At first, I was worried about staying for dinner. But as soon as we both settle in and start eating, it quickly starts to feel natural. And…nice. Conversation flows easily between us as we keep the topics light and casual. He tells me about his monster of a cat, and I tell him about the cat I had as a kid. I ask about his favorite movies and neither of us bring up The Vault.

“So, what made you want to be an eye doctor?” I take a sip of wine, trying not to eat too fast even though the food is delicious. It’s a simple broccoli and chicken casserole but whatever cheese blend he used is amazing.

“I guess I just kinda fell into it.” He wipes his mouth with his napkin then leans back in his chair. “I’ve always wanted to be a doctor, but I hated school. After I got my bachelor’s degree in biology, I just couldn’t bear the thought of another six to eight years of school. And since I worked for an eye doctor one summer before graduation, I decided that was what I wanted to do.”

Thinking about it for a minute, it makes sense, but I still can’t quite get over the idea of touching people’s eyeballs. “Aren’t most people freaked out about their eyes?” I glance at Ronin, wondering if he can see right through my question.

His keen eyes tell me he knows exactly what I’m saying. “Yeah, I’d guess eyes are the area people are most squeamish about.” Then he gives me a small smile. “But most of my patients are older and have been getting their eyes checked for decades. That makes it easier.”

I smirk. “Yeah, like that couple I saw arguing when I walked in.”

Ronin laughs softly before taking a drink of his wine. “Believe it or not, they claim to hate each other. They’ve been neighbors for longer that I’ve been alive, and they do everything together now that they’re both widowed, but they’re both too damn stubborn to just give in and accept that they’re perfect for each other.”

I can feel Ronin’s stare falling heavily on my face, so I pull my eyes away from watching his fingers twirl his glass and catch his eyes shifting between each of mine. “Well, sometimes it’s hard for people to admit they’re one way when they want the world to see them differently.”

Ronin nods, his expression unwavering. “I know what that’s like.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Ronin looks down at his plate for a moment before pushing it back. “Can I ask you something, Johnny?”

I nod and push my plate back too. Even though I could eat the whole pan of it, I can sense that mealtime is over. And whatever he wants to ask me will likely alleviate me of my appetite. “Sure.”

“Have you ever been in a submissive role?”

My throat feels like a desert and the thrumming of my pulse in my ears is deafening because I don’t know what to say. Obviously, I’m not going to lie to him, there’s no reason to. But the question is so surprising that I’m caught totally off-guard. “What?”

He tilts his head, looking at me with disappointment or frustration or both. I’m not sure. All I know is that’s not the right answer. When he doesn’t speak, I know I have to.

“Um, no, I guess not.” I clear my throat of the fear burning in it and lower my hands onto my lap. “Why do you ask?”

Ronin speaks slowly as if measuring every word before letting it out into the room. “I’ve noticed you respond well when I’m being...more assertive.”

I’m not sure if my cheeks are actually burning as hot as it feels like they are but my eyes instinctively drop to the plate in front of me, basically confirming his suspicions. “I guess that’s something I haven’t had a chance to explore yet.”

“Are you interested in exploring that side of yourself?”

I don’t know if he’s offering to explore with me or just making conversation, but the timber of his voice seems to radiate straight through me, and my cock is the first to jump to attention. “I’m not sure I’d be able to…”

“Please look at me, Johnny.” His voice is still kind but there’s an edge of command in it that I’ve only heard him use with boys at The Vault. The fact that he’s using it with me makes my belly flutter.

I look right at him, just as nervous about what I’m going to see as what he might see in me.

“Thank you.” He smiles and I release a breath, glad to make him happy. “Now, please tell me the truth. Would you like to explore your submissive side?”

“Are you offering to help?” I don’t know where that came from but the way Ronin’s lip twitches makes me think it wasn’t the wrong thing to say.

“Right now, I’m just trying to understand what you need.” He takes a deep breath then runs his fingers through his hair. “I’m honestly trying to figure out what I need to.”

I glance at my watch and realize I’m probably at the point of overstaying my welcome. “I should get out of your hair, Doc. I’ll be back in a few days to make sure the installation was done properly. Maybe we can talk then?”

Ronin stares at me for several long seconds before he finally scoots back from the table and stands up. “Yeah, that sounds good. A few days to think isn’t a bad idea.”

Whatever almost happened at Ronin’s has had me on edge for the past hour. I came straight home and planned to drop straight into bed, but after taking a hot shower and playing a few minutes of a motocross game on my phone, I’m still too restless to think about sleep. Usually when I can’t sleep, I pull up some porn and try to exhaust myself that way. And since I promised Ronin I’d get at least eight hours of sleep each night, I really need to get to bed.

The TV in my bedroom has a preset to gaytube.com, so I log in and go straight to the categories. Usually, I end up watching group scenes with college frat boys who claim to be straight. Even though I know they’re totally scripted, I still get off on watching those fresh-faced kids as they pretend to experience a prostate massage for the first time.

But after just a few minutes of watching, I quickly lose interest. Instead of just powering through a boring video, I scan the categories again for something different. Something new. And then I see it. A keyword I’ve never paid much attention to before but that hasn’t left my mind since dinner.

Submissive.

The first video I pull up has a man sitting at the feet of another man while his head is petted. It’s not something I would consider doing, but my dick wakes up and quickly fills with blood until it’s lying hard and proud against my hip. I gently drag my fingers along my shaft, just tickling the skin while I search for something else. After sitting through the first several seconds of a few more clips, I find exactly what I’m looking for.

A man with a crop is circling a smaller guy who is face down on a bed. The smaller man has his eyes closed and appears to be asleep, even as the leather tip of the crop swings down and slaps his ass. The reaction is instant but not at all what I’m expecting. Instead of crying out in pain or shock or begging for mercy, the man on the bed smiles and sighs contently. My hand wraps around my cock and I stroke to the pace in the video, tightening my grip with each strike of the whip. And when the smaller man opens his mouth and screws his eyes shut in ecstasy, I allow my own release to take me. I can’t explain what I’ve just witnessed or why it made me come so quickly, but as the man with the whip rolls over his conquest and pulls him into his arms, the dark puddle of cream beneath him is all the proof I need to know he got exactly what he wanted—what he needed.

And that’s when I understand what Ronin was asking me tonight. He wanted me to be honest with him, but I couldn’t do it because I didn’t know what it meant. But now I think I do. And as scary as it sounds, I think I might need a man like Ronin to take care of me the way the man in the video is taking care of his charge.

The thought alone makes my dick thicken once again even before I’ve been able to clean up the first mess. And for the first time in a long time, I give myself what I need. I close my eyes and imagine how good it felt to have Ronin touching me, caging me under his body at his office. My fist slides up and down my shaft as I bring myself to another orgasm, but this time is better than the first because this time, the scene in my head is of Ronin and I together, not some strangers on the internet.