Chapter Twelve

 

 

The knots that took residence in my stomach this morning are gone. Her body close to mine, her heartbeat wild, most of all . . . her love surrounds me. I watched her each step of her lost and found hunt, and when she discovered the belt, Deacon and Mason had to hold me back. Every instinct in me screamed to run to her. Soothe her. I could see she was breaking and I needed to hold her together.

“You remember?” Her voice so tiny. So full of disbelief.

“Everything, Picasso. I’m so sorry.” Her hands find my lips and she covers them.

“Shhh. No apologies. You didn’t do it intentionally. But— when?” She stares up into my eyes.

“Three weeks ago.” I watch her eyes dim, feel her body tense. “I couldn’t travel. I still had restrictions. And this wasn’t something I could tell you over the phone.” I’m rushing to make her understand why I didn’t go to her when it happened.

“But I needed you.” Those four words slice me.

“And I needed this.” I step back, putting distance between us, which my body revolts from. Dropping to one knee I open the box holding her ring. “We fell in love hiding from everyone. Behind the scenes. It should have been in the limelight, but I’m a selfish bastard and wouldn’t trade our memories for anything.”

“Caden Monroe, don’t curse during your proposal. And for honesty’s sake, you aren’t a bastard.” My mom chimes in, interrupting me. Avery giggles and I’ll let my mom’s indiscretion go.

“I don’t remember a time I didn’t love you. Seek you. Need you. I’m sure it happened the first time our parents stuck us in the bath together.” I wink at her. “You were sexy way back in diapers.”

“Ahem” Brian clears his throat. “I’m still here. My hearing intact.” I should have banned everyone from this private moment— but I wanted to give this to her.

“When I was injured and couldn’t remember us, I still knew. I loved you before I told you. I loved you before I pursued you. That had never forsaken me. I didn’t know I’d gotten my girl but I knew I wanted you.” I take her left hand. “We planned to do this in front of friends and family that night— and I told you every day how much I love you but now it’s time for them to see it. Time for everyone to know it. I love you Avery Michaels. Will you marry me?”

She drops to her knees and takes my face in her hands. “Yes. Yes. Yes.” Her tears are salty as my lips cover hers and fuse us together.

I don’t let her disengage, running my tongue across the seam of her lips until she grants me entrance. Her taste is something I missed— something I crave and will until the day I die. She meets my tongue and swirls, tangles hers with mine and I don’t need air. I don’t need anything but this.

I don’t care her father is in the room.

I don’t care we have an audience that includes everyone important to us.

This is why I did it. So she’d feel she’s my priority. My sole focus. So she’d know even if I had a lapse in memory, nothing could erase my love.

Nothing.

Arms lock around my windpipe forcing me to let go of her lips and I’m ready to beat someone’s ass— but it’s Darby. Avery’s laughter sings to me as I drag the monkey from my back to cradle her in my arms. “Myz.” She declares.

“Okay.” Avery winks, drops a kiss to her forehead and my lips, she doesn’t linger long enough to satisfy me but I’ll let it slide. “What song is this?” She tilts her head listening.

“Woke up in Nashville.” Emberlee informs her. I put her in charge of the ‘party.’ “Seth Ennis. I thought it was fitting because that’s where y’all will wake up for the near future.” She plucks Darby from my arms as I stand.

“Caden, I just gave up my lease for this gallery.” She gasps.

“Lucky for you, I arranged for that to happen. I snagged it for you. Four years, baby.” I wink and pull her close.

“School?” She bites her lip.

“We’re gonna find out together.” I take the envelope from my pocket. “Regardless, we’re here. It’ll be good for us to live out in the open, begin our life. If I didn’t get in this semester, I’ll keep trying. They said they wouldn’t pull my admission if I got my memory back but I had to take the MCAT’s again and there may be stipulations.” None of that matters. I’ll get to go to med school. I’ll get her by my side.

I hand her the letter and let her do the honors. Her hands are shaking and I rub circles over her back and drop my lips to her temple. I feel her take a deep breath and her body relaxes. Because of me. My touch does the same hers does to me. Grounds us. We’re each other’s lifelines.

She pulls the sheet of paper from the envelope and scans it. I have my eyes closed— I want the news to come from her. Good or middle ground. There can’t be bad news. “Yes.” She whispers.

“I’m in?”

“They ask that you don’t take a full load fall semester. If all goes according to plan, you can begin full-time winter semester.” She peruses my face and I’m sure I blind her with the smile.

“Good. I’ll have extra time to help you.” I lean close so we don’t have other ears listening. “And spend some extra time inside of you.”

“Yes.” She sways and leans into me. All too soon everyone grabs her from me, admiring her ring, but her gaze doesn’t leave me long. She’s waiting for me to disappear again and I’ll make sure to give her the reassurance she needs.

“Mommy, dojey.” Julie pulls the hem of Saylor’s shirt.

“What honey?” Saylor bends to give her attention.

“Unc Mace said dojey.” Shortstop looks to Mason to get clarification but he’s across the room by the sound system we brought in. I know what she’s asking and Mason has played this to perfection.

“Music?” Saylor frowns. “Sure, honey. Unc Mace can help you with dojey.” Julie shrieks and Deacon is at her side.

“What?” Julie is running to Mason and shaking her head yes as Deacon interrogates his wife.

“She asked me to dojey. I told her Mason could help her.” Saylor informs him to stop the impending aneurysm.

“Fuck, Shortstop. You just granted permission for her to have a dog.” Deacon croaks.

“No. She asked for music. Dojey is her pronunciation of D.J.” She rolls her eyes and I chuckle. Mason is dancing with Julie and Breck— sporting a shit eating grin that Saylor is gonna wipe off his face.

“No, babe. Dojey is diogey— D.O.G. I’m gonna kill him.” Deacon sees the rage, shock, and disbelief mar her face. You don’t make Saylor mad or upset— that’s like signing your death certificate.

“No. I’ll do the honors.” Saylor stomps off and we all laugh— everyone but Deacon. Brecklynn joins us and Mason is holding Julie in front of him.

“Pussy.” Josh laments. “And there’s nothing wrong with getting the girls a dog.”

We listen to Julie remind Saylor— at least five times— that she gets Starbucks. Thank fuck they get her a glorified milkshake with no coffee. “Dad, we have two toddlers. A new house. Both of us starting careers. Where would you like us to fit in a dog?” Deacon turns to his dad waiting for his answer. Dumb move.

“In the backyard. It’s fenced.” See— Josh has an answer for everything. “You’re a few blocks from us. We keep the girls most days for y’all. If it makes them happy, get a damn dog.”

“Why do I even try?” Deacon sputters.

“If you would have tried to roll a condom over your dick, I wouldn’t have two precious babies prior to having grey hair. We can discuss that if you wanna get pissy. I can’t take them to the park without every college co-ed hitting on me thinking I’m a single dad. Shit— that’s how you got Saylor, isn’t it? I knew that girl was too good for you. You used the single dad scheme. There’s hope for you yet.” Josh beams like a proud mentor.

“Dear, nobody in their sane mind would try to snag you after speaking to you for three seconds. And there is some grey. You’re sporting the salt and pepper look quite well. If it bothers you I can call my hair girl.” Sara winks at Deacon as she crushes her husband.

“What?” His hands fly to his hair. “You let me leave the room without covering that up? I’m too young for greys.” Josh is fretting over nothing. Man has a full head of dark hair— not a grey in there.

“I meant to tell you last night they’re moving into the downtown region.” Sara waggles her eyebrows and drops her gaze to his dick.

“I manscape. I didn’t see them there.” He’s patting his cock and searching for privacy to look. Problem is— Josh isn’t shy. He’s looking for privacy for our benefit . . . if he doesn’t find it he’ll drop his pants here and everyone be damned.

All the kids groan in unison and scramble. “I think I need a full-time nanny and those two can have supervised visitation. By supervised, I mean with arm guards and tasers at the ready to zap the shit outta them every time they open their mouths.” DD grumbles and it’s funny.

“Please, you wouldn’t have them any other way.” Avery pinches him.

“Yeah, you’re right.” He agrees and kisses her head. “So happy for you.”

“I can’t believe we missed this all these years. Seeing you together I feel like an idiot.” Lee Lee smiles. “And I told you so.” She winks at Avery and my girl shuts down in front of me. Stone still, void of the happiness that swarmed her a second ago.

“Hey,” I whisper in her ear. “What’s that look for?” She shakes her head and her body leans, distancing herself from me but I won’t have that. “Excuse us.” I take her hand and force her to follow me. Trying to find privacy is a bitch in this place but I find a family restroom down the hall and lock the door as soon as we’re inside.

“Tell me what happened back there.” I narrow my eyes at her. She was present physically, but emotionally— mentally— she checked out. That’s something I’ve never allowed in our relationship and I won’t start now.

“Later,” her voice is strained and cracking.

“Aves. That isn’t happening. What’s running through that beautiful head of yours?” I step closer, bringing her forehead to my chest.

“I gave up on you. Us. You did all this while I was saying goodbye in my mind.” Her sobs begin and rip through my chest. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”

“Look at me.” I beg. Her face tilts back and the chocolate of her eyes are filled with sorrow. “You do deserve this and so much more. Did you stop loving me?”

“Never.”

“Did you give yourself to anyone?”

“No.”

“You weren’t giving up. You were letting go and that’s okay. What were you holding on to? I was here but the part you were mourning wasn’t. It’s okay. That’s why we work— one tries to cut and run and the other hangs tighter. We’re one, Aves. Forever.” I take her lips and taste her tears. Pressing harder, I’m branding her lips with my love and reassurance. If she didn’t have doubts, I wouldn’t know who she is. Hell— I discussed getting laid in front of her. I should be apologizing but I can’t think of that when her tongue is dueling with mine and she’s rubbing her body against me trying to climb me like a tree monkey. I pull back and groan. “Go back in there. Give me a minute.” My eyes drop to my tented pants and she giggles.

“Want me to help with that?” God, do I ever.

“Not here. We’ll bolt in a bit. Go.” I smack her ass and watch it leave the restroom. All mine.

 

 

“I love you.” She utters while standing by my side. Times up. I need her to myself for a bit.

“Say your goodbyes.” She chuckles but we make our rounds.

“Breakfast tomorrow before we fly home?” Her mom asks and I bite my tongue. Of course, I want to decline but everyone helped us. “Okay— brunch. Our flights are in the afternoon.” She understands what I need.

“Thank you.” I hug Abigail and hurry Avery to the door so someone else can’t snag her attention. Grabbing her ass, I stop her. “You’re false advertising, baby.”

“Huh?” Her forehead crinkles.

“Just the tip?” I smirk.

She bites her lip. “Only after you tell me to relax.”

“I’m gonna have to refresh that memory . . . I don’t recall ever having just the tip inside you. Mouth, pussy, or ass— you remember?”

Her face heats and she nods. I pull a blindfold from my pocket and she moans. “Why?”

“It’s a surprise.” I wink before taking her eyesight. I maneuver her in my car and begin the drive home. “You good with staying here? Everyone is going back to Kansas tomorrow.”

“Better than good.” Her tone breathy. “Where you are is my home.”

“We’ll have to make the trip sometime and get your car.” She nods and her hand begins tracing the seam of my pants and getting closer to my dick. “You need something?” I chortle.

“Yes.” Her desperation causes my cock to twitch.

“What’s that, Picasso?” I tease.

“You, fuck me,” her voice husky and wanting. I inhale to control myself as I pull in front of our house. I need to get a handle on this because as much as I want her in bed— naked— I need to show her this. I don’t know if I’m proving something to her or myself.

Her confession this evening sliced me wide— it isn’t the fact she said she was giving up, because I don’t believe that for a second. She can tell herself all the lies she wants but if there’s one thing in this world I don’t doubt . . . it’s her love. It killed me because I gave her a reason to feel that way. I know, logically, it wasn’t my doing but the outcome was mine. I’ve believed for so long our love was meant to be— once in a lifetime— everlasting— and I fucking forgot it. Her.

I can’t try to reverse those roles because that’s something I can’t live with . . . her erasing or forgetting me. Thinking like that makes me crazy.

“Hey, where’d you go?” Her fingers squeeze my leg and bring me back to the present.

“My mind.” I sigh. “A place I won’t be able to forgive myself because for a while you weren’t there.” I remove the blindfold and she blinks. “But I swear to you Aves, you were always here.” I remove her hand from my leg and place it over my heart. “Forever. I may not have remembered our present, but damn it, I’ve loved you since I knew what love was.”

“I know.” She brushes her lips across mine. “I know, Caden. I love you. I was so scared.”

I catch her lone tear and turn her chin so she’s facing her damn blue door. I hear her quick intake of breath and smile. Time to show her what I haven’t been able to in a long ass time. Feels like forever— but that’s what we have to look forward to. Even if I have to wear a helmet every fucking time I leave the house. “What are we doing here?”

“It’s our home, Picasso. Just like we planned.” I open my door and hurry to her side so I can hold her hand as we cross the threshold. To begin anew.

I unlock the door and hand her the custom keychain I had made. Lukas sent a photo to Breck of the building exterior she painted in Prague and somehow, someone worked their magic and it’s gracing her new keychain. As the lights flicker she glances at it. “How?”

“Anything.” I reiterate. “I will do anything for you.” She blinks several times and I roam my hand up her back, tangling my fingers in her hair, holding the nape of her neck.

“It’s all here.” She steps into the room and ghosts her fingers along the back of the couch. She stares at the fireplace and mumbles. “Holy shit.” She stares at the piece of wall I had framed. Her eyes sweep the room and she absorbs every detail. “You did all this?”

“I did. Most of the work was done, Aves, but when I brought you here I wanted you to see it’s permanent. Like you are in my life. There’s no wading room. This is everything we planned and it’s all in place. I hate the weeks we missed, but I want that forgotten.” I try to explain, fumbling through the meaning.

“Bad pun, Caden.” She smirks.

“Yeah. I’m fucking this up.” I sigh.

“No. It’s perfect. I know we both have apprehensions, fears, or whatever. But I don’t doubt this. You. Us. Our love. It sucked— I could’ve dealt better but I didn’t know how.” She admits.

“You were fine. It’s scary thinking of you over there without me.” I nod to the keychain. “I’m proud of you. And you dealt fine. Fuck, Avery, I don’t know if I’d still be breathing if roles were reversed.”

“Don’t say that.” She glares. “And you would be breathing because my air is yours. If I’m alive, you are.” She’s adamant in her declaration.

“Come upstairs.” I lead her to the steps.

“Thought you’d never ask.” I swat her ass and bring her to my study. Her eyes drink in the décor, her body sways, and her breathing becomes erratic. “Caden.” My name an endearment from her mouth.

This is my solace and it’s filled with her. Memories. Our love. You feel it cocooning you in this room and that’s what I need to focus. To succeed. To remind myself why I’m doing this. “You’re it, baby. You’re my everything. It’s that simple.”

“I need you.” Her eyes round, her tone pleading. I bend at the knees and throw her over my shoulder, taking her to the master bedroom and our bed. I let her slide down my body as she takes in the room. “It’s perfect.”

“I haven’t slept in here. I was in here long enough to put stuff up but the first time I stayed in here it had to be with you.” Her eyes brim and I capture her lips as her hands fist my shirt, pulling me closer.

I angle my head to get better access— needing to taste every inch of her mouth. Her body. I don’t know how I lived without this— but never again. Her fingertips brush my abdomen as she lifts my shirt. I break the kiss long enough to yank it over my head and dip down to her mouth.

Fire.

Explosion.

Passion.

Fusing.

I pour everything into her mouth and I feel my heart soar in agreement. Her tiny hands tangle in my hair, tugging and releasing, they begin skimming down my back, over my hips and up my arms.

I hiss when she brushes my left arm and she ends the kiss. Turning me to the side she gazes at my arm and is silent. Her fingers skim the skin and her lips follow the pattern. Her work of art inked against my body. For all time.

It’s the same as the piece of wall downstairs but just like in Kansas, it was there for me when I needed it. Now, it’s forever with me. “When?” She asks.

“Friday.” Her lips touch it again and my skin breaks into goose bumps.

She freezes. “Caden, baby, it’s okay.”

“What?” I’m confused.

“I know it’s been a while. We can wait until you recuperate.” Her voice soft and soothing.

“What the hell?” I step back and stare at her.

“Uh—” She’s stammering. “My foot is wet. It’s okay if you . . . got off without me.”

“The fuck.” I look down and the laughter booms from me. I double at the waist and can’t control it. “Aves, meet your puppy. He was nosing you up.” Her head drops and a brilliant smile spreads across her face.

“Oh, thank fuck.” She giggles and I sober a bit.

“And we’re gonna have to talk about that bullshit you spewed. I can hold my shit together and not blow in my pants and all over your foot. Take a few minutes to greet your new baby and I’ll show you.” I drop to the bed and remove my shoes and socks while watching her. That’s some bullshit her thinking I shot my load all over her foot.

She sinks to her knees and I stifle a groan. This isn’t the reason I expected her in that position tonight but as she coos and loves her puppy I can’t complain. Happiness is radiating from her. “Why’d you get me a dog?” She buries her nose in his fur and I’m fucking jealous of a fur creature.

“I know med school will be challenging. Time consuming. I’m going to balance it best I can but I didn’t want you to get lonely.” I explain.

“So, he’s gonna take your place keeping me warm?” She teases. And I curse myself for making a small detour last night and buying this fucker.

“No. He doesn’t go in the bed. And he isn’t my replacement.” Fuck, now I don’t know why I bought the fleabag.

“I’m kidding. Thank you. I love him.” And stupid ass me feels prideful I made her happy and jealous she said she loved him. I’m the only him she loves. Until I give her a son. In many years.

“Aves, kiss the dog goodnight, put him in the cage,” I point to the corner, “and get naked and in this bed.”

She doesn’t hesitate as I strip my belt, pants, and boxers waiting for her. “I need a shower.” She stops at the foot of the bed instead of joining me.

“After. Water conservation, baby. I’m gonna get you nice and dirty, so instead of two showers, we’ll combine them to one.” I wink.

“My environmentalist. What would I do without you?” She deadpans.

“That isn’t an option.” I jackknife up and grab her waist, shucking her shirt before her back hits the bed. Rising to my knees I peel her pants off and she’s bare underneath. “Fuck me.”

“Yes. That’s what I’m trying to do.” She sasses.

“Enough lip, Aves. I’ll busy your mouth if you keep talking.” I threaten.

“Oh, what punishment.” She rolls her eyes. I make quick work of freeing her bra and my hands cover her tits as my lips descend to meet hers. I busy her mouth with my tongue and let go of one breast to hold her hands over her head.

Trailing my mouth to her jaw, over to her ear, I soak in her moans and stretch out beside her, pinning her hips to the bed with my leg. It’s been too long since I’ve tasted her skin and I’m drunk with desire. The salty taste, the smoothness of it as my tongue touches every exposed inch. Her sass has disappeared as she writhes under my leg trying to find friction. I trail my hand down her side, swerving in to glide across her stomach, forcing her to suck in a breath. “Please, I need to feel you.”

“I know, Aves.” I still take my time, focusing on the feel of her body, committing it to memory, begging my brain to never fail me again. I drop my mouth to one nipple and suck it deep, tonguing it and nipping as she begs for more. Making sure to give her other nipple ample attention, she’s managed to free a leg and is dry humping my thigh— she isn’t exactly dry.

I let go of her wrists to pin her leg and smack her ass. “I’ll take care of you.” Her eyes widen but her legs spread. My tongue darts from my mouth and tastes her stomach as I watch her hooded eyes flare with desire and my mouth waters with what’s to come.