Chapter 18

The best things in life are the things that have the greatest consequences. Like cake. Calories are a bitch.

- Fact of life

Sawyer

The drive to Kilgore, Texas wasn’t a long one.

What made it feel long, however, was the way Silas was acting.

I had my hands wrapped around his waist, but it could’ve been a tree for all I knew.

Silas was pissed at me, because I insisted that his children needed to know about Shovel being released from prison.

It had been two weeks since I’d found out that the charges against me were dropped.

My records were in the process of being expunged, and I was in contact with the Club’s lawyer who would be helping me with the restitution case against the state.

That’d been Silas’ idea and not mine.

I really just wanted it all to go away.

Yesterday.

The man responsible for it all had been arrested.

And just like eight years ago, the entire town’s attention was once again on me.

And I freakin’ hated it.

It reminded me over and over again about how it felt to have all their scrutiny eight years ago, when the wounds of killing those four people were still fresh.

Not to mention that I’d finally bugged him enough about telling his family that the Shovel guy he’d worried about was still around. He might even be closer than they realized.

He didn’t want to worry his kids unnecessarily, but after a lot of convincing done on my part, he’d finally relented. He didn’t have to be happy about it, though.

And, apparently, he thought it’d be a good idea to tell his kids about this at his grandchild’s baptism.

I walked next to Silas, staring up in awe at the building in front of me.

The church was massive. It was old and beautiful and just so… grand.

“Are you sure it’s OK that I’m here?” I asked Silas nervously.

Silas nodded. “Yeah, I think it’s time for you to meet all of my kids. It’s not ever going to get any easier, and it’s time to just rip the band aid off and get it done.”

I didn’t agree.

From what he’d told me, his kids were all around my age.

I was younger than the eldest two, his sons. His daughter was my age exactly, her birthday only two months after mine.

“Which granddaughter is getting baptized?” I asked once again.

He’d told me earlier, but I couldn’t remember her name.

They all started with a ‘P.’

“Phoebe,” he said again, not batting an eye at my forgetfulness.

He seemed almost preoccupied, as if he didn’t want to be here at all.

What I couldn’t understand was…why?

These were his grandkids for Christ’s sake.

Then I found out about ten minutes later when we tracked down his first-born son, Sam.

He was tall like Silas, built a lot like his dad.

He had black hair, though, compared to Silas’ salt and pepper.

Each had beards, but Sam’s was a little shorter than Silas’.

The moment Sam saw Silas, his demeanor changed.

No longer open like it’d been when he was talking to an older woman in front of him, but completely closed off and unwelcoming.

Silas walked up with me, and I had the urge to wrap Silas into my arms and stop him before he got too close to Sam.

But Silas was fearless, and he walked right up to Sam without any hesitation whatsoever in his step.

But Silas’ eyes went to the woman first as he stopped directly in front of them.

“Leslie,” Silas said, nodding his head slightly. “How are you doing?”

Oh, shit!

This was his ex-wife.

The woman that I couldn’t seem to stop comparing myself to.

Ever since the night he’d told me what had happened with his ex, I have been slightly self-conscious.

I knew that Silas cared about Leslie.

Deeply.

He’d been head over heels in love with her.

Was he still?

Looking at Silas’ face, I couldn’t tell. It was unreadable.

He did that when he didn’t want his emotions examined.

He was good at it, too.

It was something that drove me up the freakin’ wall.

It was hard to gauge Silas at times because of his ability to literally shut down every single emotion that he was feeling.

Other people showed their anger with their words or their demeanor.

You wouldn’t realize Silas was even mad until he threw the first punch.

“Silas,” Leslie said, nodding her head at him. “I’ll see you later, son.”

Silas watched her as she walked away, and then turned back to his son when he could no longer see her.

“Sam, I need to talk to you for a minute,” Silas rumbled softly.

His son, Sam, looked up at him and glared.

“I don’t have time,” he answered immediately, not even giving his father a chance to explain why he needed it.

I gritted my teeth at the accusation in the man’s tone.

Seriously, who doesn’t have time for their own parent?

It’d taken a lot of convincing on my part to even get Silas to tell Sam.

“It won’t take but a minute. I need you to gather James and Sebastian, too,” Silas continued as if Sam hadn’t said a word.

“Fuck,” the man hissed. “I’ll meet you out back in ten.”

Then he walked past us, not even acknowledging me at all.

“That was fun,” I said humorlessly.

Silas looked down at me and winked.

“I know,” he said. “Take a seat here, and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

I sat on the bench at the back of the rapidly filling church and looked down at my hands in contemplation.

I’d met Sebastian, of course.

He’d been by many times with his kids and wife to see Silas.

The other two, Shiloh and Sam, I’d yet to meet.

And from what I’d seen so far, I wasn’t impressed.

It wasn’t two minutes later that two women walked up.

One had long, curly blonde hair, while the other had a short bob of brown hair.

I knew who they both were instantly from the pictures in Silas’ house.

Sam’s wife, Cheyenne, and Silas’ daughter, Shiloh.

Shiloh was married to the blonde man I could see across the room watching the three of us.

“Hi,” I said softly as they sat.

The two of them smiled.

The blonde more than the brunette, though.

“Hey,” Cheyenne said. “How’s it going? I’m glad you could make it.”

I blinked. “Uhh, thanks.”

I came because Silas looked nervous as hell, and I didn’t want him to go somewhere he wasn’t welcome by himself.

“We didn’t know that you were coming…or that you were dating my dad…until just about two minutes ago. Needless to say, we’re a little surprised. You’re pretty young,” Shiloh said, sitting back and crossing her arms, not holding any punches.

She was a beautiful woman, but it didn’t surprise me.

Silas wouldn’t have ugly kids.

Not with how gorgeous he was.

And after seeing his ex-wife, it was no wonder that Shiloh was so beautiful.

“I’m thirty in about a week,” I informed her. Thirty wasn’t young. Not by a long shot.

Shiloh raised a brow. “You do know that my dad’s fifty-four, right?”

I blinked, then nodded. “Yeah, I know that.”

“And you’re still with him?” Shiloh asked incredulity.

“Um, yes?” I asked, a question in my tone.

What was the big deal about me still being with him?

I loved him.

The fact that he had twenty-four years on me didn’t change that fact.

“So…what are your intentions?” Cheyenne asked.

I looked over at her and smiled. “You know, my father just told me that Silas told him his intentions yesterday. Then to have his daughter-in-law ask me the same question only a day later is kinda funny.”

Cheyenne smiled slightly. “Yeah, I can see how it would be. But you still didn’t answer my question.”

Shrugging I said, “I love him.”

Shiloh’s eyes narrowed, but surprisingly, she didn’t say anything negative to my admission.

“You better be good to him,” she whispered.

Thankfully, Silas returned twenty minutes later, because I was nearly over the two women sitting in the seat beside me.

“What happened to your beard?” His daughter asked sharply.

Silas sat.

Then Shiloh’s eyes turned to me accusingly.

What was wrong with his beard?

“Shaved it off,” he said without explanation.

Shiloh blinked. “What do you mean, you shaved it off? You’ve had that beard for years, and then all of a sudden you start dating her, and it’s gone?”

I blinked.

“Umm, he was like this when I met him,” I supplied helpfully.

Shiloh turned her glare on me.

“I didn’t ask you,” she hissed.

I snapped my mouth shut and turned my face to the side.

Wow. Just wow.

Should I even be here?

“I think I’ll run to the ladies room,” I said, getting up quickly.

I wasn’t sure when the ceremony was supposed to start, but I figured now was the time to go.

Maybe if they had some alone time together they could work out whatever was going on between them.

The two women, nor Silas, complained as I slipped out of the pew, and I was thankful.

Jesus.

I was really starting to doubt my sanity.

And poor Silas.

No wonder the man was lonely.

His own family didn’t even like him!

Which was crazy to me, because he was a man of honor. A huge heart and willing to lend a hand to anyone who needed it.

Shaking my head, I moved purposefully down the aisle of the quickly filling church and headed straight to the bathroom.

I didn’t really have to use it, but I might as well.

I might even go on a walk around the grounds. Possibly hitch a ride back to Benton.

Surely Silas could take care of himself, right?

I hurried through the bathroom ritual, washing my hands and inspecting my makeup.

It looked pretty good, even after riding a motorcycle here for over an hour.

By the time I made it back into the church ten minutes later the ceremony had already started, so I closed the door quietly behind me and took a seat in the very back.

Cheyenne and Sam were at the front, holding a young girl of four or five between them.

She was wearing all white, and her eyes were wide as she stared at the preacher in front of her.

My mind wandered as the ceremony continued, and before I knew it, everyone around me was standing as they said a final prayer over Pru…or was it Piper?

Hell, I didn’t know.

Was it okay to think ‘hell’ in church?

Lord knew I didn’t need any more black marks on my soul.

I was fairly sure God looked down upon people like me.

I looked at the huge wooden cross hanging in the front of the church above the pulpit, and thought about where my life had taken me in the last two months.

I’d been scared beyond belief the day I was released.

Scared that I was going to be alone forever, homeless and jobless.

Now, I was practically living with a man, the man that I’d fallen in love with, but hadn’t formally told yet.

I was at a job I loved, working with animals that I loved even more.

And I had my two best friends at my side. One of whom was happily married to my twin brother.

My parents were happy – and together – once again.

The only thing that was missing from my life were my three other brothers, and they would all be home soon according to the letters I’d received from them.

And then there were those criminal charges.

The ones that were just recently dropped.

I seriously couldn’t ask for anything more.

Oh, I take that back, I did want more. I wanted to marry Silas.

I wanted kids…kids that I knew would probably never happen.

I wanted a house to call my own, one that Silas and I built together.

I wanted a nice car that I bought myself. I wanted to wake up every morning beside the love of my life.

And I wanted Silas to be that man.

I wanted everything.

“Hey,” someone interrupted my thoughts.

I blinked and turned to find Sebastian standing at my side.

“Yeah?” I asked.

He nodded across the room. “Dad asked me to get you.”

I smiled. “Okay. Where does he want me?”

Sebastian grinned. “My guess would be next to him in some form or fashion.”

Nodding, I walked next to the big man that was entirely too nice looking for his own good.

Although, in my honest opinion, he had nothing on Silas.

That beautiful salt and pepper hair. Those big bulky arms. Tight clipped beard. Luscious lips. Strong, sexy stomach. And those eyes.

He really had it going on, and I still couldn’t figure out what he saw in me.

Especially with him standing in the sun like that, a bright smile on his face.

He took my breath away.

Once I reached Silas’ side, he held his hand out to me, and my heart skipped a beat.

Sebastian disappeared, and it was just the two of us under the bright noon sun.

“Where’d you disappear to?” He rumbled, eyes full of concern.

I would’ve answered him, but a rude voice cut into our conversation like nails on a chalkboard.

“You’re an asshole, and I hope your face rots off,” a woman hissed at Silas.

I blinked.

Well, that was harsh!

But seriously, the whole damn day had been full of everyone treating Silas like shit!

First his son, and now this woman.

What the fuck was going on?

“I don’t understand,” I said. “What’s she talking about?” I asked softly, looking up at Silas.

Silas’ head hung like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“That,” he said, keeping his head down. “Is my ex. And it looks like she was just talking to my ex-wife.”

I knew the ex-wife.

The ‘ex’ was new, though.

I also couldn’t figure out what she was doing there.

“I take it they don’t get along,” I surmised.

He laughed humorlessly. “No, I don’t think they do. And it’s understandable.”

Yeah, from the explanation he’d given me about the two of them, it was understandable.

I’d probably hate him a little bit, too.

It’d help if Silas explained what had happened and why he’d acted like that, but he didn’t.

He thought he was doing them a favor by not saying anything to them or informing them of why.

“What is the ex- girlfriend doing here?” I asked.

Silas shook his head. “Not a clue. But I try not to have much of anything to do with her if I can help it.”

I had nothing to say to that.

From what Silas had told me of his ex, she did have a reason to warrant her snotty behavior.

And I couldn’t say that I wouldn’t do the same exact same thing had I been in that situation.

I would like to think that I was a better person than that, but right now Silas was my world.

I could even imagine having kids with him, something that would bind us even tighter together.

I’d be lost if I found out he’d cheated on me with his wife on the side…one I hadn’t realized he even had.

Wanting to change the subject, I asked, “How did the talk with Sam and James go?”

His mouth clenched and the strong muscles of his jaw started to work.

“Not good. They’re justifiably pissed,” he answered. “Don’t like that I’ve had men on them without their knowledge.”

I wondered if I should’ve said anything to that, but he sighed.

“I needed to tell them, it’s just hard to give my own kid more ammunition against me,” Silas finally admitted. “And I’m sorry that I took it out on you that I didn’t want to tell them. Getting mad at you was easier than telling them that Shovel is back in the picture.”

I blinked.

I never even thought that it was hard for him.

I just thought he didn’t think that his sons needed to know.

It’d never crossed my mind that he was scared to hear what his son would say.

“You want to dance?” I suddenly blurted.

He looked down at me. “In the sun?”

“There’s music,” I said defensively.

He laughed. “I’ll dance with you, honey. Just not here.”

I smiled. “Where then?”

His face got close to mine, so close that I could practically taste his lips on my own.

“When we get home. Promise.”

Home.

I liked the way he said that, almost as if he’d moved me in permanently.

“Sounds good,” I breathed, closing the distance until our mouths touched.

“Ewww,” a young kid squealed. “Papa’s kissing a girl!”

I looked over to see a blonde headed rug rat watching us with disgust on her face.

“Pru, darlin.’ It’s not very nice to scream,” Silas reprimanded his eldest granddaughter gently.

The girl grinned, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Looks like you have your hand full with this one,” I teased.

He grinned. “Wait till you meet the rest of them.”