Corrus gripped the steering wheel and stared at the road. "I'm sorry." Ever since they'd left the restaurant, Jamie had been unusually quiet, and the guilt that ate him up inside for upsetting such an ordinarily warm person was overwhelming.

Jamie sighed. "For what?"

"For making us leave without talking to you."

"Why did you do it?" Jamie asked, her voice warming up just a bit.

"I got...I don't know. Uncomfortable? Angry? It doesn't matter. I shouldn't have done that, and I'm sorry."

Corrus turned to Jamie and saw her give him a small smile. "It's fine. Thank you for apologizing."

Jamie's words suggested that everything was okay, but her brown eyes were filled with sadness and something else, perhaps disappointment. But Corrus didn't know where that would be coming from.

"You're still upset." He darted his eyes between Jamie and the road. The restaurant was thirty minutes away from their house in the opposite direction of town. It had been quiet and discreet, just like Jamie promised, and now Corrus was glad for the long drive home. He determined not to leave the car without him and Jamie being back on good terms.

"What hurt you? Whatever it is, you can tell me. Even if it hurts my feelings." Jamie shuffled in her seat and stared out the window. It looked like his soft-handed tactic wasn't working. He needed something to get her to talk.

"Didn't you say you hated how your parents swept everything under the rug? Please talk to me."

Jamie turned sharply and glared at him. "That was a low blow, Corrus. I told you that in confidence, not so you could throw it back in my face."

Corrus shook his head and pulled the car over. He couldn't concentrate, and he wouldn't get Jamie into a car accident because his dragon was stirring within him, piling on the pressure to fix things with their mate.

"I'm sorry. I seem to be off today, but, then again, so are you." Corrus rubbed a hand down his face. "It's eating me up knowing that something I said hurt you this much. Please tell me what's wrong."

"Is Ethan the reason you don't want to give our relationship a chance?"

Corrus jerked his head back. "What? Why would you think that? I love Ethan. He's a great kid."

Jamie's eyes softened, and she tugged at her finger. "But back in the restaurant, you said that if a man knows he doesn't want kids, he should stay away. Isn't that what you're doing? Staying away?"

Corrus winced. He'd spoken so freely that he hadn't taken a second to think about how Jamie might consider his words. Ethan wasn't the problem, but he didn't know how to explain his situation with his father. Not only was it dark, but it would make Jamie see him in a different light, depending on how she took it.

"Ethan has nothing to do with me staying away. In fact, I see him as an extra reason to why I'd want to be with you. Not only does he have a great heart but seeing you with him makes me like you even more."

"So, what's the problem?" Jamie asked throwing her hands up in the air.

"I told you. I have some things I need to deal with. It's got nothing to do with you and Ethan."

Jamie turned to face him head-on. "Except it does. Look, Corrus, based on what Emily tells me, the way you are with me is not how you are with everyone else. You make me feel special, and I like how you care about Ethan. On top of that, you've admitted that you have feelings for me. Can't you see how frustrating the situation is for me? Your actions say one thing, but you tell me something else with your words. It's becoming frustrating, and, while I'm not here to force you to make a decision immediately, I think you owe me an explanation. That way I can decide if I want to wait around for you or move on."

Move on. The words were like a cold bucket of ice over Corrus' head. Hadn't Cimmeris warned him that Jamie would want to do just that?

His palms grew sweaty, and his scalp started to itch. His body had always reacted that way when Corrus was at a crossroads. The last time it had happened was when he’d sat in his family living room and told his mother about his father's abuse. That hadn't gone well, and he hated reliving the memory.

Now, Jamie was putting him on the hot seat, and he could tell by the frustration on her face that, if he didn't open up, she'd give up on him before he got a chance to find a way to make himself into the man she deserved. Jamie wouldn't wait around forever, and it wasn't fair for him to ask that. The best thing he could do was open up and see how she reacted.

"Okay. I'll tell you everything."

Jamie's spoke softly. "I'd appreciate that. I don't want you to rush whatever process you're going through, but I need to know more."

Corrus nodded. "It's only fair. Okay." He rubbed his hands together and thought of where to start. There was no need in going all the way back. Corrus decided a brief retelling of his past would do.

He cleared his throat. "My father was a merchant who did well for himself. My mother was a history lecturer at the military academy. That meant that my father stayed home with us and took care of his business, while my mother went and worked in the city for months at a time."

Corrus paused to collect his thoughts, and Jamie gave him an encouraging smile. "My father was a sadistic man and an alcoholic. The alcohol was just something fun for him to do, but he was an asshole, drunk or sober. I was a smart child, and he brought me into his business from a young age. My mother didn't like it, but he always said that it was what his father had done with him. When Penum came to live with us, he got recruited into the business, too, but it wasn't a simple matter of joining the family business."

"Please continue," Jamie encouraged.

He folded his arms and nodded. "My father made Corrus and me run the business for him, punishing us whenever things went wrong. I took care of inventory, operations, and keeping our financial books clean."

Jamie cocked her head. "How did you do that at a young age?"

"He taught me how to do each task. Once. Then he expected me to remember. Whenever I forgot, he'd beat me. First, he punched me; then it escalated to whipping. Always on the back, so that my mother wouldn't see it when she came home."

Jamie gasped. "That's horrible."

"I know, but Penum had it even worse. I quickly learned how to keep up with my work. Penum has always been big, so my father used him as physical labor, preferring to hire as little help as possible to maximize his profits. Whenever Penum sneaked off or shirked his duties, he got beaten. And if you've met Penum, you know he likes to do things his way, so he got beaten a lot."

Jamie shook her head. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

Corrus shrugged. "It was what it was. After a while, I got so used to my father's beatings that I stopped crying when he hit me. He always wanted more from me, though. He'd go out and have several meetings with various importers and exporters, then dump the workload on me, making me figure out how to balance everything so that we sold at a profit and kept our warehouse from overflowing. That's where our beatings took place, by the way.

“Anyway, my father finally realized he couldn't get me to do more by beating me, so he found a new way to motivate me: punishing Penum for my mistakes. It worked like a charm, and, pretty soon, we had doubled his wealth as we both grew stronger, physically and mentally."

"Didn't your mother ever see anything? Hear anything?"

Corrus shook his head. "My dad was a perfect angel whenever she was home. No drinking, hardly any work, and all smiles. The crazy part is that he loved my mother. He loved her so damn much. I think that's part of why he hated me, and then Penum. We took her attention away from him."

Corrus wrung his hands as he lowered his voice. The next part was the hardest to talk about.

"One day, when we were seventeen, I'd grown tired of all the abuse. Penum and I had always planned to join the army at eighteen when we legally could, but something in me snapped. The next time my mother came home, I decided to hurt my dad in the one way I knew I could, all while ending our misery.

“I stayed home, feigning sickness, while Penum and my father went to work. Then I told my mother about what went on when she was away, showing her all the bruises on my back. I told her everything, recounting each incident and the reason why. At the end of it all, I was in tears. My mother's face was dry. She held me, then made me lie down on the couch, where I fell asleep.

“When I woke up, Penum came in with the horrible news. My mother had died in a car crash driving to confront my father at the warehouse. She must have been distraught because her car veered off the road. Our warehouse was located in the middle of a rocky mountain with bendy roads. She fell to her death. Two days later, my father took his own life."

Jamie slapped a hand over her face, and her eyes bulged. Corrus hadn't meant to dump it all on her, but once he got going, he wanted to say everything. That way he'd never have to bring it up again. Telling Jamie about his childhood was the first and last time he'd recount the horrors he and Penum had lived through.

Jamie exhaled. "I just...don't even know what to say."

"It's alright. There isn't anything to say. My dad was a monster who used his children as slave labor and found ways to keep them in line. I didn't even get into the mind games he used on us to keep us working faster and longer."

Corrus sighed. "That's what I grew up with. That's what I knew. I won't lie, a part of me is scared that I don't know how to be a good father or husband. The other part is scared that I might turn into my dad. My mom was always going on about how much I was like him. I need to know that I won't become like him, and I can't jump into anything with you, or anyone, until I know that."

"But you're nothing like your dad! I've spent time with you, Corrus. I know that," Jamie placed a hand on his thigh.

Corrus took her hand in his, once again amazed at just how right it felt to hold her in some way. "I have a dark side, Jamie. I don't think you can do what I do without one. Look, I stopped dating years ago, and I was totally fine with it. But now, you're making me reconsider everything. Please give me some time to sort some things out. I need to make sure I'll never hurt you or Ethan. Until then, I can't commit to seeing where things go."

Jamie pulled her hand away and sighed. "I understand. You've dealt with a lot of trauma involving family. I can see why you're reluctant to jump into a relationship that would give you a ready-made family."

"Sorry I have so much baggage."

Jamie laughed, a genuine laugh, full of the same warmth he'd grown to love. "I have a kid. If anyone's coming in with baggage, it's me."

* * *

Corrus dropped Jamie off at Emily's, then returned the car to the base. Once there, he walked into the house and searched out Penum. He laughed when he found his cousin sprawled on the couch in the game room, fast asleep.

"Wake up, princess," Corrus teased, shaking Penum.

Penum sat up and rubbed his eyes. "This had better be good. I was up playing Overwatch and didn't get to bed until two in the morning."

Corrus shook his head. Penum had become obsessed with the co-op game, claiming that since he had no action in his real life, he'd get some virtually. Corrus sometimes felt guilty for begging him to join the Shadow Squad, where there was less action than he knew Penum would like. But Penum had assured him that he'd rather they be together and bored than apart and lonely.

"I just needed to have a chat with you."

Penum sat up, his bright green eyes alert. He and Corrus never approached each other like this unless it was serious.

"So, I found out that Jamie is my mate, but I don't know if I can be with her."

Penum clapped his hands and grinned. "I knew it! I called that shit from day one, didn't I?"

"You did." Corrus said smiled at Penum's enthusiasm. "But I have a more serious problem. Jamie isn't just some girl I met. She's a wonderful woman and a young mother."

"You know how I feel about that. All children need a home. When my parents died, I needed somewhere to go. I'm glad I came to live with you, but I hate that I did, as well."

Corrus nodded. "I wanted to warn you, but I knew you had nowhere else to go. Besides, my father hadn't yet turned into the full-fledged monster that he became."

Penum scoffed. "Tell me about it. At first, he was cold; then things got worse. Anyway, what's holding you back from getting with Jamie?"

"Do you think I'm like my father?"

"What?" Penum yelled. "Of course not. Why would you ask that?"

"I don't know if you remember this, but my mother always mentioned how much I was like him. She'd tell me I looked just like him. That I talked like him. That I—"

"Acted like him, and even thought like him," Penum contributed. "Yeah. I remember that, but I think a lot of that is true."

Corrus drew a sharp breath, and his eyes bulged. His heart raced as his worst nightmare came true. Here was the one person that knew him best telling him that he saw his father in him.

Penum placed a hand on his shoulder. "Whoa, relax. Not like that. I just meant that you do have a physical resemblance and that you both have sharp minds. Unlike him, you don't have a sadistic side."

Corrus nodded and took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. "Next time, lead with the explanation. You scared me."

"Look, you're not your dad. You haven't done any of the twisted shit that he did. Remember the rats?"

Corrus shuddered. "I do. I thought we agreed never to bring that up again."

"I'm just giving you an example. You're not that twisted."

"But I've done things." Corrus stared at his feet. "There was a Gleonite soldier who made a joke that pissed me off. I don't even remember what it was. I stabbed him several times before someone pulled me off him."

Penum waved his hand as Corrus looked up for his reaction. "We've all done stuff in the heat of battle, and we all have a dark side, to some degree. It would be impossible to take another life and live with yourself if you didn't. The way we grew up makes our dark side a little darker. We can stomach a lot more than the average person, but you know what?" Penum said, placing a hand on Corrus' shoulder once more. "The good in you far outweighs the bad. And as long as that's the case, then you'll be fine."

Penum stood and pulled Corrus up with him. "I need some sugar to help wake me up. Come on."

Corrus quietly followed Penum up to his room, where Penum pulled out his box of fudge and sat on the bed, happily chomping away.

"Corrus, stop overthinking things!"

"I'm not overthinking things. You said it yourself, our dark sides are darker than most people’s!"

"They are, but you've got it under control. Stop comparing yourself to your father. That man was mentally ill. You. Are. Not. Period."

Corrus nodded, but his mind raced back to his childhood. Wasn't his father normal until he started showing signs of aggression when Corrus was eleven? He was a regular guy until something in him snapped.

I don't want to rope Jamie into that kind of life, only to wake up and hurt them one day, he thought.