Chapter 19 – Asher
“He’s clueless, Britney. Completely fucking clueless.” Sarah Jane laughs into the phone, completely oblivious that I’m standing right outside our bedroom door.
I can feel my anger starting to simmer at a low boil. I just stand there waiting to see what she’s going to say next.
Sarah Jane and I have been dating for about a year. I met her at a local bar, and for the first time, the thought of being with someone steady didn’t cause my dick to die a slow death. It just seemed like the right thing to do when she started pressuring me to put a ring on her finger. I don’t really know what love feels like, but I like her enough to deal with her daily. So that has to mean something. But what do I know is that, at twenty-five, I just know I need something stable for Coop so he can get over this notion that all chicks are pure evil. But judging by this shit I’m listening to, I might be proving him right.
“Can you believe he was stupid enough to buy me a ring? Well, if you could call this speck a ring. I need a goddamn magnifying glass to make out the diamond,” she laughs. For the first time in months, that laugh doesn’t make me want to fuck her. No, it makes me want to strangle her slim fucking neck. “He’s perfect though. I just know that, once he marries me and I get pregnant, he’ll bend over backwards for me.”
I don’t know what Britney, her best friend, says in response to that, but I continue to stand here, waiting to see what bullshit comes out next.
“We talked about this, Brit! I need him to prove to Daddy that I’m responsible enough to take over the company. You know he thinks I’m too flaky to take over, and Clarkston Inc. is worth fucking millions. All I need to do is marry Asher and maybe have a kid. Then—boom—Daddy will hand over the company on a silver platter.
“No…I’m not just doing this for the company. That’s the goal of it all, but hell, you’ve seen Asher—and his brother for that matter. He’s gorgeous and he can fuck me like an animal. Maybe I can get his brother to agree to some side action. Could you imagine? Both of the Cooper boys fucking me? God, I could come right now just thinking about it. I bet he’s just as rough as Asher is!” She laughs again, and I’m livid.
How could I have been so fucking stupid? I move to storm into the bedroom but stop short when a firm hand grabs my bicep and holds me still. I turn sharply, ready to lay out whatever motherfucker is stupid enough to let this train wreck keep going. His eyes are burning, his lips set at a thin line, but he shakes his head and nods in the direction that Sarah Jane’s voice is still yapping, mouthing a firm, “No,” to me.
We stand there and listen to her go on and on about how much she wishes she could fuck us both. How she’s using me, fucking using me like a piece of shit, just to get her daddy’s money. I’m disgusted with myself, ashamed that I let her get the best of me, but most of all, I hate that I’ve done this.
In an effort to prove to Coop that he doesn’t need to sleep with every woman he meets, that there has to be a woman worth sharing your life with, I’ve let him down. I should have seen this coming. And now I worry that Coop is going to see that maybe he’s right… Maybe chicks aren’t worth shit when it comes to us.
We’ve been tainted from birth.
Makes sense that we should just keep our fucking distance.
Sarah Jane’s laugh floats through the air again, and I’m fucking done. Before Coop can stop me, I step forward and push the door open the rest of the way. It slams against the wall, breaking off the hinges and leaving it hanging at an odd angle. Lovely, just something I’ll end up paying for with the landlord.
“The fuck did I just hear you say, Sarah Jane?”
She has the fucking nerve to look ashamed. The fucking nerve to look like she is the wrong party here. Hell. Fucking. No.
“Did I hear you correctly, bitch? I’m just a goddamn game to you?”
“Asher—” she starts.
“Oh fuck no. Let me tell you what’s going to happen now. You’re going to take my miserable diamond off your finger, get your fucking shit, and leave. I don’t ever want to hear from you again, and while we’re at it, I better not see you step a foot near Coop. You think you’re going to use me as a pawn for your shit, then think again, darling, because this shit ends now.” I step forward, my chest brushing her ample tits. “It’s a shame you let the cat out of the bag. Who knows? Maybe you would have known what it feels like to be taken by both the Cooper men. Such a pity. But hey…no sweat off my back, bitch. Your pussy is so worn that I could have dropped a coin in there and never found the bottom.”
I don’t waste time seeing her reaction. I stomp right out the door, past a laughing Coop, and into my truck. I wait because I know Coop will be quick behind me. We don’t even talk before the rubber of my tires is screaming against the pavement and I’m tearing ass to the bar.
Time to get fucked up and try to remember why I ever thought that I was good enough for someone.
***
We have been at the bar for a few hours. I’m well past drunk, while Coop is just chilling and keeping the drinks coming. I’m not drinking because I’m heartbroken or anything. I’m drinking because I’m pissed. I wanted so badly to prove Coop wrong. I don’t want him alone; I don’t want him to keep thinking that he should avoid a relationship. I want him to believe that there is more out there for us. It’s the hope I’ve had as long as I can remember. I would see people who seemed so in love, so happy, that I would pray that one day we would find that.
Unfortunately for me, Coop has made it perfectly clear that he will never settle down. Never give a woman a chance to hurt him again. And I hate that for him. He has so much to give, so much of him that deserves to feel that love we see.
“You ready to believe me when I say all chicks are good for is spreading their legs and enjoying our dicks?” He laughs.
“No, I’m not. One day, there’s going to be more than sex. We’re going to meet someone who proves all this bullshit wrong, Coop.”
“Doubt that, brother. I’m not setting myself up for that shit ever. Don’t get me wrong. I love the ladies…but that love is for what we can give each other between the sheets. Never. I will never settle myself down with just one.”
“How can you be so sure? Don’t you want to share your life with someone else?”
“Yeah. I’ve got you.”
I shake my head. I know he believes that too. He really thinks that the only thing he will ever need is me, and even though I know I’m not going anywhere, I wish he would see things differently. I’ve seen our friends settle into good, loving relationships, so I know it’s out there. He just refuses to believe it. And I know it all has to do with our fucking mother. She’s done this to him, and just when I thought I couldn’t hate her more than I already do, I’m proven wrong twice in one day.
“What about kids, Coop? Do you really never want to have kids?”
“What the hell is this, Dr. Phil?” he laughs. “Hell no I don’t want kids. I won’t take a chance that anything that evil bitch has could be passed on to my kid. No way will I take that chance. The poor thing would be doomed from the fucking beginning. There isn’t anything in me worth giving a kid, and you know that.” He sobers for a second, shaking his head. “It’s better this way, Ash. I’ve got you. I’ve got the boys. There’s no need to shake things up now.”
“I wish you didn’t believe that, brother.”
“Just give it up, Ash. Please.”
If it weren’t for the raw desperation in his stare, I would press longer. But I do what he wants and keep silent. We sit there, together, just like we always have been. He’s right about one thing: I’ll always be here and nothing could change that.