Prologue

Bailey

 “Bailey, can we talk?”

I reluctantly tore my eyes away from my brother's houseguest who I had been trying to guess whether or not he was gay. I tipped the glass of red wine to my lips, transferring my attention to my older brother, David, who looked way too serious for such a festive occasion. I instantly felt guilty about failing a course this semester since he was paying for it. I felt even worse because if I hadn’t been so distracted, falling in love with Ollie, my best friend, I probably would have scraped through and earned a D. Literature wasn't my strong suit so I hadn't expected an excellent grade, but I had hoped to at least pass.

“Now?” I felt too ashamed to look him in the eyes. “You sure it can’t wait? You have this amazing Christmas party going on with your friends. We can talk about serious stuff later.”

Suzette, his wife, had outdone herself this year. As usual, she hadn’t allowed us to lift a finger to help with the decorations. She had instead hired a professional to design the living room with Christmas decorations in anticipation of their yearly Christmas party. The family had decided to do a white winter theme which I found to be quite cheesy, but it blended well with the new living room furniture they had bought.

Above the lit fireplace were the brand new white family stockings with our names trimmed in gold. Silver throw pillows decorated the ivory-toned couches. The frosty white of the artificial Christmas tree was accentuated with gold lights and other decorations. Each member of the family had been allowed to choose one decorative piece to hang onto the tree. Everyone else had complied with the box of gold and silver decorations Suzette had aimed at them, but I had selected a bright red and green ball. For my mischievous effort, Suzette had ensured the ball hung at the back where it wouldn’t be seen.

“No, I don’t think it can wait,” David remarked and placed a hand on my shoulder.

I was five feet eight inches tall, weighing a hundred and seventy pounds, but it wasn't his larger frame which had me move along with him. It was the respect I had for him. David was the father I’d never had, and although he had come into my life when I was already sixteen, he had filled in the gap quickly.

I groaned as he led me away from his chattering friends and the piercing tone of Mariah Carey's rendition of All I Want for Christmas. We walked toward the patio and slipped through the glass sliding doors. David released me to close the door behind us. Suzette hadn't stopped with the inside of the house, as the exterior was brightly lit with Christmas lights. Pathetic flakes of snow barely covered the ground, but there was still a nip in the air that made me dig my hands into my pants pocket.

“Look, David, I’m sorry about failing that Lit class,” I said, my head hung in shame. “I’ll pay for it. I’ve been doing some odd jobs since I came home for Christmas. If I—”

“This isn’t about you failing Lit, Bailey,” he answered and fiddled in the pocket of his jacket to remove a cigarette. I watched as he lit up and puffed on it a few times. “I’ve been fixin’ to quit smokin,’ but I never make it past a goddamn month. I don't want the kids seeing their father addicted to this crap.”

“Well, you do a good job not smoking in front of them,” I answered with a shrug.

“But Suzette never did like me smoking,” he said before turning so he was facing me fully. “Look here, Bailey, you know I trust you with my kids, right? And they love you something fierce.”

I grinned at the mention of his precocious twins, four-year-olds Reggie and Gina. They were the apple of their parents’ eyes and spoiled rotten, but I had a hand in it as well.

“Aw shucks, David. You know I love them like my own, especially since I’m unlikely to ever have any.”

“Right 'cause you’re gay.” He scratched his chin and looked over into the night. “Well, what if you could be a parent? Would you want to?”

I shrugged, wondering where he was going with this conversation. I got it that this was Christmas and all. Family was important to him, but I was just twenty-one. “I think so. In the future. The far future.”

He chuckled. “Good cause I’m not lookin’ to die any time soon.”

I frowned at him. “Now you got me all worked up without knowing why. What’s going on, David?”

He shifted his eyes back to me. “It’s nothing to fret about. Suzette and I just talked about making you the guardian of our kids should we both kick the bucket.”

My gasp was drowned out by the car that drove by. “You want me to do what?”

“If we die, Bailey, we don’t want that mother of ours getting her talons into my kids. She's already been sniffing around, wanting to spend more time with them than we already allow. Suzette doesn’t have any family member who is capable so that leaves you. I want you to raise them like I raised you up right. Will you do it?”

I swallowed hard. “That’s a huge responsibility, bro.”

“I know, so this should tell you how much I trust you.”

My heart thumped hard in my chest. Guardian to the kids? I had honestly answered David that I wanted kids, but that was years away from now.

He chuckled as though reading my mind. “Christ, Bailey. It ain’t like we lookin’ to die any time soon. We’re just making up our will, and it’s something our lawyer told us to look into. I immediately thought of you, but if you think it’s too much responsibility, I understand.”

I shook my head. Even if I didn’t want to take the kids in the event of their death, I would feel guilty in turning him down. David had taken me off the streets when I had run away from home at fifteen. If not for him, I’d have probably turned into a crack whore.

“Of course, I’ll take the kids,” I answered him. “There’s no doubt about it, David. You won’t have to worry about Mother getting her hands on them. Not once I have a say in it.”

“Uncle Bailey!”

The shriek of my niece pulled me away from the memory of a conversation I had only taken partly serious two years ago when it happened. I had forgotten about my conversation with David almost as soon as it ended that night. I doubted he had thought twice about it either, as we returned to our normal lives. But there was nothing normal about what these kids were about to face, and I had to break the news to them.

I usually laughed at people who said they wouldn’t make a will because it foreshadowed their death, but now I couldn’t help wondering at the superstition. I couldn’t believe my brother was gone. By a stroke of bad luck, my niece and nephew were now orphans, and I had sworn to my brother I would take care of them.

Gina flung her arms excitedly around my waist and buried her face into my thighs. I stroked her hair, my heart aching for her. In a little while, I would have to explain to her that she wouldn’t see her parents again.

Reggie followed her at a slower pace, but when he stopped by Gina, I pulled him into a tight hug as well. I knew he didn’t like it especially when his friends were around, but I couldn’t help myself. I was still partly shocked that David was gone. I had just spoken to him a couple days ago when he called to let me know he and Suzette had arrived in Switzerland for their ski trip friends had invited them to. I had promised them to call the twins and check up on them although their very capable neighbor was holding the fort down until they got back. I ached for my niece and nephew who had lost their parents.

“Uncle Bailey,” Reggie protested and tried to pull away so I let him go.

“Sorry,” I tried to give him my best apologetic smile. “I just needed a big hug, partner.”

“It’s okay,” he answered. “I’ll give you a bigger one when we get home.” He glanced over his shoulder then back at me. “Just not here.”

I reached out to ruffle his short brown hair before pulling back my hand. That earned him a big smile from me.

“Come on, kids. Let’s go home.”

A home without parents, and I'd have to be the one to break the news to them.