Chapter Twelve
Melina
Austin won’t even give me a pity fuck when he knows I’m going to die. I lay in the dark feeling sorry for myself. I really need to suck it up. Suck up the disappointment called life. Suck up the fact that I will die and no one will care.
To make this entire day worse, I turned on the flashlight and the batteries failed within two minutes. If I’m lucky, I’ll die down here tonight just like the flashlight batteries. I could probably tear the blanket and fashion a noose. That would work if I wasn’t a chicken shit. I’ve thought of suicide most of my life and have never been able to take that final step. Now is no different. After yawning and trying to find a comfortable position to sleep, I manage to let the world fade and take me into nightmares.
The bright overhead light startles me awake sometime later. I blink and try to focus. Same damn basement and it feels like the same damn night. Austin walks closer and bends down to release me from the chain. I’m waiting for him to say something, but he scoops me up like I weigh nothing. I grab the back of his neck as he takes the stairs. What the hell is happening? Is he taking me back now?
He carries me to the master bathroom and sits me down on the counter next to the sink. Without talking, he fills the sink with soapy water and picks up a washcloth. He lifts my right arm and begins washing it.
This is such an odd sensation. It shouldn’t be, though, because he washes me before he inks my skin. This is different, though his attention to detail is the same. I shiver as the warm cloth glides across my skin. After my hands and arms are clean, he moves to my legs and feet, giving them the same treatment.
He finishes and stands. He fingers the bottom of my shirt with a question in his eyes. I nod nervously. He lifts the shirt and pulls it over my head. He lifts the cloth, warms it in the water, and then washes my chest below my breasts. He moves the cloth beneath my arms. The anticipation of his next touch is killing me. I inhale sharply when he finally runs the cloth over my breasts. Oh God my nipples are entirely too sensitive and go hard.
He looks up when I make an odd sound in the back of my throat.
My cheeks heat. It’s not that I’m embarrassed, I’m so fucking turned on I can barely breathe. His pupils dilate as he watches me. He fixates on my eyes. His see everything—every shiver, every harsh breath, every ounce of need pulsing through me. His are now hot with fire ready to combust too.
I need his hands on me, right now. His burning gaze slides to my breasts as he continues washing them. He moves the cloth lower and my entire fucking body ignites. When he reaches the junction of my thighs, he uses his knee to push my legs apart. His hand glides lower and he touches me with the washcloth. I want his fucking hands on me. I want his cock inside me; even the washcloth feels so damn good. I grip the edge of the counter so hard my fingers turn blue. My head tilts back and another sound escapes me. My eyes snap open when his mouth replaces the cloth.
Holy fuck!
I grab his silky hair and moan because I can’t hold back. He’s going to make love to me. I won’t die with the horrible memory of my lost virginity. He nibbles my clit and even the most basic thought becomes impossible. This time my gasp is embarrassingly loud. His lips are the sweetest torture. I’m almost there and it’s so much better than I could ever imagine. The cliff is so near. My body spins out of control and my nerve endings hum with the steady build of pressure. Fulfillment is within my grasp and my eyes roll back, my hands shake while keeping a death grip on his hair.
And still, he’s able to pull away.
I inhale and open my eyes, preparing to scream my objection. He’s standing and quickly pulls his shirt over his head. He shucks his pants and underwear in another swift move. I don’t have time to admire what I’m seeing because he lifts me again, carries me to his bed, and sets me down.
“I should brush—” His lips crash into mine. This kiss isn’t gentle. It’s wild and allows me to unleash the desire I’ve buried for years. He fucks my mouth and I love every second. His teeth hit mine, causing him to groan into my mouth. I’m new at this, but it’s obvious he isn’t. His tongue dances against mine until he pulls back slightly and bites my bottom lip. I’m gasping for air at this point, squeezing my legs together with need, convinced this is a dream.
He releases my lip and tilts my chin up so I’m looking at him. “I don’t fuck sweetly, Melina. I enjoy hurting women.”
I already know this, but the sound of my name on his lips sends a zap of electricity so strong I almost orgasm. “No,” I say as I shake my head. “I don’t want sweet.” I grasp his hair again. “Hurt me, Austin, I want it.”
I don’t just want it, I crave it. My entire life has been about hurt piled on hurt. Maybe he can take the memories away. Maybe I can get so lost in the pain that I forget who I am. Maybe I can forget who Austin is.
“There’s no going back.” He holds my gaze—his green eyes see clear to my soul.
“Shut up and fuck me,” I say because I can’t take the waiting. I need release.
He shifts to his side, allowing me to breathe easier and his right hand moves to my breast. I’m not expecting the sharp pinch to my nipple and I almost buck him off when he does it. Until I look into his eyes.
They’re cold again…burning cold. “Did that hurt, little girl?” He watches me inquisitively like I’m some form of experiment. When I don’t answer, he pinches my nipple again. I push myself into his hand and moan. “You have no idea what’s about to happen.”
I don’t care, as long as he fucks me. I gasp when he flips me to my stomach. “Don’t move,” he says in a voice that promises movement would be very bad. God I want to laugh. We’ve wasted so much time by keeping me in the basement.
He climbs from the bed and walks into his closet. He appears a few seconds later with a belt in his hand. The dark leather slides through his fingers. I’m wet with anticipation as I struggle to pull enough air into my lungs. I’m out of my fucking mind and I guess that’s what happens after weeks of being isolated in a dark room.
He leans close and warm breath slides across my skin. I half bury my face in the pillow near my head. He takes one wrist and loops soft material over it. Not the belt. I roll my head on the pillow and look. The long black scarf circles again and he pulls my other hand up, loops the material through the slats of the headboard, and secures it. The belt resting beside me sends a powerful thrill straight to my pussy.
“I won’t stop until I’m done.” The look in his eyes is mesmerizing and there’s no way I will stop what’s about to happen.
“Will you fuck me after the belt?” I ask breathlessly. Hell, I’m begging him for it.
His lips tilt at the corners and I’m rewarded with a smile. “If you scream for me.”
Fuck. I can do this. “Hurt me.” Solid lust does the talking even though the words come from my lips. He raises his arm and I scream, “Yes,” before the strike lands on my upper thigh directly below my ass cheek. It’s agonizing torture and sweet beautiful pain all rolled together. The next strike lands on my ass. A burning tsunami eats my flesh. I can barely breathe, and screams swell inside me until I can’t fight them. Austin lifts his arms and I see Satan with a whip of fire. A demon’s eyes aren’t red, they’re pure glacial green. The belt lands again and again—each strike a precise fire burning into my skin. Tears fall and my fucked up life shrinks into the background until all I have is pain. He keeps the strikes to my right ass cheek, lower left ass cheek and legs as I writhe. The burning intensity increases and my screams grow louder. There’s no faking the agony he’s inflicting. There’s no escape from the fire.
This is the world I’ve wanted. A place without the horrors I’ve lived. I’m small like a child, caught in this moment, not running but embracing every blow. Hoping I’m left with scars to celebrate my liberation. Pictures flash inside my head. Not bad thoughts but good. My mother’s smile. Her laugh. Feather and his soft belly wiggling as I dig my fingers into his fur. The zoo, the baby elephant. Bobby’s soft gaze when he spoke to me. Austin’s very slight smiles.
He doesn’t stop and my body reaches its limit as the swirling pictures recede. “No, please, no,” I finally beg. I’m crying so hard I can’t breathe. I twist my head and peer up at Austin as his arm lifts again. He’s so damn sexy and my words hold no sway. My begging only excites him. Maybe this is how I’ll die. If it is, I’ll take it.
I try picturing my brother’s face, but it won’t appear. I try picturing my father too. Austin is now my world. My eyes are swollen and snot runs from my nose. Not a pretty picture I’m sure. The red-hot burn continues. Through my swollen eyes I see his. They’re on fire. I muffle my next scream by focusing on his eyes.
Something changes when he realizes I’m watching. His hand slowly lowers and he wipes sweat from his brow with the side of his forearm. His hands shake as he slides the leather back through his fingers.
Scalding heat radiates from my body. I’m immersed in agony and I love it. I can’t stop shaking and crying while he unties my hands. Part of me wants to fight him off. I want to use the belt and beat him. I want to freeze the image of his eyes on my brain and remember it when I meet death at my brother’s hands.
I’m only half aware that Austin stands naked over me. He picks up the belt again and I whimper. Do I want more? Can I take it? He rolls me to my back and I’m ready for the experience to begin again.
The bed gives as he straddles my legs. “Please,” I whisper. He slips the leather beneath my neck and slides the end through the buckle. I panic and roll to my stomach. He pushes down against my back with his arm hurting my still fresh tattoo and holds me there with his knee.
The pressure on my back eases when he forces my legs open. “Put your knees beneath you,” he demands.
“No,” I say as I shake my head. I have no idea why I’m terrified.
My unwillingness doesn’t stop him. With a growl, he pushes one of my knees up followed by the other. It’s uncomfortable because of my spread legs. I don’t have time to struggle before his cock pushes inside me and he tightens his hold on the belt. I gurgle as the belt cuts off my oxygen. Within seconds, he eases up and allows me to breathe. My gasps for air end when he clenches the belt tight again. He’s pumping into me furiously, his hot breath on my middle back, on the brand he’s put there. This time the clench around my throat is longer. Darkness clouds my vision after a few seconds and I start fighting.
“Hold still,” he whispers gruffly in my ear. The belt loosens while Austin repeatedly rams into me. He won’t kill me, I tell my oxygen-deprived brain as I try to absorb what’s happening. The assault on my pussy, the tightening of the belt around my throat…there’s beauty in the depravity. My body comes alive and the feel of his rigid cock fills my senses. The slapping of our bodies and loud breathing add to the erotic scene. My cries turn to a gasping need for air when he tightens the belt again. So many things run through my cloudy brain as sensation takes over.
His weight against my back, the smell of sex, the feel of sex. The weeks I’ve been imprisoned by this man. All thought sweeps through my head and centers in my pussy as he slams inside me and takes what he needs. What do I need? I think through the fog.
Suddenly I want to laugh because my need to fight the constriction around my throat dies. My legs are rubber and slide from beneath me. Austin releases the belt and turns me over before entering me again. My legs are too weak to wrap around his. The look in his eyes takes me to another place. The green is so lush I want to touch them. My hands splay to either side of my head and I manage to grab handfuls of hair, my fingers digging painfully into the strands. Everything inside me centers on where our bodies join. His eyes close and lines furrow his cheeks as he continues pounding in and out. Euphoria takes over and I’m in another place. No pain, no regret, no hatred. Austin takes me there. A solid thrust pushes me higher in the bed and leaves me gasping. Austin’s hot seed fills me and I take it with soul shattering joy.
The burn on my ass and legs. The ache in my pussy, the solid weight of Austin making it hard to breathe. I hold on, my fingers no longer in my hair but digging into his skin. Our bodies stay joined and I wonder what he feels at this exact moment. We’re wet with mingled sweat and sex. Two people who should hate each other.
I don’t want hate.
Austin rolls from my body, taking his cock with him. I’m unfulfilled and yet full. Free might be a better word. He runs his hand through my hair, and I push my head into his fingers. Our connection is still there. His fingers trail lower—over my neck to my breast. He pinches my nipple and rolls it between his fingers, igniting a slow burn between my legs. I have no idea where the tears come from. One minute his fingers bring need and the next an overwhelming sense of nothingness. I pull away and curl into the smallest ball possible. My tears flow unchecked. I’m aware of the warm leather belt sliding from my neck but little else. A light touch on my face is followed by him pushing my hair aside. I turn away so he can’t see the real me.
“Come here,” he says and without waiting lifts me over him where I collapse against his warm body. I bury my face in his chest unsure what more he wants. I don’t think I have anything left to give. My energy, my will to survive completely drain away with my tears.
“It’s the way I’m wired,” Austin says into the room. Is he apologizing for showing me the light through the darkness? “Here,” he pulls my legs and bends them so they’re on either side of his. I’m his malleable doll unable to control my own body. He slides his hand over the back of my hair allowing me to sob into his chest while he holds me.
I have no idea how long I cry. He gently takes my head between his palms and forces my neck back. “Melina, look at me,” he orders softly.
I don’t want to open my eyes. I want to run away. I want to die and end all the pain and suffering I’ve been through. I want to see my mother again, but if there’s actually a heaven I won’t be going. I’m too fucked up and filled with hate.
“Melina.” This time his voice is sharper.
I peer at Austin through burning eyes staring into a beautiful ocean of green. His intensity grounds me and the swirling uncertainties push aside. He shifts my body until I’m poised above him. “It’s your turn, Melina. I’m hard for you again,” he whispers with his gaze locked on mine.
The dumbest thing comes out of my mouth. “You didn’t use a condom,” I murmur. The words are dumb because my brother will kill me long before any disease.
“I can’t give you children and I’m clean. Unless the guy you tangled with in that closet is dirty, we’re good.”
The world is slowly coming back into focus. “You just beat the shit out of me,” I whimper with a shuddering breath.
“And you loved it. Fuck me, Melina, and help me forget.”
Maybe that’s what sex is all about. A time to forget the outside world and give our bodies what they crave. “Even if I beat you?” I bat my eyes and give him a small grin.
“Do your worst.” He grins back.
I look around the bed and see the belt a few inches from my feet. Tempting fate, I reach back and snag it. His grin disappears and his eyes go a deeper green. The leather is smooth and I know from very recent experience that it can be painful. My fingers flex on the leather and in my mind I picture my arm lifting. This isn’t me. I don’t want to hurt him. We are wired differently. I’ll take the pain he gives but that’s not what I want to give in return. I toss the belt across the room. “I can’t.”
Something changes subtly in his eyes. “That’s okay, do whatever you want.” He closes his eyes for a moment. When they open, the intensity is back. “Show me how you want to fuck, Melina. Teach me.”
I know nothing about fucking, but that doesn’t stop instinct from taking over. Our gazes remain locked. He lifts his hips and eases his cock against me so I feel every inch slide along the lips of my pussy. It feels incredible. I slide my hands onto his hard chest, my nipples brushing against him as I lean closer so our breaths mingle. I rise to my knees above him and this time it’s me grinding against his cock. I’m sore, but it’s a pleasure-filled pain. I still want him. I may want him forever.
I lean in and circle his nipple with my tongue. His eyes close and a groan escapes his lips. I lavish his nipples, which sends fire through my body. My breasts feel heavy. I don’t plan what I do next. The hard nub currently between my lips is too much to resist and I bite down. I guess I was wrong about hurting him.
“Fuck.” He jerks up and grabs my head. I lift my lower body enough to take him inside me. I descend slowly, watching his eyes drift almost closed again. His cock consumes me as it fills the ache he left behind earlier. His fingers wrap into my hair and he draws my mouth closer to his. I open for him and his tongue slides inside. The kiss starts slow and languid, much like the pace of my hips rocking slowly on his cock. My pussy throbs as he fills me again and again. Austin’s fingers tighten in my hair and the kiss changes. His tongue can’t go deep enough, my lips can’t taste enough. I need more and our slow kiss turns into a war of tongue and teeth. I bite his lip and taste blood. He pulls away before I do it again. His fingers grasp my waist and he increases the tempo to match our ragged breath and assault on our mouths. He pulls me back in for another kiss. Our tongues thrust and our bodies rock together in a motion that turns the ache inside me to a burning inferno. I keep up his rhythm when he palms my breasts and squeezes. I moan when he pinches my nipples. I lean down and bite his shoulder. He groans until I unclamp my teeth.
My thighs tremble and fire races across my skin. I can’t get enough air into my lungs. I stand at the precipice as I piston on Austin’s cock feeling my orgasm build, needing to come and yet not wanting this to be over. His fingers sink into my hips again and he guides me incredibly faster. I lean back, sitting up straight, and dig my nails into his thighs. He rises to his forearms, his gaze focused where our bodies join. The muscles in his neck stand out, and for the first time, I feel my power. I want him undone. I want him to feel something…anything…everything.
“Fuck, Melina,” he groans and the vibration carries through my veins, settling in my pussy as my walls pulse. I’m past words. I’m burning from the inside out and have no way to stop it. Not that I want to. He bucks up suddenly and I groan too. His hands move to my cheeks pulling me closer. He holds me as we stare at each other and allow our bodies to ride out the storm. He watches me as my body stops fighting and the orgasm rips through me. He takes my lips in a brutal kiss as spasms come impossibly harder. I can barely keep my eyes open as the waves drown me.
Before the orgasm ends, he pulls me off him, flips me over, and drives into me. He doesn’t need to tell me to pull my knees up. I’m with him this time. His cock impales me and when his fingers circle my throat, I don’t fight it. His hand at my throat excites me as more pulses consume me. My body responds and the heat builds. Austin’s strokes are violent and one orgasm rolls into another.
“Don’t stop. Don’t stop,” I gasp between the breaths he allows.
My legs tighten involuntarily and my stomach fizzes as the pulses become a raging firestorm. This man owns me. He drives in harder and faster until he grunts and slams against me so forcefully I scream. Using my hair, he draws my head back. I don’t fight him as the pressure on my throat goes tighter than before. My eyes lose focus and dark clouds fill my vision. Austin’s shout fills the room and more of his warmth invades me. It runs down my thighs while he pumps in and out.
I want to die this way. The light fades and still his hand grips my throat. Do it, I silently beg. Kill me. Take me out of this fucked up world and give me peace. Blood pounds in my head, darkness turns to a single light in the distance.
I’m happy.
I suck air into my lungs when his fingers let up. He collapses beside me and my legs give out so I’m flat on my stomach. He squeezes my hip and then runs his fingers up my back over the marked flesh he’s made his own. I’ve given him everything and there’s nothing left.