The elevator buzzed.
I didn’t move.
It buzzed a second time.
I couldn’t even look away from the computer screen. Carter Reed’s picture was smack in the middle of it, and Cole’s name was everywhere. As I continued reading, the elevator starting moving, but I couldn’t focus on it. The need to know had faded in me, but now I was trapped, unable to stop gathering details. I almost wished I didn’t know.
The doors opened, and there was Cole, dressed as if he’d been on the running track: black hooded sweatshirt and black athletic pants. And like that first time I saw him, he looked damn good in them. He was one of the best-looking men I had ever seen, but tonight, his appearance stuck a dagger into me. I felt like a toy being played with.
“Of course you have the codes for my floor,” I said calmly. “You’re the owner. Right?”
He stopped just inside my place, the doors closing behind him. I couldn’t read his face, what he was thinking and feeling, but I was beginning to recognize this look. He’d worn this look so many times, and it was the same unreadable mask he’d worn at the event earlier.
His shoulders lifted in a silent breath. “You’re mad.”
“Wouldn’t you be?” My blood was boiling. This guy—damn this guy. “I only had sex with you, and now I found out that you’re in the mob?! I mean, I have no reason to be upset. You’re right, totally right.” A bitter laugh escaped me. “You said you couldn’t tell me, but I never thought mafia. All the mystery about you? I had no clue, and I should’ve. I mean, yeah, you were honest. You said you couldn’t tell me, but give a girl a clue next time? The mob. The mob, Cole! That’s dangerous.” And scary. I held that thought back. I had other questions on the tip of my tongue, but I held those back, too.
Did he kill people?
I snorted. Of course he did.
Did he order people to be killed? A second snort as I raked a hand through my hair. What else? Prostitution? Gambling? What crimes did he commit? Did he beat people up, demand payment from them? Did he demand a cut from store owners? My mind raced through all the mafia movies and stories I’d heard growing up. All those characters had been cloaked in an alluring draw, romanticized, but none of them were saints. None of them.
I stared at someone I didn’t know. I went to bed with him. I spent time with him. I ran with him. I laughed with him. I felt with him. I became alive with him. And God, staring at him now, all I wanted to do was throw myself in his arms again. Fuck everything else.
The truth hit me then. “I didn’t want to know the truth.”
A hollow sound slipped out of me. I didn’t know if it was a laugh or a grunt, but whatever it was, it wasn’t right. I was gutted. I needed to calm down. Two nights. That was it. That was all we’d had. I had to keep reminding myself of that. I needed another goddamn drink. The bottle was empty. I rose to get another, but the room swayed.
Cole started for me.
I waved him away, grabbing the couch to steady myself and easing myself back down. “No. I’m drunk. I didn’t eat today.”
He came closer, closing the distance until he stood on the other side of the coffee table from me. “You have every right to be upset with me. What I do, where I come from, that’s not something you should have to learn about at some high-society party. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
God. I gulped, meeting his eyes. I didn’t want to see the sympathy there, but I did, and somehow, it broke down a wall in me. A tear slipped from my eye. Much of my pain over this had nothing to do with Cole. “I feel like I’ve lost him all over again.”
Cole didn’t say anything.
I lowered my head. “I had no idea.” I pointed to my computer. “None of this. Liam kept it all secret from me, too. And now it makes sense—why his family never accepted me, why he had meals with them alone, why his younger brother never came home.”
“I’m sorry, Addison—”
“Did you know?” I demanded. “Did you know who I was? Who Liam was?”
He shook his head. “You applied for this place while I was gone. I’m not here that often, so I’m not kept abreast of everything that happens. Dorian runs the building. I trust him. He told me there was a new resident, but I never questioned him about you. It wasn’t until…”
“Until?”
“Until I saw you tonight. I recognized your in-laws, and everything came together.” He hesitated. There was something more he was going to say, but he held it back. He only said, “I didn’t know either. I never even thought…” He let out a deep sigh, taking the seat next to mine on the couch. “Addison, you did nothing wrong. Nothing.”
I pointed to the article on the screen. “It says the Mauricio family and Bertal family are enemies.”
“Were enemies.”
I snorted. “You didn’t look too friendly tonight.”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “Yeah. Well, there’s a long history of bloodshed, but as of now, the peace still holds between us.”
“That’s good?”
“It is.”
But his eyes were wary, his jaw clenched. His mouth pressed in a solemn line, and I felt a heaviness from him. “You’re lying.” I saw behind his mask.
His eyes widened, sharpening on me.
I sat up, leaning closer to him. “You don’t let me in, but I’m starting to be able to read you. Just a little bit. Something is going on, isn’t it? Between the Bertal family and yours?”
“Addison.”
“Tell me the truth.” Then a whole other idea hit me. “Unless you think I’m part of them. Is that what you think?”
He shook his head. Pain flared in his eyes before he masked it, like he always did. He pushed himself back—an inch, maybe two, but it felt like a rejection. “That’s…that’s the other problem we have.”
“What?”
“I want to tell you. I want to tell you about me, about my family, about my friends. But I can’t.”
“Because of Liam?”
“Because of his family.”
A lump formed in my throat. “They said they’re not a part of that.”
He shook his head. “They’re lying. Liam’s grandmother was a direct descendant of the founding Bertal family.”
“What does that mean?”
“Liam’s great-grandfather started their family business. There were other siblings, but Bea Bertal was active. She ran the books. Even if Liam’s parents claim they aren’t a part of the business, the money trickled down to them, down to Liam, too.”
The inheritance. “What does that matter? You said there’s a truce. What does that have to do with you and me?”
“There might not always be peace.”
His words took mine away. I could be an enemy? Was that what he meant?
“It just means things are complicated,” he added after a moment. “You and me. We’re complicated now.”
My mouth went dry. “You and me?” There was a we to even be complicated? “You’ve been gone for a month.”
“I couldn’t get back until today. Things…got complicated for me.”
“And you can’t tell me about that. You stopped calling and texting. You can’t tell me why? Just like you can’t tell me anything about yourself or about your family, or even about your friends. None of that, right? Because I’m connected to the Bertal family even though I’m not a part of them.” I could feel a flush rising up, covering my neck. It wasn’t the happy kind of flush either. “You’re keeping me out because of people who could be my allies? Am I getting this right? Allies that never showed me any support, that are suing me.”
I shoved off the couch and started to pace. Back and forth. I hugged myself, wrapping my arms tight. “This is ridiculous. All of this. I loved him. I loved Liam so much, and they want to—I don’t even know what they want. They want the house? Is that why they’re suing me? They didn’t give a shit about the house. They didn’t give a shit about me, not until lately.”
“What are you talking about?”
“And you.” I flung a hand out, pointing at him. “You—all hot and hella good in bed. I mean, fuck. Like, fuck. Pun intended. I haven’t felt anything for anyone until you. You swooped into Gianni’s, and my best friend went gaga for you, but I did too. I mean, you’re gorgeous, and you’re ripped. And I always knew you were dangerous. I could just tell. Listen to your gut, that was what Liam always told me. He said if I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m supposed to listen to my gut. Well, my gut took me to your penis, and now look where we are. Your family wants to kill my family, and my family—I don’t even like my family. I’m a Bowman, dammit. I was a Sailer, and your driver called me Sailer. Why did he call me Sailer?”
“My what?”
“The driver downstairs. He called me Sailer.”
Cole frowned. “I don’t know. That order came through Dorian.”
“I thought he said you told him to drive me home.”
“The order came from me, but it would’ve been Dorian who called him.”
“Oh.” I cleared my head. I could still feel that flush; it was covering my ears. “I was a Sailer, but I’m not anymore. I’m a Bowman. No matter who I’ve been with, I’ve always been a Bowman. I’m not a Bertal. I am not with them. I was haunted every day and every night after Liam died, and it only stopped when I came here.” I stared at Cole, but it was more than staring. I had so many damn walls.
I was tired of the walls, of the secrets, of the not knowing. My voice grew hoarse. “I stopped hearing his voice after I came here. I can still feel him, but in a good way—like we’re laughing together again, or he wants me to be happy. And the nights with you… I haven’t felt like myself in so long. You gave that to me. I wasn’t Liam’s wife or his widow those nights. I was me. I was Addison. That’s all I was, and I loved it.”
Tears fell down my cheeks
I whispered, “I came to you, and the ghosts left me.”
His eyes darkened, and he stood. He moved close, stopping just out of reach. I could feel his heat. My walls were down now, so were his. The mask was gone, and I saw the lust inside of him. I saw more, a whole lot more, but I clung to the lust because my body was starting to react. My mouth watered, and that ache—the ache that hadn’t been filled in a month—began to throb once more.
I wanted him.
He grinned, faintly, before taking the last step. His body touched mine, and I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling. Hard. Strong. And more, so much more.
“I’m going to pick you up,” he murmured. He spoke to me like I was a wounded animal. Like he wanted to comfort me, but he didn’t want to scare me away. He was soothing and seducing me all at the same time.
And that was exactly what I wanted.
Bending down, his hands touched my waist, and he stood again. I wrapped myself around him and held tight. I couldn’t have made myself let go, even if I wanted to. I was his. He was mine. I didn’t care what would happen. I couldn’t deny this feeling. I needed him.
He looked up into my eyes. “Now I’m going to walk you back to the bedroom.”
“I have an idea where this is going.”
He drew a deep breath, his eyes growing soft. “I’m going to do everything you want me to do. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. If you want me to hold you, I’ll never let you go. If you want me to kiss you all night long, you’ll have to buy me chapstick in the morning. Anything you want, I’ll do.” He carried me to the bed and laid me down. His arms never let me go. He bent over me, my arms and legs still wrapped around him. His forehead rested against mine, so softly, matching his voice, “Except leave. That’s the only thing I won’t do.” His eyes searched my face, studying every detail.
“I’m going to help you become Addison once more. Just you. Just me. No one else.” And then, as his mouth touched mine, gently, tenderly, he did as he’d promised.