- Aurora -

“Ow.” Sophia touches her lower abdomen and winces.

I reach out and take her wrist. “Kicking again?”

“Yeah. I guess he or she must be awake.”

We're sitting outside the cave as the sky is getting brighter in what we think is the east. I'm keeping guard and cooking breakfast, and Sophia is up because she's extremely pregnant and has trouble sleeping at night.

I hide a yawn behind my hand. I've been sitting here for hours, keeping an eye on the woods for the caveman's friends to show up. So far nobody's attacked us, but the day is young.

The girls didn't react as angrily as they might have, and I'm grateful for it. Caroline backed me up, too. The consensus is that something like that had to happen sooner or later, and that we'll have to play it by ear.

And that maybe everyone should try to make absolutely sure about what they're shooting at when they're out hunting.

The three cavemen in our tribe just shrugged and kept doing their thing. They were watching the woods anyway, so to them I guess this wasn't such a big deal. Dar'ax has said that he will fly a patrol on his tame dactyl this morning, but apart from that, nothing much has changed.

My guilty conscience sure hasn't. I might have killed someone.

Yes, it was an accident. No, I didn't mean to do it. But back home, I'd be guilty of manslaughter, at least. It was a careless and stupid thing to do. The girls have tried to comfort me about that, saying that we can't know if he's dead. And that being shot with an arrow is probably better than being eaten by a raptor, which is a more common way to die for these guys.

I'm grateful that they're trying. But it's not helping.

“Unh.” Sophia grunts again, and I squeeze her wrist in sympathy. There's not much I can say or do.

We're pretty sure her baby is in the breech position. The kicks are coming down towards Sophia's pelvis, and when we touch her huge belly, we think we can feel the baby's large head high up, close to her rib cage. It means that the baby will be born with its legs first, and not the usual, easier way with the head first.

So our first birth on this jurassic planet will have a potentially serious complication. Because I guess we weren't already anxious enough about a birth here in the jungle, to a first-time mother with the closest midwife at least seven light years away and no medication or sanitizing equipment available.

Still, we have all decided to be optimistic about it. Being pessimistic about Sophia's birth and baby is not going to accomplish anything, so we're acting and talking as if everything will be fine. While we're all privately steeling ourselves for a difficult birth that might traumatize us all pretty badly. I can't help thinking that in the old days on Earth, it was very common for a mother to die during childbirth. Not to mention the baby.

Her husband Jax'zan is particularly worried, and while he does try to hide it, there's no way around the fact that cavemen are just not good actors and his intense anxiety is plain as day. He will sigh deeply, stare emptily into the woods, stroke Sophia's stomach, kiss her and talk softly to both her and the baby. And I've seen him attack a tree with his bare hands, hitting and punching it and trying to pull it up with its roots, just getting an outlet for his anxiety and anger at how this could turn out.

I suppose it would be super cute if it weren't for the fact that Sophia's pregnancy could well take a catastrophic turn.

But not all is lost. We have Delyah, the quiet unassuming genius who's our elected leader. She's been even more quiet since we realized that Sophia's birth might get more difficult than usual, and we think that's a good sign. She's probably figuring out a way to make the birth go easier. Or to get us the fuck off this deadly planet before it happens.

If that's what we even want anymore.

I mean, I want that. I want to get home to Earth with an intensity so strong it makes me dizzy. I really, really want to go home. The word “desperately” doesn't come close to describing my longing for my home planet. My family. My friends. My shitty dorm room. My elderly Kia. Heck, I even miss watching the news.

But now I'm not so sure we'd all want to go if we got the chance.

Three of the girls are married to cavemen. They're pretty great cavemen. As in, they totally put Earth guys to shame in every way I can think of. They're huge and strong and fierce and mild and kind and so confident you think they can handle absolutely anything. And they have transformed our dying little group of girls to a full tribe. We have a cave and water and some degree of safety and food and clothing and iron. A lot of it is because of the guys, there's no getting around it.

We all sleep in the same cave, and at night, the sounds of sex are muted, but unmistakable. And judging from the sounds we sometimes hear from the woods when one of the couples has taken a mysterious walk, the cavemen must be sensational lovers.

Fertile, too. All three girls are pregnant.

So I'm not so sure if Heidi, Emilia or Sophia are that eager to get home anymore. Their lives here are not as sophisticated as back on Earth. But our primitive existence has peeled off a lot of bullshit and made small joys seem large and important. And those three sure do seem happy. They talk a lot less about going home.

The first sliver of the sun rises above the horizon and lights up the top of Bune, the enormous crashed spaceship that looks like a mountain, miles away. That was where we were dumped by the evil little Plood in their saucer.

“We should go back there,” I say absentmindedly, more to myself than to Sophia.

“I guess so,” she agrees. “That old spaceship is the clue to everything here. If only it didn't always try to kill us.”

I ball my hand into a frustrated fist. “There must be a way. We'll hack through the walls. Break further into it than those stupid corridors will go. It's our only chance to get home.”

“Maybe. It's also crawling with dactyls. And I don't like how it sucked the air out of the corridors last time.”

Last time was months ago, and after that, Delyah said that it made no sense to go back there until we knew more. But how can we know more about that old derelict ship if we don't go there to check it out further? And if the Plood are ever planning to pick us up again, that's probably where they'll land.

“I think we should go back the first chance we get,” I state. “After you give birth, of course. I want to do some exploring up there.”

“You should probably check with Delyah before you go,” Sophia says carefully. “She may have objections.”

“She may,” I agree. “But she may also want to get home as soon as possible. Sophia, I've been wondering. Do you still want to go home?” I squeeze her wrist again to take the edge off the direct question.

She looks at me, then over at Bune. “I still want that. But, full disclosure: not at any price. If going back to Earth meant that I'd have to leave Jax'zan forever, then I would be faced with a painful choice. But it would not be a hard choice.”

“You'd stay with him.”

She takes a deep breath. “I think I would. He's mine. And I'm his. You know?”

I squeeze her wrist once more, to show her I understand, although I'm not sure if I do. “Hopefully you'll never have to make that choice. We'll bring the guys with us when we leave.”

Emilia comes out of the cave, rubbing her eyes as she sits down beside us. “Good morning. I'll have a venti cappuccino and a smoked turkey sandwich, please. Oh, and a brownie. Heated in the microwave, please.”

“We only have water with mysterious leaves and an unidentifiable stew,” I respond to her joke while I pour the hot liquid into a crude mug. “It's tastes like shit, but it's very expensive.”

“See, that's all I ask,” Emilia says and accepts the steaming mug. “Just like home. Any sign of Alice?”

Alice is Emilia's little alien pet that comes and goes. Lately she's not been seen much.

“Not so far.”

“I think she's maturing. She has better things to do than hang out with us. Good for her. So, no caveman attack in the night?”

I look over at the edge of the jungle in the direction of yesterday's failed hunt. “Not as far as we can tell.”

“And the mother-to-be is up and about?”

“Totally,” Sophia says. “Totally up. About, maybe not so much. Feels like I'm about four times heavier than just a week ago.”

“Gonna be a big, strong baby,” Emilia says calmly and sips her leaf infusion. “I can't wait to see if it's a girl or a boy.”

Sophia carefully adjusts her position. “Yeah, I don't really care that much. As long as this brat comes out healthy. Oof. Yeah, yeah. I feel you in there. Didn't mean to call you a brat.”

“He's definitely listening,” I say and pour more mugs of the steaming liquid that we use instead of coffee. “You should speak some other language when you're saying things you don't want him to hear.”

I hand one mug to Caroline and one to Delyah, who have now joined us.

“Gonna be tough,” Caroline says as she sits down. “That kid has a linguistics student for a mother and has been surrounded by bilingual girls for nine months. And a bunch of cavemen. You bet she speaks fifteen languages by now. Her first words will be buona sera, Mutti. Like, the second she comes out.”

Heidi sits down and yawns. “Yeah, her problem will be keeping all the languages apart. I suppose ...”

I get to my feet and walk a few steps into the clearing outside the cave while the girls continue their morning conversation, before we all have to start doing something useful. It's usually my favorite part of the day. Today, I can't enjoy it. There could be an innocent caveman lying dead in the jungle because I'm too impatient to actually see what I'm shooting at.

But that doesn't bother me as much as something else. Hey, death is so common on this planet, it's just ridiculous. What's kept me awake most of the night is the thought that I may have just injured him.

There may be a seriously wounded caveman lying helpless out there, dying slowly from blood loss or whatever else.

Shit. I should go back and see if there's anything I can do. But that would be extremely dangerous. I could walk right into a gang of his relatives and tribesmen. Apart from all the other dangers in this dinosaur-infested jungle. This cave of ours has been a safe haven for months. We have never been attacked here, and we've been able to defuse any threat from the wildlife. Now it seems that the dinos are mostly avoiding this area.

I take a sip from my mug and feel the tepid, bitter liquid fill my mouth. There's no caffeine in it, but we don't think it's toxic either.

It totally understand why the dinos aren't coming here much anymore. It's a village now. We're nine people living here, and soon we'll be ten. The men have a smithy with a forge, they've built a store room for hanging and curing meats, there's a plowed field for growing useful plants, there's a grove with fruit trees we've planted, we have a large woodshed and we're talking about catching certain little animals and keeping them as livestock. The men have chopped down more trees and have gradually made the clearing much larger than before. In the beginning it was only a few square feet, but now it has to be the size of a football field.

It's an area where the fear doesn't rule everything, like it does in the jungle all around us. The fear of huge dinosaurs with teeth as long as my arm. The fear of insect-like creatures the size of sedans. The fear of the other tribes and the raiders that roam around. The fear of dactyls swooping in from the sky.

It's weird how a forest so full of life can be so full of death at the same time. Death and the fear of it.

In our tiny village, we have some degree of safety, we have food, we have clothing, we have some primitive medicines, we have leisure time. And some of us have all the sex and love anyone could want.

In the beginning, when we were first dumped on this planet, we decided to make this the best tribe we could. Now I'm starting to wonder if we haven't done a little too well.

Dar'ax comes out of the cave, kisses Heidi and says something that makes her laugh and slap his meaty shoulder, and then he walks into the clearing, puts his hands on his hips and makes a strange, loud noise into the air. It's a long, warbling call that we all know only too well.

I run back to the cave and help Sophia get to her feet.

“Maybe tell us when you guys are going to do that?” I seethe at Heidi. “You know we hate that thing. And she's pregnant, for fuck's sake. A little prior warning would be real nice.”

“It's okay,” Sophia says as she hobbles into to cave. “We have time.”

Heidi winces. “Sorry. I didn't know he was going to do it right away.”

I regret my angry tone. But fuck, what's going to happen now gives me the creeps.

I help Sophia sit down on a rock covered in the fur from a not-sheep, and then I grab my bow, notch an arrow and stand beside her as we wait. Delyah, Emilia and Caroline join us there, alarmed by Dar'ax's yell.

It's less than a minute before the dactyl comes flapping and sets down right outside the cave. Heidi and Dar'ax don't flinch, but just the looks of that monster makes my heart race. A swarm of them killed many of the other abducted women the first day. It has huge claws and teeth so sharp and dirty and terrible it makes me flinch. This is one of the larger ones, too. Dar'ax claims to have tamed it, but it's not clear to me that you can ever fully tame a dinosaur. Its eyes are icy with murderous intent.

Dar'ax easily jumps up onto the huge predator's back, it flaps its wings again, Heidi waves to him, and then the monster's gone.

I take a deep breath, and notice that everyone else is doing the same.

“You'd think he could do that a little further away from our damn home,” I growl. I'm scared, and it makes me angry.

“Easier to land here,” Emilia shrugs. “But yeah, maybe they could make a different landing site one of these days.”

“It's not really harming anyone,” Caroline points out. “If it wanted to eat us, it's had plenty of chances.”

“It hasn't harmed anyone yet,” I agree. “Until one day it kills us all. It happens to supposedly tame animals on Earth, you know. Dogs, even. One moment playing happily with your child, the next biting her throat out. And this is a damn dino, not a house pet.”

“I don't think that's very common,” Delyah says mildly. “But after the baby is born, it's probably better if it's out of sight of our dactyl. Just to be safe. A newborn could look like a tempting mouthful.”

We all mumble assent.

And now that the dactyl is gone, that other thing hits me again.

“Figlio di puttana,” I sigh. “I shot a guy. I can't let him lie there. I have to check on him. I'll go alone.”

“I'd recommend against that,” Delyah says slowly, and that's the closest she ever gets to giving orders. “You'll be walking right into a gang of cavemen we don't know.”

“That's very possible,” I agree and put my quiver on my back. “But this is eating me up. I can't live with the idea of an innocent caveman dying in the woods and me doing nothing to help.”

“I'll come,” Caroline says. “I'm not so bad with a spear.”

“No chance,” I state as definitely as I can. “This was my mistake, and it's my guilty conscience. I will not risk anyone else on this.”

“Try to stop me,” she says and grabs her spear.

Shit. She can be stubborn. But this I can't have. If something were to happen to her on an escapade like this, it would kill my soul.

I notch an arrow, pull the bow halfway back and aim at her thigh. “I love you, Caroline. And I'm grateful. So I will absolutely stop you.”

The cave is dead silent while I lock eyes with Caroline.

She holds my gaze. Yep, she's hardened, too.

I'm bluffing, of course. I would never shoot her. I think she knows it. But I'm giving her a way out of her spontaneous offer, and she has no choice but to take it. On this planet, things so easily take a turn for the deadly serious.

This is taking too long. I quickly pull the arrow further back, as if I'm preparing to shoot, and she gasps and jerks back.

Then she looks away and puts the spear back up against the rock wall. “Just be careful, okay?”

I place the arrow back in the quiver. Then I go in to hug her, feeling her quick heartbeat as I embrace her. I really scared her, and she's not hugging me back.

“I will,” I say into her ear. We both know it makes no difference.

I grab a bag of primitive medical supplies. It's various kinds of paste we think can be antibacterial, some clean and coarse bandages and various other things that we've made over our nine months here.

A pouch of fresh water, some slivers of smoked meat and some fruit, and then I'm ready.

There's nothing to say. I turn my back and start walking. “Don't come looking for me.”

I can feel the girls' eyes on my back as I walk towards the treeline.

“Shit, I thought she was really going to shoot you!” Emilia.

“She's not that crazy. But she really hates that dactyl.” Caroline.

“Maybe it'll be good for her to get rid of some of that anger.” Heidi.

“She's been out there alone before. She'll be fine.” Caroline again.

“She's fucking brave, I know that.” Sophia.

They stage whisper, knowing I can hear them. It's fine. They're entitled to their comments. Right now, I'm the odd one out in our little tribe.

“Hey!”

I stop and turn, because it's not often Delyah yells.

“What?”

“We will get off this planet. And we need you for it.”

I have no idea what she means. I just wave. “Sure.”

Then I walk past the first tree, into the jungle and the fear.