“Black?”

“Yeah?”

“Is that a… cow?”

It’s a silly question. I clearly see that it’s a cow. I can also clearly see that he’s lying on his stomach in the yard letting two little boys rub his belly…

“That’s a cow… but he’s more like a pet cow….”

“A pet cow?”

“Yeah, he uh…” Black hesitates, putting his hand on his neck and massaging there, his face full of more than a little apprehension. “He thinks he’s a dog.”

“Oh… well that makes sense,” I mumble.

“It does?”

“Not really, but he is acting like a dog,” I respond, because he is… his tail is even wagging.

“Uncle Black!”

Two boys come running up to Black. One has blond hair and looks kind of familiar. The other has darker hair, but they still look a lot alike. One thing is clear… they adore their uncle.

“Hey guys. What are my favorite monkeys up to?”

“We’re not monkeys!” one of them denies, and the look on his face makes me grin. The way Black rubs his fingers over their heads, ruffling their hair and the clear look of love on his face makes me do more than smile. I’m pretty sure every female part inside of me melts.

“I want you two to meet someone. This is Addie. Addie these two bandits here are Terry and River,” Black says pointing to each child as he says their name.

“Very nice to meet you both,” I grin. They’re beautiful kids and full of energy.

“What are you two doing here? Wasn’t there school today?”

“We got sent home,” River says.

“What did you do?” Black asks.

“Aw shucks, Uncle Black, it wasn’t nothing,” Terry chimes in.

“What kind of nothing?”

“River was trying to make Mr. Cradeson’s hair look good. He was doing him a favor, man!”

“That’s right I was!”

“What did you do?” Black asks again.

“I thought I told you two mongrels to go clean out Hamburger’s doghouse?” Black’s mom asks.

Doghouse?

Black’s arm moves over my shoulders and gives me a squeeze.

“Aw Gramma! It smells!” River complains.

“Yeah man. Hamburger shits a lot!” Terry adds.

“Terry, what did I tell you about that mouth? You two quit your whining and get back to shoveling, before I tell your mama’s what you did to Mr. Cradeson’s hair,” Ida Sue warns them.

“Oh crap! Let’s go, Terry,” River yells over his shoulder as he runs to the… there’s a giant doghouse painted white with a red top that is about seven foot tall. I’d think it was a small barn or even a one horse stall, but it has an oval shaped opening with a slanted sign tacked above that says Hamburger. It looks like the Snoopy doghouse… on steroids.

“Orchid! What a pleasant surprise. I hope this means my son has got his head out of his ass.”

“I—”

“Mom, try to be on your best behavior and not scare Addie off.”

“Black try not to annoy your mother,” Ida Sue responds and then she takes my hand and pulls me away from Black. “I’ve been meaning to call you. I was wondering how my little puppy is getting on?”

“He’s good. Black and I left him at the groomers. I’ll have to pick him up a little later—along with my car.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t bring my little grand-dog with you.”

“He and Black don’t exactly get along…”

“Now there’s an understatement. Well, come on in and you can tell me about that fancy restaurant you got a second interview for.”

“How did… How did you know about that?”

“Why your daddy told me at the town council meeting yesterday.”

“Since when do you go to town council meetings, Mom?” Black asks.

“I’ve been thinking of getting more involved in our community,” Ida Sue shrugs.

“God help the community,” Black mutters.

“Black Horn Lucas you are treading on some mighty thin water. Orchid honey, when you have kids make sure you teach them to respect you. I failed somehow in that endeavor,” Ida Sue says, shaking her head as we reach the front door.

“Okay…” I answer quietly, looking back at Black. “Horn?” I mouth to him. He shakes his head and I’m quickly distracted by Ida Sue’s next question to see what he does next.

“How do you feel about having children, Orchid?”

“I… well maybe someday…”

“You can’t ever start too soon. Children need a sense of family and it’s best you do that when you’re younger.”

“You’re probably right, but there’s things I want to achieve in my career first…”

“Careers are good too. In today’s world you can totally do both. Don’t you agree?”

“I… Yeah I suppose so,” I answer, suddenly not sure what we’re talking about.

“Mom—”

“Now, Black—”

“Just let it go. Tell me what my nephews did to Cradeson’s hair piece.”

“Oh that. Do you remember how Terry has always had a fondness for nature?” Ida Sue asks as we go through a back door and find ourselves in a huge kitchen with an even bigger farm table right in the center. It’s so big it nearly swallows the room—though I guess with as many kids as Ida Sue has that you need a table that big for family gatherings. Black pulls out a chair at the table for me and I grin up at him and sit down. He looks nervous, so I squeeze his hand and he winks at me—but, he still looks tense.

“Yeah?”

“Well Terry was convinced old Cradeson would look better if his rug was painted up like that pet he brought back from the woods at the back of Magnolia’s place.”

Black laughs, but I’m not sure I understand.

“So, they painted the toupee?”

“They sure did. I got to admit it did look better. Old Cradeson’s rug was a bright red and about four shades brighter than his real hair. He puts that thing on and I swear it looks like the top of his head is a massive head wound that’s just bleeding profusely.”

“Yikes.”

“Sweetheart,” Ida Sue says over the sound of a blender, because as soon as we got here, she began making something. “You don’t know the half of it. It’s something you really have to see to believe.”

“Well what did they paint it? Brown like a rabbit?”

“Close. Black and white.”

“Black and white? But… the only animal with those colors is a skunk… Terry had a pet skunk!?!?”

“He did until poor Magnolia managed to get him out of the house. They had to move. The landlord was none too happy. I hear he had to completely tear out Terry’s room and remodel it.”

“Oh my…”

“Needless to say Magnolia lost her security deposit.”

“Uh… yeah. I can see why the boys were sent home.”

“Oh that wasn’t why,” Ida Sue says, shaking her head.

“It wasn’t?” Black asks.

“No. They got sent home after the boys started arguing because Terry thought River painted it wrong.”

“Painted it wrong?”

“Yep and you know how Terry is when he wants to prove someone wrong.”

“What did they do?” Black asks.

“Terry met River at recess and showed him how to trap a skunk.”

“And they got one? That easy?”

“Well yes and no.”

“Huh?” I ask, getting more confused by the moment.

“They’d been at it for a few days. They agreed to hide the toupee until they could compare the color schemes—so to speak. Cradeson thought he had just misplaced his hair, so he used his spare. The trap worked last night apparently, but not exactly how the boys planned.”

“How did it work?” Black asks his mom.

“They caught a mama opossum in the box and carried it into the school so they could compare it up close.”

“Oh no,” I whisper giggling, because I finally understand.

Ida Sue comes over to me and puts an orange colored shake in front of me, and sits down grinning.

“I see you’re getting the picture. The mama had twelve babies on its back and when it took off running down the hall and into the gym room the principal was not happy.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t get expelled from the school,” Black laughs.

“Well, baby boy, they might have except for one small thing.”

“What was that?” I ask still giggling. I take a drink of the shake. It’s not bad—kind of tangy. I definitely taste peaches…I love peaches so I take another one.

“The principal was in the gym room knocking boots with his secretary. His very married secretary.”

“Uh oh. My guess is the secretary’s husband wouldn’t like that,” I murmur.

“Neither would the principal’s wife,” Black laughs.

“Exactly,” Ida Sue agrees. “So, in exchange for discretion from our family and promises that the boys would keep the secret to themselves…” she shrugs. “They just get a couple of days off.”

“This is really good Ida Sue. You’re going to have to give me the recipe.”

“Will do darlin’. The secret is to get the peaches as fresh as possible.”

“Peaches! Mom! Damn it!”

“Black Horn!”

Black goes to grab my shake, but I keep it from him.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“Peaches are good for you,” Ida Sue grumbles. “You just drink up honey. My boy has just lost his marbles.”

“That’s the same crap you gave Kayla to try and help get her knocked up,” Black growls.

“To help her what?” I ask.

“Oh that’s just foolish talk. Peaches just help with the blood flow.”

“Then shouldn’t he be drinking it?” I ask.

“Addie!”

“What? It was a simple question, Black Horn,” I defend, hiding my smile behind the glass as I take another drink. “I mean I didn’t go through medical school, but I think blood flow effects your dangly bits.”

“You’re so going to fit right in, Orchid,” Ida Sue claims and I don’t know why that makes me so happy, but it does. “It actually might. To be safe we could have him drink it too. But mainly it’s just to help you be more receptive to his advances.”

“Receptive?” I ask looking at Black and then at the straw and glass.

“You’ll get turned on quicker so Black doesn’t have to stay up for the party quite as long.”

It’s all I can do to keep from laughing—especially when Black starts cursing under his breath.

“I didn’t know you had issues lasting for the party,” I sigh.

“I don’t!” he growls.

“That’s a shame,” I moan, purposely making my voice sound horribly sad.

“Damn it! I don’t have a problem keeping it up! Jesus. I knew this was a bad idea. Just give me the drink and stop encouraging my mother!”

“Ida Sue?”

“Yeah, Orchid?”

“Drinking this drink is all healthy right?”

“Yep. It will just help make Black’s workout a little easier. He’s getting some years on him now, you know.”

“He is a lot older,” I answer with a sigh.

“Son of a bitch, Addie, don’t encourage her.”

I grin at Black and take a sip of the shake.

“Christ,” he groans. “Make me one too, Mom.”

My eyes go round as Ida Sue gets up clapping her hands and practically giddy.

“Black—”

“You want to play, Princess? I’ll show you just how hard I like to play,” he says with a sly grin.

Oh boy.