnerable enough in this situation, and now she’d just made it worse.

“Of course, Harper.  We understand,” Trish said, laying a hand on Harper’s arm. 

Tim nodded.  “Everyone deserves love in their life.  I’m just sorry my son isn’t still here to be the one…  Excuse me,” he said and then stood up and hurriedly left the room.  Nina threw her napkin down and followed, leaving Trish there looking forlorn. 

“I’m so sorry,” Trish said.  “This is a difficult day for everyone.  Excuse me.”  And then she left the room too.

Finn started to speak, but Harper pushed back her chair and stood.  “I’m going home,” she said, but as she turned to leave, Finn was right there, gripping her arm and holding her in place. 

“Don’t go,” he said.

“Why not?  This is a complete disaster!”  She was close to tears at that point, but she was determined to hold them back until she was alone. 

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“You should be,” she hissed and tried to jerk out of his grip. 

“I thought I was helping.”

“Well, you weren’t.  You’ve only made things worse.  Now, let me go!”

Finn glanced over her shoulder and immediately complied.  Whirling around, Harper came face to face with Nina, who was peering at them curiously. 

“What is it?” Harper snapped, forgetting to be polite. 

“Mom and Dad wanted me to give their apologies.  They’re not feeling up to company anymore.”

Harper wanted to shout, “Thanks to you!” but instead, she said, “That’s ok.  I was just leaving anyway.”  With that, she brushed past Nina, retrieved her coat and purse, and hurried out the door, fully aware that Finn was right on her heels. 

She didn’t look at him until they’d reached their cars.  His truck was blocking her in, but she hoped he would quickly move out of the way.  She was wrong.

“We need to talk,” he said.

“I disagree.  Talking doesn’t do anything but make matters worse, which you’ve just witnessed.”

“We can’t ignore this forever, Harper.”

“By ‘this,’ I assume you mean what happened last weekend.”

“That’s exactly what I mean.”

“We’ve already discussed it.  It can’t happen again.  End of story.”

“Why not?”

Glancing up at the house to make sure Nina wasn’t spying on them, Harper said, “Hello?  Did you see what just happened in there?  Tim and Trish fell apart when Nina brought up my dating Will.  What would happen if they knew that we…that you and I…”

“Kissed?”

“Yes!”

“They’d get over it.”

Eyebrows raised to the sky and voice raised, she said, “Why?  Because it’s you?  Their honorary son, who they trust the most next to their actual son?”

That seemed to stop him in his tracks.  He shifted uncomfortably and scuffed the ground with his boots. 

“That’s what I thought.  Now, please move your truck so I can leave.”

Finn shook his head, but he didn’t argue.  He gave her one last, long look before he turned away, got into his truck, and backed out. 

Once Harper had climbed into her car, she glanced at the house, and that was when she saw the curtain move.  There was no doubt who had been standing there watching: Nina.  And if Nina had thought that Will was the new man in Harper’s life, she might have just realized she’d been wrong.