Chapter 4
Trix
I messed up.
Well, to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I’d messed up or if I’d done myself a huge favor by pissing Cam off. He was right—completely right. I was the one who’d ended our friendship. I just hadn’t been able to watch him with other women, and by the time I was old enough—mature enough—to be with him, I was doing everything I could to avoid him. I’d expected him to be celibate, even though we’d had no relationship whatsoever at that point. Not exactly fair… or realistic.
If I was thinking clearly, I knew he wouldn’t do anything to deliberately hurt me. But when I was with Cam, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was all twisted up, eager to hold on to the chance of having him, but at the same time, completely afraid of what that would mean.
What if it didn’t work out? How would I be able to handle seeing his parade of club skanks at every birthday party and barbeque? Even worse, he might find someone he wanted to be with for good—and that would kill me.
If things did work out—if we did end up staying together, did that mean I would have to become my mother? She had a degree from the same university I was almost graduated from, but she’d never used it. She’d been a housewife when she was married to my stepdad and had continued staying home once she and my pop got back together. It seemed like all of the women I was close to except my nan stayed home to take care of the kids—and while I didn’t think that was a bad thing, it also wasn’t what I wanted.
I’d worked my ass off for my business degree, and I wanted to use it. I didn’t want to own my own business, but I really wanted to run someone else’s. It didn’t matter what kind of business I ended up in—a tattoo parlor or an advertising firm—I just wanted to put my new skills to good use. I wanted to strategize and implement new ideas, make money and feel the thrill of a job well done. I thrived on that shit.
A part of me loved the idea of settling down with Cam and having a house full of babies, but the other part of me wanted to make my own way, stand on my own two feet. If I got with Cam, I knew that he would take control. Our dynamic from the very beginning had been of a leader and a follower. Because of the age difference, I’d always been the follower, and I’d never questioned it.
But a lot had happened in the last four years. He was no longer the adult—we both were, and I couldn’t be content with following him anymore. I wanted us to be equals.
I paced around the quiet living room, fidgeting and worrying as I tried to figure out what to do. I hated that Cam was pissed at me. I’d never liked fighting with him, not even when we were kids. Frankly, I didn’t like anything that made him unhappy. I’d been able to ignore the gnawing in my stomach every time we’d crossed paths the past four years and I wouldn’t look at him, but that had been pure self-preservation. Even then, it had hurt me to hurt him.
I let Cam sleep for almost an hour before I couldn’t stand it anymore and finally made my decision.
“What’re you doin’?” Cam asked groggily as I slipped into bed beside him.
The sheets were cool against my skin and I shivered, immediately moving toward his body when he reached out an arm to pull me close.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered against his chest.
“Me, too.” He sighed, turning his head to kiss my hair.
My whole body seemed to relax at his words. This was my Cam. He didn’t hold a grudge, and I knew if I never brought up our fight again, he wouldn’t, either.
“I know you wouldn’t hurt me,” I mumbled past the lump in my throat.
“I’m with you, I’m not with anyone else, Bea. Alright? I know a lot of men are cool with that and their women look the other way, but I knew from the moment you busted that chick’s face—that would never be us.”
“I’m jealous.”
“Good.”
“I don’t know how to not be jealous. I just—this feels like it came out of nowhere, and I’m—”
“Mighta came outta nowhere for you—but it feels like I’ve been waitin’ forever.”
“You didn’t act like you were waiting,” I said quietly, before snapping my mouth closed.
“Bea,” he scolded softly. “What was I supposed to do, baby? First you were pissed I was fuckin’ around, but at that time, you were seein’ me in a way that I wasn’t seein’ you. Knew you wanted me—didn’t feel the same. So I tried to keep that shit quiet, didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But you kept pullin’ away, no matter what I did, and after that shit went down at the back of the property when I realized—holy fuck, I’ve got a serious hard on for my best friend and I don’t want her with anyone but me—you wanted nothin’ to do with me.”
“That was never true,” I argued softly.
“Sure as hell felt true. I went from talkin’ to you every day to nothin’.”
“I cried myself to sleep for weeks,” I said, making his entire body stiffen. “Though that probably had a lot to do with the birth control pills I’d started taking. It made me crazy.”
Cam pressed his fingers under my chin, making me raise my face to his. “Why didn’t you come to me?”
“I was embarrassed that you turned me down. Angry. And then I started seeing you with women, and I couldn’t watch that.”
“One word from you, Bea,” he said hoarsely, “One word is all it woulda took. Thought you didn’t give a fuck.”
“I wanted you to figure it out on your own,” I said, laying my head back on his chest.
“Jesus, I’m not a mind reader.”
“I wanted you to not want anyone but me.”
Cam groaned as he lifted and dropped the back of his head against the pillow a couple times. “I’m gonna tell you somethin’ about men, Sweetbea.”
“Oh, this should be good,” I grumbled.
“If a man has a thing for a woman and she wants nothin’ to do with him? He’s gonna get his dick wet someplace else.”
“Charming.”
“Truth. A man may love a woman, but if she ain’t feelin’ that, if there’s no chance of him gettin’ her? He’s gonna get laid someplace else.”
“So, if I’m not putting out—”
“Don’t even go there, Trix,” he growled softly. “Told you I wouldn’t fuck anyone else and I won’t.”
“I know,” I sighed. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings earlier.”
“You didn’t hurt my feelings,” he replied gruffly. “You pissed me off. You think I’d fuck you and bail? Really?”
I shook my head and Cam kissed my hair.
We went silent for a little while as I listened to Cam’s heart beat beneath my ear.
Cam’s hand traced the tattoo covering my shoulder, then suddenly pressed forward to my collarbone. “You’re naked,” he said, sounding both confused and excited.
“I was hoping if you didn’t forgive me right away, bare skin would sway you in that direction.”
“Damn, I shoulda held out,” he said with a laugh. “Well? Kiss me.”
I leaned up, braced myself on his chest and had to stop and stare at his wide smile. He was so handsome. His light brown hair was kept short and he rarely wore a beard because he hated the way it itched as it grew in, and he was too impatient to wait it out. Blue eyes, long lashes, a nose that had been broken twice, full lips, a strong jawline, and a little mole on his right cheek that I used to stare at when I was ten because I wanted to kiss it. Every single part of him was perfect to me.
I pressed a kiss to the mole that my ten-year-old self had been so fascinated with.
“Was hoping for some tongue,” he joked, running his hand through my hair.
I licked his cheek.
“Aw, come on now,” he whined, dragging me until I was lying on top of him. “You want something to lick, I’ve got better parts for it.”
“We should probably talk first.”
“You’re naked, pressed up against me, and you want to talk?”
“How is this going to work?” I asked nervously.
“I’m going to push these boxers down and fuck you for the next two hours. That’s how it’s gonna work.”
I rolled my eyes at his disgruntled expression. “Are we announcing this? What is this? We’re together—”
“Yeah, we’re together. Didn’t we just discuss this?”
“You’re my boyfriend, then.”
“I’m not a boy. I’m your man and eventually, I’ll be your husband.”
“Getting a little ahead of ourselves aren’t we?” I asked with raised brows.
“Sweetbea, what do ya think we’re doin’ here?”
“Dating.”
“I don’t date,” he scoffed.
“Yeah, I’m well aware,” I said ruefully.
“Didn’t ever want to be with anyone long-term but you—wasn’t with you, wasn’t doin’ long term.”
“Just to be clear, long-term to you is more than a couple hours.”
“Jesus Christ,” he murmured, sitting up and taking me with him so I was straddling his thighs. “You didn’t used to bust my balls.”
“Yeah, well, we never got naked together, either.” My words seemed to remind him that I was sitting there bare assed, because his eyes immediately dropped from my eyes to stare at my breasts.
“You can bust my balls as much as you want,” he said reverently as his long fingers cupped my breasts, making me laugh.
His eyes rose to meet mine again with a soft look. “I know I should say somethin’ good—somethin’ that you can remember later. But, fuck, Bea. I’m just so happy right now, can’t think of nothin’ to say.”
“That sounded good enough to me,” I replied quietly.
“Kiss me.”
I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his, my fingers roaming over his shoulders and neck. This wasn’t some frantic sex on a couch or against the wall. We had all the time in the world and I wanted to savor it.
He must have felt the same way, because his hands left my breasts in a smooth glide, and he wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me into a tight hug as our lips continued to play.
After a few moments, though, what little control I’d had over the situation was completely demolished as Cam’s hand ran up my back to tangle in my hair. His tongue tickled my top lip, then slid inside my mouth, curving to run over my front teeth.
I pulled away laughing.
“What’s funny?” he asked, smiling huge.
“That tickled.”
“Your teeth?”
“No, the roof of my mouth.” I dodged his mouth when it came for me again and stuffed my face into his neck, still giggling.
I yelped in surprise when he turned and threw his legs over the side of the bed. I tightened my arms around his neck as he wrapped my legs around his waist.
“What are you doing?” I breathed against his neck, making him shudder.
“Goin’ to your bed.”
“Why?”
“Cause that’s where we’ll be sleepin’ when we’re done.”
He walked to my room, his hands braced under my ass to keep me steady. Sometimes I didn’t notice how big Cam was—he was so familiar that I didn’t really think about it. However, looking over his shoulder as he carried me easily across the hall reminded me just how tall and strong he actually was.
“I love your bed,” he said seriously, as he pulled at my legs and dropped me on top of the comforter. “Have a lot of good ideas for this bed.”
“Oh, yeah?” I asked as he pulled his boxers off. I couldn’t look. For the first time in our lives, we were completely naked and on display, and I was having a hard enough time not jumping up and locking myself in the bathroom. Instead, I focused on the small “B” he had tattooed on his chest. It wasn’t his first tattoo, or even the most recent, but it was the one that meant the most to me. B for Bellatrix. He’d gotten it during my freshman year in high school, something to cheer me up when I’d been dealing with mean girls. I don’t think that it had meant much to him at the time, he’d already been covered with tattoos, but for me, it had meant everything. It was my brand on his skin, and even through the years I’d avoided him, he’d never had it covered with something else.
“Yeah,” Cam breathed, looking me over. “But we’re gonna have to get a new one.”
I looked at him in confusion for a moment, then smiled. “You won’t fit.”
“I can fuck ya in it, not sure I can sleep in it without my feet hangin’ off the end.”
“But I like this bed,” I argued as he came down over me, bracing himself on his forearms.
“I’ll buy you a better one.”
He leaned in and kissed me deep, sliding his tongue along mine in a smooth motion before pulling away and sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. My hands went to his hair as his mouth moved down my chin, and I arched my neck as he slid further down, running his lips against the skin of my throat.
“I love your skin,” he murmured as he reached my collarbone. “Love the way you smell.”
His eyes met mine for just a second before he tucked his chin and licked around my left nipple, teasing and teasing it before finally pulling it into his mouth. My hips arched off the bed at the jolt of sensation, and one of his hands slid down my side so he could anchor my hips to the bed.
“So pretty,” he said, moving to the opposite nipple to give it the same attention. The hand on my hip went on the move again as I pulled my knees up to grip his waist, and within a moment, he’d burrowed his hand underneath my thigh and was sliding his fingers over my wetness.
My entire body curled inward in response, and my mouth met the warm skin of his shoulder just as his fingers reached my clit. I think I made some weird sound in the back of my throat, but I wasn’t sure, because all of my focus was torn between the teeth gently biting my nipple and the fingers playing between my legs.
“Like that?” he asked happily, pushing his face between my breasts as his breathing grew heavy. “I wanted this to last all fuckin’ day, but that’s not happenin’.”
His head lifted, and his pupils were so dilated that only a small amount of blue shown at the edges.
My breathing grew choppy as two fingers slid down, notching at my opening before sliding in with one smooth thrust. No hesitation.
I pulled my legs higher on his sides.
I’d had sex before—even good sex. I liked sex, but nothing in my experience had ever come close to the way I felt with Cameron. It was as if everything was magnified because I loved him so much, and because I could read every emotion on his face, I didn’t have a moment of self-consciousness. He liked every movement of my hips against his hand, and every shuddering moan that came out of my mouth—and it showed.
Cam moved up my body, his fingers still sliding in and out, until his face was right above mine. As his hips settled between my thighs, he pulled his fingers out slowly, completely cupping me for a moment before bringing his hand to his mouth.
Then he slid his fingers between his lips and moaned as he sucked them clean.
My heart beat fast in my chest as his hand gripped my jaw, but I jerked my hips away as I felt the end of his cock at my opening.
“Condom!” I blurted out, my eyes wide.
“I’m clean,” he assured me, pressing forward.
“Stop!”
My frantic urging must have finally sunk in, because he completely froze above me.
“I’m not on birth control.”
“What?” His face was a mask of confusion. “Why the fuck not?”
“Because none of it works right,” I explained, my face growing red. I really didn’t want to discuss it with him. “I tried everything.”
“You got pregnant?” he asked through clenched teeth.
“No! Jesus.” His nostrils flared as he waited for me to explain myself.
“I bleed all the time, okay? It doesn’t matter what type I try to use, it screws up my hormones and I just have my period constantly. Plus, the hormones make me batshit crazy—I cried constantly, about nothing.”
“Is that normal?” he asked, his voice softening.
“It’s not abnormal—it’s just a thing. It happens to some women.”
His body seemed to deflate at my words and his forehead dropped to rest on mine. “Shit.”
“It’s not a big deal, we just have to use condoms.”
“Didn’t want anything between us,” he grumbled, leaning down farther to kiss me gently.
“No glove, no love.”
“Can we just—”
“No.”
“I’ll pull out.”
“You won’t get in,” I replied seriously.
I was not prepared to be a mother.
“Okay.” He sighed loudly, and I chuckled as he pulled back and reached for his jeans lying on the floor.
Within a minute, he was kneeling back above me, rolling a condom on.
“Thank you.”
“You’re not welcome,” he replied with a half-smile, his eyes shining.
“Someday, okay?”
“No worries, Sweetbea.”
He lifted my legs, hooking my knees at his elbows as he leaned forward to kiss me.
Then he pressed inside.
My eyes slammed shut and my entire body tightened in response.
“Shit, Bea. Relax,” he choked out.
“I’m trying!” My voice was all wobbly.
“Hey,” he crooned, rubbing his lips over my cheeks and eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s been a while.”
He let out a long exhale, then was suddenly no longer on top of me, but gripping the backs of my thighs and pressing his mouth against my pussy.
“Shit!” I yelped, frantically reaching for his head.
He wasn’t messing around.
His tongue came out and he began licking from top to bottom, over and over again, deliberately stopping right below my clit. It was incredible. I could feel myself growing wetter and wetter as he ate at me, tilting my hips at every upward pass, trying to force his tongue where I wanted it.
“So pretty and dark,” he murmured against my skin. “Knew it.”
Then he was above me again, my thighs at each side of his hips as he pressed hard against me.
He slid halfway inside.
“There you go,” he panted, wiping his palm over his mouth. “God, that’s it.”
“Holy shit,” I groaned as he pulled back and pressed forward a little more.
“You feel so good,” he mumbled, his eyes half closed as he watched me.
He pulled back and pressed in.
Then he did it again.
On the third thrust, his balls slapped against my ass and we both groaned.
“Knew you could take me,” he gasped, kissing me hard as his hips moved faster, pulling out slowly and then snapping forward, again and again.
Sweat slicked our skin as I ran my hands over the flexing muscles of his back. God, it was as if he was completely surrounding me. I could see nothing but him.
The friction of his pelvis against my clit grew more pronounced as he ground against me with every thrust, and soon I was moaning each time he slid forward. The noises coming from my mouth were completely involuntary and were soon joined by Cam’s grunts and groans.
Our mouths were just centimeters apart as I got closer and closer to the edge, and just when I raised my head to kiss him, every muscle in my body went rigid as I came.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he panted, slamming inside of me before shuddering.
My arms flopped back down on the bed as Cam struggled to keep his weight from crushing me.
“Pretty,” he said finally, grinning as he kissed my lips softly. “I ever tell you how much I like this?” he asked, tracing down the full sleeve on my left arm.
“Yeah?”
“Suits you,” he said simply, giving me a sweet kiss. “Put on a suit and you look like a business woman, change into a tank top and you look like my woman.”
He reached down to snag the condom as he pulled out, and my legs snapped together as soon as he pulled away. Shit, I was going to be sore.
“Be right back, baby,” he said gently, pushing my sweaty hair away from my face.
He’d just crawled off the bed when someone started banging on my front door.
Cam’s head snapped to the side. “What the fuck?”