The last thing Chase wanted to do was leave Ben’s house. So much for saying something. So much for doing something.

“Fucking idiot,” he cursed himself and adjusted his insistent erection as he drove down the dark road that led from Ben’s house back to town. “Why didn’t you fucking stay?”

He slammed a hand against his steering wheel and considered—for about the tenth time since he’d pulled out of Ben’s driveway—turning around and going back.

His dick was definitely on board with that idea.

But what good would that do? And what would he do when he got there?

Kiss Ben again?

Try to talk through the jumble of feelings and emotions he had every time he was near Ben—every time he even thought about Ben?

That didn’t seem like a great plan—and certainly didn’t seem like an easy plan.

But this—this running away and keeping everything bottled up—was clearly not working, either.

Chase glanced in his rearview mirror.

No, turning around and going back tonight wasn’t going to happen. He at least needed some time to collect his thoughts. He’d been trained for years to rely on his instincts, but this time he was afraid his instincts were failing him.

Or at least confusing the fuck out of him.

As Chase navigated the mostly deserted roads of Baxter Springs, he tried to figure out why this happened every time he was around Ben. What made Ben so different from anyone else Chase had ever met?

Ben was the first openly gay guy Chase had ever met, for starters. But even back in high school, when Ben was the only gay person Chase knew—the only one who was out at the time, anyway—there was something else about him that had set him apart, had drawn Chase to him and made him feel protective over the quiet, serious teen with the soulful stare that made him seem much older.

They would spend countless hours sitting in each other’s rooms, or out in the woods on the edge of Ben’s family’s property, just talking about their hopes and dreams and plans for the future. Or sometimes they didn’t even have to talk at all. Sometimes it was just enough to be there.

And even though Chase had only ever dated or messed around with girls all through high school, there was something about that night with Ben that had felt so right, so perfect, that Chase could barely even think objectively about it.

He pulled into the driveway of his parents’ house and shut off the headlights, then turned off the truck’s loud engine. Leaning back in his seat, surrounded by darkness and silence, he thought back to that night.

The feelings he’d felt back then were so similar to the ones he had felt earlier—the ones he was still feeling—that it was almost surreal. There had been a few times after Chase joined the Marines that he wondered what it would be like to kiss another man the way he had kissed Ben.

He didn’t have any other friends, straight or gay, that he felt the same kind of connection with, and he couldn’t imagine feeling that same full-body spark with a stranger the same way he felt it with Ben.

The maddening part was that Chase was pretty sure Ben felt the same way. There was no doubt that he had kissed Chase back, both times it had happened. That look in his eyes and that delicious little noise he made didn’t just happen by accident.

So why was it so hard to talk about? Was it always going to be the elephant in the room?

Even the thought of constantly avoiding the subject made Chase’s stomach hurt. But thinking about bringing it up with Ben made him more nervous than he cared to admit.

Still, it was clear that was what needed to happen. It had to happen, if they weren’t going to just keep randomly kissing and awkwardly running away every time they saw each other from now on.

Chase took a deep breath, then opened the door and stepped out of the truck. Yeah, he would definitely need to have a conversation with Ben.

They had to clear this thing up, once and for all.

Sometime.

Tomorrow, maybe.

First, he needed to shower, to sleep, to collect his thoughts. And to figure out what the hell he was going to actually say when he saw Ben again.

Because even though this weird kiss-and-run-away thing they had going on was hard to handle, fucking up their friendship by reading too much into it would be even harder.

And Chase really, really didn’t want to mess this up.

The house was dark and silent when Chase walked in through the front door. At least he wouldn’t have to answer any questions from his parents. His mom, especially would have wanted to know all about Ben—how he was doing, what he was up to, how he was holding up, and on and on.

All of that would wait, though, thank God. At least maybe by morning he would have collected his thoughts and could fend off the round of twenty questions.

That would hopefully be the case, anyway. And if not?

He might just stay in bed.

All night. All day.

As long as it took to figure out what the hell he was going to do about Ben.

Chase took the stairs two by two and made a beeline for the upstairs bathroom, just across the hall from his bedroom. He needed a shower. Maybe a cold shower.

Something, anything to get himself together.

As soon as the door was closed and he started undressing, he knew that a cold shower wasn’t going to cut it. Even through all the confusion and conflicted feelings, his cock was still rock hard.

It was going to take hot water and steam to get the kind of relief he needed.

Chase finished undressing as he waited for the water to warm up. Only once the steam began to waft up from the shower and he knew the water was piping hot did he step inside.

And oh, Jesus, it felt good.

For several seconds, he kept his eyes closed and let the hot water wash over him, hitting his face and running in rivulets down his body. His shoulders and chest immediately felt less tight, less tense as he slowly inhaled and exhaled.

He was still hard, though. So hard. And as he skimmed a hand down his chest and over his abs, he could still remember exactly how Ben’s body had felt against him.

It had been like a dream, like the best dream he’d ever had.

The urgency, the need, the desire had been so much stronger from both of them than anything Chase could remember from their teenage years. He hadn’t wanted to stop then, just like his cock wasn’t going to let him stop now.

Chase turned so the water was at his back and wrapped a hand around his shaft. He let out a groan and clenched his teeth to stop it from becoming a full-throated moan as his hips jerked forward.

Damn, he wished Ben was there with him, touching him, stroking him. But that was probably never going to happen—even if Chase did have enough balls to actually share his feelings with Ben.

For now, though, the fresh memories in his mind were definitely going to be enough to make Chase come undone.

With his free hand, he reached out to steady himself against the tile wall as he started stroking faster with his other hand, thrusting against his fist with an intensity that already had his climax building inside of him.

“Oh, Jesus,” he whispered to himself as he remembered the way Ben had tasted—so sweet but all man, and his kisses had been just as powerful and needy as Chase’s. “Fuck.”

He pumped faster, harder, ready to release all of the tension and frustration that he’d been feeling.

It wasn’t going to take long. He could already feel it coursing through his body, radiating out from somewhere deep inside.

And then, when he remembered that delicious, needy little sound Ben made?

Yeah, that was enough to push Chase over the edge.

With a long, low moan that he couldn’t hold back any longer, he let go, opening his eyes to see the white hot jets spilling over his fist and splashing onto the shower floor where they were immediately washed away.

Breathless and panting, he leaned against the tile wall, his whole body trembling from the orgasm that just rocked through him.

He lost track of how long he stood there, letting the water wash over him while he came down from his climax, but the hot water was starting to fade by the time he finally regained all of his senses.

Which was probably just as well. He grabbed the soap and started to wash his body, finally able to concentrate on something that didn’t have anything to do with Ben.

Or feelings.

Or kissing.

Or any of the other choices in his life that led him to that moment.

His mind was clear. His body was clean.

All that was left was to go to his room, climb into bed, and prepare himself to deal with whatever tomorrow might bring.