Chapter Eight
Melina
My back hurts. Hell, my entire body hurts. The stone floor is hard, cold, and uncomfortable. All I do is sleep in the darkness or lay with my eyes open staring at nothing. Even exercise is no longer helping. The slow tendrils of insanity threaten me. I don’t know how much longer I can handle the boredom of living in the dark with limited mobility. Now I only want to scream. If I start, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.
The door opens above the stairs and I wait for the light to go on, but it doesn’t happen. Austin carries down a tray with a penlight providing direction. He rests the tray on the cement and leaves without a word. On the tray is another small flashlight. I click it on before his light clears the basement.
Victory. Something I’m doing is getting through to him. It could be my stories or my submission. I laugh at the thought. I don’t have a submissive bone in my body; it’s a complete sham. Not the stories, though. Those are true and it’s comforting to finally say them out loud.
Austin isn’t as immune to me as he pretends. Last night, I saw the outline of his stiff dick beneath his pants. I guess he isn’t gay, because on some level he’s attracted to me. He thinks he’s the spider to my fly but he’s wrong. I’m really the spider biding my time and waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce and devour my prey. He’ll slip up and I’ll have my chance.
I eat the eggs and toast, relishing every bite. The flashlight gives me hope and holds the depression at bay. My plate is bare in a matter of minutes. It’s at least another hour before he returns and silently takes the plate away. He doesn’t look at me either. I wonder if that makes it easier for him to live with his conscience. I don’t mind, though, and I’m relieved he’s not taking me to the bed for another session. I can’t seem to spill my darkest secrets without the hum of his tattoo machine.
A tear slips down my face when the flashlight’s battery begins to fail. I quickly wipe it away. No tears. No feeling sorry for myself even though I have reason. Sleep hovers in my peripheral. My sanity waits there, so I embrace it.
∞∞∞
The overhead light brings me back to consciousness. Austin sits on the floor studying me again. It’s creepy in a way that doesn’t bother me for some reason. If he were going to seriously hurt me, I think it would have happened by now. I place my foot out, and he unlocks my ankle and then helps me stand. I noticed yesterday that he’s touching me more and it still doesn’t scare me. Any other man would have raped me by now. Austin is unlike anyone I’ve known. He’s hard like my brother but I don’t sense Diego’s evil. Austin has a purpose for kidnapping me and mutilating my skin. My brother’s only reasoning is greed and insanity.
Austin holds complete control over himself and that intrigues me. My brother’s men could never be trusted with a woman. Hell, my brother would be the first to rape her. I’ve heard the screams. I remember my mother crying and holding me because something bad was going on downstairs. The woman’s screams lasted for hours that time.
I can’t allow Austin’s captivating qualities to lull me into thinking he won’t kill me if necessary. I haven’t mistaken his small kindnesses like the flashlight for weakness. He lives and operates in the same world my brother does.
I lie on the bed while my brain churns looking for the next memory to share. I’ve become so damn good at blocking them from my brain that it’s not easy to bring them forward in my mind. With a heavy heart, I decide on the one I need to share today.
“I miss my mother’s smile most of all.” Scratching the plastic beneath me with a ragged fingernail helps me gather my courage. “After she died I would smile in the mirror because I have her mouth and I would see small glimpses of her if I turned just so.” I’ve been incredibly lonely since she died, but I won’t tell Austin that. “Before she left me, we had a very special day. I don’t know how she did it, but she got us away from my father and took me to the zoo. It was magical. I’d never been before and we stayed a long time at each exhibit reading all the information on the signs. The elephants fascinated me and we came back to their enclosure repeatedly. There was this baby elephant with sad eyes. I wondered if his father was horrible like mine. The enclosure reminded me of the life my mom and I lived.”
The baby elephant still haunts me when I think of my mother. With another short inhale and exhale, I continue my story, “It wasn’t until we left the zoo that I noticed my mother’s fear. Her hands shook when she started the car and her eyes scanned the parking lot repeatedly. That’s when it occurred to me we didn’t have my father’s permission. She broke the rules knowing full well what waited at home when we returned.”
This next part is harder because I’ll never regret that day no matter the consequences. “I watched as my father beat her senseless. He told me it was my fault while my brother held me back from helping her. She held my gaze and cried softly until he slammed his foot in her head and she passed out. I received one slap across the face for my part in the adventure. My true punishment was watching what he did to my mother and knowing no one would ever stop him. When my mother was able to speak, she told me it was worth it.” I place my palm beneath my chin and stare at the wall in front of me but Austin quickly pulls my arm down by my side with a soft growl. I ignore him and continue, “My mother never disobeyed him again. We found our adventure in books. She read to me even when I was old enough to read for myself. She shared so many books with me. Those were the peaceful times. When she became ill, she never fought death even knowing she was leaving me behind. By then, the fight was beat out of her.”
I don’t cry. I can’t. Tears never help anything. Reliving the day at the zoo was good for me. My mom was happy that day. She was a shy woman with no backbone. My father kept her easily in line by threatening me. I often wondered why she didn’t kill him. I wondered the same about myself as I grew older.
Austin begins wiping down my skin and tapes on more plastic wrap when he’s finished. I take comfort in his touch. For once I appreciate his silence. He eventually leads me back to the wall. He gives me to the darkness without a backwards glance. Remembering is exhausting and I sleep like the dead.
The next morning he turns on the overhead light when he brings food. After breakfast I feel refreshed for the first time in days. My heart thumps in anticipation at what the overhead light means. I crave the release the needle brings.
Austin doesn’t speak. We have a routine now and I offer no trouble when he leads me to the bed. Even his eyes appear somber today. He prepares his equipment and I mentally prepare myself for what I need to tell him.
The steady hum of the tattoo machine helps me find the courage. “When I turned eighteen I thought I would be able to leave and escape the nightmare inside the house.” The plastic beneath my fingers crinkles under my grip. Just say the words, I tell myself silently. Once the words are out it won’t be so bad. “I was wrong. It didn’t matter where I went or what I did, my brother had men watching me. They didn’t even try to hide that they were there. It was outright intimidation and it worked. I obeyed most of the rules and was able to attend junior college. Oww, that hurt,” I say as he goes over a particularly sore area of skin.
He pulls the machine back for a moment before starting it up again. I continue with the story, “One of the guards started talking to me. Just silly things, really. He was maybe in his mid-twenties, too old for me, but the attention made me feel special. He wanted to know what I was up to, where I was heading next, that kind of thing. At first I didn’t answer. It took weeks of ignoring him before I even said hi. We slowly became friends. It was strange because I’d never had a friend. My father’s home wasn’t the place you invited kids into. Not that I knew any kids, because I was homeschooled by my mother then, and too afraid to befriend anyone on the rare occasion I came into contact with someone my age. After my mother died, my father hired a tutor—not because he cared if I were educated but because the government frowns on not providing a child an education and the last thing my father wanted was the law looking at him closer than they already did. I begged and begged about high school and he finally gave in. Thank God I graduated from high school a year early, because my brother thought school a complete waste of time.” I still don’t know how I talked Diego into college. My promise to look over his books and double check his accountant’s work finally got through to his greed.
Here goes the hard part. “The guard’s name was Bobby. We talked whenever we had a chance.” A small laugh escapes my throat. “He must have thought me so naïve. He knew all about the world and I only knew the world inside the walls of the house.”
My lungs don’t have enough oxygen for this next part. I clench the plastic tighter and try to breathe normally. “My brother had two guards drive me to his clubhouse. I’d never been there before. With all the money my brother inherited, the clubhouse is a piece of shit, rundown shack that I didn’t expect. I thought he would auction me off to the highest bidder. Diego threatened me enough times with it. I also knew he would kill me when he discovered I wasn’t a virgin. I would die but my revenge would be so sweet.” I take a long breath. “Bobby waited. I walked inside and saw him tied naked to a chair in the center of the room. My brother’s men stood around watching while my brother smiled. I knew Bobby would die. I wanted so bad to take his place.” I’m almost hyperventilating at the memory, and then the hum of the tattoo machine stops.
It takes a few minutes. I speak again and then the machine starts up. “My brother severed Bobby’s penis and forced it down his throat until he strangled. I watched the entire time. My brother said if I turned away or closed my eyes, he would remove my eyelids. I believed him. I watched Bobby suffer until the final gurgled scream cut off and he died.
“That was the last guard who spoke to me. My brother made his point. I was too good, or so my brother thought, for a measly guard. You marring my back might be more payback than my lack of virginity. I just want to see the look in Diego’s eyes before I die.”
Austin continues working. I hope the horror he’s driving into my skin is ugly. It will match my soul. I don’t know why dolling out my secrets is so exhausting. My body feels like a noodle. The tattoo brings out a side of me I hadn’t discovered before. Maybe it’s the pain or irritation of the needle. It frees me to give voice to the things I’ve buried.
I remain pliant when Austin puts plastic wrap on my back again. His warm hands guide me back to the wall where the damn chain is attached. He empties the bucket, returns and walks away. I’m happy to close my eyes and allow my dreams free reign. Nightmares are preferable to what the light holds.