Chapter Nine
If not for Christian’s obvious cluelessness, Tyler might have thought this was a setup, a ‘double date’ as Elliot teased. But now that they were an hour into it, this didn’t feel like a date at all. Tim was on the opposite side of the table with Myles and seemed to have forgotten Tyler even existed. Tyler was beside Christian, who’d commanded most of his attention since they arrived. Not that it was a hardship—he liked Christian. But he couldn’t keep his eyes off the forest ranger, and a strange unfamiliar feeling was brewing.
When he’d first seen the big boat docked here with its festive lanterns and open-air dining room, he’d thought...this is way too romantic for just a night out with friends. A restaurant on a boat, with a perfect view of the lake and mountains, night sky so midnight blue and speckled with stars it looked artificial. Cozy tables with candles for mood lighting. It was all a perfect aesthetic for a romantic evening. It had initially made Tyler nervous, because he didn’t know how to do romance. He wasn’t sure what was expected and was afraid he’d screw it up.
But he needn’t have worried. It was the equinox celebration in Singing Bear Village, so the romantic vibe was widespread and unavoidable. A swarm of floating water-lanterns drifted past on the lake’s dark surface, and fireworks periodically spider-webbed across the sky. With the flames of bonfires dotting the beach and the sweet, sultry scent of burning wood, the village was alive and sexy tonight, whether one was in the mood or not. It wasn’t about him and Tim, and it wasn’t a date. But now he was conflicted, disappointed even, because he thought maybe he wanted it to be.
“So did you?”
Tyler did a doubletake at Christian, because he hadn’t been listening. “What?”
“Ever meet Ogden’s wife?”
“Oh. No, we might see Ogden more often than you guys do, but he’s still an enigma, even at headquarters. We’re not even sure he’s human,” Tyler joked.
Laughing, Christian nodded as his chopsticks chased a shrimp across his plate. “Ogden used to terrify me in the early days. Now he just makes me slightly tense. Probably because we only really see him when things have gone to shit.”
“Yeah, I hear that.”
Christian was probably the only member of the village crew Tyler considered a close friend. Not a confidant like Brett, but they’d grown chummy while he’d been assigned to guard his marina a couple years ago, and Tyler was comfortable with him. He was happy to see Christian and catch up, but his focus was repeatedly drawn across the table, where Tim and Myles’ deep voices and boisterous laughter filled the air. The two reminisced and drank Mai Tais like the world was about to end. Tyler simply nursed his own cocktail, because while all seemed peaceful and festive in the village this evening, there was still a potential threat out there targeting Tim, and who knew else.
Tim, on the other hand, seemed to have temporarily put it out of his mind, which was surprising considering his nerves earlier in the day. It was Myles’ influence, Tyler decided. Tim appeared more relaxed around his old friend, his smile easier. He was clearly thrilled to be around someone who represented normalcy to him—unlike Tyler, who represented all that was weird and dangerous in the world.
It caused a vague sadness in Tyler, because he could never be that comforting presence for Tim. Tim and Myles, the ranger and the sheriff, were like two sides of the same coin. Same height, both solidly built with broad shoulders. They both wore uniforms in their day jobs but looked sleek and sexy in off-duty clothing tonight. One brunette, one blond, but with similar fair skin and bright blue eyes. Tim was distractingly delicious in light jeans and a black button-down shirt that contrasted perfectly with his summer-blond hair, and Tyler found himself unsettled by his growing attraction to this man. Tyler wanted him again, and his desire seemed to have skyrocketed even since this morning.
He thought back to when they first met, and the night of Elliot and Nolan’s wedding reception when he’d initially rejected the ranger’s advances. How he ever could have looked at Tim Patterson in the past and thought ‘meh’ was a mystery to him suddenly. He must have been blind and stupid, because Tim was so fucking gorgeous to him right now it caused a dull ache in his chest. But Tim had hardly even looked his way all night. When his blue eyes did glance across the table and lock onto Tyler’s, his jovial smile would slide away, something serious and unreadable in his expression.
Tyler couldn’t figure out if Tim was just overly happy to be hanging out with Myles, or if he’d suddenly lost interest in Tyler. Or worse, had become so freaked out by this morning’s fucked-up gator-worm briefing that he’d developed an aversion to Tyler. Tyler was alien by association, and maybe it was just too much. This had been his fear initially, when he returned to the village and Tim made clear he was still very much interested. Of course, when Tyler suggested Tim might grow to associate him with the very thing he hated, Tim’s response had been to kiss his face off, so he hoped he was wrong about this now.
But the thought of him losing interest for any reason was surprisingly hurtful. Tim had been nearly as ravenous in bed this morning as their first sexual encounter last year, but this time he was all there, and the connection Tyler felt between them blew him away. The way he’d been Tim’s complete focus. The way Tim ordered him to not to look away when he climaxed...it was breathtaking. That pit in Tyler’s stomach had completely disappeared and not returned since, replaced by ever-present butterflies. But something new had been added, an uncomfortable ache in his chest.
Was liking someone this much supposed to create this battle between pain and pleasure?
It shouldn’t matter. Tyler was still here to do a job. He shouldn’t be silently pining and feeling betrayed that Tim Patterson’s interest in him might have waned. After telling Ogden he didn’t want to go to the village because they were all drama queens, Tyler could feel his own hypocrisy staring him down.
“I still can’t believe you did that!” Tim said to Myles. “You left that sandwich under my mattress for three weeks!”
Myles laughed so hard he sprayed a bit of his drink onto his napkin. “It was so funny though. You kept saying ‘Something stinks! Can’t you guys smell that?’ And everyone would lie and say no, they couldn’t smell anything.”
“I hate you.” Tim laughed. “I had to sleep with that smell! I thought I was losing my mind.”
“I’m sorry,” Myles said. “But in my defense, I was twelve at the time.”
The two of them were so loud a few nearby diners glanced over in surprise, villagers likely unaccustomed to seeing the local sheriff half in the bag.
“Annoying, isn’t it?” Christian muttered to Tyler.
Tyler tore his eyes from Tim and looked at Christian. “Huh?”
Christian jabbed a thumb toward Tim and Myles. “These two. I call it their ‘off-duty laugh.’ They sound like hyenas after a couple drinks.”
“Oh. Yeah.”
“I’m glad you came out with us tonight,” Christian said. “Wasn’t sure you’d agree. Socializing isn’t usually your thing.”
“It was a crazy day,” Tyler said. “I think everyone needed a break.” He glanced at Tim, who was engrossed in some story Myles was telling.
“I heard.” Christian took a sip of his drink and shuffled his chair close to Tyler. “Elliot filled me in about the thing on the footage. I have a million questions but Myles ordered me not to talk about work tonight.” He lowered his voice. “Tim’s been having a hard time I guess.”
“Oh. Yeah, well, he’s still not used to all this.”
Christian nodded. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“You seem a little off. Even for you.” Christian chuckled. “If you don’t mind my saying so. You all right?”
He looked into Christian’s big brown eyes and saw concern. Tyler wasn’t used to anyone being concerned about him, and defensiveness tried to rise to the surface. But he’d developed a trust with Christian over time. Christian looked good tonight, but he was stupidly gorgeous so it was next to impossible for Christian to look bad. He was dressed casually in dark jeans and a white tee shirt that showed off his sleeve tattoos, but his streaky brown hair was more neatly combed than usual, and he smelled of nice cologne, so Tyler assumed this was his date-night persona.
“I’m fine,” Tyler said. “I just tend to have trouble relaxing. It’s nothing specific, and it’s not about being out with you guys, I swear. I’m really glad to see you. It’s been too long.”
“It’s hard to turn it off, right?” Christian said. “Being on alert?”
Tyler shrugged. “There’s still a threat out there.”
“I know. You probably think we’re all too complacent, right?”
Yes, definitely. “No,” Tyler said. “I don’t think that.”
Christian cocked an eyebrow.
“Okay, maybe a little. There’s work we could be doing tonight.”
“You’d rather have worked tonight?” Christian wore a knowing smirk, discreetly glancing across the table at Tim. “I’m pretty sure you’re too distracted by something else.”
“Enough, you made your point.”
“Look, Tyler, I know you must do a lot of dangerous shit for Ogden. But try to remember that we live right next to the...you-know-what under the mountains over there. We all know anything could happen at any time. If we didn’t train our minds to turn it off and shut it out sometimes, we’d go insane.”
Sighing, Tyler relaxed back in his seat and took a swill of his cocktail. “Yeah, okay. I know a little something about that. Having to control your thoughts so you can get on with things.”
“You teach a class, right?” Christian said. “On mind-control?”
Tyler scowled. “How do you know that?”
A grin curved Christian’s perfect lips. “I’m a slippery bastard. I find shit out.”
Shoulders stiffening, Tyler went cold inside. “Find shit out from who?”
“Just some of the guys you work with at headquarters. I didn’t think it was a secret.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard about your skills and your tactics, Christian. I bet you didn’t just happen to hear things. You went looking.”
“So what? Maybe I’m interested. You’re my colleague and my friend but you don’t talk about yourself at all.”
“I don’t appreciate you asking questions about me. Getting into my business.”
“Ooh, yikes.” Christian leaned back. “Your eyes just went all dead. You realize you’re not nearly as pretty with your dead eyes in, right? Please, bring back the happy, pretty Tyler eyes. I feel like I’m about to turn to stone.”
“I’m not laughing.”
“I can see that. You know why me and the guys work so well together when it counts? Because we know each other. We trust each other. Don’t you want to have that trust with us? You’ve got your fucking dossiers and shit but getting to know each other on a personal level can be just as beneficial for work purposes. We’re not dossiers. We’re people. And you’re a people too.”
“I know I’m a fucking people, Christian, but I don’t need to know about your personal shit to trust you. I trust you because I have experience working with you. That’s all I need to know about your life.”
“Come on, Tyler. You gonna sit there and try to tell me you never heard anything about my past? You know nothing about my personal shit? You just said you’d heard about my tactics.”
Relaxing a bit, Tyler chuckled. “Okay. I’ve heard more than a few things about you.”
“See? I knew it. And do I care? No. I’m an open book to you. Ask me anything.”
“All right. Did you really get out of being caught stealing from a foreign ambassador by pretending you’d been sent to his office as a gift from his colleagues?”
Christian grinned widely. “I did.”
“I didn’t believe it when I heard that.”
“Oh, it’s true. He was supposed to be out for two hours, but he forgot something and walked right in on me! I’d just finished taking photos of the documents in his desk when I heard him coming. I didn’t have time to get out.”
“So you actually got away with that? Tricking him?”
“Yep. I pretended to be a prostitute. I don’t know what I would have done had he taken me up on it. But thankfully he got all flustered and ordered me out. Pretty sure he was straight, but he wasn’t well-liked among his colleagues so maybe he thought it was a prank.”
Tyler shook his head, chuckling. “I can’t believe he bought it.”
“He didn’t believe I could have gotten into his office unless someone let me in, so I had that going for me to back up the lie. Plus, he was caught off-guard by me taking my shirt off and purring sweet dirty nothings in his ear.”
“Damn,” Tyler said. “You’re insane.”
“Well, I used to be insane. I’ve become rather domesticated thanks to Sheriff Hot-bottom here. My point is, Tyler, we all hear things about each other. We all know things about each other. Honestly, I’m impressed. Seems you’re a bit of a big deal back at headquarters.”
“I’m just a tool, Christian. A very talented and useful tool. That’s why Ogden keeps me around.”
Christian’s brow furrowed. “That’s how you see yourself?”
“I’m not bothered. It’s just the way things are.”
“But are you happy?”
“Happy?” Tyler laughed. “Who the hell is happy in our line of work?”
“I am,” Christian said. “Really happy. Don’t you want to be happy?”
“I want to survive. Happiness is a luxury.”
Christian’s frown deepened to an expression of unmistakable sympathy. The sudden quiet alerted Tyler that Myles and Tim had taken a reprieve from their storytelling and were both looking at him. They’d been listening. Damn it.
He held Tim’s gaze for a moment, unsure what he saw there. Feeling awkward, he sucked down the last of his drink. “Are we done here?”
Myles smiled. “Sure. I was thinking we could walk along the boulevard down to JT’s pub for a drink. Should be nice. It’s finally gotten warm out and things are pretty festive tonight.”
“Yeah, the equinox parties,” Tyler said grumpily. “Shouldn’t you be working, Sheriff? People getting too drunk and crazy and all that?”
“My deputy, Darwyn, is on duty tonight. He’ll be fine. Villagers are pretty mellow and respectful for the most part. He’ll call if he needs my help.”
Tyler snorted, feeling suddenly cynical. The conversation with Christian about whether or not he was happy set him off-balance. No one had ever asked if he was happy before. Tyler had never considered his own happiness, and he was smart enough to realize that was probably odd. Especially to ordinary people. But it was Christian who asked the question. Christian wasn’t ordinary, so what the fuck?
And still he’d given Tyler that strange look of concern, like he felt sorry for him. Tyler tried to fall back on old attitudes. That the village team were a bunch of softies, babies, wimps, and drama queens. But Christian wasn’t any of those things, and even he seemed stunned Tyler didn’t include happiness in the equation of his life.
He’d always defiantly defended himself and who he was. But for the first time in years, Tyler was hyperaware of his own otherness. His own wrongness. He felt sad, angry, out-of-sorts, wanting to lash out at these people he was with, for their naivety and their optimism and their domesticity and their godforsaken happiness.
And he was feeling the first of the Mai Tai buzz kicking in, which gave him loose lips. “Well, let’s hope things don’t go bad in the village tonight then. Lot of good you’ll be to Darwyn after all those cocktails you had. Bet you’re not even armed, are you?”
Myles’ smile slid away. “I’m sure everything will be fine, Tyler.”
“Yeah.” Tyler chuckled. “Famous last words.”
“Tyler,” Tim said, and it was sharp, like a command. “Chill out.”
Stilling, Tyler stared back at Tim. He swallowed down the instinct to tell him to fuck off, that he didn’t take orders from him. Because he kind of liked taking orders from Tim.
When he glanced around the table, he saw they were all watching him with startled concern, like he was some loose cannon. Forcing a smile, he said, “I was just joking. Tim, remember what Baz said earlier? Humans tease in friendship. Right?”
Myles and Christian laughed, but Tim’s scowl remained a moment longer before he relaxed.
Tyler was definitely feeling off now, and it was likely brought on by a combination of things. Tim not giving him enough attention. Christian making reference to Tyler’s past, like he knew something about it. Sitting here on this stupid boat without a weapon while potentially hostile ETs roamed those pretty mountains in the background. And the alcohol probably didn’t help. Tyler didn’t usually drink much. He didn’t like things that affected his control. But Tim Patterson was worse than the booze for that.
To save face from his little outburst and prove he was sufficiently ‘chilled out’, he wiped his hands on his napkin and forced another smile. “Shall we pay the check and go for that walk?”
“Yeah.” Myles smiled. “Sounds good.” He took out his wallet. “I’ll get this one, guys.”
Tim was still eyeing him warily, so Tyler risked a little boldness to put him at ease. “No, I’ll get the check, Myles.” He winked at Tim as he slapped his card down. “This one’s on my shadow-government ass.”
Christian snorted a laugh. “Tyler!” he hissed. “No more Mai Tais for you.”
Tim’s smile was genuine as he shook his head, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. Mission accomplished.
Fifteen minutes later, he strolled along the boardwalk alongside Tim, with Myles and Christian about ten feet up ahead. Myles’ arm was slung around Christian’s shoulders as they walked, their laughter echoing back now and then. Myles kissed Christian’s cheek, and their casual intimacy seemed to highlight the awkwardness Tyler felt as he walked stiffly beside Tim, both of them silent. And the atmosphere—the bonfires on the beach to their right, the jubilant people walking around holding glowsticks and eating cotton candy. So much romance and festivity in the air.
But there was a chasm between him and Tim, a weird bubble of unspoken feelings. Tyler could sense it like a cold wind against his skin, but he was having trouble defining it, so didn’t know how to fix it. How to make it warm again. But he wanted to fix it, badly, and he wasn’t sure why. Wasn’t sure why this man had suddenly become so important to him.
“Don’t you want to be happy?”
The memory of Christian’s words only made Tyler tense up more. Then suddenly, Tim’s arm slid around his waist. “You all right?”
Tyler glanced at Tim’s face, blue eyes gorgeous in shadow and firelight. “I’m fine. Are you?”
“I’m good. Do you mind if I touch you like this?” he asked, squeezing Tyler’s side. “Because to be honest, it’s really fucking hard not to.”
And just like that, everything inside settled. Calmed. Like the peace he’d felt in bed with Tim—the quieting of his demons. “I don’t mind.”
“You sure? I sensed you were in a mood or something so I’ve been holding back. But I really don’t want to hold back.”
“I don’t want to either,” Tyler said. “I like when you touch me.”
“Good.” Tim’s hand slid up his side, then his arm wrapped around Tyler’s shoulders, pulling him tight against his body. “Because you’re gonna be the hottest guy in JT’s pub and I don’t want anyone else hitting on you.”
Tyler chuckled. After a brief hesitation, he slid his arm around Tim’s waist. “I won’t be the hottest guy in there. Someone else in this foursome will be.”
“Oh yeah? Who?”
“I don’t know. Probably Christian.”
“You little shit!” Tim laughed and turned Tyler on the sidewalk, leaning him against the stone wall edging the beach. “Christian, huh?”
Tyler smiled, easing back against the wall as Tim leaned into him, their thighs brushing. “It’s you,” Tyler said. “You’ll be the hottest guy in there. But you already knew that.”
Tim’s brows rose. “Did I?”
Shrugging, Tyler said, “You knew I was thinking it anyway.”
“No, I didn’t.” Tim’s eyes were soft as he gently stroked Tyler’s face. “But I’m glad to hear it.”
Pedestrians passed by them, but no one spared a glance. This was Singing Bear Village, so two men getting cozy and intimate in public was not a rare sight. But Tyler did suddenly remember Christian and Myles, and glanced to his right. “We lost them.”
“We’ll catch up with them at the pub,” Tim said. “Or not. I don’t care.”
Tyler looked up into Tim’s eyes, and found his heart beating faster. Tim continued to hold his gaze, fingers stroking Tyler’s chin and cheek. It went on for a time like that, a pregnant anticipation of...something. An intensity in Tim’s gaze that Tyler knew instinctively was mirrored in his own, like a shared thought.
They remained silent as they stared at each other, but language seemed to pass between them, a language Tyler had never learned. He wasn’t sure how to voice what he was feeling, so instead he grasped Tim’s hips and pulled him closer.
Tim sighed at the added contact, blinking slowly before focusing on Tyler again. “What’s on your mind? Please, Tyler. Talk to me.”
“Are you...” Tyler swallowed hard, wetting his lips. “Do you feel this weird thing? This thing I’m feeling?”
Tim exhaled loudly, sliding his arms around Tyler’s waist and pulling him closer. “Depends,” he said in a low voice. “If the thing feels like I can’t keep my hands off you and don’t want to let go of you for even a second, and that just thinking about you makes me ache in places I didn’t know I had...then yeah. I’m feeling it.”
Tyler’s breath quickened. Reaching up, he threaded his fingers through Tim’s hair. “Need privacy. Now.”
Tim nibbled along Tyler’s jaw to his earlobe. “My house is only two miles away on foot.”
Tyler couldn’t remember a time when his dick was harder, and he pushed it discreetly against Tim’s hip. “That far, huh?”
Tim’s hot breath tickled Tyler’s ear as he exhaled. “It’s not that far. Thought you were Mr. Fitness who climbs mountains and trains in rough terrain? Can’t handle a two-mile walk?”
“I can handle it.” Tyler slid his hand between them, brushing it over the swollen bulge under Tim’s jeans. “I’d just rather handle you right now.”
Groaning, Tim’s forehead rested against Tyler’s. “You’re gonna kill me.”
“No,” Tyler whispered. “Not before I give you the best blowjob you ever had.”
Tim chuckled, his arousal evident in the tight, breathy sound. “You have special training in that too?”
“No, but no one’s ever made my mouth water before. You do, so I can only assume I’m starving for your cock.”
Tim stepped back and grabbed Tyler’s hand. “Screw the two-mile walk. Come with me.”
Tyler smiled as he followed Tim down onto the beach, pleased with himself. He’d never been much for working even remotely hard to seduce someone. But then he’d never wanted to seduce someone this badly. “Where are we going? The entire beach is full of village hippies and bonfires. I’m all for exhibitionism but...”
“Trust me,” Tim said as he led him down the beach. “I was born in this town. And I’m the ranger.” He shot Tyler a grin. “I know all sorts of secret spots. Let’s go!”
Tim broke into a jog, and Tyler was tugged along, still holding his hand. “You don’t have to run.”
“Yes I do!” Tim shouted. “You promised me a blowjob!”
“Tim!” He laughed. “Not so loud, Jesus.”
Two women were walking along the beach and turned at Tim’s outburst. “Yeah, you go get some, guy!” one of them shouted.
“Oh I will!” Tim called back.
A laugh escaped Tyler, echoing off the water, and for a moment he could hardly believe it came from him. He was aroused, but it was more a general excitement he was feeling, warm wind in his hair, and just...
Happiness?
Was this what it felt like? Could it be so simple? Chasing after a man he desired to go have a secret hookup somewhere outside in the dark, while fireworks popped off overhead? Was this happiness? Because it was certainly an unfamiliar feeling for Tyler.
“This way.”
They’d grown close to Christian’s marina, the clinking of boat masts like windchimes up ahead, lights of the parking lot dim and misty from bonfire smoke. “We’re not going to the marina. Are we?”
“Nope.”
Under a broken-down dock, Tim led him past faded wooden beams, where signs threatened trespassers to keep out and promised danger and prosecution. “Well, this looks welcoming,” Tyler said.
“It’s okay.” Tim squeezed his hand as they disappeared into a dark alcove, black rock on either side forming a crevice in the short cliff-side bluff. “The dock is old but it’s safe, we just like to keep teenagers out of here because they used to leave beer cans and shit all over the place. Now, right in here.”
“Oh, wow.” Within the crevice of rock, a tunnel branched off to the left, opening to a small, sandy cave. Moonlight leaked in from the narrow crevice above. The bluff muted the festive sounds of the village, and they were indisputably alone.
“Get over here,” Tim growled, and Tyler was pressed against cool stone in the shadows, getting the life kissed out of him.
He melted into it, pulling Tim tight against him, wrapping a leg around his thigh, needing to get closer. They kissed open-mouthed, tongues and hot breath and desperately shifting lips. Tyler turned their bodies so Tim’s back was against the stone, then he dropped to his knees, tugging open Tim’s jeans.
“Oh shit, you were serious,” Tim huffed as Tyler pulled his jeans and briefs down over his hips.
“You’re damn right.” He found Tim thick and hard, and tried sucking him deep, but the angle was wrong. Tim’s legs were too damn long, and Tyler couldn’t get to his cock properly while kneeling. “Fuck, this is wrong.”
“What?” Tim squeaked. “Feels pretty damn right to me.”
“Here.” Tyler peeled his own shirt off and lay it on the sand. “Take your jeans off and sit down here. On my shirt, so you won’t get sand in your crack.”
“Okay.” Tim stepped out of his shoes, then his jeans. “But it felt incredible already.” He crouched down then carefully sat on the shirt, bending his knees and spreading his legs. He looked stunning in the moonlight, especially naked from the waist down, smiling. “Is this how you want me, Tyler? I’ll let you do anything you want.”
Tyler laughed. “Was that supposed to be an imitation of me?”
“Not a very good one,” Tim said. “I’d have to make my face all blank and talk like a robot. Is this how you want me, human?”
With a hand on Tim’s chest, Tyler said, “Lie back. It’ll be worth the sand in your hair, I promise.”
Tim immediately fell back, and Tyler was on him, this time taking his cock in all the way to the back of his throat. Tim gasped. Not giving him a chance to recover, Tyler deep-throated him again, and again, until Tim was writhing in the sand, hips lifting. “Oh fuck! You weren’t kidding,” he gasped. “This is better.”
Tyler slid his tongue up Tim’s cock, tightening his lips on the head before popping it out of his mouth. He worked Tim with his hand as he stared down at him, his own dick throbbing at the sight of him splayed out there in the shadowy moonlight, lips parted, eyes closed. “Isn’t this better,” he asked as he stroked Tim’s thick cock, “than walking two miles to your house?”
“Yes. So much better. Damn,” he said, hips pumping as Tyler worked him. “Tyler...I love you touching me.”
“All I could think about at dinner was swallowing your cock. I wanted to climb under the table and just suck you off right there.”
Gasping, Tim said, “The patrons might have been offended.”
“Don’t care. I would have told them to shut up and eat their sushi. And punched anyone who even tried to pull me off your dick.”
Tim groaned when Tyler squeezed him tighter. “God Tyler, you’re insane and I love it.”
“I hope you’re not gonna blow it yet though,” Tyler said. “I like seeing you like this. Out of control just for me.”
Moaning, Tim’s eyes opened and he propped up on his elbows. “I thought you liked me in control. You seemed to like it this morning when I fucked you senseless.”
“I do. I liked wrapping my legs around your neck.” He smiled when Tim groaned and collapsed back on the sand, hips jerking.
“I like your legs around my neck too.”
Tyler leaned over and fluttered his tongue along Tim’s length. “And you’re gonna fuck me again soon. But right now, tonight, I want this. I’m gonna eat your cock whole. Was so hungry for you all night.”
“God,” Tim whispered. “Where is this coming from? You’re usually so quiet.”
“Just telling you what I want. Telling you how much I want to eat your cum. How much I want you to give it to me.”
“It’s yours. I’ll give you anything you want,” he whispered. “Anything. Anything, Tyler.”
“Then fuck my mouth,” he said, a moment before sucking Tim’s erection deep and holding him there. He kept the suction tight but didn’t move, satisfied when Tim began bucking and crying out, the thick head of his cock slamming the back of Tyler’s throat.
“I’m coming! Jesus Christ holy fucking...Tyler!”
Softening his throat, Tyler drank every drop, thrilled with the hot pulsing on his tongue, relishing the salty flavor, and even more so, the delicious sounds coming out of Tim’s mouth, moans and gasps and a litany of curses strung together like a prayer.
When it was over, Tim wriggled away, pushing Tyler’s head back. “Stop, holy shit,” he huffed. He sat up, looking dazed, and reached out with one arm. “Let me...let me take care of you.”
Smiling, Tyler shook his head. “Get up. Get off my shirt.” He helped pull Tim to his feet. “It’s getting cold in here.”
Tim swayed on shaky legs, still naked from the waist-down, frowning as Tyler grabbed his shirt off the sand, shook it out and pulled it on. “You just blew my mind, don’t you...aren’t you hard?”
“Oh, I’m hard. I could chop down a redwood with this boner.” He tossed Tim his jeans. “But I have control of it. You can get me off next time.”
“I can’t think,” Tim said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I think you just sucked my brains out through my dick.”
Tyler laughed. “Jeans. On. Now.”
“Oh, right.” Tim tugged his jeans on, then chuckled. “I can’t believe we just did that. In here. I feel like a teenager again. It was...fantastic.”
“I didn’t want to wait.”
“Me neither.” Tim chuckled, a breathy, happy sound. “You sure I can’t...” He pointed to the bulge at Tyler’s groin. “Take care of you?”
Tyler wrapped his arms around Tim and kissed him deep and hard. “I just wanted to please you tonight,” he whispered. “My raging boner will go down. Let’s head back to the pub. We’ll have a drink and you can hold my hand and put your arm around me all night so no one else hits on me if you want.”
Tim’s smile was huge. “Yeah? You’ll allow me to do that?”
“I’ll allow it. I might even like it.”
Gripping Tyler’s chin, Tim kissed him gently. “You’re fucking amazing, Tyler, you know that?”
Tyler shrugged.
“No, you don’t know that, do you?” Tim said. “You really don’t know you’re amazing.”
“I know...hearing you say things like that makes me feel good.”
“Good enough.” Tim took Tyler’s hand in his. “Come on, you crazy sexy weirdo, let’s go.”
Tyler chuckled and let Tim lead him out, back under the rickety dock and onto the beach. “I’m not that weird. Am I?”
“Hmm, let me see.” He licked Tyler’s cheek, making him laugh. “You don’t taste weird.”
Tyler wiped his cheek with his hand. “You’re being ridiculous again, thank God.”
Walking along the shore, Tim draped his arm over Tyler’s shoulders. “Why thank God?”
Because I thought you were backing away and I need you to push me. Push me and confront me and make me admit I want this, no matter how weird I try to get. “I just enjoy you when you’re being goofy.”
“Then you must enjoy me a lot,” Tim said.
They both froze at the sound of a baby’s cry, then relaxed as a young family strolled by. A little boy walked alongside the mom, the dad holding a screaming baby girl who’d clearly had enough of the fireworks.
“It’s a real baby,” Tim said.
“Yeah.” Tyler took a deep breath, then slid his arm around Tim’s waist. “We should still be careful. Let’s head back up to the main road.”
As they walked, Tim kept chuckling and shaking his head.
“Something funny?” Tyler asked.
“My head’s just spinning.” He smiled at Tyler. “I didn’t expect this to happen tonight.”
“You mean me dragging you off to blow you because I couldn’t wait?”
“Yeah. All of it.” He glanced at Tyler. “Did you mean what you said? About how you...that you feel something?”
Tyler hesitated. His prior desperation to claim Tim had prompted the boldness of the confession. Now he felt shy. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “I meant it.”
“So we’re not just tripping out because of the sex?”
“I don’t know.” Tyler glanced warily at him. “You think that’s all it is?”
“No. I don’t think that’s all it is.” Tim stopped him with a hand on his elbow after they stepped over the stone wall onto the sidewalk. “What made you...I’m not complaining mind you. Not at all. But what happened just now...it all seemed to come out of nowhere.”
“I just wanted you.” He fought down his insecurities and forced himself to say more, to be honest. “And I thought maybe you’d lost interest in me.”
“Lost interest?” Tim’s eyes widened. “Since this morning?”
Laughing, Tyler nodded. “Okay it sounds stupid now. I shouldn’t reveal these weaknesses to you. I’m sure I’ll come to regret it.”
“You want to hear about weakness?” Tim grasped his shoulders and stepped closer. “I’ve been feeling like second-prize all day.”
“Second-prize? Why?”
“I thought you still had a crush on...” He winced. “Elliot.”
Tyler laughed, a relieved sound. Maybe it was wrong that Tim’s admitted insecurity made him feel better about his own, but it did. “I told you I didn’t have feelings for Elliot anymore.”
“I know but...you act different around him.”
“Different how?”
“Different than you do with other people. You cut him more slack. You always seem so happy when he teases you and...I know I sound like a child right now. But it was making me jealous.”
“Ah.” Tyler sat down on the stone wall and looked up at Tim. “I don’t have a crush on Elliot.”
“Okay. I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be. I do act different around him now. But it’s not a crush. In the past few years, I’ve been called to help with a lot of crazy, dangerous shit in the village. I always keep my head when shit’s going down. Even if other people are freaking out. But inside, I get worked up and nervous like everyone else, right?”
Tim sat down beside him. “Of course. And?”
“Well, every time things were getting dangerous or heightened, Elliot would crack jokes. At inappropriate times. The other guys would yell at him, remind him this was serious. But I liked it. To me, if Elliot could still joke, it meant everything would ultimately be all right.”
Tim frowned. “So...you’re still comforted by that?”
“Not for myself,” Tyler said. “For him. See, after you found Baz in the forest, Nolan and Brett went on a really fucking dangerous mission. Nolan got hurt. Really bad. For ten minutes in the chopper, I was sure he was going to die. Everyone was sure. There was too much blood coming out of him. I couldn’t stop it. If not for intervention from an unexpected source, Nolan would have died that night. Definitely.”
“Oh. It was that close?”
“Yeah. Nolan and Brett’s suits had cameras with a feed broadcasting back to headquarters, where Elliot was watching, along with Ogden and others. As I was trying to stop the bleeding, putting pressure on Nolan’s wound, all I could hear was Elliot screaming in my earpiece.”
Tim frowned. “Oh. Jesus. That must have been awful.”
“It was the worst sound I ever heard. They’d just gotten engaged. And all I could think was...Elliot’s never gonna get to marry Nolan now. And I’m never going to hear Elliot tell another bad joke. Because for the first time, Elliot didn’t have any jokes. Only these...anguished screams. And so I knew, this time, everything wasn’t going to be okay. For Elliot, nothing was ever going to be okay again.”
Letting out a long breath, Tim shuddered, shaking his head. “But now it is okay. Nolan’s fine. They got married.”
“Nolan’s fine, but only by a miracle. It could have gone the other way in an instant. So now, when I hear Elliot laugh...when he gives me a hard time or acts like an idiot? It just reminds me that everything’s okay. That his laughter is still there. And that makes me...feel good.”
Groaning, Tim rubbed his eyes. “I feel like an asshole. I’m really sorry I misinterpreted that so badly.”
“I’m not.” Tyler smirked when Tim looked up in surprise. “You were jealous. That means you haven’t stopped thinking about me.”
Tim laughed and shifted off the wall, then crouched down between Tyler’s thighs, rubbing his knees as he looked up at him. “Come home with me,” he said softly. “I want to return the favor and take control of your body and make you come so hard. Come home with me, Tyler. Spend the night with me.”
And just like that, Tyler’s hazy happiness shattered. Because it was a fantasy, all of this. Just a fantasy. Reality was a cold, brittle hand squeezing his heart, anxiety a taser to his gut when he remembered that he couldn’t have this. This happy normalcy. Because he wasn’t normal.
Having to get doped up and locked in someplace underground in order to sleep wasn’t normal. But it was what he needed to feel safe. Whether the safety of that was just an illusion, whether the fear was just a herd of ghosts from his past, it didn’t matter. It was what he needed, and he couldn’t share that with Tim. Which meant he couldn’t share a bed with Tim. Not at Tim’s place, where he’d expect normalcy and sex and happiness.
Not madness and paranoia and fear.
“Tyler? You all right?”
“I...I can’t.”
Tim blinked, looking sad. “Why not? We can have Myles drop us off at my house, or we can walk, I just want to spend the night with you. You don’t want that?”
“I do Tim, I just...maybe you can come back to Elliot and Nolan’s instead.”
Something like realization flashed over Tim’s expression, a knowing that confused Tyler. “Oh,” he said. “Yeah, of course. I forgot...” The last word drifted off as Tim’s cheeks flushed.
“You forgot what?”
Tim stood, stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets. “Nothing. I’ll go over there, if you want me to.”
“You forgot what, Tim? What did you mean?” Tyler hopped off the wall. “Tell me.”
Tim’s shoulders tightened, and he eyed Tyler wearily. Softly, he said, “That you have to sleep in the basement.”
Tyler’s stomach turned to ice. For a moment, he couldn’t speak. He liked to think he was a clever guy, above average, but never in his wildest dreams did he expect those words to come out of Tim’s mouth. Never did he expect that truth to have made its way to Tim. “Where did you hear that?”
“Tyler, I’m sorry.”
“Please don’t make me ask again,” Tyler said. “Where did you hear that I have to sleep in the basement?”
“The guys were just speculating. Earlier today.”
“What guys?”
“JT and Elliot and Nolan. Tyler it wasn’t negative, they were expressing concern for you. They think...they think something might have happened to you. In the past.”
Before he could gain control and shut it all down, emotions tangled and fought inside, like angry beasts, jaws snapping: shame, fear, sadness, and betrayal. Betrayal that Elliot and the others would make his past, his most personal pain, gossip.
“Whatever it is, you can talk to me,” Tim said. “I want to know you, Tyler. You know I want that. You can trust me.”
“Trust.” Tyler chuckled, shaking his head.
“I should have left,” Tim said. “When they were discussing you, I know I should have left. It’s nobody’s business. I’m sorry. But I was curious. Tyler, please. Can we go somewhere and talk?”
Reining in his emotions was second-nature to Tyler, and though this took him by surprise, and took a little more effort to do so, he reined them in now. Calm coldness washed over him as he said, “I’m sorry. But I think I’d rather be alone tonight.”
Shoulders sagging, Tim said, “Please. Don’t shut down. Please.”
Tyler hated seeing the anguish in Tim’s eyes, especially since there’d been so much joy there only moments ago. But the mood wasn’t just shattered. It was dust. “I’ve just kind of had enough tonight, Tim.”
Tim hung his head. “Okay.”
“There you guys are!” Myles and Christian approached on the sidewalk. “Look who we found.”
Brett was with them, looking disheveled in khakis and a blazer, loosened tie, dreads falling out of a bun. “Yeah, I needed a drink after spending the night with junior high kids at the science fair. We...” He frowned when his eyes fell on Tyler. “You okay, Ty?”
Brett knew Tyler better than most. Brett new almost everything. And Tyler was never so relieved to see someone. Brett might as well have been wearing a superhero cape in that moment. “Can you give me a ride?” Tyler asked.
“Of course. You ready to go now?”
“Yeah.”
Gently grasping Tyler’s elbow, Brett gave the others a smile. “We’ll see you all later. Meet up tomorrow okay?”
Tim looked crestfallen. Myles and Christian looked confused. “Myles,” Tyler said. “You’re giving Tim a ride home, right?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Good. Wait until he gets inside and locks the door. There’s still something out there.”
“I will,” Myles said. “I promise.”
“You okay, Tyler?” Christian asked.
“Yeah. See you guys later.”
Neither he nor Brett spoke as they made their way to his vehicle, parked on the street just outside the pub lot. And Brett was silent as they took the road along the lake, heading to his small house. Like he was reading Tyler’s mind, he finally said, “Do you want to spend the night at my house instead of Elliot’s? I’ve got that pullout in the basement.”
“Yeah. That would be great.”
“I don’t know what happened, Tyler, but at least text Nolan. Let them know you won’t be sleeping there tonight.”
“Can you do it? I’m not sure I can be kind.”
Brett glanced at him. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll text him.”
“Thank you. And thanks for inviting me to stay. I just can’t be there tonight.”
“You’re always welcome here. You know that.”
As they pulled into his driveway, Tyler let out a shuddering sigh, his control coming loose now that he’d put distance between himself and the crowd in the village.
“Hey.” Brett looked at him as he shut off the engine. “What is it? What happened?”
“They were talking about me,” he said. “About why I sleep in the basement.”
Brett sighed. “Fuck.” He hung his head, scrubbing fingers over his scalp. “Fucking idiots don’t know when to shut up. You know they do respect you though, right?”
“Do they? Doesn’t sound like it.”
“Honestly, I think they’re just curious about you. They don’t know anything solid, or they wouldn’t be jib-jabbing about it.”
“They used the most personal thing about me as casual gossip,” Tyler said. “And they did so in front of Tim.”
Brett looked at him. “And that matters?”
“Yes.”
Nodding, Brett said, “I see. Let’s go inside and have a drink.”
“Okay.”
He followed Brett into his house, then accepted a whisky in his kitchen. Brett ordered him to sit, then took the chair beside him at the kitchen table. “You could talk to them. Explain things to them.”
“I don’t want to.”
“You have to work with them. Now, and possibly for years to come. You know there will be more missions with them. If you talk to them it would eliminate any awkwardness and put an end to their curiosity.”
“It’s not their business. Why should I have to be the one concerned about their precious little feelings? They can fuck themselves.”
“Elliot asked me about it,” Brett said. “More than once.”
Tyler looked up. “He did?”
Brett nodded. “I told him to shut his trap, that it wasn’t his business. He said he was only asking because he cares about you.”
“The fuck he does. Fuck him.”
“And what about Tim Patterson?”
A hard fist tightened in Tyler’s gut, that pit returning with a vengeance. He actually doubled over a little, hugging himself. “I was shocked so I reacted badly tonight, but Tim’s on the outside. It’s not his fault he got an earful from them about me. I’m not angry at him.”
“That’s not what I meant, Tyler. Why does he matter to you?”
“I like him.”
“I see.”
“We’ve been fucking, of course he’s gonna be curious about me. Why wouldn’t he be? He’s a normal guy and I’m...not fucking normal.”
“But you actually like him.”
“Yes.” He looked at Brett. “I like him a lot.”
Brett nodded. “Okay.”
“Are you surprised?”
“Honestly? Yes. Not because it’s Tim. He seems like a good guy. But it’s not like you to...”
“To feel this way.”
“Yeah.” Brett shrugged, then smiled. “Not that I’ve seen anyway.”
“Do you think...I can ever have normal things?”
“You mean can you ever have normal people in your life. People like Tim Patterson.”
Tyler nodded.
“No,” Brett said. “I don’t think you can.”
He’d expected Brett to coddle him. Tell him what he wanted to hear. “Never?”
“Not unless you’re willing to open up to someone,” Brett said. “At least to some degree. Let someone know about your past. Trust someone enough to share that. But you’re not willing to do that. Unless something’s changed?”
“I opened up to you,” Tyler said. “When we first met.”
Brett smiled. “Yes. When Ogden first brought me in. I was still a wreck over my own experiences. And being blackballed and disbelieved. You opened up to me about yours. But you were trying to help me, not yourself. And you did. I’ve always tried to be there for you. We have a trust, don’t we?”
“Yeah,” Tyler said. “We do.”
“But you don’t feel about me the way you feel about the forest ranger. So it’s not really the same thing. Is it?”
“No.”
“Then you have some thinking to do. Or not. It’s up to you. Whatever you’re feeling for this man, it will probably fade in time. You don’t have to do anything about it if you don’t want to. Don’t push yourself into an uncomfortable situation if it’s too much. Listen to your instincts. But remember, you don’t have to give your whole self away. Baby steps. Share what you’re comfortable with and keep what you want private. But if you’re serious about wanting something real with someone? You’re eventually going to have to share some part of yourself. That’s how it works, Ty.”
Tyler thought about the months he was away at headquarters. The months he couldn’t get Tim Patterson out of his mind. Out of his dreams. And that was before all of this. Before this night, a night he’d felt...
“I felt happy tonight,” he blurted out.
Brett’s eyebrows rose. “Happy?”
Tyler nodded. “Yeah. The real kind. I think.”
A smile curved Brett’s lips. “That is...not inconsequential, Tyler.”
Tyler shrugged.
“I’m glad you felt happy.”
“Is it always this exhausting?”
Laughing, Brett stood. “Sleep will do you good. Come on, I’ll get you some blankets.”
“Basement door locks?”
“Of course,” Brett said. “You know I’m always prepared to have you as a guest in my home. I told Ogden you could stay here to begin with, but I guess he figured Nolan’s place had more room.”
“Yeah.” Tyler chuckled. “I get the feeling Ogden’s trying to force me to play well with others since he heard I argued with some of them last time I was here.”
“Either way, if you’re not comfortable there, you can stay here as long as you want.”
“Thanks, Brett,” he said as he accepted the sheets and blankets Brett pulled from a linen closet. “I don’t want to cause drama by making it a thing. I’ll go back there tomorrow, I just can’t tonight, I’m too pissed. Thanks again. You’re saving my ass right now.”
Brett stacked a pillow on top of the bundle in Tyler’s arms. “Go get some rest. We have gator-worms to catch tomorrow.”
“Okay. Goodnight.”
Once locked in Brett’s modest, carpeted basement, Tyler pulled the couch out and made up the bed. He collapsed onto the mattress. A text came in so he picked up his phone. It was from Tim. Tyler’s chest ached as he read it.
‘I shouldn’t have participated in a conversation about you without you present. For that I’m sorry. But Tyler, I don’t need to know your history. I don’t need to understand everything about you. I don’t need to understand a single thing about you to know I need you. I don’t even understand why I need you, and I don’t care about that either. I just need you.’
Sighing, Tyler closed his eyes. Brett was right. He had a lot to think about. On one hand, there was the almost overwhelming urge to share part of himself with Tim. Tim, who wasn’t part of Tyler’s crazy world, who knew little about what Tyler dealt with in his job, never mind his personal life. To even think about sharing more made him sweat. Tyler didn’t want Tim of all people to view him as some oddity that needed to be pitied. Or worse, reviled.
He texted back. ‘I’m going to sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.’
Tim replied, ‘Okay.’
He could feel the disappointment in that text, right through the phone. But he didn’t know what else he could give Tim, at least not right now. Sighing, he set his phone down and stared at the beams on the ceiling. On a reckless whim, he got up and violently tore the bedding off the mattress. Grabbing a pillow, blankets, and his phone, he defiantly carried them back upstairs to the first floor.
Checking the front door was locked, he settled down on Brett’s sofa.
Brett’s bedroom door squeaked open, then he stepped into the shadowy living room. “Ty?”
“Yeah.”
“You sleeping up here?”
He stared at the windows, and the feeling of exposure was terrifying. All that vulnerable glass. His heart pounded, but he took a deep breath, forcing the panic down. “Gonna try.”
Moving closer, Brett peered down at him. “You sure, kiddo?”
“I’ve had regular physicals,” Tyler said. “I’m clear.”
“I know you are. I’m just asking if you’re sure you want to sleep up here.”
“I’m sure.”
Brett nodded, then went to a cabinet in the corner. Tyler sat up, watching Brett turn a dial on a safe inside. He pulled something out, then shut the safe, closing the cabinet doors. “Here.” He set a gun down on the coffee table. It was similar to the stunner Tyler used, but smaller, more compact. “Sleep well.”
Smiling, Tyler eased back down onto the pillow. “Thanks, Brett.”
“You’re welcome, buddy. Good night.”
Once Brett had returned to his bedroom, Tyler lay on his side, staring at the gun. Seeing it right there within reach was comforting, and his heartrate slowed. Brett was a good guy.
Tyler glanced at the windows. All was quiet and dark. He thought about smoking a joint but decided it would be better to stay alert and clear-headed tonight, even if he did manage to fall asleep. He waited for the panic to return. But after ten minutes he felt...nothing really. Just stillness. So he decided to push through. I can do this. I can sleep up here. Like a normal person.
And maybe, if he could get through this, he could one day soon sleep with a normal person. Despite the absence of panic, that pit still churned in his stomach, and its name was Tim Patterson. Picking up his phone, Tyler chewed his bottom lip. Maybe he wasn’t ready to open himself up completely. Maybe he’d never be. But as Brett suggested, perhaps he could take a baby step. Everything inside told him it was worth the effort. Determination washed through him, and he opened the text window from his prior conversation with Tim, typing, ‘Marchant.’
A moment later, Tim replied, ‘Huh? Did you mean to send this to someone else?’
Tyler took a deep breath. The pit in his stomach began to ease as he typed, ‘My last name. It’s Marchant.’
Minutes passed with no response. Then suddenly, his phone rang. Not wanting to disturb Brett, Tyler snatched it up quickly. “Hello?”
“Thank you,” Tim said, his voice soft and hushed.
“You’re welcome.”
“You going to sleep?”
“Yeah. You?”
“Yeah. So...I’ll see you tomorrow then?”
“You will. Hopefully have some updates from Baz by then.”
“Good.” A deep heavy breath. “Goodnight, Tyler Marchant.”
Tyler smiled, closing his eyes. “Goodnight.”
After they hung up, Tyler’s smile lingered. Holding the phone to his chest, he drifted off to sleep. Forgetting altogether that he was no longer in the basement.