Chapter 26
Joanna
Waking up the next morning to the cold winter air didn’t faze me. I curled up even tighter underneath the thick blankets I had pulled out throughout the night. The furnace had quit sometime during the night. I had hobbled down to the basement in the dark to find it unusually quiet. I’d crouched there in front of it for hours, trying to figure out why it wasn’t turning on, but ended up embracing the reality that I was going to be cold all night long.
It didn’t bother me. I was already cold from Bastian abruptly leaving the house after two phone calls and being locked up in his office. A part of me now wished I had gotten up to overhear the conversation he’d had so early in the morning. Whatever the call had been about, it had clearly been troubling Bastian when he arrived for breakfast an hour later with a darkness lingering his eyes. He had played it off at first, but the calls had lasted the entirety of our Sunday afternoon. My anxiety had steadily climbed throughout the afternoon while I’d listened to Bastian’s voice occasionally rise in anger and distress.
It wasn’t until I heard him leave his office Sunday evening that I had the chance to finally catch sight of him. Seeing his packed bags and that familiar cold demeanor had sent a jagged knife right through my heart. He didn’t want me to come with him back to the office for whatever reason. He didn’t want to divulge any details about his sudden departure, either.
All he had left for me to chew upon was that kiss to my forehead. That was it. Nothing else to understand what was going on.
The tips of my toes were freezing, along with my nose. I rubbed at my nose to get some warmth back into the skin there before I slipped out of bed. The back door to the kitchen opened, followed by the sound of Marcie’s cheerful voice. Not wishing to be alone, I shrugged into a sweater while I pulled on a pair of warm boots before heading down to the kitchen.
Marcie looked up from the pile of bags on the kitchen counter when I pushed the door open. She rubbed at her hands with a frown before blowing into them.
“What happened to the heat in here?” she asked. “There isn’t much of a difference between here and outside!”
I started numbly in the direction of the coffee pot. “Something with the furnace. It won’t turn on no matter how high you kick it up.”
“Where is Mr. Burke?” Marcie asked, rifling through a few bags. “He would know how to get that furnace going again. I don’t understand why he let the both of you sleep in the cold last night.”
“He left,” I said, scooping a hearty amount of coffee into a filter. “Yesterday evening. He went back to Salt Lake to be at work.”
“So you slept here in the cold?”
I shrugged indifferently while I slid the filter into the right place. I turned to find Marcie regarding me with a frown tugging at her lips.
“What?”
She shook her head at me in dismay. “Call him to tell him that the furnace is out. I don’t think he would like knowing you slept in the cold all night long.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, shrugging. “I don’t want to bother him while he’s at work, so—”
“Nonsense!” Marcie exclaimed. “It’s nearly in the negatives out there, Joanna. You could’ve died in that bed up there from hypothermia without knowing it.”
“That’s a bit exaggerated. I don’t think that would’ve happened.”
Marcie threw her hands up in the air in aggravation. “I don’t get it. The both of you seemed fine when I left here two days ago. What is going on now?”
“I don’t know,” I said numbly. “I don’t know what to tell you, Marcie. Everything was fine until yesterday morning when he got a phone call. After that, he just left.”
“To go to work?”
“That’s what he said.”
“That man is just headstrong,” Marcie said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “He wants you to stay here, and yet he takes off whenever he can’t handle something.”
“You’re telling me,” I said and grabbed two cups from the cupboard. “He kept trying to tell me that it was for work and that everything was fine between us.”
I poured a cup for Marcie first. Together, we stood in the cold kitchen, huddled in our sweaters with our hot cups of coffee pressed against our chests for heat.
“I’ve never seen him really recover from Sierra,” Marcie said, sipping her coffee. “He’s always been stuck on that piece of work. He has such a deep heart that I sometimes believe he wants to stuff everything inside to block his heart.” She gave me a long look. “I don’t think he left here without reason. I know how he really felt about you.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Hot coffee scorched the back of my throat when I took a gulp to get rid of the chill in my chest.
“It’s like whiplash,” I said. “I can’t figure out what he wants sometimes.”
“All men are like that, honey. My husband still goes through those phases where I wonder if he even misses me during the day.”
“I’m sure that he misses you during the day,” I said comfortingly. “I mean, he’s your husband. He married you for a reason.”
“Just like how Bastian brought you here for a reason,” Marcie pointed out, a smile tugging at her lips. “I know this doesn’t make sense now, but I can tell you that you are the first one I’ve seen since Sierra. He never brings women into his personal life.”
“He doesn’t keep them there very well, either,” I replied solemnly. “I need to get in the shower for the day.”
Marcie set her coffee mug down on the kitchen island. “Give me a few minutes. I’ve tinkered with that damn furnace before numerous times.”
A few minutes later, the heaters clicked back on. I stood on one of the vents in the guest room to warm myself while I checked a couple of the emails in my inbox. I noticed an email from Sabrina at 7:57 a.m. that said, WTF IS GOING ON? I clicked on the link while I held my breath to wait for the message to load.
What is going on, Jo? Sally from payroll came by to tell me that you were no longer an employee here at Burke Management. WTF is going on now?
My chest seized up. No longer an employee? Coldness washed over me again despite the heat from the floorboard heater blasting me.
“Bastard,” I whispered, tears stinging the backs of my eyes. “You wanted me to stay behind just to fire me.”
For years, I had listened to what men thought was best for me. I had wasted so much time with Sid, listening to what he believed was best, and I had done the same damn thing with Bastian. I never once questioned his decisions in or out of the office. He never stopped to ask me what I wanted besides in bed. That was the only time and place Bastian had paused to consider what I wanted.
Not willing to wait for an explanation, I pulled out my phone to call my mother. A part of me dreaded going back home after years of being away, but I wasn’t willing to waste any more time. I knew what a blow-off felt like. I knew what a breakup looked like, too. I wasn’t going to play the clingy part of making Bastian’s ego feel even bigger by begging him for my job back or asking what the hell was going on between us. Not this time.
“Everything all right, sweetheart?”
“Everything’s fine,” I lied, wiping the tears from my eyes. “I’m ready to come back home for a little bit. I’m no longer a part of Burke Management, so I will need a place to stay for a little bit, if that’s okay.”
“You don’t even have to ask, Jo. You are always welcome to come back here for a little bit.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Get a pen and paper. I’ll tell you where to come get me.”
After rattling off the address and gate code, I jumped in the shower to wash away the entire night of cold and sore muscles. I packed up my things before heading down the stairs, where I spotted my mother’s minivan pulling up the snowy road to park in front of the barn next to the truck Bastian had left out from the other day.
I found Marcie folding a laundry basket of bed linens and towels in the laundry room adjacent to the dining room. She looked up in confusion when I set the computer and iPhone down on the counter next to her.
“I’m going home,” I told her. “I just wanted to make sure Bastian got these back.”
Marcie’s eyes flicked down to the items on the counter before setting the folded towel on the counter.
“Are you sure about this?” she asked. “I can’t guarantee that Mr. Burke will let you come back if you change your mind. He doesn’t take anyone leaving lightly.”
“He left me here,” I said. “This time I’m going to be the one doing it. Thank you for everything you’ve done, Marcie. I appreciate it.”
She embraced me with a sad smile before returning to the basket of linens. I took one last lingering glance at the mansion before stepping out the front door with my suitcases. My mother immediately emerged from the driver’s side of the minivan to help me pile them into the back. She hugged me tightly with tears glittering in her eyes.
“I’m so glad you’re coming home,” she said. “It’s much better for you. It won’t be toxic and manipulative.”
“I’m nearly thirty years old and I’m coming home to live with my parents again,” I said bitterly. “Does that tell you how fucked up things are in my life?”
She reached out to clasp me tightly on the shoulders. “It tells me that you have taken a beating and you need to get your feet back beneath you. There’s no shame in starting your life over.”
“Starting with a new job,” I said, stepping out from beneath her grasp. I walked over to the passenger door to open it. “I don’t know how I let myself get into this position. It’s like I’ve been on autopilot for the past five years and just crashed hard into something.”
“Well, you get to come home to be with me, to take a much-needed break. There is nothing wrong with that.”
I slipped into the front seat of the minivan with a sinking heart. I watched the log mansion grow distant through the foggy windows as my mother backed up from the barn, chatting away about how my father would be gone for another two weeks for work.
No matter how good it felt to be back in my mother’s company, away from the harsh reality of my life, I still couldn’t shake the dread lingering above my head. I felt exposed riding along the snowy road back in the direction of Salt Lake. I had no idea what was going to happen.