Joseph is being nice.

I don’t like it.

It’s better than the alternative, but I don’t trust him. He’s up to something, and it’s making me uneasy. But I’m not really in a position to question his motives right now. He’s been here for her and I haven’t. I have no idea what’s really going on with her. When I took Mom some orange juice this morning, she seemed to be in more pain than she was last night. I don’t know if it was just the shock and adrenaline from seeing me that gave her a burst of energy last night. But today, she was moving very slowly when she got up to use the bathroom.

We didn’t talk about last night, but she made a point of saying Joseph is a good man now, and despite our differences when we were kids, he’s still my brother and he loves me.

I didn’t even know what to say to that.

It’s like she forgot everything I told her, but I know she hasn’t. She is just as deeply in denial now as she was back then, and it pisses me off. But I’ve already decided that my shit can wait. As long as Joseph leaves me alone, I’ll stay and help out with her care until she gets better.

He’s upstairs with her now, giving her breakfast. He brought her favorite blueberry muffin because she can’t take her pills on an empty stomach. Again, he’s being way too nice. But maybe he’s always like that with her. I haven’t been around in a long time. It’s possible Joseph has become a better man.

For her sake, I hope that’s true.

There’s a guy at Dodge’s house that I’ve never seen before. He’s probably Dodge’s boyfriend or mate. Ugh, he has a mate.

That’s too bad. Now I’ll have to try to resist fantasizing about Dodge. When I thought he was single, I allowed my imagination to run wild with thoughts of the things he could do to me. Although imagining those two guys together would probably do the trick. It’s not the same as me being the one to take his knot, but my cock twitches at the vision in my mind, confirming it’s an acceptable fantasy. I chuckle to myself as the guy gives a friendly wave then heads inside the house.

They probably have a perfect life. Good jobs, the security of knowing they have each other’s backs, and the kind of sex you only see in porn. That’s the kind of life I want someday. And that’s really why I’m here. Even though the attack spurred on the nightmares I’d managed to repress for the past few years, there is more to my need for closure.

Watching Sean build a relationship with Gunnar and Collin gave me hope that there really is someone out there for all of us. It might be a long time before I find my someone, but when I do, I want to be ready and open to him. I want to be safe from the tormentor of my past, so I can start a new relationship with a clear conscience. I’ll know I did my best to repair my relationship with my mother, and hopefully, I’ll have some sort of assurances that my brother will never bother me again. But as long as I find a strong alpha like Dodge, I’ll finally feel safe. I’ll truly be able to find a home and build a future with someone.

The front door opens behind me, and Joseph steps out. “She’s getting weaker every day. It’s a good thing you came now because she doesn’t have much more time.”

My jaw drops. “Seriously? I thought she was getting treatment. Isn’t that going to help her?”

Joseph shrugs and leans against the porch pillar. “She’s seeing a specialist who is trying a very aggressive treatment, but there are no guarantees. Chemo basically takes you to the edge of death and then tries to pull you back. Most of the time it works, but not every time. At her last appointment, he told me he wasn’t seeing much of an improvement.”

“We can get a second opinion. Let’s take her somewhere else.” Joseph shakes his head and slips his hands into his pockets. “This guy is the best. Trust me, we searched, and if anyone can help, it’s him. But he told me to prepare for the worst. So, say your goodbyes, just in case. I know she’s happy you came when you did, so she can say goodbye to you too.”

I don’t know what to say. I thought she had more time. She mentioned getting another year or two, but Joseph is making it sound like she only has a few days left. He’s always been pessimistic, so maybe I shouldn’t take his word at face value. I’ll give it a few days to see how she’s doing, but if this new doctor doesn’t seem like he has much hope, I’ll start doing some research to see if there’s someone else we should take her to.

“I’ve got to go to work. She had her medicine already, so she might be drowsy for a few hours. When she wakes up, you can offer her crackers and juice, but she might not be hungry. She usually isn’t.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Joseph pushes off the pillar then takes the first step off the porch before turning back to me. “She wants to die at home, Nathan. She made me promise I wouldn’t send her to a hospital at the end.”

I swallow hard and look into my brother’s eyes. He seems sincere. He might not have ever had any love for me, but he does seem to care about our mother.

“If things get bad, call me first. Don’t call an ambulance. I’ll come back, and if I need to take her to the doctor, I will. But at this point, she should be here with her family.”

“How will I reach you?” I ask numbly, staring at the house across the street and wishing Dodge would come back and rescue me again. Rescue me from the nightmare I walked into less than twenty-four hours ago.

Joseph opens his wallet and pulls out a business card. He’s the sales manager of the tire store in Nampa. Good for him. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

After he leaves, I sit on the porch for several minutes before finding the courage to go inside and check on Mom. In the light of day, she does look frail. She can’t weigh more than eighty pounds, and her skin is so pale. I have to get close enough to see the movement of her chest up and down just to confirm she’s still breathing. With nothing else to do and nowhere else to go, I sit in her room for the next two hours before she finally opens her eyes and realizes I’m there.

“Nathan, sweetheart. You’re still here. I was afraid that was just a dream.”

I pull the chair closer to her bed, so I can reach out and hold her hand. “Not a dream, Mom. I’m here. How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” she says with sigh. “You’re going to get bored while I sleep away your visit, but the doctor said when I’m sleeping, I’m healing, so maybe this is a good sign. She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Well, then, you need to get your rest. I’m not going anywhere, so when you’re ready to get up and talk, I’ll be here.”

“I really am glad you’re here, son. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, and it warms my heart to know you and your brother have found each other.”

Here she goes again. “Sleep, Mom. We’ll talk when you’re feeling better.”