Table Of Contents
Cash Warren woke up with his lungs screaming for air. His mind was unable to process what his eyes were seeing. Bubbles floated around him, the lack of light and air severely affecting his brain. He watched, almost amused, as the bubbles surrounded him and wondered where they were coming from, not realizing they were coming from his own mouth and nose. A momentary calm enveloped him, and he thought if he was going to die, this wasn’t that bad of a way to go. He knew his life would come to this moment, eventually, but he always thought it would be marred by pain and craziness. This was peaceful, almost euphoric.
Cash felt a bump on his back, then his leg, throwing his body into a tailspin, wiping any bit of calm and peace right from him. His body started flailing around, out of control, going deeper, spinning so fast, he had to shut his eyes. His fight or flight instinct kicked in as Cash struggled to make something happen, but he was paralyzed within his own skin, unable to move an inch. His head hit something, the impact jarring him, but the pain he thought he would feel never came. The questions coursing through him causing him to fight harder, no longer accepting what fate might have in store for him. This was his damn life, and he would live it or end it the way he wanted. Fate could go fuck itself. His body was being hit and pushed. Cash tried to fight back but couldn’t, further adding to his frustration and desperation. Then his side smacked into something hard, turning him over in the water, righting him to the brisk fresh air. As he gasped for the air he so desperately needed, Cash tried to pull himself together and lessen the anger and fear coursing through him.
Opening his eyes, Cash welcomed the sting of the water, at least he was feeling something. If he was going to die, he would do it with his eyes wide open and fight with everything he had. No way was he just to accept this shit. He had people who needed him, things he wanted to do before the inevitable happened. Leaning on the long-learned traits of his kind and his military training, his mind slowly started to come online.
First things first. Assess the area for immediate danger. When his body wouldn’t cooperate, he remembered he had done this before, at least five times before, to no avail. He still couldn’t move. As that small memory came, he would have laughed, but as Cash learned as a child, he adapted and tried to figure out what to do next.
Using the only tool available to him, he looked around. He could see his body floating in the water. The t-shirt he wore was torn, and he could see blood which he had to assume was his own. He could also see his feet bob up and down every so often, still covered in the thick leather combat boots he chose to wear. His arms and legs seemed to be straight, indicating no breaks, but he couldn’t be one hundred percent sure, at the moment. As far as he was concerned though, he was putting that bit of knowledge in the win column. Licking his lips, he was grateful at least one part of his body worked. The water was fresh, no salt. That narrowed things down for him. With the assessment of his body done or at least as complete as he could make it without being able to move, Cash focused on other things.
Cash couldn’t lift his head, but he was able to see straight ahead and slightly on each side, using his peripheral vision. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Cash knew he was in a fast-moving river of some kind. Not a lake or ocean because he could see trees and rocks moving by quickly. The current was also another indicator, not where, but what he was in. The current was strong enough to drag his useless body along with it. Had he been in a lake, chances of him getting out of this were slim to none at this time of year with the snow and ice. At least now, he had a little hope of getting to shore, eventually.
His mind wandered to being trapped under a thick sheet of ice, and he could feel the bile in his stomach climbing up his throat. Fuck, just what he needed right now. Calming himself, he took several deep breaths, calming his riotous stomach and the unpleasant thoughts roaming around in his head. Cash started to pull within himself, reaching his beast for extra strength and stamina but was met with nothing but a void. The constant hum he had felt from the time he came of age wasn’t there.
What the fuck happened? Small bits of information came to him slowly. He remembered he and Ryleigh being on his plane, leaving Bravo’s base after she went through some kind of testing for the baby. He couldn’t remember what the testing was but knew it was important. He also recalled the entire time they were there, he kept feeling like they needed to leave, that something was wrong or going to happen. He could never put his finger on precisely what, but he knew, so did his beast. When they got the call to divert to pick up Bas, Cash knew he should have said no, but Ryleigh had been insistent, and Jacks, the fucker, had agreed with her.
What he couldn’t figure out was why. Jacks had been so hell-bent against her leaving at first, then he agreed. The man, his best friend, even forced his bear into compliance to allow her to go. So why would he authorize an unplanned stop in their trip even if it was to help out Bas and his mate? There were other teams out there who could have helped with the retrieval.
Cash also remembered Bas, the arrogant ass, trying to run from his mate, and Cash accusing him of being a coward. Then his memories switched to taking off with everyone onboard. Pushing his mind further, Cash started regaining some of what was lost to him. He remembered when the first engine failed, then the next. He also recalled giving the order to evacuate Rye from the plane. A very pregnant Rye. Shit, had he really done that? Was that the right thing to do?
Fuck he felt like he was on some kind of pansy assed emotional roller coaster. Wanting to die, fighting to live, questioning everything he had done or had happened. What the fuck was going on with him for months now? He had been fighting the ever-growing emotions in him. His bear was going closer and closer to the edge.
His clouded mind kept hitting on one fact though. Even if the plane went down, he would have been okay, injured but okay. Not in the state he was in right now, no beast within and unable to move. Even the pain should have in his body was minimal. That could be because of the water, but with his Shifter genes, again, he body should be compensating. Nothing was adding up. Why couldn’t he move, and where the hell was his beast? The fucker had been tormenting him all his damn life, now he was just gone? It didn’t make any sense. He knew one day he would go rogue, it was inevitable. Without a mate, every Shifter was destined to that fate, and Cash had lost his chance a long time ago. But this shit wasn’t anything like he had ever expected. The peace and calm were disconcerting to him. Cash had expected chaos and pain, not this shit. It was its own kind of hell, and Cash wasn’t sure if he liked it any better than what he had been preparing himself for all his adult life.
When memories of his first failure started to cloud his mind, he tried to force them away, but Jessie's beautiful face kept flashing. He remembered her sweet, shy little smile and the way her blue-green eyes glittered when she became excited. He remembered the way she would look at him like he could save the world. Then he remembered the feeling of their bond being torn from his body, and the pain he lived with every single day since.
He also remembered how he had failed her, how she would never have been taken if he had just been a man and followed through with what he promised, instead of going off with Jacks to shift in the damn woods. How she would have never been alone if he would have just kept his damn word.
Cash’s memories of that day bombarded his mind. Jessie standing on her doorstep in a pink t-shirt and cutoff shorts, near tears with her lip slightly pouted out, asking him over and over again, why can’t you stay?
Cash could see himself standing there, shifting foot to foot, Jacks and Lance in the background, goading him to hurry up. He was seventeen, and he thought they had all the time in the world. He knew he loved Jessie, had since the moment they moved into town, but Cash was still a boy himself, just barely seventeen and she wasn’t anywhere near being ready for the feelings he had for her. She was just a girl, only fourteen.
Cash pushed, trying to dislodge the memory. He didn’t want to see the tears in her eyes or what he had done next. He had played the same scene over and over in his mind, every day for years. But he was helpless to stop them. The memories kept coming. He had tried to appease her, saying he would be back later. She wasn’t having that; she wanted him to stay, and he had gotten mad.
Groaning, he heard the words in his mind, “Grow up Jessie quit acting this way,” Cash had pleaded, reaching his hand out to her rubbing her arm.
Damn, he had been so mad and frustrated. Jessie was only fourteen. He had never once taken their relationship beyond one small kiss. He was a boy of seventeen, just coming into his own—shifting for the first time along with all the sexual feelings he was having toward her. It took considerable effort on his part not to push or pursue her, but he was doing it, and she just couldn’t cut him any slack.
He saw his seventeen-year-old self backing away, then he heard the words that played over in his mind consistently. “Don’t bother Cash Warren, I hate you!!” He watched as Jessie stomped her foot, turned, and walked into the house, slamming the door in his face.
Jacks and Lance were laughing at him, and he played it off like it was no big deal. The memory switched to hours later—Lance, Jacks, and him walking out of the woods, laughing and joking around; Lance and Jessie’s, mom, running up to them screaming, “Where is she?” Cash could feel the dread seeping into this soul. He could see himself screaming out Jessie’s name as he fell to his knees.
The memory changed quickly, a warmth entering his body. A small woman with jet black hair and sparkling emerald eyes smiled at him. She was standing in a field. Cash didn’t recognize the place, but it was warm and bright. He had a feeling he needed or wanted to stay there. He started walking toward the woman, but with every step he took, she seemed farther away.
“Wait,” Cash called out to her, holding up his hand. She shook her head, the smile gone. His breath was taken away by how sad she looked. He wanted to help her even though he had no idea who she was. He started running, but it didn’t matter, he couldn’t get to her. He yelled out to her again, “Please, wait, let me help you!” Cash tripped and fell to his knees, and the woman was right in front of him, her hand on his chest. Damn, she was beautiful. Tiny delicate features, her skin looked so soft, he wanted to touch it, but when he reached up to touch her, she vanished faster than she had appeared. Her lingering smooth, sultry voice on the wind, “I will not let you die.” Then there was only black.