Prologue
Before two became one…
“Maybe you should check in on the lad,” Ian said, his proper English accent crisp. He tilted his hand, and the cubes of ice in his scotch clinked against the heavy crystal. “Before you leave for good.”
Antony Rosetta leaned against the balustrade, looking across an immaculately kept lawn. Perfectly shaped bushes and marble sculptures lined the vast green before him. Ian liked to live lavishly, often saying he was the black sheep in some royal British line. Some might even believe him; given the homes, the cars, and the well-tailored suits Ian was keen on wearing. Tony knew the truth. Ian was an arms dealer on the black market and had been for decades. The source of most of Tony’s weapons, Ian could get just about any illegal item known to man.
Including the forged passports in his hand.
Everyone needed a friend like Ian—especially a hitman.
Ex-hitman.
He’d retired. Or, rather, was attempting to retire. For the last year, he’d been slowly erasing any sign of his past and distancing himself from the life he’d once led. Brick by brick, he’d laid the foundation for his escape. Luckily for him, after Gino had died, the three-man tug of war over the throne to the crime family had allowed him to fade into the background.
Or so he hoped.
He was about to make good on his plan to disappear completely.
The thought of moving on…
Alone…
“I could get another set of passports made up. Would just need his photo,” Ian added before taking a sip from his glass.
Am I that obvious? “And how much extra would that cost me?”
Ian shrugged, a half smile forming on his lips. “You’re a friend. I wouldn’t charge one more cent than I did for the ones you’ve got right there.”
Tony glanced down to his hand, the desire to say yes too enticing. He held several hundred thousands worth of documents. Price wasn’t a problem. He had enough stored up that he could live a life of luxury for the rest of his days. He’d pay a fortune to be able to bring Carter with him.
Ultimately, that couldn’t be.
“No. He’s safer where he is.” Tony looked out toward the lake and the weeping willows swaying softly in the afternoon breeze. The sun warmed his skin as it came out from behind the soft, voluminous clouds above. “Without me.”
Ian pressed on. “You did invest in that boy’s education. You should see him walk across that stage and get his degree.”
“Why? I know he’s graduating. That’s good enough.” Once he completed his education, hopefully Carter could get away from the shitty neighborhood they’d both grown up in. If he couldn’t be there for Carter, it was the next best thing.
Ian clicked his tongue. “Antony… you were so insistent on paying his tuition to ensure he got that degree. Yo—”
“Only to ensure he didn’t sell his ass to get it,” Tony interrupted. The thought of another man touching what was his? It nearly drove him insane.
Carter had worked as an escort when they’d first met. The younger man had been in the wrong place, at the wrong time. He’d witnessed a hit—watched as Tony had taken out crime boss Enzo Morelli.
In any other situation, Tony would’ve killed any witnesses, but in that case, he’d shown his hand on purpose. One look at Carter and Tony couldn’t stand the thought of Enzo touching him.
He’d killed the old perv before the man laid one crotchety finger on Carter.
Because I knew he was mine.
Tony closed his eyes.
He’ll move on.
Likely already has.
He’s not yours anymore. Let him go.
As if he could. He was in bad shape. The months apart had only made him long to have Carter by his side. Tony shut his eyes, forcing the image of Carter writhing under him out of his mind.
“Well,” Ian said. “If you change your mind, let me know.”
Tony rose to his full height and turned to face Ian. “I won’t.”
Ian’s lips twerked into an almost smile. “Sure, sure.”
“I won’t,” Tony parroted.
“Of course not. You’re your own man, running off into the sunset. Alone.”
Tony lifted a brow before holding up the stack of documents. “Thank you. For everything you’ve done.”
“You’re welcome, my boy.”
Tony gave the older man a quick hug before heading through the luxurious home on his way to the front door. Ian’s words danced in his head. Running off into the sunset… alone…
Damn you, Ian.
Tony exited the front doors and skipped down the stone stairs to the circle drive. He fished a pair of sunglasses from the inside pocket of his sports coat before slipping behind the wheel of his Audi R8. Moments later, he was cruising down Ian’s long lane, passing huge oaks lining the drive.
Wondering how quickly he could get back to the city.
He had a graduation to attend.
* * * *
A reminder of when two became one…
Tony stood at the far side of the full auditorium, watching as Carter crossed the stage and took his degree. Carter shook the dean’s hand and moved on, and then the next name called. A smile crossed his face as he watched some of Carter’s friends congratulating him once he descended the stairs.
He knew he needed to go before he was caught, but it had been too long since he’d gotten a good look at the man still haunting his dreams. Tony leaned against the wall and spied on the graduate, but muttered a curse when Carter turned and looked squarely in his direction.
Fuck.
Their eyes met. Tony immediately spun, pushing his way through the crowd. With each step, he felt his body turn to lead, wanting to remain where he was and allow his love to catch up. But he couldn’t do it. It had been too painful to let Carter go the first time. To do it again would shatter him. He was almost to his car when he heard Carter calling his name. Hand on the car door, he weighed his options. If he was smart, he’d get in and put distance between them again.
He’s safer without me.
Go!
“I know you hear me yelling at you,” Carter snapped.
Tony closed his eyes a moment, knowing he couldn’t walk away.
Carter’s expression simmered with anger. “Why are you here?”
“Just checking in on my investment. Someone had to make sure you got that degree.”
“Why do you care?”
Tony forced any emotion from his face. There’s still time. Make him hate you. Make him walk away. It’ll be easier that way. “Who said I did?”
The look of pain that flashed over Carter’s face had him immediately regretting the words. That look also brought a desire with it… a desire to pull the younger man into his arms and never let go again.
“Don’t play this game with me. Why are you here?”
Tony held Carter’s stare. Carter had always seemed to be able to see through him. Or maybe he just sucked at hiding his emotions when the man was around. “Because… because I want to make sure you don’t end up in the old neighborhood.”
Carter took a few steps closer. “I’m not your problem anymore. You and me… we’re over. Right?”
Tony nodded. “Right.”
He turned to leave, but froze. His eyes slid closed before he turned back and looked at the pain in Carter’s face.
“You know what I think?” Carter asked.
“You’re gonna tell me regardless, it seems.”
“Yep, I am. I think you love me. And you’ve already told me you weren’t good enough for me… so you pushed me away. Because you loved me.”
Bingo. Tony shrugged. “Not even close.”
“You forget I know when you’re lying.”
Tony didn’t answer. Couldn’t.
Carter took one step closer, his graduation gown billowing in the breeze flowing through the parking garage. All Tony could think about was peeling it off as well as the rest of Carter’s clothing and touching what was his. He needed to mark Carter again, claim the man’s body. He fought the reckless emotions swirling within him, forcing his hands into fists.
“Don’t I get a say in this?” Carter said, his voice low and deep with emotion.
“Not when you can’t see far enough past what you feel to protect yourself. Not when you think there’s some good guy inside me somewhere that you think you can save. There’s not.”
“I saw him.”
Tony closed his eyes. He needed Carter to see the truth and walk away because he wasn’t sure he could do it this time. “I killed again. More than once. Anyone who threatened your safety, they met one of my bullets. I left a trail of bodies in my wake… because that’s who I am. I’m death and everything I touch withers.” I can’t let you wither in my hands, too.
Carter’s face twisted in pain. “Is it over?”
Tony nodded. Anyone who could hurt Carter was gone.
All but the only three he couldn’t kill, not if he wanted to escape. If he pulled the trigger on the three fighting over Gino’s throne, he wouldn’t be able to walk away as easily. His disappearance after would throw up red flags. His name would most definitely be added to someone’s hitlist.
Gino’s daughter Gina, Gino’s lieutenant Sal, and Tony’s brother Robert were playing a three-way game of tug of war to take over as the head of the crime family and the last thing either was worried about was Carter. All three had approached Tony and he’d refused to choose a side. They’d tried to force him, but he’d been able to avoid indentured servitude thus far.
His bags were packed and sitting in the back of his Audi. He’d planned to spend the rest of his days sitting on some island in the South Pacific, hiding from the rest of the world. It had been his escape plan for as long as he could remember… but somehow, the thought of spending those days in paradise… alone… it no longer had the same allure.
“It’s over. I’m leaving. I’m never coming back,” Tony said. “I just wanted one last look before I left. Make sure you were okay.” He smiled. “I’m glad you reached your goal before I disappeared.”
Carter met his stare, his eyes growing wider. “Take me with you.”
“This is what you wanted. Your education. A future.” He paused. He can’t come. He has to know it would be a mistake. “I can’t take this dream of yours away.”
“And if I was wrong? If you were the future I really wanted?”
“I’m no future, Carter.” Tony clenched his jaw. “I only bring destruction in my wake.”
“Yet I want you all the same.”
“Want? Or wanted?” Too much time had passed. He’d hoped it would dull the ache he’d felt for Carter, but seeing him only proved that wrong. Had time eased Carter?
Carter’s chest rose and fell a few times. “Want. I still want you as much now as I did a year ago. Maybe even more.”
“We always want what we cannot have,” Tony said. “That’s all it is. You have a life to live, one that doesn’t include me.”
Tony forced himself to turn around. It was just as hard to do that as it had been to ignore the man a year before.
“I dream of you,” Carter said.
Tony froze.
“I dream of your hands on my body, of your arms holding me tight. I dream about feeling protected by you.”
“Protected?” Tony said over his shoulder, not trusting himself to turn.
“I’ve never felt safer in a man’s arms than I did with you.”
Tony closed his eyes. “How could you feel protected by me? I’m death incarnate.”
He jerked as he felt Carter’s palms spread against his back. He hadn’t even sensed the man growing closer. Unable to stop himself, he leaned back into his lover’s touch, the heat warming the frozen spaces within.
“That first night I sensed you wouldn’t hurt me… yet I was wrong. You ripped me apart when you cast me aside.”
Tony turned then, the need to ease the man’s suffering calling to him. He started to reach out to drag Carter closer, but forced himself to stop. “I didn’t simply cast you aside. I want a better life for you. I’m darkness to your light. If you stayed with me… you’d be eaten up by the evil inside me.”
“Or maybe… maybe my light could clear away some of the darkness. Did you ever think about that?”
Only every minute of the day.
“I want to be with you… wherever that is. Timbuktu… I don’t care, as long as it’s by your side.”
Tony leaned closer. “I have no right. No right to ask you to give everything up.”
“No, maybe you don’t.”
Tony was confused. The mixed message… he didn’t know what Carter was saying.
“Ask anyway.”
Tony lifted his head and met Carter’s stare. “I’m gonna travel the world. See everything there is to see. Never sleep in the same bed more than a few nights.” Tony’s vision of a future had changed. Carter had changed him. A hitman was a lone figure, a shadow in the night. He wouldn’t spend his retirement the same way. Tony wanted Carter there… he wanted to give the man the world. He swallowed, unsure. “I could use someone at my side.”
“When do we leave?”
Tony reached out and dragged Carter into his arms, capturing the lips he’d waited a year to kiss. He lost himself in that kiss, lost himself in the man.
Carter drew back slightly. “One thing first.”
“Anything.”
“Was I right?”
“I think I pretty much acknowledged you were.”
“All of it?”
It took Tony a moment to realize what it was Carter asked. “All of it. I love you. I’ve loved you almost from the start.” He cupped Carter’s face. “And I’ll love you to the end.”
Carter smiled. “I love you, too.”
Tony recaptured Carter’s lips.