It had been two weeks since the AMAs and there was an underlying tension in our home that wasn’t there before we left Seattle. I felt unsettled. The niggling doubt that started burrowing into my brain back in LA hadn’t let up once we got back.

And Garrett sensed it.

It was like he felt me struggling and was going overboard to try and help. He’d been openly affectionate before, but now it seemed like he couldn’t control his need to touch or hold me whenever we occupied the same space. It bled into our lovemaking as well. What had been passion before LA had morphed into a desperation no amount of sex could seem to quench. His hunger only grew after each encounter. His craving to be inside me immediately returned once we were done.

I’d been functioning on little to no sleep the past couple of weeks, trying to fill that void inside not only Garrett but me as well. But I couldn’t stop that voice of doubt.

I stood at the railing of the terrace in what was now our bedroom. I’d left him sleeping in the bed an hour before. Worn out after two rounds of exhausting lovemaking, he’d finally passed out, but I was unable to shut my brain off and find sleep.

The moon and stars reflected off the lake in the distance, glinting and glimmering like the water was full of a million lights. Fall had officially hit Seattle with the holidays right around the corner, leaving the temperature at night near frigid, but I barely felt the cold on my skin thanks to my tumultuous thoughts.

The sound of sheets rustling echoed from the bedroom, and seconds later I felt Garrett’s strong, warm arms around me. “Jesus, baby, you’re freezing. What are you doing out here?”

I burrowed against him, relishing the feel of being in his arms. “Just thinking,” I whispered. “And I’m fine now that I’ve got you. You’re all the warmth I need.”

“What are you thinking?”

I shivered at the feel of his breath against my ear. “How much I love you,” I answered, when really I was thinking, How I might not be enough for you.

“You’re my world, Gwen,” he murmured in my ear. “You and Liddy. I can’t imagine my life without you guys in it.”

And I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. Which was what scared me so much. I knew he’d always have room in his heart for Liddy. He’d proven over these last months that he could be the father I’d always prayed for my daughter to have. He’d always be a part of Liddy’s life. But I wasn’t sure I’d be enough to keep him as a part of mine.

I turned in his arms, basking in the heat of his body as I wrapped my arms around his waist, clinging to him like a lifeline. When I dug the pads of my fingers into his back, he let out a sharp hiss, his entire body going rigid.

I pulled back, quickly letting him go in fear of hurting him. “What’s wrong?”

His lips tipped up in a seductive smile. “I was gonna show you earlier, but we got distracted.”

I playfully slapped him on the chest and glared. “Show me what?”

I turned around, giving me his back. In the moonlight, I was able to make out the black marks trailing down the center of his spine that I’d never seen before.

“Garrett,” I whispered, emotions clogging my throat as I read I am hers and she is mine. The tattoo ran vertical down his back, the skin surrounding it still slightly pink. “What is this?”

He turned back around, his face a mask of sincerity as he answered, “It’s us. You and me. It’s the truth, Gwen. Because I am yours. And you’re mine.”

The meaning behind it terrified me as much as it thrilled me. “Garrett, that’s so… permanent,” I stressed.

“Exactly,” he growled, taking my face in his hands. “You’re permanent, baby. You think I don’t see you holding yourself back? That I don’t feel it? That goddamn wall of yours is still between us, no matter what I do. I needed you to see that this isn’t going away. I’m not going away. You think you don’t fit in my world, but what you don’t get is that you are my world. None of that other bullshit matters. I’d walk away from all of it for you and Liddy.”

“No!” I said forcefully. “You can’t do that. Garrett, music means everything to you. Those guys are your family—”

I barely spoke the last word before he cut me off. “You’re my family! Christ, Gwen!” he barked and began pacing the length of the balcony. “What do you want me to do, huh? You say you don’t belong in my world, but you won’t let me give it up for you. And you can’t bring yourself to adjust so I can keep you both. What am I supposed to do, Gwen? I’m trying my fuckin’ hardest to protect you and Liddy from that shit, but it’s not good enough for you.”

“That’s not true!” I cried. God, I was such a mess. My head was so screwed up I couldn’t figure anything out. This fight wasn’t on Garrett; it was solely on me, but I just didn’t know how to stop it, how to make myself less insecure, less afraid of losing the only family I’d had since losing my parents.

And that was the underlying issue. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Garrett. I didn’t trust fate. I’d already lost one family. I wasn’t sure I could survive losing another, so I kept myself at arm’s length at all times. I couldn’t bring myself to allow him to fill that hole inside me the rest of the way.

The sad thing was I knew he could do it. If I just let him, Garrett could fill the remainder of that dark, bleak hole of sadness and loss. Only he and Liddy could make me full again, but I was too much of a coward.

And he knew it.

He shook his head in disappointment at my prolonged silence and moved back into the bedroom. Seconds later, the lights inside flicked on, giving me the perfect view of Garrett as he moved into the closet and retrieved a large black duffel bag.

“Where are you going?” I asked. My stomach twisted into anxious knots as he began yanking drawers open, stuffing T-shirts and jeans into his bag. I suddenly felt sick at the thought of him leaving.

“New York,” he bit out, refusing to look at me as he continued to pack.

I knew about that trip. The band was performing on a popular late-night talk show and had several other TV and radio interviews lined up while they were there.

“But… I thought you guys weren’t supposed to leave until tomorrow night.”

He stopped just long enough to pin me to the spot with his gaze. His beautiful green eyes flashed with turmoil as he took me in with a sweeping look from head to toe. “I’m gonna go a day early. Clearly you need some time to yourself to get your shit together, so I’m gonna give it to you.”

“Garrett—” I took a step closer, but he held his hand up to stop me.

I waited with bated breath, frozen to the spot on the floor as he quickly dressed. I needed him to say something, anything to let me know I hadn’t screwed us up completely.

“Ian’s staying behind with you and Liddy, so if you need anything just give him a call. I’ll be back late Friday night.” That certainly wasn’t what I wanted to hear. He picked his bag up off the bed and slung it over his shoulder. “I’m willing to fight for you, Gwen. I think I’ve made that pretty fuckin’ clear. But I can’t be the only one fighting. You’re it for me. You need to take this week to figure out if I’m it for you, because I can’t keep trying to hold on to something that doesn’t want to be held. It’s up to you to decide if I should finally let go.”

It felt like a lifetime passed before I was able to get my legs to cooperate and move. But it was too late. By the time I made it to the threshold, I could already hear the front door clicking closed from downstairs.