Coder and I both moan in irritation when the alarm on my phone sounds. As I start to crawl over him to find it and turn it off, he holds me captive against his chest, peeking open one eye as he grumbles, “You leave this bed, you come right back. Get me?”
Raking my fingers through my hair, tossing it down my back, I kiss his lips before I remind him, “I’ve got class.”
“Play hooky,” he mutters. “Just this once. Just one class.”
I bite my lip as he skims his hand down my naked side. When he reaches my hip, he grazes his fingers over my bottom before he gives me a generous squeeze.
“Coder,” I whisper, my resolve already wavering.
“I’ve got a promise to make good on, babe. You leave this bed, you come right back. Get me?”
The beeping of my alarm fades away as my mind concentrates, trying to recall what’s on the syllabus for my first class today. Just when I start to think I don’t care what I’ll miss, so long as Coder is inside of me again, my memory kicks in. A shy grin spreads across my face when I remember that this week is mid-terms, and my test for this class isn’t until Wednesday, which means today will be nothing but study guide review—review for a study guide that I had finished a week ago. Confident that I’ll be just fine with a little more studying on my own, my cheeks heat in a blush as I agree with a nod.
Chuckling victoriously, Coder smacks my butt cheek and then rolls us over, pinning me beneath him. He kisses the space just beside my ear before he mutters, “Change of plans. You stay, I’ll go.”
When he climbs out of bed, completely naked, my eyes scan the length of him from head to toe—admiring his strong, lean build. I watch as he looks around for my purse, then he digs out my beeping device and silences it before dropping it back in my bag. He grabs a condom on his way back to the bed, and as soon as he slips underneath the sheets, he gathers me in his arms, holding me flush against him.
He doesn’t kiss me right away, like I thought he might. Rather, he reaches up and buries his fingers in my hair, sweeping his thumb back and forth across my cheek as he stares at me. My heart does a double thump before taking a dive, and I fall in love with him a little bit more. Leaning into him, I blurt out, “Spring break is next week.”
“Yeah?” he asks with a smirk. “You got plans?”
“Well, I was just going to head home,” I admit, wrapping an arm around his back. I reach up to grab hold of his shoulder, eliminating even a breath of space between us. My nipples pebble, and I wonder if he feels it as I go on to tell him, “I think maybe I want to stay here with you instead.”
“If I’m supposed to be valiant or some shit, tell you you should go visit your mom and dad because they probably miss you, you’re fucked—‘cause no way in hell am I gonna tell you to go when I want you to stay.”
Grinning, I touch my nose to his and free a giggle. “I want to stay. I want you to want me to stay.”
“Then you stay,” he murmurs, tracing his nose along mine before offering me a light kiss. “At least for a few days. If you want, I could rearrange some things, we could take a ride down on my bike; you can show me home.”
My eyes grow wide in excitement and I pull away from him, just enough to really see his face. “You’d do that? You’d come down to meet my parents?”
“Babe,” he grunts, shaking his head at me as if I’m being absolutely ridiculous.
Laughing, I touch my forehead to his, closing my eyes as I whisper, “I love you.”
“Love you, too, baby,” he mumbles before his lips close around mine.
This time, his kiss isn’t light or sweet. This time, it’s deep and hot. Before I know it, I’m on my back, and his warm, hard body is between my legs.
“How are you feeling, Mack?” he asks, kissing along my neck as he reaches down and cups his hand around my sex. I open my mouth to answer, but he swipes a finger through my wetness, making me forget my words. Smearing my arousal over my clit, he inquires, “Do you hurt, baby?”
“No, honey, I’m good. That feels—mmmm,” I hum as he pushes two fingers inside of me. That’s apparently all the answer he needs. Before I’m ready, he pulls out, then he’s up on his knees, ripping open the condom and sheathing his erection. Much like yesterday, he rubs the head of his dick over my entrance, wetting himself. But instead of pushing in, he rests himself along my seam, rocking his hips back and forth, causing the tip of him to rub against my clit over and over. I feel myself growing wetter, and he brings his mouth back to mine, kissing me thoroughly as he stokes the desire that burns deep within my core.
When he finally enters me, I suck in a deep breath as my body adjusts to him. I feel a little sore, my opening stretching around him, but it doesn’t hurt like it did last night. As he glides in and out of me slowly, he props himself up on his forearms, giving him room to brush his lips against mine while he stares into my eyes. Neither of us speaks, the room draped in the dim light of the early morning sun, the only sounds that can be heard coming from our mouths as we begin to pant for one another.
I’m incapable of a deep breath, too consumed by the warm, blissful feeling he’s causing between my legs as he fills me up. The really, really good feeling I got last night pales in comparison to what I’m feeling now, and all I want is more. Holding onto his biceps, I hitch my knees up around his sides, and he groans loudly as he plunges deeper.
“Coder,” I sigh, sliding my hands up to his shoulders, where I hold on tight. He rolls his hips dramatically, his pelvis grazing my clit, and my legs immediately fall open as I moan, “Honey—that feels—” I gasp when he does it again, making my skin break out into a sweat. I whimper, wanting more—needing more—but not sure what, or how to ask for it.
Taking the initiative, Coder gives me exactly what I need, moving to hook his arms underneath my knees. He pushes my legs back and spreads me open, allowing him to go deeper and graze my clit every time he strokes into me. When he starts to move faster, I cry out in pleasure. This is so different than last night, and it feels incredible. Maybe too incredible, and I feel like I’m going to burst.
With a grunt, he drives into me a little harder, brushing my swollen bundle of nerves just right. Arching my back, I reach over my head and grab hold of the pillow, gripping it with all my might. I feel like I need to come, but I’m afraid. It feels so big, I’m not sure if I’m prepared for the sensation, so I seal my eyes closed tight and hold back.
“Eyes, baby,” Coder demands.
“I—I can’t! Oh, honey, I can’t!” I mewl, the pressure inside of me so intense, I feel like I might cry.
“Eyes, babe,” he repeats. “Let go, Mack. Give me you, baby, and come on my cock. Eyes!”
The second my gaze aligns with his, my orgasm barrels through me, and I free an uninhibited cry as my body is wracked with the extent of my pleasure. While I jolt beneath him with my release, Coder’s jaw falls open, his eyelids drooping low as he breathes a curse and then groans through his own climax, right on the heels of mine. When he is spent, he frees my legs before draping his sweaty body on top of mine. He’s heavy, but I’m boneless beneath him, with not an ounce of energy left in me to care.
“Fuck,” he grumbles, lifting up only enough to see my face. “Now that was something close to amazing.”
Raising my eyebrows in awe, I murmur, “That was only close? I thought that was…” I shake my head, unable to conjure up the appropriate words.
Chuckling, he brings his lips to mine before he tells me, “We’ll never reach amazing if you got me in these rubbers. Need you on the pill, babe. It’s just you and me, Mack. We don’t need the third wheel, yeah?”
My cheeks heat in a blush as I think about the way his velvety soft skin feels in my hand or in my mouth, and I know that I want to feel him—only him—against my naked flesh. I make a mental note to call the campus clinic today, and then I offer him a nod. He smirks at me, causing my stomach to clench. Then he leans down and kisses me so well, I miss my second class, too.
The week goes by in a whirlwind of studying, exams, and long shifts at the drug store. Surprisingly enough, I see Brooke and Owen more than I see Coder. They managed to keep their hands off of each other long enough to worry about mid-terms. On the nights they couldn’t resist, they went to Owen’s place, giving me the freedom to sleep in my own bed. Coder and I met up for lunch on Tuesday, but I’m so used to seeing him on a regular basis, I miss him like crazy by Friday morning. I cannot wait for spring break to officially begin. I plan on spending as much time with him as possible—until he’s sick of me and begging for school to start up again.
With the middle of the semester upon me, my guidance counselor has been sending me email reminders that we need to schedule a meeting to talk about enrolling for classes for the fall semester of my junior year. His emails are unnecessary, as I’ve been thinking about my junior year for weeks now, questioning my major and whether or not pre-med is what I’d like to stick with. January had been a really hard month for me, with Timothy’s passing and Sheamus returning to the hospital with a new inoperable tumor. I felt really helpless, more than I’d ever felt before.
Yet, as time goes on, I’ve been questioning my helplessness, wondering if that’s really something to stand on. My dream of helping children and fighting cancer comes with the daunting reality of…reality. I can’t escape it. Now, I’m wondering if occasional helplessness is just an occupational hazard.
After last weekend—which was quite possibly the best weekend of my entire life—I’m beginning to think that my doubts and my hesitation pale in comparison to who I am and what I’ve always wanted. I’ve thought a lot about it, and I really have no idea what I’d do with myself if I wasn’t a doctor. I’ve never seriously considered anything else; and with my parents being who they are, and my brother being who he is, and me being cut from the very same cloth, no one else has suggested any alternatives, either. They’ve always just understood my desire and encouraged it without question.
Nevertheless, I’m smart enough to also acknowledge that there’s a flipside. There’s the fear that I felt when Lena got really sick a few weeks ago. There’s the pain I feel every time one of my kids loses the fight. Sometimes, it’s not just helplessness that I feel, but hopelessness, which feels bigger than grief and more crippling than doubt. I’m smart enough to become a doctor, yes, but am I strong enough to survive the hard days? The days filled with death? Sometimes, I think I was made with a weak spot—like I’m meant to be a doctor, but my Achilles heel is my heart. That is something I don’t know what to do with. That is why I haven’t responded to my guidance counselor. I’m just not ready. My mind is a mess of questions that I don’t have answers to.
Deciding that I’ll meet up with him after break, I leave campus Friday afternoon with the intention of taking the time away from school to really step back and look at my life—picturing what I want it to be like. As I hurry to my car, a smile breaks out across my face, realizing that the question of what or how might be up in the air, but who is definitely decided. I don’t have to imagine who I’d like to share my life with—whatever that life might look like—because I already know.
The entire drive to Generation Ink, I’m practically shaking with anxious anticipation. I didn’t know it was possible to miss someone as much as I miss Coder—for my chest to ache with a longing that feels bottomless after just a few days. It seems to take forever for me to arrive, but when I finally do, my heart is racing so fast, you’d think I’d been without him for years. I’m probably being silly and overdramatic, but I don’t care. For me, this is love, and I don’t hesitate to jump out of my car and race for the front door.
When I enter the shop, Coder is standing behind the front counter with Pete. His head snaps up at the sound of the bell, and when our eyes lock, a slow grin transforms his face. I halt, my heart skipping a beat at the sight. I’m pulled from my dazed state of being as he starts to make his way out from behind the counter. My feet taking orders from my heart, I run toward him, dropping my purse to the ground before I leap into his arms.
He leans down, swooping me up and catching me against his chest, as if he’s done it a million times. My legs wrap around his waist, my ankles locking at his back as one of his arms secures me around my back, his other gripping me from below—the palm of his hand cupping my left butt cheek. I circle my arms around his neck, not bothering to say hello before I lean down and press my lips against his.
He opens his mouth at the same time that I do, and I can’t silence the small hum that spills from my throat as I sigh happily at the feel of his tongue twisting with mine. I missed the taste of him. The smell of him. The feel of him. I missed everything about him, and I tell him as much as I kiss him harder and deeper. I press myself against him tighter, and his hand at my back slides up. He buries his fingers in my hair, gripping my neck, keeping me close.
I forget where we are, and I think nothing of our audience until Pete chuckles, “Damn, Kenzie, didn’t know you had it in you.”
Startled by the sound of his voice, I squeak my surprise and pull away from Coder. When I look over and see Pete watching us with obvious amusement, my cheeks grow hot in sudden embarrassment. Then Coder claps his hand against my bottom, stealing back my attention. He grins at me and mutters, “That’s my girl.”
I don’t know if he’s talking to me or Pete, but I don’t care. As I gaze into his deep, dark, soulful eyes, alight with an expression I’ve only seen pointed at me, all I want to do is kiss him some more. Instead, I touch my forehead to his as I whisper, “Missed you.”
“I gathered that,” he replies, his voice low and rumbly. He kisses me one more time and then taps my leg, signaling for me to let him go. “Want to show you something.”
“’Kay.” Reluctantly, I slide down his chest until I’m on my feet, then grab my purse from where I left it on the floor. I call out my goodbye to Pete as Coder takes my hand and leads me to his room.
We’re halfway down the hall when Caroline comes running out of Harvey’s door. Her whole face lights up in a grin when she sees us, and to my utter delight, she squeals, “Mack!”
“Oh, my goodness,” I gush as I bend down to scoop her up into my arms. “Hi, Caroline.”
“Shhh,” she hushes. I fight a laugh, given how loud she just called my name, and then she goes on to tell me, “Ax is steew sweeping.”
“Holy shit.” Both Caroline and I look further down the hall at the sound of Trevor’s voice. Not two seconds later, he calls, “Little worm!”
Caroline wiggles in my arms, informing me she’d like to get down. When I set her on her feet, she goes racing toward her father. “Daddy!” she yells. This time, I do laugh, amused that her excitement has caused her to forget about sleeping Axel—again.
“We have to go,” says Trevor, lifting her into his arms as he makes his way out into the hallway. When he sees Coder and me, he smiles and announces, “Savannah’s coming.”
“Wait—now?” asks Coder.
“Daph just called. Her water broke,” he answers as he continues to take his leave.
“Did I just hear you say there’s a baby coming?” Willow yells from her room, the sound of her tattoo gun now silenced.
“Baby!” cries Caroline, throwing her hands up in the air.
Trevor laughs, pressing a kiss against his daughter’s forehead as he murmurs, “That’s right, Care. Sissy’s coming.”
“Keep us in the loop,” Coder tells him before he reaches the front door. “We’ll drop by tonight.”
“You got it.”
We watch as he opens the door with his back, an excited Caroline singing cheerfully in his arms, and then they’re gone. I smile up at Coder, giddy at the thought of a new baby around here. I know I haven’t been a part of the group for very long, but I’ve come to care about each and every one of the Ink crew. They’re Coder’s family, so they’re important to me, too.
Giving his hand a squeeze as I ask, “I can come too, right?”
“Babe,” he grunts with an eye roll. He doesn’t speak another word about it, but tugs me toward his room. When we’re inside, he takes me to the wall that’s covered in photos of his work. I notice right away that it’s been rearranged. As I spot the reason why, I gasp, immediately wrapping my arms around his waist as I stare at the newest photographs.
He printed out a bunch of the pictures we took last Saturday with him and the kids. They’re now all arranged together in the center of the wall. But there’s one in particular that’s bigger than the rest—the one of him and Sheamus with their shirts off, flexing for the camera. He’s positioned it right in the middle of his collection.
Resting my head against his chest, my eyes still captivated by what he’s done in my absence, I whisper, “I think I just fell in love with you all over again.”
He chuckles, lowering his head until his lips are pressed against the top of mine. “It was a good day,” he mutters into my hair. “A day worth remembering.”
“Yeah.” I hug him closer, still staring at the photos on the wall.
I may not be sure about a lot of things these days, but I’m certain about this—there’s no one else in the world I’ll ever love the way that I love Coder. He was made to love me, and I’m never going to let him go.
Coder and I hang out at the shop until it’s time to close up. We then drive to my place, where we drop off my car before we hop on the back of his bike. We’re the last of the crew to arrive at the hospital, all of us there to welcome little Savannah Rockwell to the world. She’s so tiny and adorable, so fresh and new. As she gets passed around from one set of arms to the next, it’s obvious that she’s going to be the most well loved newborn in town.
We don’t stay too late, knowing that Daphne is beyond exhausted and in serious need of sleep, and we all take our leave together. With promises of seeing each other again on Sunday, we bid each other goodnight before heading our separate ways. Coder takes me back to my place, and when we find the apartment empty, we decide to sleep in my bed tonight.
“Brooke out of town?” asks Coder as he sits at the foot of my bed to remove his boots.
“No, not yet. She leaves for Miami with Owen Monday morning.”
He nods his acknowledgment, kicking his feet free. When he stands to remove his jeans, my stomach tingles in hopeful anticipation. Deciding now would be a good time to ready myself for sleep, I grab a night shirt and excuse myself to the bathroom. After I’ve stripped down to my panties and donned my oversized shirt, I wash my face and brush my teeth before running my fingers through my hair.
Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I laugh at myself for feeling slightly nervous. I shouldn’t be. Coder and I have had sex twice now, and he seemed to enjoy it very much both times. Furthermore, he’s made it very clear that he intends to enjoy my body a lot more. I was able to start taking the pill as soon as Tuesday morning, so in just a few more days, he’ll be able to enjoy me without a condom. The very fact that I’m thinking about sex without a condom should mean that I’m totally good to walk back into my room, strip down, and offer myself to him—but that’s not my reality.
I just want to be as good as he remembers.
Willing myself to be the brave woman who boldly jumped into his arms and took the kiss I wanted when I entered the shop today, I gather my clothes, turn off the bathroom light, and make my way across the hall. Coder is already laying in bed, the sheets laying low across his waist, cluing me into the fact that he’s already completely naked. He’s looking at something on his phone, so he doesn’t say a word as I drop my clothes in my hamper before I go over to turn on the bedside lamp. It isn’t until I turn off the overhead light that he finally speaks.
“Come ‘ere. You have to see this,” he insists. I obey, crawling onto the bed next to him as he hands me his phone. On display is an image of Caroline holding Savannah, and my heart melts at the sight. “Too fucking cute, right?”
Giggling, I look over at him and tease, “You’re such a softy.”
He winks at me, denying not a word before he asks, “You want kids?”
“Yeah. Someday. What about you?”
Quirking an eyebrow, he simply grunts, “Babe.”
I groan before I laugh, setting his phone down on my nightstand. When my hands are free, I stretch out beside him, propping my head up with my fist. “How many?”
“I don’t know,” he replies with a shrug. “However many I can squeeze into the Bronco.”
I burst into a fit of laughter, nudging his leg with my knee as I tell him, “You are not still going to be driving that thing when you have kids.”
“Bet me,” he insists with a grin.
“You’re crazy.”
“Bet me, Mack.” He rolls onto his side, pulling me against him.
“Okay. I’ll take that bet,” I agree, returning his grin with my own. “And what do I get if I win?”
“Irrelevant. You won’t win. The better question is, what do I get when I win?”
My heart skips a beat and my breath catches in my throat when his hand finds its way underneath my shirt. Instantly buzzing from the feel of his hand on my bare skin, I almost forget what we’re talking about.
“What—what would you win?”
“Sex. In the Bronco. Lots of it.” I’m laughing when he rolls me onto my back and pulls my shirt over my head, leaving me topless as he leans over me and says, “Not kidding, babe.”
I clamp my lips closed, fighting my amusement as I look up at him. Then it hits me—this is us making plans. Future plans—plans with babies and bets and sex in his Bronco. In this moment, I hear him saying that he’s not going to let me go, either.
Reaching up to run my fingers through his thick, dark hair, I announce, “If I win—”
“Sex,” he interrupts, sliding my panties off. “In whatever contraption we squeeze the kids into. Lots of sex.”
I bend my knees when the last garment of clothing between us hits my calves, allowing it to slink to my ankles before I kick my feet free.
“I don’t know,” I tell him as he leans over me once more. “Kind of sounds like you win either way.”
“Clue in, babe,” he murmurs, cupping his hand over my sex as he lowers his lips to graze mine. “So do you. We got ourselves a deal?”
Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I breathe in his exhale before I nod—sealing my answer with a kiss.