Beyden lowered the window in the car, despite the coolness of the air. Winter was fast-approaching and the weather was beginning to have a decided bite to it. But the cold sting felt good on his cheeks as he drove the twenty-odd minutes to the training lodge. He smiled in appreciation when he thought of Lark’s concern. He knew his friend was only thinking of his welfare, but it was a little exasperating too. Beyden knew everyone believed he was a pacifist at heart. That fighting, protecting, and killing chades wasn’t in his nature, and therefore, not something he wanted to do. But they were wrong.
Well, not about the pacifist part exactly. He abhorred senseless violence. But he had always wanted to find a place within an Order. Ryker was right when he said duty and service was in their blood. The need to serve the wardens of their world, who gave so much of themselves in order to maintain the precarious balance of nature, was just as much a part of him as any other paladin. He also wasn’t as even-tempered as people thought. He felt anger just as much as the next person and had certainly been furious over the incident which had ruined his standing in society. He just didn’t believe that anger got you anywhere – other than in trouble – which he had quickly discovered.
Seeing the violent reactions of his brethren and also the most esteemed members of their society after the incident when he was younger, had left him with a sour taste in his mouth for a long time. A taste he hadn’t been able to wash clean until Ryker had offered him a job at the training centre here in Australia, Beyden thought, as he pulled into the carpark. He had even been turned off the whole bonded-knight thing for a long time. But then Max had come along and cured him of that. He cut the engine, feeling nervous and wondering if he shouldn’t just turn right back around. Maybe it was best to leave Trent where he had been for the last eight years – firmly in the past. But there was so much he wanted answers to and this was his opportunity to get them. Perhaps, he would also get the apology he felt owed.
Unfolding himself from the SUV, he decided to head straight to the back where he would be meeting Trent in fifteen minutes. His nerves had caused him to arrive a little early, and he was helpless to stop his mind wandering back to the time that had changed his world forever.
He’d been young, and although he didn’t like to admit it, naïve. He had been filled with excitement and happiness over finally being old enough to undertake the Paladin Trials. He had enrolled at his local Training Lodge in his home country of Spain as soon as he could. It had been much smaller than the one he currently worked at, Beyden mused, wandering aimlessly through the large obstacle course filled with ramps, balancing beams, pits, and tyres. But it had been a formally registered location for the Paladin Trials. And at the time, the best part of it was that his best friend would be going through the testing process at the same time.
Beyden had been friends with Trent for over fifteen years by the time they were thirty and therefore able to undertake the Trials. They had both been filled with nerves but Beyden had welcomed his because they had been the result of anticipation of things yet to come. The first few days were demanding both physically and emotionally but Beyden had thought he’d been doing well. The pleased looks on the faces of the trainers had filled him with pride. But then, on the third day of the Paladin Trials, everything turned to shit.
He had entered the showers, towel slung around his hips after an intense twenty-kilometre run. He’d been focused on his aching muscles and tired legs and feeling rather sorry for himself, but he had still noticed the strange look on his best friend’s face as he began drying off. He shook his head now, wondering how he could have been so naïve as to not recognise the look on Trent’s face. Beyden leaned back against the obstacle course and let his mind drift back to that fateful day.
‘Trent? What’s up? You look kind of constipated,’ Beyden joked, keeping the towel in front of him as he dried off from his shower. He wasn’t necessarily shy but not having grown up with any other men resulted in him retaining some modesty in the locker room.
‘Huh?’ Trent stopped staring at him, quickly shaking his head, cheeks flaming. ‘It’s nothing. Forget it,’ he mumbled.
The reaction surprised Beyden. Not once had they ever avoided talking to each other in all their years of friendship. ‘Seriously, Trent. What is it? Do you need help? Are you in trouble?’
Trent laughed, seemingly finding Bey’s comment inexplicably funny, ‘Oh, I need help alright.’
Beyden quickly sat down, absentmindedly placing the now-wet towel over his lap, ‘What is it? You can tell me anything,’ he promised.
Trent turned to him, watching him closely for a moment before asking, ‘Really?’
‘Of course,’ Beyden replied, concerned Trent even felt the need to ask. Then, before he could say anything else, Trent was leaning forward and capturing his lips with his own. Beyden felt himself go still in shock; his best bud was kissing him! He pulled back, Trent’s lips futilely trying to follow. ‘Trent … huh?’
‘I love you, Beyden,’ Trent revealed, looking into Bey’s eyes. ‘I’m in love with you.’
‘You’re … what? In love with me? Since when?’ Not very articulate, but he was in shock. Trent laughed softly, placing his palms against Bey’s cheeks – lovingly! Bey could hardly process it;
‘Since forever, it feels like,’ Trent admitted. ‘I’ve always liked you – always felt a connection to you. And then, as we got older, my like turned to something more. I became attracted to you.’ Trent licked his lips, eyes roving over Bey’s mostly-naked body, ‘Very attracted to you. There are times when I swear you feel the same. But I’ve been too scared to say anything. Do you? Feel the same, I mean.’
Trent’s hope-filled eyes looked up and Bey felt his stomach knot; he was going to have to hurt his friend. ‘I’m sorry, Trent. I just don’t feel the same way. I love you,’ he was quick to assure his best friend. ‘I just don’t love you like that.’
Tears swam in Trent’s hazel eyes for a moment before being furiously blinked away, ‘Is it because I’m a guy?’
‘Well, kind of. Not that I have a problem with same-sex relationships,’ he said quickly. And it was true. That wasn’t even something he had to think about. He knew homosexuality was strictly taboo in their society. Their laws and regulations stated that only productive relationships would be recognised and accepted. What made a relationship productive? The sharing of vitality and the procreation of more wardens. Those were the only two options. Beyden fervently disagreed.
‘So, it’s just me then.’
Trent’s words were so low, Bey had to strain to hear them. ‘What? No! That isn’t it at all. It’s just … you’re my best friend and I just don’t ...’
‘You just don’t feel the same way. Fuck! This is so embarrassing,’ Trent rubbed furiously at his face and Bey saw the evidence of tears being hastily wiped away.
‘I’m sorry,’ Beyden said. And he was – truly. He had no idea Trent had been feeling this way. Trent just shrugged, pointedly not looking in his direction and he knew he had to act fast to ensure there was no lasting damage between them. Trent had a rather short fuse and tended to hold onto grudges.
‘Hey, look at me please,’ Beyden grabbed Trent’s face and held it securely between his palms. ‘This doesn’t change anything between us, okay? I –’
‘What the fuck is going on in here?!’
With those screamed words, Beyden’s entire life had changed. He rubbed his chest, surprised to feel the ache of hurt there. He thought he was over the whole mess. But then if he was, he supposed he wouldn’t be waiting behind the Lodge at the obstacle course for a person who had lied about him and ruined his reputation. When Drake had walked in and seen Beyden’s naked form, hands pressed to Trent’s face, he had assumed they were making out. Before Beyden could say anything, Trent had jumped up and told the older paladin that Beyden had come onto him. And not just come onto him, but had been pressuring Trent – forcing himself on his best friend. Beyden had been too shocked to defend himself immediately and that had also helped seal his fate. More paladins had walked in, drawn by the angry, raised voices and Beyden had known true fear for the very first time. One of the other paladins had yelled;
‘You think it’s okay to come onto someone who isn’t interested in you? And a dude on top of that? You sick fuck!’
And that was when they had attacked like a rabid pack. Beyden’s pleas and fumbled attempts to explain himself had been smothered by fists and boots. And throughout it all, his best friend had stood back watching, looking pale and devastated but not lifting a finger to help or take back his damning lies. Beyden had been expelled from the warden community after that and had never seen or heard from Trent again.
He had been so angry and frustrated – not emotions he knew how to deal with well. His happy upbringing and drama-free life up to that point had meant he was unfamiliar with such emotions. It also meant he was ill-equipped to cope and he had found himself adrift in a world that spun only for those who served a purpose. He’d no longer had any purpose, so what was he to do? Search out more anger. Search out more violence. And try to understand it.
Picking a fight with the meanest, scariest bastard in town had been ridiculously easy, Beyden recalled. At the time Ryker had been a hairbreadth away from murdering anyone who even looked at him sideways. As a result, he had been holding what amounted to cage fights at the back of the training centre. Bare-knuckled fighting for anyone who had a problem with him or the people working with him. Or for anyone who needed a good brawl as an outlet. After watching Ryker KO some random paladin, Beyden had stepped up. He hadn’t been expecting to feel so exposed under those deep, brown eyes, but that is exactly what happened. Like he was being weighed and measured – and found wanting. You’d have thought that would have pissed him off more, but when he stepped into the makeshift ring – nothing more than a circle of surly, mean paladins – he’d found himself suddenly reluctant to participate.
So, instead of actually fighting Ryker, Beyden had only defended himself – blocking punches and dodging kicks. He’d found himself even more annoyed with himself; even when faced with raw violence and rage, he couldn’t understand it – couldn’t embrace it. His moment of introspection cost him a sucker punch to his jaw and he’d been eating dirt in the next heartbeat. He’d been expecting swift follow-up considering the man had him on the ground and Beyden knew he wasn’t worried about a fair fight. But it hadn’t happened.
Beyden smiled as he remembered the few succinct sentences that had changed the course of his life. Spitting out a mouthful of blood, he had flinched when Ryker squatted down in front of him. Grief-hardened eyes had traced over Beyden’s features for a moment before Ryker spoke;
Beyden was shocked at the offer, or rather, the command. ‘Don’t tell me what’s in my heart!’
His yelled response right up in the man’s grill resulted in nothing more than a blink; ‘You want to know why people hate so much; how they feel it, how they show it. So, stick around and find out. Or even better – teach the kids how to avoid it, how to overcome it.’
Even now, eight years later, Beyden felt himself melt a little from the memory. Their strong, gruff, rude Captain sure did have a way with words. After that day, there had also been no more bare-knuckled fights at the rear of the facility. All fighting was to be done under supervision and under the guise of sparring at all times. Weapons were also no longer allowed inside the common areas of the lodge. To this day, Beyden wondered what had prompted Ryker to change things. Surely, he hadn’t made that much of an impression other than getting his arse handed to him.
“You’re wrong.”
The voice inside his head had him coughing, effectively choking on his own spit, and he was beyond glad no-one was there to witness it.
“Other than me, you mean?” came Ryker’s laughing reply, before his voice turned serious again. “I remember, you were so determined to find out why people felt the need to hurt each other, despite your obvious distaste of senseless violence. I figured I’d give you what you came looking for; the feeling of pain, of hurt, of anger. But seeing the ache and confusion in those lion-eyes of yours made me feel something other than rage for the first time in what felt like forever,” Ryker explained.
Beyden found himself having to swallow hard before he spoke again even though he was speaking telepathically; “What was that?”
“Shame. I felt ashamed of myself and of my behaviour.”
Beyden didn’t know what to say to that, so he remained silent, feeling humble. Besides, the silence wasn’t awkward at all. Beyden heard Ryker clear his own throat;
“Now, about Trent –”
“You know about Trent?” Beyden interrupted, feeling his pulse spike.
“I know all,” Ryker intoned.
Beyden snorted and shook his head, “You mean Max; Max knows all.”
Ryker was silent for a moment before he replied, “Fine. Max knows all. She just told me. It’s why I was able to pick up on your thoughts – I was about to talk to you.”
“If it’s about punching Trent in the face, you can forget it,” Beyden said, swiftly. “Lark already suggested it and I nixed it.”
“Actually, I was going to remind you to keep the Order link open but I like Lark’s idea better. Damn, the boy’s getting vicious. That sister of yours must be rubbing off on him. He –” Ryker broke off abruptly but not before a jolt of adrenaline burst through the link.
“Ry? Is something wrong?” Silence met his anxious questions for a heartbeat, “Ryker!” he demanded.
“It’s okay, Bey. Just some unexpected visitors.” Ryker didn’t sound impressed but he also didn’t sound like he was in trouble either.
“What? Do you need me back there?” Beyden asked, already moving in the direction of his car.
“No. We have a full house and it looks like Knox is here too. We’ve got it covered,” Ryker assured him.
But Beyden wasn’t convinced. It was his duty to be at his liege’s side. His unresolved issues with his childhood friend were paltry in comparison. “I’m coming back.”
“Don’t. Seriously, Bey. We got this. Max isn’t in any danger. You know I would be the first to say so if she was. Besides, your sister is here with that damn sickle of hers. If my view from the window is anything to go by, she’s currently threatening to remove some guy’s dick.”
Beyden relaxed upon hearing Ryker’s assurances and the presence of Knox, who had turned out to be a powerful ally. But what really had him turning back around was the mention of his sister. Ivy was a force to be reckoned with; strong, calculating, and swift, and he loved every brutal hair on her pretty head. She had been the best big sister anyone could ask for and his fondest memories nearly all revolved around Ivy in some way.
He knew what others saw when they looked at her; a cold, unfeeling killer. But nothing could be further from the truth. Ivy felt things just as deeply as everyone else. The only difference was that her empathy was focused in a different direction – the chades. Her affections were likewise reserved for those select few she considered family. He couldn’t help chuckling when he thought of how much and how quickly that circle was expanding. Poor Ivy really stood no chance with his Order. They were embracing her and welcoming her into the fold, whether she wanted it or not. And she did want to, Beyden knew. She would just never admit it out loud. Rangers and their deadly reputations, he thought with affection.
“Are you absolutely sure?” he asked, one more time.
“Positive. I’m going out to watch the show – maybe see if the women will let me play too. Looks like they’re hogging all the fun,” Ryker pouted a little.
Beyden blew out a relieved and amused breath and allowed the link to go silent. But he flinched, reaching for his sickle, when he felt a disturbance in the air to his right. A small, speckled sparrow landed on his shoulder, dark irises eyeing him in concern. Beyden blew out a laughing breath. The little bird had clearly sensed his anxiety and was trying to soothe him. He reached out with a finger and stroked the small feathered head in thanks, soaking in the comfort offered up freely by his domain. Although he was a paladin and couldn’t literally talk to animals, he still had a strong connection to all beasts, great and small. He had been half tempted to bring Zombie along on his little trip but his four-legged pal had been enjoying a play in the garden with Bert, Cali, and Dex.
Speaking of which, he was feeling a particularly worrisome energy that was distinctly Cali and he was just about to open the Order connection wider when he spotted four men heading in his direction. Beyden didn’t recognise three of them but the dark head of hair, tanned skin, and lean build were very familiar. Beyden felt his heart skip a little; there was a decided sting of hurt but also happiness. Trent had been his best friend and in that moment, all Bey cared about was finally seeing him after all this time.
Trusting his Captain to call him if he was needed, he forced all his attention on the meeting about to unfold.