It had been an emotional couple of days for Sara after her parents and Liam showed up at the carnival. We spent the rest of the morning in bed, just holding each other, talking a little, but mostly enjoying the stillness.
Sara said she wasn’t hungry, but when I persuaded her to join me for a walk along the midway, she changed her mind.
I smiled when she ate a corndog coated with a thick layer of batter, followed by funnel cake covered in powdered sugar, and I laughed when she tried to eat strawberry flavored cotton candy and it got in caught in her hair. It was a lot of junk, but Aimee would make sure she’d get her fruit and vegetables in another meal. This was about letting go.
I held her and reassured her and told her every chance I got that I cared about her, that I loved her. The words felt odd but comfortable at the same time—I guess that summed up our whole left-field relationship.
And she’d believe me eventually, I was confident of that.
But her meeting with Liam and her parents had left her shaken, and I knew that she felt guilty about Owen and his mom. I’m not a man who believes in truth for the sake of the truth. Because the truth can hurt people without changing anything, without making anything better. But in this case, not speaking up was going to let a predator get away with it. I thought it was the right thing to do—the only thing to do. And it was the only way that her parents would understand the decision she’d made to leave.
After she’d finished stuffing herself with junk, I bought her a bottle of fresh orange juice, figuring she could use something healthy.
We walked past the largest of the carousels, the red and gold paint gleaming in the sunshine, the prancing horses frozen in time as if they’d just been photographed putting a winning nose over the finishing line. All of the horses were white with colorful bridles, but there was one lone lion, his mouth open in a roar, his white fangs and pink tongue a contrast to the horses.
“He looks annoyed,” said Sara, taking a quick picture.
“Sure! He’s the King of the Jungle, and now he’s got a pole through his butt and has to travel in circles all day. He’s probably pissed and dizzy.”
Sara giggled.
“You’re such a goof, Zef! I never knew that about you.”
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. Truth is, I’m not much of a joker; I leave that to Tucker. But something about Sara brought out a new, light-hearted side of me. I was surprised to find I was comfortable with that.
I shrugged and grinned at her.
“Wanna take a ride?”
She started to laugh.
“Seriously? You want to go for a ride on the kiddie carousel? You know it doesn’t go fast, right?”
“Yeah, sure. So long as I can ride the lion.”
“Oh no way, buster! I want to ride the lion.”
“Uh huh, that dude is mine. You can have one of the horses.”
“Oh my God, seriously? You won’t let me ride the lion?”
I leaned down and whispered in her ear.
“Baby mama, you can ride the beast any time you want.”
She blushed bright red and slapped my arm.
“You’re such a perv!”
“Can’t help it—you’re hot.”
Jude was the ride jock for the carousel and raised a pierced eyebrow when I said that Sara and I were taking a ride. He nodded, grinning over my shoulder as Sara climbed up on the lion’s back.
Nope. Not happening.
I strolled over, lifted her off and plopped her on a horse.
“I can’t believe you just did that!”
“I’m a man of my word,” I smiled.
We took three turns on that ride and Sara snapped a ton of photographs of me goofing off, and she was smiling again.
Result.
By the time we packed a suitcase for Dan’s wedding, she was coming to terms with her new reality. I knew that she’d talked to her dad a couple of times and I was pleased about that. Even though she thought that she didn’t need her family, I knew that she’d want our kid to know their grandparents one day.
The powers that be at Fairplex were pissed that we were canceling two days of shows on such short notice so we could fly out for Dan’s wedding. They were trying to cite breach of contract, but Zach was holding his own in that argument.
It looked like I was going to be getting more use out of the tux I’d bought for Kes and Aimee’s wedding last year than I’d bargained for. The plus side was that when I tried it on at Sara’s request, she said I looked hot. It worked for me.
I didn’t know what she was going to wear as it was supposed to be a big secret, and she seemed equal parts anxious and excited to be going with me as my date. Like I’d leave her behind.
I’d been back to Georgia a few times since I was released from prison, but it wasn’t my favorite place to be. At least the wedding was going to be in Atlanta and not my home town of Savannah. I’d made too many mistakes there, too many bad memories blotting out the good ones.
After our flight landed at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport, I turned on my phone, immediately getting a string of messages from Dan.
Fuckin paps everywhere.
Lis on the rampage. Holy shit!
Got you rooms at the Ritz Carlton.
Driver waiting for you at baggage claim.
So much for it being a low key wedding.
“Oh, man,” breathed Tucker, scrolling through the newsfeed on his cell. “The paps are going crazy, calling it the wedding of the year, whatever the fuck that means.”
We made our way through the crowds to pick up our luggage and saw a big dude in a suit holding a sign that said, Grifter Family.
“Little prick,” Kes muttered, shaking his head, a smile pulling up one side of his mouth. “Are you gonna kick your brother’s ass or do you want me to do it?”
“Feel free,” I said generously.
We introduced ourselves to the dude in the suit and then got a helluva surprise when we tried to leave the airport and were jostled by paps.
“What the fuck?” I yelled, as were surrounded by a growing crowd.
“Are you Daniel Colton’s brother?”
“Is it true that Daniel is gay and that this marriage is just a publicity stunt?”
“What do you think of the rumor that he’s going to be traded to the Green Bay Packers?”
“Are you going into modeling like your brother?”
“Is that your wife? What’s her name? Are you going to call the baby Daniel?”
I braced my arms around Sara and tugged her through the doors, seeing the rest of the Daredevils doing the same thing, wondering where the paps had gotten their dumb questions from. I knew better than to answer—they’d make up whatever they wanted anyway.
It was like a feeding frenzy at the shark pool, a scene from Jaws with an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Our driver, Milton, used his bulk to clear a path to the waiting limo and all but tossed us into the back seat.
“Sorry about that, ladies and gentleman,” he said, seemingly unperturbed. “The news of the wedding broke while you were in the air, and there was a false rumor that your brother would be making an appearance at the airport. The Falcons’ management didn’t have time to send backup.”
“That was fucking insane! Is it like that for him all the time now?”
I caught Milton’s gaze in the rearview mirror.
“Mr. Colton is very popular.”
I shook my head, knowing how much Dan would hate all of this, and glanced down at Sara’s strained face.
“You okay, baby mama?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Don’t worry,” and she gave me a brief smile.
“It’s my job to look after you.”
She made herself more comfortable in my arms.
“And it’s my job to look after you.”
“Lookin’ forward to it.”
Zach glanced over at us, a grin of amusement on his face.
“You guys are so cute together! I didn’t know you could be so sappy, Zef.”
“Fuck off,” I said easily, not giving a damn what anyone else thought.
Although Zach was right. I’d never been like this with a woman before. The surprise was that I liked it.
There were more paps at the hotel and I couldn’t understand their interest in us. It was beginning to sink in what a big deal my little brother had become, but I still didn’t see what that had to do with us. I was resigned to the fact that information about my stint in the pen was going to be very public knowledge. It wasn’t a secret, but it wasn’t something I broadcast by choice either.
Four doormen tussled with the crowds outside the hotel to get us inside. At least Milton had help this time. I tipped them all well. It was the least I could do.
Sara perked up at the sight of the glittering chandeliers, marble floors and huge leather couches.
“Ooh, can we live here?” she teased.
“I don’t think they’d be too welcoming of Bo.”
Sara’s face fell.
“I feel so bad leaving him and Ollo behind. Why wouldn’t he come?”
I shrugged and pulled her closer.
“Ollo doesn’t like leaving the carnival.”
“But, he’d have been with us.”
“Being with us might stop the comments, but it doesn’t stop people staring.”
She frowned a little as she wrapped her arms around my neck while we waited to check in.
“People stare at him when we’re at the carnival,” she said. “Sometimes they say stuff, too.”
“Yeah, they do. But then he’s on his own turf and he has a comeback for anything that might be said and turns it into a laugh. He also knows that every carnie there has his back.”
She tilted her sweet face upward, her eyes large and worried.
“He knows that you’d have his back, all of you. He could have come.”
“It’s more than that,” I tried to explain, searching for the right words. “The carnival is where he feels safe. It’s his home.”
She sighed, resting her head against my chest.
“He’ll be fine. He said he was going to visit with Yolanda. You know, the woman who has the dog act. Bo’s real good friends with her Golden Retriever, Maverick—they’ll be okay.”
“I know, I just miss them.”
It felt strange taking a break from our lives, but it was great to get away for a while, and I was really happy for Dan marrying his college sweetheart. Lisanne had been really good for him, and her family had looked out for my brother when I was in prison. I’d never thanked them for that, so now would be my chance.
The rooms that Dan had reserved for us were even more impressive than the hotel’s luxurious lobby. Each of us had a two-room suite with a separate bedroom and dining area, and a balcony with views over Atlanta.
The air in the room was chilled, but when I stepped out onto the balcony, I felt the full humid heat of Georgia in September, and imagined I could smell peach blossom. A smile crept across my face when I saw the SkyView to the south, a giant Ferris wheel silhouetted against the sunset.
“Hey, baby mama! Do you want to take a ride over there?”
Sara walked onto the balcony, slipping under my raised arm as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Oh wow! It feels like home,” and she laughed.
Her happiness shot a bolt straight into my heart—she already thought of the carnival as her home. I held her tightly, thankful that she’d come into my life.
That evening, we had a family dinner, and I saw Lisanne gazing wistfully at Sara and Aimee, and I wondered how long it would be before Dan was calling me up telling me I was going to be an uncle. Maybe a while yet; her career was really taking off, and her band’s debut album had just entered the top #100 chart.
I spoke to her parents, as well. They were friendly but reserved, and I knew I’d have to earn their trust, but starting with an apology didn’t suck.
It was one hell of a wedding.
I had no idea how Dan and Lisanne had pulled it off, that was for sure.
Because the paps had learned that the guests were all staying at the same hotel, they’d staked the place out, assuming that’s where the wedding would be, too.
Instead, a simple ceremony had taken place at the botanical gardens, and before word had gotten out, we’d all jumped into limos and been driven through the light afternoon traffic to a subterranean downtown jazz club, only just this side of sleazy, and very, very private.
“This is more like it!” yelled Dan, pulling at his bow tie and wrapping one arm around his new wife.
Lisanne grinned, pulling his head down for a kiss.
“They look so happy,” sighed Sara. “She’s so beautiful, and I love her dress.”
“Yeah, she looks nice,” I agreed.
“Nice? She looks amazing!”
“You look better,” I whispered, kissing her ear and nipping the lobe.
Sara glowed, her eyes bright and happy.
“Tera helped me find this dress,” she confessed. “She was really amazing—all these sales assistants were falling over themselves to help her, well me, I guess. It’s like she snaps into being this whole other person. You can tell she’s the daughter of a senator.”
“Kes is a senator’s kid, too,” I pointed out.
“Oh, I forgot that. He doesn’t care about it though, does he?”
“Because it’s not about where you come from that matters; it’s how you treat the people in your life. Carnie lore.”
She laughed and smoothed down the pale blue silk that floated over her curves, framing her perfectly.
She really looked beautiful. I wanted to slide her out of that dress and enjoy all of her mounds and curves. We weren’t at that place yet, but I thought we would be soon. Sharing a bed with her was fuckin’ beautiful torture.
The guests were an interesting mix. There was Lisanne’s family: her parents were both math teachers and seemed overwhelmed by the boisterous crowd. Her grandmother on her mom’s side was knocking back brandy and flirting with a bemused linebacker friend of Dan’s. Her grandfather on her dad’s side was talking bikes with Kes, and her little brother, a lanky college sophomore, was trying out his flirting skills on Lisanne’s bridesmaid, Kirsty, and failing.
Luke was deep in conversation with Lisanne’s gay friend, Rodney, and Zach was throwing increasingly irritated looks their way. Aimee and Sara were talking babies and pregnancy, whispering horrified stories to each other and giggling a lot.
The guys in Lisanne’s band were having a bet to see who could pull more girls: a rock star or a football player, and there were plenty of women who were interested in both.
Tera was talking to the Falcons’ coach and I saw them exchanging business cards, which made me smile. Tera never missed a chance to network or talk up the Daredevils.
It was loud and noisy, and full of love and laughter. This is my family, I thought. These are my people. It was a good feeling.
Daniel looked so damn happy, he was dancing with Lisanne in his arms, as if they were the only two people in the room. He’d abandoned wearing his CI hearing implant, probably because there was too much background noise for him to process it easily. He said crowds like this sounded like a bunch of ducks quacking.
I wondered what it would be like to be in his world right now, surrounded by people, but in a world of silence. He couldn’t hear the band playing or his friends laughing; he couldn’t hear the quiet humming of his new wife as Lisanne’s own happiness spilled out into music as she sang along.
“Hey, congratulations,” I said, interrupting their moment and earning a dark look from Dan as he lip read my words. “I’ve just come to kiss the bride, doing my Best Man duties, ya know.”
Lisanne gave me a warm hug and shot a warning glance at Dan. I loved how whipped he was.
“I thought I’d better do my speech before everyone’s too hammered. Or would you rather just keep the partying going?” I asked hopefully.
Dan gave me an evil smile.
“You’re not getting out of this, big bro. It was worth wearing the monkey suit just to see you make an ass of yourself.”
Lisanne smiled reassuringly.
“I’m sure it’ll be amazing, Zef.”
“Ah hell,” I sighed. “Fine, I’ll do it. But just so you know, I’m not giving you a super-couples name like Danisanne.”
“Fuck, no!” said Dan, looking horrified. “Sounds like a drain cleaner.”
“Lisanniel?”
Lisanne shook her head and grimaced.
“That’s even worse—sounds like something you’d gargle with after brushing your teeth!”
I laughed.
“Yeah, that might actually be worth mentioning.”
“Don’t you fuckin’ dare, Zef!”
“Stop with the f-bombs, Daniel!” Lisanne muttered, glancing around her, but he just laughed.
“Come on, big bro. Let’s get this speech over with.”
Dan waited for the song to end then climbed up onto the stage.
“Alright, you motherf—guys, listen up! This here is my big brother, Zef, and because I feel sorry for him, I decided that I’d let him be the Best Man. Although Lis already knows that I’m the best man. Right, baby doll?”
The crowd cheered and Lisanne blew him a kiss.
He let the applause die down, then looked out at his guests.
“It’s been a long road coming to this day, but I wouldn’t have changed a single step of that journey. Because any of the times I fell or screwed up, Lisanne, my wife,” and he paused as the guests cheered again, “because my wife has been there with me since the first day we met. I can’t tell you the number of times that I wanted to give up, but she never let me. I wanted to be a better man for her . . .”
“Aw, so cute!”
“He’s in love, give him a break!”
Dan smiled happily.
“There’s a ton of people I’ve got to thank today—all of you lushes for showing up! Lisanne’s family for taking me in when I was just an asshole with a dream, especially Pops for telling me where to get the best baffle cores for my Harley, and Harry for . . . yeah, we’ll keep that a secret, huh, brother-in-law? Rodney, for putting up with sharing a house all through college—thank you for looking after my girl through high school, dude! I’d like to thank all the guys in 32o North, the hottest indie band in history who’ve just hit number 97 in the charts with their debut album Elephant Shoes!”
More cheers rang out.
“To our gorgeous bridesmaid, Kirsty, who for some reason is still hanging around with a loser like Vin Vescovi from the Saints . . .”
Loud boos rang out as Dan named his old college buddy who now played for the Falcons’ biggest rivals, the New Orleans Saints, and Vin took an ironic bow.
“I’d like to thank my boss, Mr. Arthur Blank, for letting me play for such an awesome team, but especially Dan Quinn, our Head Coach. And my teammates—you guys rock! Falcons for the trophy!”
Everyone cheered and clapped. Daniel smiled as he gazed out at his friends, then paused and looked across at me.
“My brother and I had a pretty good start in life. We had some awesome parents, Rebecca and Adam, and I wish like hell that they could be here today to celebrate, and maybe they are in spirit. I’d like to think so. Things started to get rough when I realized that I was going deaf. But this guy over here,” and he pointed at me, “my asshole brother, he took me and Mom to ASL classes twice a week for two years, never missing a single one.”
And he signed, Love you, fucker!
I laughed and signed back, Save it for your wife!
“He looked out for me when Mom and Dad died. It was a bad time, but he was always there for me. He had some dark times, too, but he never stopped caring.”
And then he turned to Lisanne.
“But most of all, I’d like to thank my beautiful wife, Lisanne Maclaine Colton, for lowering her standards and agreeing to marry me. You’ve made me the happiest man on the planet, baby doll. I love you.”
Applause and cheers rang out as he leapt off the stage and swept Lisanne into a Hollywood kiss, making her laugh and blush.
“You fucker,” I muttered to his face as I walked past. “How the fuck am I supposed to follow that?”
Dan just winked at me and grinned broadly.
I stood on the stage, gazing out at the sea of people in front of me. I’d had a speech all worked out in my head, but now my words had deserted me. I searched the room until I found Sara. She smiled up at me, and somehow I knew what I wanted to say.
“Dan has been a pain in my ass from the day he was born.”
People started laughing and I saw Lisanne’s grandmother choke on her Brandy Alexander.
“He shared my bedroom, played with my toys, and Mom used to make me take him along when I went to my friend’s slip-and-slide every summer. When he was ten, he started hitting on my girlfriends, and yes he embarrassed himself as much as you’d imagine. I don’t think Gloria Estancia ever recovered from you trying to play tonsil hockey with her, brother! You’ve gotta let a chick breathe, you know what I’m saying?” I took a deep breath as guests laughed and drank an ironic toast. “When the doctors told Dan that he was going deaf and that it would be permanent, it was a difficult time for all of us. The kid was an amazing musician. No one could play guitar like Dan.”
The room fell silent.
“His dreams were stolen. So how does a fourteen year old kid come back from that? By being strong, by finding new dreams. So yeah, I took him to sign language classes because I respected the hell out of him. And if he couldn’t be a musician, maybe he could be a jock, and we spent a lot of hours in the backyard tossing a ball. I guess it worked out okay for him.”
A few people laughed.
“The poor kid had tragic taste in women, so I’m really thankful that he finally came to his senses—either that or Lisanne felt sorry enough for him to take him. You’re an amazing woman, Lis, and I’m really happy that you married my little brother. Welcome to the family.”
She raised her glass and blew me a kiss.
“As an older brother, I was supposed to be the smart one, but I’ve learned so much more from Dan. About what a man should be and how he should treat the people that he loves. He’s taught me not to give up when times are tough—and he’s taught me that Calvin Klein underwear really do make your package look bigger.”
Asshole, Dan signed at me.
“So, ladies and gentleman, please raise your glasses in a toast to Dan and his gorgeous, if lacking-in-judgement, new wife, Lisanne. Ladies and gentleman: Danisanne!”
Everyone raised their glasses and the band started playing Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars. I caught Dan’s confused glance and then saw Lisanne mouth the name of the song for him. Joy and sadness ached in my heart as I thought of the journey they still had ahead of them. For all of us.
I jumped down from the stage, intending to make an indecent proposal to Sara, when a man in a sharp-looking suit tapped me on the shoulder.
“Hello, Zef. It’s good to see you again. Great speech! Seymour Michaels, No Limit Films, as I’m sure you remember.”
He held out his hand, but I just stared at him, a frown on my face.
“Yeah, I remember you. How exactly did you get yourself invited to my little brother’s wedding?”
He gave a self-deprecating smile.
“I’m working with Arthur Blank, the Falcons’ owner, on a documentary about the team . . . and their new superstar quarterback.”
“Figures,” I sighed.
Dan had been desperate not to have any business people at his wedding, people who weren’t friends, but it looked like a few hangers-on had slipped through the system.
“The Daredevils are doing well,” Michaels said, following me as I pushed past the guests who were dancing and drinking. “I’m glad to see that Kestrel made a full recovery from his injuries.”
“Are you?” I turned, asking him sharply. “Because I seem to remember that when Aimee came to you for help, you wouldn’t lift a damn finger.”
He frowned, as if my comment was a surprise to him.
“Of course I was sorry about his terrible accident, we all were. But I wasn’t in a position to help him financially.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“You seem to think the streets of Hollywood are paved with gold, Zef, but financing productions is getting harder all the time; choices are becoming safer. That’s why you see so many sequels, prequels and remakes. I have to damn near remortgage my home to get the leverage every time I make a new movie. My wife has sleepless nights praying I’ll be able to pay it off.”
“Yeah, whatever, man,” I shrugged, not wanting to get in a fight with him.
“Anyway,” he said, forcing a smile, “I actually wanted to talk with the documentary filmmaker that you’ve been working with. Miss Hawkins was kind enough to tell me that KTM is sponsoring you and have some exciting plans. I hear that Sara Weiss is very talented.” He leaned closer. “I’m always interested in new talent.”
I stared at him, a slow smile spreading across my face. On the other side of the room, Tera winked at me and raised her glass of champagne.
“I’ll introduce you,” I grinned, and I walked over to Sara who was still discussing baby bumps with Aimee, and the difficulty of trying to find jeans that fit. “Hey, ladies, sorry for the interruption. Aimee, I’m sure you’ll remember meeting Seymour Michaels,” and I raised my eyebrows as she gave him a cold look.
“Seymour,” she intoned, ice dripping from her voice.
He ignored her tone and leaned in for an air kiss, choosing not to notice her cringe.
“Mrs. Donohue,” the pleasure is all mine.
“And this is Miss Sara Weiss, our documentary filmmaker who’s working with Tera Hawkins on publicity.”
Sara looked as confused as Michaels; he just hid it better.
He scanned her quickly, assessing her age and the bump, then glancing back at me.
“A great pleasure, Miss Weiss. I’m a huge fan of your work.”
“You are?”
“Yes, very much indeed. I was talking with Carrie Christie, the KTM Marketing Manager. She’s a huge fan of yours, too.”
“Um, thank you very much. That’s really nice of you.”
“We have so much to talk about, Miss Weiss. Or may I call you Sara?”
He took her elbow as if he was about to lead her away, but I clamped an arm around her waist.
“You can call her Miss Weiss.”
“Zef!” Sara hissed, her cheeks glowing red.
Michaels was too smooth to be put off his stride by my rudeness and he just laughed.
“Ah, like that, is it? I see. And who could blame you, Zef. She’s lovely.”
“What’s the pitch, Michaels? Make it quick because we want to get back to enjoying my brother’s wedding.”
“Of course. Simply, I’d like No Limits to co-produce a film about the Daredevils, but not just another stunt movie. No, what I love about your work, Miss Weiss, is your ability to get inside carnival life itself. It’s such a unique world, movie-goers will love it as much as motorsport fans. Naturally, I can understand now why you had such unusual access, but that’s what will make it even more personal.”
“What are you offering?” I asked as Sara stared, open mouthed.
“Better equipment, a professional top-line editor, marketing expertise and distribution,” he said with a smile.
I nodded and pocketed the business card he gave me.
“Zachary Wade is her agent. We’ll pass it on.”
“Marvelous,” he said. “And please pass on my felicitations to your brother.”
He walked away appearing very pleased with himself.
“What just happened?” Sara asked, utterly bewildered.
Aimee laughed.
“I think you just got invited to make a movie in Hollywood.”