CHAPTER 19
Oh God. I throw my head into the pillow and moan loudly. My stomach lurches when I feel Axel move next to me.
“You okay?” he questions, rubbing his hand down my naked back.
I shake my head. That does nothing but make my stomach protest.
“You didn’t drink that much, baby. What’s got you upset?”
“Stomach,” I croak.
Oh shit. I jump out of bed, and run naked across the room, and slam myself onto the floor in front of the toilet. Everything from last night comes rushing up. I feel Axel come behind me and gather my hair before pressing a cold cloth to my neck.
“Just let it out, Princess. I knew all that BBQ was going to bite you in the ass.”
“Shut up,” I grumble before letting out a few more heaves. There is nothing left in my body but my stomach is still in knots. Just the thought of all the food I consumed last night causes more heaving to rush up the back of my throat.
Axel stays with me until I feel well enough to get up. I brush my teeth and let Axel carry me back to bed.
“Better?” he asks, the worry clearly dancing over his face.
“Yeah, I’m okay. I guess stuffing the last two plates in my mouth last night wasn’t the wisest decision, huh?”
He offers me a weak smile before kissing my forehead and standing from the bed. For the first time in months, the sight of his naked body doesn’t immediately make me want to jump him. No, not today.
“Let’s try some toast, okay?” he asks. I can tell he is about to crawl out of his skin. He is so concerned something is wrong.
“I’m okay, baby. Just ate something wrong last night. I’m good.” I offer him a weak smile before pressing my face into his pillow and pulling in his scent. My nerves calm instantly.
He stands there next to the bed for a few minutes to make sure I’m okay before walking off. I hear him rummaging through the dresser, assumingly to get dress.
“Be right back, Princess.”
“Okay,” I mumble, already falling back to sleep.
Axel returns after a couple minutes carrying a tray with dry toast and ginger ale. He smiles shyly at me when I look up at him.
“God, I love you.” I say.
“Love you too, Princess. How’s the stomach?”
“Better. At least it isn’t protesting the sight of food.”
We sit there for a while and I slowly eat the breakfast. Everything seems to be staying down and I see the concern start to leave Axel’s eyes.
“What’s your plan for today?” he questions, clicking the channel over to the local news.
“Not much. Just catching up on some clients that needed a few things.” I actually planned to finish wrapping up his presents, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“I need to tell you something and I’m not sure how you’re going to take it.”
I don’t like the sound of that at all. I put the tray on the table next to the bed and shift to look at him.
“Okay . . . I’m listening?” I can already tell I won’t be happy by the way he keeps looking at me with dread. “Axel?” I prompt.
“Okay. So I want you to remember that everything I do is to protect you. Got that?”
I nod my head, narrowing my eyes.
“Right. So I’ve had the guys keeping tabs on that fuckwad for a while now. So far, we haven’t had an inch to go on until last week when Locke finally found some irregularities in the company reports.” I go to interrupt him but he just shakes his head. “Do not ask me how we got those. You don’t need to know the particulars. Anyway, he’s been combing over those reports day and night and finally put it all together. Deep, baby. He’s been pulling thousands—I’m talking hundreds of thousands—right out from under the old man’s nose. Two days ago, Locke followed that trail right into Brandon’s pockets. Long story short, Locke sent a nice care package to dear old dad outlining and showcasing all the evidence. The last thing I heard from my inside guy was that old man went balls-to-the-fucking-wall mad. Police were called in and warrants sworn out for Brandon.” He studies my face, looking for any sign of displeasure with him for disregarding my wish to just let it all be. He won’t find any. As upset that I am at him for keeping his thumb on Brandon, I know why he did it—respect it even.
“And . . .” I add. “I know there is more, Axel, or you wouldn’t be sharing.” My tone is neutral but my body is wound tight.
“I had a guy on him. Not one of our men, but one who I know and trust. Brandon, at this moment, is unaccounted for. Police are looking for him. The boys are looking for him. I’m looking for him. He won’t hide from me. Hear me now, baby, I will find that fucking shit. But I need you to be safe. Stick close this week, okay? I know you aren’t happy about this, but it needed to be done.”
I reach out and grab his hand, giving him a small squeeze. “I understand. I’m not mad. A little upset maybe, but I understand where you’re coming from. If I’m honest, I don’t think I would feel safe knowing he was floating around there.” I give him a small smile, noticing that the worry lines have left his face.
“I’ll find him.” A threat. There will be no mercy from this man if he gets his hands on Brandon.
I snuggle into his side, and we spend the rest of the morning in our bed watching TV and just enjoying being together.
The rest of the day passes uneventfully. Housework and catching up on some of the things I have put off throughout the week.
I have been calling Dee all day but so far haven’t heard from her. Axel tells me to leave it be for the day. Chances are she isn’t able to come to the phone anyway. He tries to call Beck when I wouldn’t leave him alone but just gets voicemail. With a smile and a shrug of his shoulder, we go about the day. I decide to take his advice and just let her call me when she is ready.
I am still not feeling back to normal, so the night ends with us watching movies in bed before drifting off to sleep.
Monday morning starts off much like the morning before. Axel gives me a kiss before the sun is even up and tells me that he needs to go into the office for a few hours but will be back for lunch.
Rolling over slowly, I try to calm my stomach but am unsuccessful and dashing off for the bathroom a few minutes later. I spend the next thirty minutes dry heaving into the toilet before I am able to crawl back to bed. I drift off to a restless sleep not long after my head hits the pillow.
I jolt awake when a chill climbs up my spine. Throwing off the covers, I run down the hallway and stairs before crashing into the office. Pulling up my calendar, I start doing some math in my head. It doesn’t take me long before I am dropping heavily into my desk chair.
Holy shit. It can’t be.
I sit there staring out the window above my desk, watching the trees sway in the breeze and the water down by the lake ripple with the wind. It makes sense. That was been the week after the attack at my house. I remember taking my pill every day like clockwork but I was also been taking some heavy antibiotics.
Holy shit. I drop my forehead on the desk for a few minutes and allow myself a few seconds to freak out.
I pick up the phone on my desk and try calling Dee again but have no luck. It is still early, so I leave a message for her to call me as soon as possible. I disconnect the call before picking the phone up again and calling my doctor, making an appointment for a few hours from now.
On shaking legs, I make the climb back up the stairs and quickly get ready. I don’t even bother with my hair or makeup. I just throw on some jeans and a sweatshirt before dashing out the door.
I make it to the doctor by 9:30 and quickly sign in. I don’t have to wait long before my name is being called. I go through the motions with the nurse and then sit, wait, and silently freak out.
An hour later, it’s confirmed.
I’m pregnant.
Holy shit, I’m pregnant.
“When was your last menstrual cycle, Ms. West?” the older man asks.
“Um . . . I don’t know. I think it was October, maybe early November?” I have no clue. I’m still in shock. “I don’t remember. I’m sorry,” I mumble lamely.
“That’s all right, dear. Let’s go down to the ultrasound room and take a look, okay?”
I don’t answer him. I just follow behind him as he guides me into a dimly lit room.
“This is Jane. She is going to do your ultrasound, dear. We can talk when she finishes up.” He offers a kind smile before stepping out of the room.
I turn my shocked gaze to Jane. She looks like Nurse Hatchet.
“Undress from the waist down. Sheet goes over your legs. I’ll be right back.” And then she’s gone.
I follow her instructions and sit gingerly on the edge of the exam table. My heart feels like it is going to pop right out of my chest. I have no idea how Axel is going to handle this. Besides the brief discussion by the docks that day, we haven’t discussed children. I knew he was still having issues with the loss of our first child, the child he didn’t know about until recently, but this is different.
This is our fresh start. This is our new beginning. I place my hands over my stomach protectively.
A baby. We are going to have a baby. I allow myself a small smile but slip my hands from my stomach when a brief knock sounds and Jane walks back in.
She rolls a condom over the probe and asks me to spread my legs. I blanch but do as she asks. After one awkward, slow thrust, I look over at the monitor and stare in fascination as the tiny, grainy dot appears.
“Well, there you go,” she says, and for the first time, she sounds almost sweet. “That dot there is the fetus. Looks like you are about five, almost six weeks along, which puts your due date at August 3rd.” She prints off a small picture of the baby blob and hands it over into my shocked fingers.
I quickly get dressed, not once taking my eyes off the picture of our baby.
Our baby. As I stand there in the middle of the ultrasound room, the biggest sense of peace settles around me. Axel and I are going to have a baby and I can’t wait to share the news. I am scared, but I know deep in my heart that he will be happy. Placing my hands back over my flat stomach, I promise to protect this little bean with everything I have.
This baby is so loved already. The love is overflowing into my body and I am walking on cloud nine.
Heaven. Absolute heaven. This is what it feels like to have the world.
I get home a little before lunch, quickly hiding the ultrasound picture away until I find the perfect way to tell Axel. This has to be special. He wasn’t there the last time, never got to experience the shock and joy of learning that he was going to be a parent. I can’t wait to experience that with him this time. With only a week to go before Christmas, I know the perfect way to let him know.
Axel gets home shortly after I do. We enjoy a nice lunch before he carries me upstairs for dessert.
I love afternoon dessert with Axel.
Luckily for me and my anticipation, the rest of the days before Christmas are spent with Axel trying unsuccessfully to locate Brandon. I am not focusing on that right now, because I know that tomorrow I will be sharing my news with Axel.
It is Christmas Eve and we have decided to spend the night in and watch old movies. I finally got ahold of Dee two days ago. She has basically disappeared since Beck carried her out of the bar. She was short and, I could tell, frustrated. We made tentative plans to exchange our gifts tomorrow, but that was all.
I drift off to sleep with a smile on my face and butterflies in my belly. Tomorrow is the day I make one of our dreams come true.
“Good morning, Princess, Merry Christmas,” I hear whispered lightly in my ear followed by a soft kiss behind my ear. “Time to get up. Breakfast and Santa,” he says with a smile.
“If you’re playing Santa, can I sit on your lap first?” I reply, rolling over and rubbing my throbbing nipples against his chest.
He lets out a groan before bringing his lips down to my own. He trails slow kisses and nips down my neck and across my collarbone and then drags his tongue across the swell of my breast before taking a painfully hard nipple into his mouth. He sucks deeply and flicks the tiny barbell with his tongue, bringing up his hand and pinching my other nipple between his fingers. I feel the sensation all over my body.
“How ready for me are you, Princess? Is your sweet fucking pussy dripping for me yet? Begging for my dick?” He trails his hand down my stomach, and my oversensitive skin screams for the feelings only he can bring me. “Huh, Princess? Want me to make you fucking scream?
“Oh yes, please, Axel, please . . . I need you so fucking bad,” I beg. My pussy is begging to be filled filled and fucked hard.
“Jesus Christ, Izzy, you’re fucking soaked.” He brings his hand up and I can see my juices glistening on his fingers. He licks his fingers clean before taking his rigid flesh in his hand and rubbing it against my clit. The most exquisite shocks shoot up from my core. My womb clenches and I groan loud and shamelessly. “My girl wants my dick, doesn’t she?” he asks. I nod my head; speech is beyond me now. I can feel the claws of my climax climbing up my spine; every inch of my skin is on fire.
I feel his broad head stretching my entrance before he gives a slow thrust, seating himself deep within me.
“Oh my GOD!” I scream and clench down on his dick.
He hisses and holds still and deep. “Baby, got to stop or I’m going to come right fucking now. Goddamn your tight pussy loves my dick.” He drops his head to my neck and clamps down before moving his hips.
He starts off slow, building the friction until I almost can’t take it anymore, and gradually builds up speed. Before I know it, I am screaming his name and he is slamming into my waiting body. He brings his hands down and lifts my hips up to meet each one of his powerful thrusts. My hands snake around his body and my nails bite the skin before I throw my head back and scream. I swear the house is falling around us, lights are exploding, and the world is shaking. With one more powerful thrust, I feel the warm jets of his orgasm empty into my body.
We lie there for some time while our bodies return to earth.
Rubbing my arms back and forth across his sweaty back, I kiss the side of his face. “Merry fucking Christmas,” I whisper, enjoying the feeling of his semi-hard dick moving with his laughter inside of me. Tremors are still shooting through my body.
“Merry fucking Christmas is right, Princess.”
He slowly pulls out of me and we both let in a sharp pull of air at the loss of each other. He makes quick work of cleaning me off before we get dressed and make our way down to the living room, where we set up Christmas.
I busy myself with making breakfast while he sets up the living room. He starts bringing in boxes from all over the house and, with a devilish smirk, joins me in the kitchen.
“Where did all of that come from?” I ask in awe.
“Been busy, baby,” he says sitting down and starting in on his pancakes.
“Obviously.” I smile and join him, making quick work of breakfast so we can get down to gifts.
He doesn’t stop smiling the whole time we eat, and by the time we finish, we are both sporting ridiculously happy grins.
We start with his gifts. They start off small, some new design programs for my computer I have been looking for, earrings, some barely there garments that earn a slap from me, some odds and ends things I have been raving about for the house, and finally, a large but flat package is pulled out from behind the tree. When I look at him with a question, he just gestures at the package. I walk over from the recliner I was lounging in and start to gently pull the paper off. When I finally get it off, I notice that I am looking at the back of a very large canvas of some kind. He is looking at me with patience but also a small bit of fear. I wrinkle my brow at him before turning it around.
When I see the picture looking back at me, I almost lose it. It is beautiful. The old me would have looked at this picture like I had so many times over the years and let the painful memories consume me. But now, with Axel by my side, I can look at it and smile. I can look at this picture and see the overwhelming love two young kids had for each other.
“It’s stunning, Axel. I love it.” My words are so soft they are barely audible.
“You aren’t mad, are you? You left that box of pictures out a few weeks ago and I got the idea.” He seems to be walking around on eggshells, worrying that I won’t like it—or worse that, it will cause me pain.
“God, no. It’s perfect.” And it is.
The picture is of Axel and me the day he left for boot camp. I still remember the day my mom brought it back from the store. She had a smile on her face and tears in her eyes. They had framed it and given it to me the same day.
In the picture, Axel was hanging out the bus window, one hand hanging on to the window frame and the other reaching down and holding mine. You can just see his broad shoulders dressed in his camouflage and his newly shaved head. I still remember taking my father’s clippers to his silky locks the night before he left. I was standing on the tips of my toes, stretching up as tall as I could and meeting his waiting lips in a sweet kiss. I had bought a new soft yellow sundress to wear that day and it was hanging beautifully from my youthful body.
There was so much love, promise, and sadness in that picture. It is us. It is our past and our future and it is absolutely perfect.
With tears rolling down my face, I carefully lean it against the wall before throwing my arms around his neck and peppering his face with kisses. “I love it, Axel. It is the best gift I have ever received. I love you so, so much.”
“I love you too, Princess.” He kisses me softly and wraps his arms around my back, holding me tight to his body.
We stay like that for just a second, soaking in the peaceful contentment that swirls in the air.
“My turn?” I ask into his neck.
“Not yet, Princess. One more.” He loosens his hold on me, placing my feet back onto the floor, and takes a step back. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a small blue box before dropping to one knee in front of me. The tears that stopped from before are back with a rush.
Oh. My. God.
“Izzy, from the first moment our eyes met, I knew you would be mine forever. There wasn’t a day that passed that you didn’t hold my heart. Everything I have ever done in my life was with you in mind, even when I didn’t think this moment would ever come. It was all I prayed for. We might not have had the easiest road to get here, but know, from this day forward, I will do everything within my power to ensure that there is nothing but perfection. The happiness and love we deserve, baby. Will you do me the greatest honor and become my wife?” When he finishes, I can hardly see him through the tears gathering around my eyes, blurring my vision before falling down my face.
“Yes. Yes, a million times over!” I yell and drop to the ground in front of him, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him with so much love and exuberance. “Yes!” I scream, throwing my head back and smiling wide.
He laughs and opens the box. Inside is a stunning ring. A large round center diamond is set high on the thick platinum band. On each side of the center stone are three rows of more diamonds, the center row being slightly larger than the two on the outside.
It is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen in my life.
He slips it on my finger and brings the hand up to his lips for a soft kiss.
“You’re finally going to be my wife,” he says against my hand, his warm breath tickling the skin.
“You’re finally going to be my husband.” I smile back.
I give him another kiss before pulling away and looking down at my hand.
I can’t help but just think finally, finally, FINALLY.
“Okay, this will be hard to top.”
He offers an arrogant smile before walking over to plop down on the recliner I just left. “Oh yeah, Princess. There is no way you are topping that,” he replies pointing down at my hand.
I smile to myself and start handing him the boxes. He laughs when he gets to the Victoria’s Secret lingerie. “Great minds think alike.” We laugh together and he places the box off to the side.
I hand him the box with the dog tag and watch his face when he opens it. He sits there for the longest time just looking into the box.
His face is void of emotions.
“Jesus,” he chokes out. “Izzy, Princess, this is fucking amazing.” He looks at it for a few more minutes and asks me what the line at the end means.
“Love conquers all,” I reply with a smile.
He fingers the necklace lightly and notices the diamond for the first time. “Is that . . .” He trails off.
“Yeah. I kept it. Locked away but I never let that ring go. I thought it was perfect.”
“It is . . . It is perfect,” he whispers.
He looks up, and the emotion in his depths causes me to stagger a bit. “Wear it always . . . Never coming off,” he says, pulling it from the box and pulling the chain over his head, dropping it to setting against his chest.
“One more,” I say, the butterflies picking up speed in my stomach. “You kind of helped me pick this one out actually,” I add, walking over to the tree and pulling out a small box.
The smile on his face is one of pure bliss. This day has been perfect, and I pray this will be the icing on the cake.
He starts tearing off the paper and opens the lid on the box before pulling out the mug. He has it backwards at first and looks at me with a perplexed expression that turns to a questioning one when he notices my nerves. “Spin it,” I say, twirling my finger in a circle.
He takes the coffee mug and spins it around. I watch when the clouds clear and his jaw drops in shock. He looks up at me, down at the coffee mug, to my belly, then back to my face before returning his eyes to the mug he is holding reverently in his hands. He sits there, his head bowed, and just looks at the mug. I picture it in my mind, knowing what he is seeing, and a small smile tugs at my lips.
The gray mug has a copy of the first ultrasound picture on it, and underneath the picture, it says, ‘#1 Dad—Coming This Summer.’
He is silent for so long that I start to worry. Oh God, I didn’t think what I would do if he isn’t happy about it. I can’t stand the thought of being without him, but if he doesn’t want our baby, I would have to learn.
“Axel?” I question.
He sets the mug down on the coffee table before climbing to his feet. I don’t catch his expression before he wraps his arms around me softly and holds me close. I still can’t judge his mood or feelings about becoming a father. The worry inside me is starting to take root and I feel like I might be sick.
“Princess . . .” he whimpers. His giant body starts to shake slightly under my arms, and I realize he is too overcome with emotions to talk right now.
I hold him and he holds me. I can feel his tears wetting the skin through my shirt. My own are coming freely. He leans back and looks into my eyes, bringing his arms around and wiping his eyes clear.
“A baby? You’re having my baby?” he says in astonishment. “We’re having a baby?” he repeats, a huge smile coming over his face. “We’re going to have a baby!” he booms through the living room and picks me up in a tight hug before spinning me around.
I laugh at his liveliness.
He drops me to my feet again and slams down to his knees, pulling up my shirt and pressing a soft kiss to my flat stomach. Splaying his hands wide across my belly, he whispers to the skin, “We’re going to love you so much, little one.”
I hiccup on a sob and run my hands through his hair. He looks up at me with his bright emerald eyes full of peacefulness and blinding love.
“We’re having a baby.” He wraps his arms tightly around my middle and holds me close with his head against my stomach.
I hold his head to my skin and echo back to him, “We’re having a baby.”