Chapter 30: Patrick and Natalie
This would be my 17th day without Natalie. Rather, without Major interacting with Natalie. I got to see her every day in the office. She’d kept her normal Ice Queen appearance; I wouldn’t have been able to tell anything was wrong with her if I hadn’t known what happened.
I used to love going to work. Sticking vegetables in Nat’s lunchbox was the best part of my day. She was very prompt with her lunch—1:00 pm—so I’d always watch her open it. She’d get this stupid smile that spread across her face every time she read the note that was attached.
But that was over. Now our relationship was strictly coworkers and rock climbing partners.
I often wondered if I made the right choice not telling her I was Major. Natalie was dying to know who the man behind the mask was. But I was protecting her by not letting her know. She would be so disappointed if she found out I was Major. In her mind, he was a guy in a cubicle, watching her but never approaching.
But she looked so damn sad when we were rock climbing, and it was all my fault. The only way to fix it would be to let her know my identity. If I told her, when she got over her disappointment, she would be furious I kept it from her. And then extremely embarrassed.
I glanced into Natalie’s office as I passed by. She and Donovan were in the middle of what appeared to be a very important conversation, and their voices were hushed.
“You seriously did that! How’d it go?” Donovan accidentally raised his voice.
Curiosity got the better of me, and I had to know what was going on. I positioned myself in the blind spot of Natalie’s office, and pretended to tie my shoe.
“It was fine. He took me to La Folie.”
There was nothing stopping her from going on a date, but it still made me feel sick. I began to think of all the possibilities. Who had she gone with? How far had they gone?
“La Folie!” Donovan was having difficulty keeping his voice down. “You need to get back together with him.”
Nathan. What the hell was she thinking, going on a date with that asshole. With all the stories Natalie had told me, she shouldn’t even look twice at him.
The mention of Nathan’s name killed my ability to think clearly. I strode into her office, my blood boiling. “Natalie.”
“Patrick. How can I help you?”
“I need to talk to you in my office. Now.” There wasn’t a reason we had to meet now that the marketing campaign had launched, so if she questioned me I wouldn’t have an explanation.
Rather than his usual quirky goodbye, Donovan immediately excused himself. I was pissed after hearing about Natalie’s date, and the look on my face must have been terrifying.
“Fine.”
I stormed towards my office and pulled the blinds down. I never shut my blinds unless someone was in serious trouble. My coworkers thought Natalie was going to get disciplined, which was fine, because I didn’t want be bothered.
“Is there something wrong?” She stood in the doorway of my office.
“Sit.” I pointed at the chairs that lined my desk.
Natalie was true to her Ice Queen personality and never looked bothered by anything. But right now, there was a look of concern on her face. I could only imagine what was running through her head. Probably that I was going to yell at her for something that happened in budgeting. After our talk was over, she would be wishing that’s what it was.
The slam of my door throughout the office didn’t concern me. It might be problematic later if anyone asked what happened, but right now I was too fueled with rage for it to concern me. “We need to talk, Nat.”
Her eyes widened, and I saw the cogs start to turn.
NATALIE
I was pretty sure the world had shifted off its axis. My vision was blurred and moving in slow motion, and I kept trying to respond to Patrick, but nothing was coming out. Major was Patrick. Rather, Patrick was Major.
Surely, something had to be wrong. He couldn’t be Major, because Patrick’s personality was incapable of treating me the way Major did. Major was kind, loving, and thoughtful. Patrick was snarky, and, quite frankly, a bit of an ass.
“Look at me.”
I shook my head, incapable of talking. Hopefully this dream—or should I say nightmare—ended soon. He touched my shoulder and I slapped his hand away. “No.” I managed to utter.
How had I not noticed that the deep timbre of their voices was exactly the same? Every striation of their bodies was in the same place. There was no doubt about it: Patrick was Major.
I couldn’t even look at him after the things we had done. The two of us met in an underground sex club and I sucked his dick through a glory hole. Yet when Patrick figured out my identity, he continued to treat me the same way, never letting on he knew it was me.
Not only had I done unspeakable things to my coworker, I’d also told him about the most intimate parts of my life, things that almost no one knew about. If I had known that was him I would have never opened my mouth. Patrick fucking Reinhardt was one of the last people I wanted knowing my history.
“Nat.”
“How could you?” The feeling of despair I had in the office supply room returned. My throat began to tighten and there was an unusual pooling in my eyes.
“I didn’t want you to be disappointed.”
Disappointment wasn’t what I was feeling. I was pissed from being lied to, but most of all, I was hurt. Patrick and I knew each other well enough that he should have told me. If he had come to me when he learned I was Daisy, this wouldn’t have been so bad. Maybe I would have been able to get over that he was Major. Instead, he hid it from me. I tried to tell him, but a tear fell. And then another, followed by one more, until I couldn’t control myself.
“Congrat-fucking-lations, Patrick. I don’t cry in thirteen years and you managed to make me cry three times in two and half weeks. Well done.” I stood up when a surge of rage ran through my body, too angry to sit down.
“Don’t go. Please.”
“Do you think I want people to see me like this?”
I hadn’t looked at him for our entire conversation. How had he lied to me for so long? Why hadn’t he told me the truth when he figured it out? Maybe we could have worked it out, but not now, not after he kept it from me. I walked over the window that overlooked the parking lot and leaned my head against it.
“I want to be with you. I was an idiot for not saying anything,” he said quietly.
“Yeah, you were. Maybe we could have been together. But you hid it from me for months. It’s not like you’re some random cubicle worker I’ve never talked to. I see you every Sunday. We’ve hung out outside of work.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
I heard the sincerity in his voice, but I was too hurt to accept it. For months I had agonized over finding Major, and the entire time he was right in front of me.
“Me too.” My tears fell against the window. “I don’t know who you are. At first, I laughed because everyone fell for your charming persona. But here I am, falling for a different one.”
“That was not a persona.” I could hear his footsteps get closer to me. “I meant every word I said.”
I brought my hand to my mouth so I could hold back a sob. How could he say that to me?
“If it was a persona, I would have left when I figured out you were Daisy. Why would I risk my coworker finding out? I want you, Nat. From the moment we met at the club—it has always been you. I can’t picture anyone else.”
I let out a combination between a laugh and a sob. “Don’t even say that, Patrick. I know how quickly you burn through girls.”
“I used to, yeah.” At least he wasn’t lying to me about the girls. “But I haven’t seen another girl since we met at Vertigo. When you were still Daisy.”
“Even if for some reason you do want me, you’ll get tired of me.”
“I won’t. I could never.”
If Major had said that to me, I would have believed him. But Patrick is Major. Maybe I could give him a chance. If he had wanted to leave, he really would have done so when he figured out I was Daisy.
“Can I touch you?” His voice was a whisper.
I didn’t answer, because I wasn’t sure how I would respond to his touch. Part of me wanted to punch him in the face, the other part wanted to sob in his arms. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him, nuzzling his nose behind my ear.
I ran my hands along his arms, my fingers feeling the striations of his muscles. My hands made their way into his, and I ran my fingers along his palm, touching each memorized callous. I knew now they were from years of rock climbing.
“I don’t know what to do.” Tears had been constantly streaming down my face, thirteen years’ worth of buildup.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
I hadn’t looked at Patrick yet. Would I get the same feelings when I looked him in the eye? Could I get past that Patrick had been the man behind the mask?
I let Michaela take me to a theme park when we were in college. Despite my protests, she strapped me into the most dangerous looking roller coaster they had. The ride had twelve loops. I had counted, trying to keep myself sane as I was whipped through the air. Right now, I would prefer to be on that roller coaster. Patrick had my stomach feeling worse than when I had stepped out of the cart.
Taking a deep breath, I turned and faced him. Instead of a white mask, I was greeted by his dark green eyes, which were begging for forgiveness.
I ran my hands over the same places I had touched Major, trying to accept that they were the same person. How had I not noticed after the gala? I memorized each inch of Major’s body, and every indentation was the same. I was such an idiot.
“Nat.” He cupped his hand around the side of my face, running his thumb along my cheekbone. “You are everything to me. Please give me a chance.”
“I…”
“One chance.”
Just one. I had wanted him for six months, so I supposed I could give Patrick one chance, even though the thought terrified me.
He gave me a gentle kiss, silently apologizing for everything that had happened. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip, asking for permission to enter. I found myself pulling him closer as he explored the caverns of my mouth.
Surprisingly, it didn’t feel different when I knew Patrick was kissing me. I thought I would feel weirded out, or repulsed, or any sort of unpleasant feeling. If anything, it was better kissing him without the mask on.
After a few moments, it became apparent how much we needed each other. Our kisses increased in intensity, and he pulled me close to him, stroking the back of my neck.
The same fireworks I normally got were exploding. It had always been him. Who gave a fuck that Patrick turned out to be the man I was crazy about? What mattered was that I had him here, and we wanted each other.
I was left hazy-eyed as he pulled away from me. “We should stop here.”
I had almost forgotten we were in his office. If he hadn’t stopped, I would have let him bend me over and take me against the window.
“You’re going to stay?” His eyes searched mine.
“Yes. But I don’t think we should meet at Vertigo anymore.”
He laughed and ran his hands through my hair. “I can manage that.”
I realized I was the happiest I had been in a long time as he kissed the top of my head.
The journey to becoming a more adventurous person had taught me a lot of things. The first was that I shouldn’t drink at charity auctions. The second was that vegetables weren’t all that bad. The most important thing was that The One fodder was absolute bullshit.
A person would find who they were meant to be with in the most unlikely place. For me, it happened to be in an underground sex club.