***
I woke to a body sliding into bed behind me.
Silas.
Silas was here.
My bleary eyes cracked slightly open, and I turned to look at the alarm clock.
I’d been sleeping for nine straight hours, but it felt like I’d only been asleep for one.
I could barely keep my eyes open as Silas worked one of his arms underneath my head and wrapped the other around my waist to pull me into his chest.
“What’s going on?” I asked him sleepily, punctuating my question with a yawn.
“Shhh,” he said. “We’ll talk about it when we get up.”
I took him at his word and let my eyes drift back shut.
But I didn’t immediately fall back to sleep.
Pressed into Silas’ chest, I could feel the tension in Silas’ shoulders, in his arm that was locked tightly, almost stiffly, around me.
I could feel the pounding of his heart on my back, too.
Fighting the pull of sleep, I opened my eyes and frowned down at him.
There wasn’t a lot of light in the room, just what was coming from the alarm clock and the display of DVD player.
“What’s wrong, Silas?” I asked again.
This time he didn’t try to deny me.
Instead, he tried to distract me.
His mouth found mine, and I sensed his desperation.
“I can’t do it again. I can’t,” he said between kisses.
“Silas,” I said as best as I could with his mouth against mine, getting worried now.
But his hands, those skillful, beautiful, busy hands of his started to work their way down my body.
One stopped at my nipple, plucking it lightly.
The other went down between my legs while his talented mouth trailed across my cheek, down my neck and over my chest to ravage my breasts.
I could sense his worry in the way he shoved his hips between my legs, kneeing them apart as he fell in between them.
But his mouth, which hadn’t stopped working, suddenly reversed its journey to return to my mouth.
He somehow managed to pull his cock out, open a condom and smooth it down his length, and then he was right there, shoving his way in to me.
He cupped my face tenderly when his mouth met mine, his tongue stroking along my lips as they parted.
I gasped into his mouth at his body’s abrupt entry into mine, lifting my hips to meet each thrust of his cock.
My heels dug into the bed as I tried in vain to get closer to him, but not succeeding at all.
“Goddammit,” he growled, the vibration of his voice rattling his chest.
I placed my hand over the back of his head.
The other looped around his neck as I held on tightly.
But just as quickly, he pulled out of me and flipped me over to my stomach.
The suddenness of it caused me to be disoriented for a long moment, but the same couldn’t be said for Silas.
He shoved himself roughly back inside of me, so deeply that he bottomed out.
My eyes crossed as pain flashed through me, followed quickly by ecstasy.
He was out of control, and I found that I liked it.
This Silas was different from in control Silas.
I felt more with this Silas.
I could tell his emotions were walking a thin line between desperation and lust.
He was trying to outrun some demon that I had no clue about.
The only thing I could do was hold on for the ride.
Something I did by curling my fingers into the sheets.
“Touch your pussy,” he ordered.
Well, more like growled.
It was so sexy.
Closing my eyes and dropping down so my cheek was pressed against the mattress, I snaked a hand between my legs and touched my clit.
But I continued down until I could feel him slamming in and out of me.
Feel the stretching that my pussy did for his big cock.
I felt the wetness there, gathering around my entrance, and used it to lube up my fingers.
Gliding them back to my clit, I started to work it frantically.
I had a feeling that if I didn’t get myself there quickly, he’d be going without me.
My suspicions were proven correct when, moments later, he hissed as his cock started to jerk inside of me.
I moaned when he pulled out unexpectedly, yanking the condom off with a sharp snap. He drove three fingers into me as I continued to work my clit, helping me to chase the orgasm that was nearly upon me. And help it did.
I felt the hot spurts of his seed hitting my ass and my back and coupled with the feeling of his calloused hand moving over my skin, what I was sure would be an epic orgasm was tightening in my belly.
The taboo feeling of it all – picturing him working himself to orgasm behind me and the way he rubbed his cum into my skin – really turned me on. Silas’ hand stopped its movement across my back, and I moaned into my pillow as he continued to work his fingers in and out of me.
All of these sensations collided together shooting me straight into fucking orbit as I came harder than I ever have before, harder than I even knew a person could!
My eyes closed as they rolled back in their sockets, and my pussy clenched tightly around his fingers.
I bit into the pillow to hold back a scream would have woke the neighbors but instead I managed to muffle into a moan, all while Silas continued to pump his thick fingers into me prolonging my orgasm.
My stomach clenched so hard that I had to have pulled a muscle, but there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it until my orgasm began to slowly recede.
My breathing came out in ragged gasps as I collapsed onto my belly. Blood pounded in my ears and little bursts of light flashed behind my closed lids. I had no idea something like what I’d just experienced was even possible!
Silas’ fingers stayed planted inside of me as he lay down at my side, pressing his lips against my temple. It was several long minutes before my breathing began to calm and the aftershocks stopped convulsing through me.
“Although that was fucking fantastic,” I told him, panting slightly. “I still want to know what garnered that reaction.”
He was silent for so long that I was positive he wouldn’t answer me, but he surprised the hell out of me when he started to explain.
“That man that was beside you all day, the one that gave you a fucking hug. That man was the man that ruined my life. He destroyed me and everything I’d ever hoped I could be. And he did it with a fucking smile on his face,” Silas said emotionlessly.
I started to sit up, but Silas shoved his fingers harder inside of me.
“Stay there,” he ordered darkly.
Given his tone, I felt it prudent to listen to him.
“Who was he?” I asked. “Why’s he so bad?”
“I gotta start from the beginning if you’re going to understand,” he said softly. “And it’s not pretty.”
“Tell me,” I urged, trying my hardest not to grind down on him.
He held his fingers perfectly still, but the entire thing was distracting as hell.
“When I was eighteen, I was recruited out of the military by the CIA,” he said without preamble.
I froze.
He was in the fucking CIA?
Wasn’t that for people…not like him?
Silas was pretty high profile kind of guy. Weren’t CIA agents supposed to be ghost-like people that no one ever saw?
When I didn’t say anything, mostly because I couldn’t stop my mind from whirling in surprise, he continued.
“They recruited me away from the military, the moment I finished basic training. I was a crack shot with a bad attitude. Joined the Marines, but I had a hard on for ignoring anything type of authority figure. I was on the verge of being kicked out, probably just a meeting with my commanding officer away from it, when I was approached by someone. His name was Rotund Rosenthal,” he continued.
My head was spinning trying to process everything he was telling me.
He was recruited for the CIA at eighteen? For real?
An eighteen year old had no clue what they wanted to do with their life.
Let alone to be thrown into that kind of a situation.
“Okay, but if that’s the case, where does that guy from today fit in?” I asked.
“The summer I met Sam’s mother, Leslie, was when I first began my infiltration into a MC that was known for chain-raping women, filming it and selling the videos. They also had a lucrative stable,” Silas said, but I interrupted him.
“What’s a stable?” I asked.
He laughed slightly.
“A stable of prostitutes. They also did some coke dealing on the side. The first time I saw Leslie was the day that they normally did the grabs. She’d been in the sights of one of my ‘brothers’ when I claimed her. I didn’t know what else to do. Goddamn mission and all that shit didn’t care about a few casualties. They were looking at the bigger picture. So, I did what I had to do, only they wanted to film me taking her the first time as my initiation into the club. That was my test. I passed with flying colors,” he snarled.
“You…you raped her?” I asked, my breath again coming out in pants.
When I tried to dislodge him from my body and get up to my knees, he stopped me.
“There’s a reason I have you like this,” he growled, removing his fingers and flipping me to my stomach.
I rolled, breathlessly, and gasped when he straddled my hips, sitting down on me to keep me in place.
“Listen to it all before you go half-cocked,” he ordered.
I snapped my mouth shut and glared.
“I didn’t have a choice. It was either I do that, or the entire fucking club raped her. I didn’t have a choice!” He yelled. “And I didn’t rape her, I seduced her. And then fell in love with her while I was at it. She had no clue why she was there. She thought she was there for a fucking party.”
I didn’t say anything.
Maybe he didn’t have a choice, but it was still wrong.
“That’s the day Sam was conceived. I kept Leslie separate from the club. Fell so head over heels in love with her that I could barely breathe. However, the club didn’t do monogamy, and I wasn’t expected to either. Not wanting them to hurt my ‘citizen wife’, as they called her, I found Lettie, Sebastian and Shiloh’s mother. I had an ‘ol lady,’ that was aware of what went down in the club to an extent, and then I had Leslie, my real wife in the eyes of God and the government.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I gasped, tears starting to leak down my cheeks.
“Because you need to understand,” he said, bending down to press his lips against my face. “Because I think I’m falling for you when I promised myself I’d never do this ever again. Because it hurts too fucking bad.”
My heart started to flutter, and I couldn’t resist kissing him back.
But I couldn’t help feeling it was wrong, what he’d done.
That it was wrong of me to want to be with him.
“I stayed in the CIA. They felt it was imperative for me to stay in the club, so I did that too. It was my assignment, my job, not a choice. Made a name for myself, but also kept the CIA informed on what I was hearing. By the time Sam was three, I’d made so many enemies, it wasn’t safe for me to leave The Company or the club, which was well on the road to becoming completely legal. The club became my home. But Shovel…Shovel was a thorn in my side from the very beginning, and he made it a point, on a daily basis, to watch me. Study me.”
I nodded, waiting for him to continue.
“He didn’t like how fast I rose within the club. Hated that he no longer made the money that he used to make before I came along. Blamed me for everything that’d changed since I’d arrived,” he said. “Which was true. I’d changed the club, made it mine. Changed every single thing about it that was illegal, and made it a place that I was proud of.”
I blinked, stunned.
He’d done that all at such a young age.
“My kids continued to be in danger, though. Years, I had to deal with Shovel’s shit. He just wouldn’t leave it alone. Then he hurt my boy, knocked him down with a right hook to the face. Which I didn’t take kindly to, especially when Sam’s face split open like an orange on Shovel’s bike spokes. After beating the absolute shit out of him, he continued to dig at me. Just kept picking and picking and picking until I had no other choice but to get rid of him,” Silas said roughly.
His eyes met mine, and I knew what he’d had to do had hurt him.
“I was done following orders that were sent from The Agency at that point. It felt like I’d given my whole life to them and got nothing but heartache in return. So I retired from the CIA and started living my life as the club’s president. Those men were mine, and I’d do with them what I damn well pleased. The club was very important to me, but my kids, my family were more so. Shovel was the last boy left from the old club days who wanted everything to go back to the way it was. We weren’t making the same money we had been, but it also wasn’t anything to sneeze at either. He was pissed at everything I represented. It was the worst mistake of his life, taking his anger for me out on Sam. So I made a call. The last one.”
I rubbed my hands up and down his thighs, urging him to continue without saying a word.
“The CIA put together a plan that would tie him up in a huge bust. They wanted the information he had, though, so he wasn’t to be killed. And he wasn’t. He went down for life. I checked up on him every week since he was put away, but the week you arrived, he was released on bail without my knowledge. And I know he’s here. He wants revenge against me and what I took from him,” he grumbled, looking at his hands.
“What about your kids…your ex-wife…ex-girlfriend. Will he try to hurt them?” I asked softly.
It burned to think about him protecting them, to have his attention on another woman, but I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t bring it up and something were to happen to them.
“I’ve got a few men working on it. They have teams on them, but it’s not them he wants. He wants me. And he won’t settle for anything less,” he said, his hands smoothing up and down my bare back.
“Shovel…he’s nasty. He knows your hopes…your fears. He knows how to get into your head. He can see what will scare you the most. For me…all those years ago…it was my kids. Kids that I hadn’t realized he even knew how much I cared about since I’d taken such great pains to ignore and alienate from my life,” Silas rumbled.
“So maybe he knows more than he did all those years ago, and maybe you should really start watching your kids…letting them know what’s going on,” I offered.
He closed his eyes. “Yeah, I need to do that. The boys are smart fuckers. They’ll see the security detail after a while.”
“You need to call them tomorrow, tell them what’s going on. They need to know,” I urged once again.
He smiled down at me sadly, and my heart started to hurt.
“They’ll just hate me more,” he said.
I looked into his eyes, and pulled him down by my hand wrapped around his neck.
“But they won’t be dead, and from what you just told me, you can’t really do much more harm,” I whispered. “And besides you’ll have me.”
“Do I?” He asked, rolling me over to my back.
I blinked. “Do you what?”
“Have you?”
I nodded. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”
He smiled sadly.
“Only because I wouldn’t let you go,” he countered.
I kissed his lips softly. “Well, I’m not yelling or screaming. That’s gotta count for something.”
“You could just be buying time. Waiting until I fall asleep to make your exit,” he said.
My hands went down to his cock that was laying against my belly, and even flaccid, it was a force to be reckoned with.
It grew in my hands as I slowly stroked him up and down.
“Yeah,” I said. “But I like you too much to leave. Just know that if you ever get into a circumstance where you have to do anything similar to that to me, I’ll tear down heaven and earth to have you at my side. I won’t tolerate cheating under any circumstance, even if it’s supposedly to protect me. Understand?”
He smiled, a brilliant one that made my heart throb in my chest.
“Yeah, I gotcha.”
“Good.”
“Good,” he whispered against my lips.
Then he was sliding those three fingers back inside of me, and I forgot to ask him the lingering questions about my mother and their relationship that were still floating around my head.
Guess I’d ask him tomorrow.