I arrived at Kile’s condo bright and early the next morning. When I knocked on the door, he looked even less pleased to see me than he had the first time around, which I wouldn’t have guessed was possible. He didn’t say a word. Instead, he stepped back into the living room and left the door open so the crew could all pour in. They immediately started setting up their equipment.

“Good morning,” I said to him with a smile and offered my hand for him to shake. He looked at it disdainfully, rolled his eyes, and shook it anyway. “Way to be a sport,” I said, clapping him on the shoulder with my free hand. “This won’t be so bad. Who knows? You might find after a while you actually start to like me.”

“Don’t count on it,” he said, breaking our grip with a shrug and tucking his hands into his pockets. “So, what’s all this about?” he asked, nodding at the crew with their cameras and tripods and microphones.

“Standard operating procedure. The crew needs time to get their equipment up and running and to get the optimal lighting in here. I don’t think that’ll be too hard, though. You’ve got great natural lighting, which really helps everyone look younger on camera.”

“Not all of us need it,” he said with a smirk.

“Now, now. Play nice. We’re only at the start of this thing, let’s not bring out the claws just yet. Save that for when I really deserve it.”

“What makes you think you don’t deserve it now?” Avery asked and I gave him a stern look. “Fine, fine,” he groaned. “But what’s the point of setting up all of this crap when we’re going to be leaving soon anyway?”

“Leaving soon? What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you check my schedule? I’m giving a speech at George Washington today,” he said and my face flushed with annoyance. No one had told me this and I had checked Avery’s schedule. This appearance at a university wasn’t on it.

“I take it that’s a no,” he said with a smirk. “Wow, you really do keep getting the short end of the stick, don’t you?”

“Something like that, yeah,” I said. “Well, whatever. When are you supposed to be there?”

“They’re expecting me by 10. There’s a bit of a, uh, security concern.”

“What?” I asked. When I signed up for this project, the last thing I’d expected was to run into the potential of getting shot at. “Why? What did you do now?”

“I didn’t do anything. The student body was less than happy about my invitation, so they used their first amendment rights to protest me coming. The university disinvited me as a result, which caused another riot, and so the university had no choice but to reinstate my original invitation.”

“Wow. I didn’t think there was anyone with a brain who liked you or anything you had to say,” I said and Kile stared at me blankly. “OK, but I don’t understand. What’s the security concern?”

“Well, campus police told me that there might still be some people who aren’t happy to see me. So they’ve asked me to sort of sneak in through the back door to be as discreet as possible.”

“You’re about as discreet as a hemorrhoid and just as much of a pain in the ass.”

“I bet you know a lot about hemorrhoids, don’t you, old man?”

“Very funny. So, how long is all of this going to take?”

“I’m not sure. They gave me a place to park my car and said they’d drive me the rest of the way. Like I said, they want me at that place by ten,” he said. I glanced down at my watch to find that it was already 8:30 so that didn’t leave us much time to get the first on-camera interview done.

“Alright, fellas. We need to pick up the pace on the setup. Miss Thing here needs to be at an undisclosed location by 10 and we need to be there with him,” I told the crew. I still hadn’t learned their names but it didn’t matter much.

“Are you sure we can pull that off? We’ve got to tear everything down when we’re done here,” one of the guys asked me, a chubby man my age.

“It’s Ross, right?” I asked.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“OK, Ross. Here’s how it’s going to go. You’re going to get this all done and you’re going to tear all of your equipment apart in time for us to be in that car with Kile or I’m going to find someone who can make that happen for me. Understood?”

“Right, of course, sir,” Ross said.

“Don’t call me sir,” I said and Ross’s face turned red.

“Are you always this forceful with your staff? No wonder no one liked you at GNN,” Kile said.

“I’m not forceful, I’m assertive. There’s a difference.”

“You ever notice how the word ‘ass’ is at the beginning of ‘assertive’?” he asked and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

“You ever notice how you look much less appealing without makeup on?” I shot back and Avery’s face cracked.

“That was low, even for you,” he said. “I’m not used to a crowd of men invading my house at 8 in the morning, so excuse me if I look a little less put together than I normally would.”

“Whatever, just go do what you need to do to look nice for the camera. We’re going live in half an hour.”

“Half an hour? There’s no way I can pull that off.”

“Find a way,” I said, resting my hands on my hips as I met Avery’s gaze and didn’t break it. His eyes flashed in the light, a mixture of hatred and surprise, before he turned on his heel and disappeared down the hallway to his bedroom.

When he was out of earshot, I let out a sigh. I really didn’t have any idea what I was getting myself into when I’d agreed to do this project. I knew that Avery was a diva—who didn’t?—but I couldn’t have prepared myself for what I’d seen so far and it had only just started. It was sure to get worse but I couldn’t and wouldn’t allow him to screw this up. He’d never met someone who dared to boss him around, much less someone who could actually do it, but he’d met his match with me.

Many things could be said about my work ethic but one thing that was absolutely true was that I got things done, no excuses. So, to my annoyance but not my surprise, I had to call for Avery again 20 minutes later when he still hadn’t emerged out of his cave.

“Avery!” I barked down the hall.

“What?” he shouted back.

“Are you almost done? We’re all waiting for you,” I said and caught Ross rolling his eyes like he couldn’t believe he’d gotten drafted into doing this either. I didn’t blame him. It was more like babysitting than making anything of journalistic substance.

“Well, you’re going to have to wait a little bit longer. I’m not ready,” he said and I had to pinch the bridge of my nose to keep myself from screaming.

“Pick up the pace, we don’t have all day.”

“Just because you’re more washed up and wrinkled than my worst pair of jeans doesn’t mean I need to match you,” Avery shouted. I went to the nearest wall and repeatedly smacked my forehead against it, hoping one of the times might actually send me through and end this misery. When my forehead started to sting—really, truly sting—I shoved back from the wall and charged down the hall. If I had to drag Avery in front of the cameras, I would.

Inside his bedroom, he stood in front of a massive antique vanity, leaning forward while he applied even more makeup than he normally caked on. Worse, he wore an all-white suit with a black, plunging v-neck shirt underneath to show off his chest. The outfit made him look like a walking photo negative.

“What the hell are you wearing?” I asked, resisting the urge to laugh.

“High fashion. Not that you’d know anything about that,” he said, ignoring me as he continued fiddling with his makeup.

“Kile, you can’t wear that on camera,” I said. “You’ll disappear, especially with all of the other white stuff in your living room.”

“Maybe I want to disappear. And why can’t I wear this? This is my show with my rules, remember?” he asked and I opened my mouth to fire back before I thought better of it. He was right. Lee had stressed that before I left the office this morning to come here. No matter how outrageous or ridiculous the suggestion, Avery was in complete control of the direction of the show and I had to follow along.

“I think the real reason you don’t want me to wear it is because you can’t stand the idea of having to stare down my chest for the whole day.”

“Please. The only thing I’m thinking about is money when I talk to you,” I said. There he goes again, trying to seduce me, I thought. I’d known it would be coming at some point but I thought he’d wait a little longer than this to trot out his act.

“If you say so, but don’t think I don’t see you staring at my ass,” he said, winking at me in the mirror.

“Alright, enough of the clown show. If this is what you want to wear I can’t stop you but we really need to get this going.”

“You need to get the sand out of your panties. If you’d waited another three minutes I would’ve been out there without you having to come in and nag me. But I guess that’s what dads your age like to do, huh?” he asked as he turned to face me, leaning back against the vanity to pucker his lips at me in a faux kiss.

Ignoring the comment, I turned around and went back into the living room where the camera crew stood around uncomfortably, unsure of what they were supposed to do. I couldn’t wait to see the looks on their faces when Avery stepped out.

“Places, everyone. The Queen is ready for her closeup,” I said, clapping my hands to get their attention. They all lined up their cameras at the two chairs Ross had pushed together, beautifully lit by a combination of the golden morning sun pouring in through the windows and two tall light reflectors. I sat in one of them and tapped my fingers against the armrest, counting down the seconds until Avery came out of his room.

“What are you looking at?” Avery snapped at one of the crew as he glided into the living room. He sat down across from me and pulled his knees up to his chest, still barefoot.

“Alright, are you all ready?” I asked over my shoulder. Ross gave me the thumbs up.

“Take it away, boss,” Ross said. I crossed one leg over the other and fixed my eyes on Avery, doing my best not to smile. I raised up three fingers and counted down.

“Hello, and thank you all for joining us today. My name is Jeff Taylor and I’m joined today by Kile Avery,” I introduced us. We didn’t have a name for the show yet and I didn’t know how else to start things so it seemed good enough. Avery waved and smiled at the camera.

“Now, as most of you will no doubt know, Mr. Avery and I have had our differences in the past so this pairing will probably come as a surprise. Let me assure you, Mr. Avery and I have reconciled and we’re both excited to be part of this new project with NewSpin, aren’t we?”

“Couldn’t be happier,” Avery said. It was amazing how quickly he could transition from difficult diva to camera angel. “And please, call me Kile, Jeff. No need for stuffy formality between us anymore.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it. I want this to be as relaxed and real as possible, despite all of the cameras here. So, for the first part in this series, I thought it would be a good idea for me and the audience to sit down and try to get to know you, get to know where you came from, since it’s a bit of a mystery,” I said. Kile smiled at me.

“There’s no mystery there. But for those who don’t already know the story, it goes a little like this: one day I got fed up with the things I was seeing in the media about love and marriage and how it’s the be-all, end-all for relationships, so I picked up my phone, recorded a video and uploaded it. Five years later, here we are,” Avery said. “I don’t really understand the power behind it myself but clearly what I said resonated with people because that first video is still my most viewed to this day.”

“Interesting. I haven’t seen it. What’s it about?”

“Well, the Supreme Court had just agreed to hear a case on marriage equality. Don’t get me wrong, it was an amazing moment for the LGBTQ+ movement but it wasn’t the end of the road, despite what many in the media were saying. Including you, if I remember correctly,” Avery said. Of course he’d take a swipe at me, I thought. But I wouldn’t give in, wouldn’t let him get a rise out of me because I knew that was exactly what he wanted. He wanted me to lose control on camera again. Not today.

“So then maybe it’s no surprise that your video took off. It must’ve been pretty polarizing.”

“Having an outside opinion on anything, but especially on sex or relationships, is always polarizing.”

“Is it really an outside opinion, though? Lots of people these days engage in casual sex and don’t think twice about it. Sure, there’s still a bit of a social stigma but it’s not anywhere near as bad as it used to be.”

“Maybe not, but a stigma still exists. A two-person relationship is still regarded as the only one that matters. Personally, I think that’s bullshit,” Avery said. “I don’t think sex needs to be tied to any kind of relationship at all. Why can’t it just be an exchange of pleasure with no strings or expectations?”

“I guess there isn’t a good reason but I’m not the one that needs selling on that idea.”

“You sure about that?” Avery asked, his brows raised.

“I’m sure,” I said, though the heat on my face increased—and it wasn’t from the lights. “So, take us from point A to point B. How did you get from posting phone videos to YouTube to being a sensation with The Flame?”

“Honestly, lots of luck and just being in the right place at the right time. I feel so lucky that I’ve been able to turn this into a career.”

“Was it something you’d always wanted to do?”

“Not exactly. I always knew I wanted to be on TV in some capacity but I thought I’d end up in off-Broadway shows or something. I went to school for theater,” he said, which I didn’t know until now but it made perfect sense and explained his ability to act on camera. He laughed when I didn’t respond. “Yeah, most people don’t know that about me so I guess there’s your first exclusive.”

“Thanks, I’m sure people will find that interesting. Which school did you go to?”

“I’d really rather not say. I didn’t graduate so it’s a bit of a sore subject.”

“No shame in that, especially not for someone in your shoes, right?”

“Of course not, I’m not ashamed. I just want to protect some part of my privacy, you know?”

“Sure. Well, I suppose we’ll have to pick up from here at a later time since you’ve got to jet off.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Avery said and I raised my hand to signal the crew to stop recording.

“That’s it?” Ross asked.

“For now. Get started tearing down, we need to move quick.”

“So do I,” Avery said, darting up out of his chair to run back to his bedroom. He emerged a few minutes later, Superman style, wearing a form-fitting black suit, a deep maroon undershirt, and a shining brown pair of loafers. He hadn’t washed away his makeup but despite it, I had to admit he looked good. Like, really good.

“Do you pick your outfits yourself or do you have a wardrobe team?” I asked as I removed the microphone from my jacket pocket.

“I do most of it myself but I get help from time to time,” he said, straightening his jacket and running a hand through his hair to make sure it wasn’t standing up anywhere.

“I’m impressed,” I said and he looked surprised to receive the compliment.

“Thanks,” he said, looking at me with a furrowed brow. Without another word, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, tapped a few times on the screen and held it up to his ear. “Hey. Yeah, I’m ready. Send the driver,” he said. “Thanks,” he finished and hung up. “OK, my driver is on his way. He’ll be here in about ten minutes.”

“You heard him, boys. You’ve got ten minutes to tear all this down or figure out what’s essential to take with you to the speech.”

“Who said you were invited?” Avery asked.

“You know the deal. Wherever you go, we go,” I said.

“With my approval. I don’t recall you asking for it.”

“Come on, Kile, now’s not the time for this.”

“I make the rules, remember?”

“Yes, you make the rules. Believe me, I haven’t forgotten.”

“Good. Then ask nicely.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, fine. Kile, may we please accompany you to the speech?”

“Now was that so hard?” he asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets and rocking back on his heels, a cocky smile on his face.

“No,” I said and motioned to the crew to get moving since they’d paused uncertainly during our back and forth.

“Good. Let’s head downstairs. Stephan doesn’t like to wait,” he said and didn’t wait before heading out of the door. I chased after him and hung out of the door.

“The crew and I will have to take a separate car,” I called since he was already halfway down the hall to the elevator.

“No. You and Ross can come with me. I don’t want to draw more attention to us,” he said without turning to face me.

“That’s not enough, he can’t capture everyth—”

“Not my problem. Are you coming or not?” he said as he rounded the corner.

“Shit,” I cursed before going back inside. “Alright, change of plans. Ross, bring whatever you need, you’re coming with Avery and me. The rest of you will have to stay here or go back to the office,” I said. Ross’s eyes went wide.

“Boss, I don’t think that’s a very good idea, we won’t be able to—”

“Don’t you think I know that? Get moving,” I interrupted. He rolled his eyes and huffed and puffed but within minutes he had a camera bag draped over his shoulder and we dashed out into the hall to the elevator. Kile, of course, had already gone downstairs.

I smashed the down button repeatedly and tapped my foot while we waited for the elevator to come. When it did, I stepped inside and let out a “Thank God” for the fact no one else was inside. Ross stepped in and I pressed the button for the ground floor. Seconds later, we spilled out into the lobby of Kile’s building and found him standing outside staring at his phone. A car pulled up to the curb, an all-black SUV, and Kile opened the door.

“Shit, move!” I shouted and ran across the lobby to the front door. “Kile, wait!” I called as he made to close the door behind himself. He leaned outside of it, his trademark smile on his face, and winked at me.

“Come on, Jeff, did you really think I’d leave you?”

“I have no idea what you’re going to do,” I wheezed. I hadn’t run like that in years.

“Good. That’s how it should be. I like to keep people guessing, makes things more interesting.”

“Yeah, yeah. Scoot over,” I said as I climbed up into the car with Ross right behind me. The car darted down the street seconds later toward the university. What the hell am I getting myself into? I wondered.

* * *

“Love is bullshit,” Avery said from the podium at the front of the small auditorium-style room we’d packed into and I couldn’t help laughing. What a great way to start a speech, I thought. Still, it seemed to work because the audience laughed, the noise bouncing off the walls of the crowded room.

To my surprise, Avery’s speaking slot was fully attended—and there weren’t any signs of the “security concerns” Avery had alluded to. There also wasn’t an empty seat in the auditorium, which meant Ross and I had to stand off to the side or in the back. Ross bounced back and forth between the two but I stayed put on the left-hand side of the makeshift stage with my pad and pen ready for whatever other ridiculous things came out of Avery’s mouth.

“You laugh, but it’s true. And you’re laughing because you know it’s true, even if you don’t want to admit it,” he said as he tapped the podium and stepped out from behind it. He’d buttoned his suit and he rested his hands on the button now as he spoke, looking from left to right out at the audience.

“I don’t blame you for being afraid, though. I was in your shoes once. I spent my whole life being told that in order to be happy I had to grow up, graduate from college, get a good job, meet a lovely woman, marry her, and have kids. I’ve done precisely one of those things,” he said to more laughter and a smile appeared on Avery’s face, too. Though I tried to remain objective and read through the lines of what he was saying, I found it hard to do. He was such a good speaker and the things he was saying would’ve made anyone’s ears perk up.

“I never grew up. I went to college but didn’t graduate. I have met lots of lovely women but none of them were lovely enough to sway me to the other side of the fence. No offense, ladies,” he said as a round of jestful boos went through the audience. “I did manage to find a pretty damn good job though, which I’m more and more thankful for every day.

“I’m not sure if I’m supposed to talk about this yet but I’m gonna do it anyway. I’m sure you’ve noticed the guy standing behind me who looks suspiciously like Jeff Taylor and the cameraman running back and forth, so there’s no sense in trying to deny it. I’m shooting a documentary right now,” he said and the audience looked at each other.

“I know, it’s crazy given what’s gone on between us over the last week or so,” he said. “But it’s important. I wanted to do this because I wanted to show it’s possible for even the most polar opposite of people to come together despite their differences. There’s no wrong that can’t be forgiven, right, Mr. Taylor?” Avery asked as he turned and the spotlight fell on me, literally. Nervous, I nodded and waved.

“Aww, that’s cute. The former face of cable news has stage fright,” he said and the crowd laughed again. “But seriously, folks, that’s what I came to talk about. We need to change the rest of society’s minds to get on our level but we can’t do that without the support of people who aren’t necessarily on our side,” he continued. This guy should run for office some day, I thought as I watched and listened. He had just the right cadence, a laser-focused message, and the perfectly warm and friendly voice with which to deliver it. Many in the audience were nodding their heads in agreement.

“I think once the general public hears what we have to say, they’ll see we’re not really as different as they think we are. They might sing the praises of love and marriage publicly but it’s because it’s all they’ve ever known. And you know what else they know?” he asked, holding his hands out to the audience from the front of the stage. The audience shook their heads.

“They know pain. They know the pain love can cause. So do I,” he said and the shaking of heads turned to nods of agreement as he paused again. His words immediately caught my ear.

“Now, a ton of people ask me, ‘Kile, what is it with you and your anti-love crusade? Were you not held enough as a child?’” he said and again the crowd laughed. “I assure you, I got plenty of attention from my parents, probably too much. So, no, the hurt from love I know didn’t come from them. The hurt I know came from being in love,” he said and the room went so quiet that I heard the buzzing of the lights overhead.

“Shocking, right?” he asked. “But it’s true. Spoiler: I’m not an android, I’m capable of having feelings, too,” he said and the audience laughed. “As crazy as it sounds, I was in love once. His name was Brandon and he rocked my world, but he rocked it most when he cheated on me,” he said and a hush ripped through the audience. I nearly dropped my pad of paper. Why the hell would he admit something like that in front of a crowd? I couldn’t wrap my head around it but I scribbled down what he’d said because this was it, the vulnerability I’d picked up on with him.

“People have this misconception about me where they think I just want to live in a Dionysian-style orgy fantasy but that’s not true at all. I want to protect people by opening up the borders of relationships. I’m arguing for open exploration, so to speak, so that when and if cheating happens, it never hurts people the way it’s hurt me and so many others,” he continued and suddenly something clicked for me.

Avery was afraid of being hurt.

For the rest of his speech I found myself unable to concentrate on anything else he had to say. One sentence kept repeating in my head: The hurt I know came from being in love. It was as if all of the various, scattered pieces in the abstract puzzle that was Kile Avery fell into place around that one statement.

I tried to scribble down all of the thoughts and questions that whipped through my head but as soon as I wrote one down at least five more took its place until the roar of applause shook me back into reality and I realized Avery had just wrapped up his speech. I tucked my pad under one arm and clapped along with the rest of them, though for a very different reason. As hard as it was for me to believe, I respected him for saying what he’d said in front of so many people. I could never have done something like that.

Maybe I was wrong about him, I thought as I watched him wave and step off the stage toward me. Maybe he doesn’t want to watch the world burn—maybe he just wants to pay it back for all of the burning it’s done to him. Everything about him seemed to tie back to the admission he’d made on stage. The success he chased and had found for himself all came from a deep drive to get back at those who’d hurt him.

“What did you think?” Avery asked with a smile.

“Great job,” I said, still clapping.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. Have you thought about running for office some day?” I asked and Avery laughed.

“It’s crossed my mind.”

“You should consider it, seriously. People love you and you’ve got the persona for it. I had no idea you were such a good public speaker.”

“Yet another perk of studying theater,” he said.

“If that was you acting, you had me fooled. I’ve never seen you more real,” I said, surprised at the words that came from my mouth. He eyed me suspiciously.

“Thanks, I guess?” he said.

“Yeah, it was definitely a compliment,” I said and I wanted to say more, to tell him that I felt like I’d gotten to know him more in the last hour than I had in all of the time we’d spent in each other’s orbit. And then there it was again, the feeling of fascination I’d felt about him several times, the odd tingle in the pit of my stomach…

“How long were you and Brandon together?”

“About a year. Look, this isn’t going into the documentary, is it?”

“Do you see me writing anything down or any cameras?” I asked, my pulse suddenly racing. If I didn’t know any better I’d swear that I was feeling nervous around him. No one made me nervous, not after being on TV and in the public eye for so many years. I wanted to know more, wanted to know who and what had hurt him to make him into the man he was today and not because I wanted to write about it. I wanted to know for my own reasons.

“Look, I don’t really want to talk about this. Can I draw the line here?” he asked.

“You make the rules but whatever you say about this is off the record. I won’t include it anywhere, won’t tell anyone.”

“Right. My arch-enemy the journalist tells me I can trust him with my deepest secrets and I’m supposed to just lay it all out?” he laughed.

“I’m serious.”

“Why do you want to know, anyway?”

“Just curious. I’ve been there myself so I know what it’s like.”

“I’ve got some hands to shake and posters to sign, so if you’ll excuse me.”

“Yeah, sure,” I said not wanting to push my luck. I watched him walk back to the front of the stage where a line of people had formed waiting to meet him.

Be careful, Jeff, I thought, leaning against the wall and turning over everything I’d learned in this hour-long speech. Don’t forget, Avery’s a master of manipulation. For all I know what he just said was total bullshit, a part of the act he uses to seduce people—including me.

As cynical as I’d become, even I found that hard to believe.