I had known Levi was coming home from the Air Force. The whole damn town knew. I hadn’t expected to see him so soon after he arrived, though. When he’d walked in and sat down at one of my tables, I’d nearly died. I had almost asked Mackenzie to take him because I knew she’d love the chance wait on him.

The last time he lived here he was off limits. Everyone in town knew he was mine, but now he was fair game. All the unattached women in town around my age were panting for him. As much as I didn’t want to have to face him, I decided I had to eventually. At least here he probably wouldn’t call me a whore. He was a McCormick, after all, and they had too much class for something like that.

What really bothered me was how nice he was to me. He wasn’t exactly warm and welcoming, but he didn’t seem to hate me. Maybe he’d gotten past my betrayal. I hoped so. At least one of us had.

The hell of it was, despite what had happened, I’d never stopped loving him. When he’d walked in, everything came flooding back. He’d always been a good-looking guy, but now… Oh… my… God! If they were to put his picture on an Air Force recruiting poster with the words ‘come fly with me’ underneath, half the women in America would be in the Air Force recruiting office the next day.

The Air Force had been good to him. He’d filled in, bulked up, and his shirt fit him in all the right ways. Better than the way he looked, and that was saying something, was he now had a confidence and swagger to his walk that hadn’t been there before. He’d left a kid, but he’d returned a man.

I was relieved when he’d left without making a scene. It had taken two years before I was allowed back in the McDonalds, and I wasn’t anxious to repeat that experience, especially at my job. When he’d come back in, I thought he was coming back to take Mackenzie up on her offer, but he’d surprised me when he blew right past her to corner me.

I didn’t want to rehash the past. Getting pregnant out of wedlock didn’t carry the stigma it once had, but I’d alienated nearly everyone in town when I went after Steve for rape. When I couldn’t prove what I was saying, the whispers had started. This was Texas, and while everyone was unfailingly polite, I was frozen out. My circle of friends dried up, opportunities closed, and I was now the bitch that tried to blame someone else for her mistake. For the longest time, the only ones who stood with me was my family. Hamlinton respected them for that, but that respect hadn’t trickled down to me. When I’d stopped pursuing the rape charges, the town had seen it as me finally owning up to my responsibilities.

After Abby was born, Steve agreed to paying a small stipend in child support, and the entire matter was eventually forgotten. I was only now starting to be accepted by the town again, and I wasn’t anxious to return to the oh-so-polite shunning I’d endured before.

I was terrified of what Levi might do. Will and Judy McCormick had been instrumental in turning the town against me. They hadn’t done it on purpose, but I’d hurt their son, and therefore they wanted nothing to do with me. Where the McCormicks went, so followed the town, especially when it was the popular opinion anyway. If Levi started stirring the pot again, I could be right back where I started.

The rest of my shift, I worked in sick fear. I was trapped. I had no skills and was barely making ends meet. If it weren’t for the help of Mom and Dad, I’d still be living at home. I couldn’t leave, and if Levi decided to take revenge on me, staying would be nearly intolerable.

The lunch rush was down to a trickle when Levi walked in at 7:50. The heaviness in my stomach swelled until I thought I was going to puke. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? At eight o’clock sharp I made my last rounds to top off glasses, then with shaking hands, clocked out. I hadn’t told Mom that Levi wanted to talk to me, and she would be expecting me to pick up Abby in less than thirty minutes.

My car was parked in the back, but I knew if he saw me go out the back, he’d think I was trying to dodge him. With no other option, I held my head high and marched to the front door. I just wanted to get this over with. He stood as I approached and held the door open for me, ever the gentleman, the bastard.

“I have to go get Abby,” I said as soon as we were on the sidewalk.

“That’s your daughter?”

“Yes. So make this quick.”

He glared at me. “Why so hostile? I haven’t done anything to you.”

I sagged. “I know. I’m sorry, but Mom is expecting me.”

“Where do you live?”

“Why?”

“Because I want to talk to you, and I don’t want to do it standing on the damn sidewalk, okay? I thought, since you needed to get your little girl, I’d meet you at your house. If you don’t want to tell me where you live, we can meet somewhere else if you prefer.”

“This isn’t a good time, Levi.”

“Okay, fine. Name the time.”

I held his gaze and could tell he wouldn’t let this drop. I sighed. “I rent a trailer at the corner of Fourth and Southwest. 401 Southwest.”

“Over by the retirement home?” he asked.

“Yeah. It’s blue and white. I’ll be there in about an hour.”

“I’ll be waiting.” He watched me a moment before he continued. “I’m not looking to cause you any more trouble. I just want to hear what happened in your own words. After that, if you never want to see me again…” He shrugged.

I sighed. I owed him that much. “Abby is a little shy around strangers.”

“I won’t bite her, I promise.”

I didn’t want to, but a flicker of a smile touched my lips. “Just don’t be surprised if she hides from you.”

He took a step back. “I’ll see you in an hour.”

I walked to my car. The entire drive to Mom and Dad’s I debated telling them I was meeting Levi. I finally decided I would. They’d eventually learn about it anyway, and they’d want to know why I didn’t tell them. Nothing stayed secret very long in Hamlinton.

“How’s my girl?” I asked as Abby flew into my arms. I picked her up and gave her a noisy kiss on the cheek. “Were you good for Grandma?”

“Yep!” Abby chirped. “She let me feed the chickens!”

“Thanks again, Mom.”

Mom nodded. “She’s no trouble at all, but the chickens are getting fat.”

I snickered. Despite everything I’d been through, Abby was the light of my life. She was a real charmer and already had her Grandpa wrapped tight around her little finger. I’m sure every parent thought their child was beautiful, and I was no different, but everyone who saw Abby said the same thing. And now that she was out of the terrible twos, and already in her fours, she was a real sweetheart to boot.

“Want something to eat before you go?” Mom asked.

I shook my head. “Levi is waiting on me.”

“Levi? What’s he want?” Mom asked, her voice cold.

“To talk.”

Mom frowned. She wasn’t a big fan of the McCormicks anymore. Only the Calhouns and the Meyers, as a family, ranked lower. “About what? Haven’t they done enough?”

“He said he wants to hear my side of the story.”

She rolled her eyes. “A fat lot of good that’ll do.”

For some reason her attitude annoyed me. “Of all the people involved in this mess, Levi is the most innocent. He hasn’t done anything, and when I bumped into him this afternoon, he was nothing but pleasant.”

“I don’t trust them, not anymore, not after the way they treated you.”

I patted her on the arm. “It’ll be okay.”

“Want your Dad to go with you?”

I was horrified at the idea. Absolutely nothing good could come from that meeting. I forced a smile. “No. I’ll be okay. He just wants to talk. I’ll give him ten or fifteen minutes to say what he needs to say and then I’ll kick him out.”

“If he starts causing trouble, you call the cops…or get your gun.”

I rolled my eyes. “You do remember Levi, right?”

“Let’s go, Mommy,” Abby said as she wiggled in my arms.

“For God’s sake, Mary Ella, just be careful. You’ve been through enough.”

I kissed Mom on the cheek. “You’re sweet. I’ll call you tonight and let you know how it went. Will that make you feel better?”

She softened. “It might.”

I nodded. “I’ll drop her off at the regular time tomorrow,” I said as I bounced Abby on my hip.

“We’ll be here. And Ella…don’t say or do anything you’ll regret later.”

“I won’t. Love you.”

I stepped out the door, carried Abby to my Escape, and buckled her into her car seat. As we drove home, Abby prattled away about feeding Grandma’s chickens, which was always the highlight of her visit. She loved animals, and Mom’s chickens, the barn cat, and the half-dozen guinea fowl Mom kept for watchdogs and bug control, were a constant source of amazement and amusement for her.

We pulled into the drive of my rented trailer. There was a blue truck like Levi’s sitting there, but this one looked brand new. Seeing that sparkling blue Chevy made me want to cry. That was our truck. Not only did he still have it, but he’d continued to work on it.

I hefted Abby out of the Escape. Without exception, I didn’t entertain men at home when Abby was with me, so her eyes widened as Levi stepped out of his truck. He was holding something behind his back.

“You must be Abby,” he said, pitching his voice higher than normal. “I’m Levi, a friend of your mommy.”

Abby turned her face away and buried it in my neck, her arms clamping down tight. I stood still, and Levi said nothing else until she looked at him. He pulled a foot-tall stuffed bear from behind his back. I recognized it as a get-well bear from the pharmacy with the balloon missing.

“Can you do me a favor? I need to talk to your mommy, but my friend here, he gets scared if I leave him by himself. Can you keep him company for a few minutes while Mommy and I talk?”

Abby looked at the bear and slowly nodded. I pursed my lips as emotion threatened to make me cry. I hadn’t been celibate since Levi left, but most guys acted like Abby was a nuisance when we were on a date, something they had to work around. Levi was engaging with her.

He smiled at her. “Thank you, Abby. Theodore, this is Abby Johnson. Abby, meet Theodore E. Bear. Abby is going to keep you company for a few minutes, okay?”

I took two quick breaths to halt my tears. “Theodore?”

His eyes flicked to mine. “Yeah. He goes by Ted most of the time.”

Ted E. Bear. Abby wouldn’t get the joke, but I did. Goddamn him. He was no different than he had been five years ago.

I led him into my home. It wasn’t much, but it was the best I could afford. Mom and Dad would let me live with them, and while that might make things easier in some ways, it’d be harder in others. I didn’t want to be the thirty-year-old that still lived with her parents, so I was doing what it took to make it on my own.

I put Abby down, and she looked at the stuffed bear Levi was holding. He crouched and held the bear out to her. “Don’t be scared, Theodore. Abby’s going to take good care of you, okay?” he said, talking to the animal, then turned his attention to Abby. “He really likes to be held and have his ears scratched,” he said as he demonstrated.

Abby took the bear and held him close, scratching him behind the ears. “It’s okay, Theodore,” she said, but the name came out as tee-ah-door. “I won’t hurt you. You want to see my room?” She took the bear down the hall to her small room.

“You’re really good with kids,” I said softly.

“I like kids,” he said as he stood.

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“No, I’m fine. Thanks.”

I waited for him to start, but he said nothing. “So, you had something you wanted to say?” I prompted.

“Can we sit down?” I motioned to a chair and he sat. “I don’t know what I’m expecting, but tell me why, Ella. What happened?”

I sat down across from him. “Nothing to tell. I went to the barn, got drunk, and had sex with Steve. You know I wasn’t on the pill, and he got me pregnant.”

“That’s not the story you told at first.”

I shrugged. “So? Nobody believes me. I’m not even sure I believe me anymore. Maybe I made the whole thing up, like everyone says.”

He stared at me. “You don’t believe that. I can see it in your face.”

I shrugged again. “Doesn’t matter now.”

“It matters to me.”

I sighed. “You don’t know what it was like. Every person there said I left with Steve and was hanging all over him when I did. I don’t even remember getting into the truck with him. I was so fucked up, I thought you were there. For all I know, maybe I did ask him to fuck me.”

“You don’t remember any of it?”

I shook my head. “No, not really, not after the drug kicked in.”

“What drug?” he asked, but his tone told me he’d already heard this part.

“What difference does it make?” I snapped, angry. “Steve admitted he fucked me, and now he pays me a hundred bucks a month in child support.”

“A hundred bucks?” he snarled. “That’s shit!”

“We were nineteen, Levi! What do you want from me?”

“I want the truth. That’s all I ever wanted.”

“I don’t know what the fucking truth is!” I glanced toward Abby’s room and lowered my voice. “Cat changed her story and swears up and down she doesn’t know anything about an Ambien being in my beer. Everyone agreed I’d only had two beers and backed up Steve’s testimony that I left with him voluntarily. He says I all but demanded he fuck me and it was totally consensual. Maybe it was, I don’t know. According to him, we pulled off the road and fucked in the passenger seat of his truck, then he took me home. He claimed I told him I was on the pill.” I shrugged again. “Everything lines up just like his story. I can’t remember anything after I saw Cat and Greg screwing in the barn, so I couldn’t positively dispute his story.”

“If you were that drunk, or drugged, you couldn’t give consent, even if you did tell him to fuck you.”

“I only had two beers. Everyone there confirmed it. The cops finally decided I was pretending I didn’t remember any of it because of what happened. It was my word against a dozen other witnesses.”

“And nobody asked about being drugged?”

“What drug?” I hissed. “I didn’t take it, and nobody would admit to slipping it to me, so it was just considered more lies! Don’t you think I tried!”

He stared at me a long time. “Was it a lie?”

“Get the fuck out of my house!” I snarled, jumping to my feet and pointing at the door.

He didn’t move. “Sit down,” he ordered. “I had to ask. You said it was an Ambien?”

I glared at him for a long moment before sitting. “That’s what Cat said.”

“And nobody overheard her?”

“No. The manager at the McDonalds heard me screaming at her about being drugged after I slapped the shit out of her, but he didn’t actually hear her say anything. I told her I never wanted to see to her again, and I haven’t spoken to her since.”

“You know one of the side effects of Ambien with alcohol is memory gaps, right? That’s why it’s becoming the date rape drug of choice.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“So why did you give in and change your story?”

“You don’t know what it was like. Nobody believed me. The police all but said I was lying and trying to frame Steve. The Calhouns hate me, your parents hate me, and we both know how much weight your family carries in this town. I couldn’t win against all that, so I quit fighting.” I looked down. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Levi. I really am. But that’s past. I have Abby to think about now.”

He nodded slowly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I shouldn’t have gone to the barn. I was only nineteen, so I shouldn’t have been drinking beer anyway. I messed up, and now I have to live with it. The worst part is how Steve treats Abby. He won’t have anything to do with her and pretends she doesn’t exist, the bastard.”

“Abby? Is that her real name?” he asked.

“Abigail Michelle Johnson. Abby, sometimes Munchkin.”

“Pretty name. She’s adorable. She looks like you.”

“Thanks. What about you? Why are you back?”

“Things happen.”

“Was it your dad’s heart attack?”

“That was part of it.”

“He’s okay now?”

“Yeah. Thankfully it happened over winter, so he could take some time off, and it was only a small one. They put in some stints and he’s fine now.”

“I’m glad. What’s the other part?”

“What?”

“You said your dad’s heart attack was part of the reason you came home. What’s the other part? What about working with and training the dogs?”

He clenched his jaw. “Like I said, things change.” I said nothing, waiting for him to continue. “My career was going nowhere, so after my tour was complete, I didn’t reup.”

I was intrigued. Levi never failed at anything. “How so?”

“I made a mistake.”

“Welcome to the club,” I said, my voice flat. I knew all about mistakes. “What happened?”

He took a deep breath. “I was on gate duty. For me, that’s the worst job an MP can do. You stand there your entire shift and wave cars through. Anyway, I was on duty one night and this Mustang convertible pulls up. It wasn’t a car I’d seen before, no sticker, no nothing, so I stopped it. There was a guy in the passenger seat who was obviously bombed out of his skull, demanding to be let on to the base. He claimed he was the base commander, like I knew what the base commander looked like. This chick-a-boom was driving, neither of them had an ID, and she wasn’t in much better shape than he was. I tried to turn them around, but this dude in the passenger seat wanted to get belligerent. Since he was claiming to be a colonel, I called my captain. He called the CO’s house, got his wife, found out her husband wasn’t home, so he called his major. They both showed up, along with the CO’s wife. Unfortunately for me, he actually was the CO.”

“So?” I asked when he didn’t continue.

“So, you don’t embarrass the base commander when he’s drunk out of his mind, in a Mustang convertible, with some bimbo with her tits falling out all over the place, and you especially don’t call his wife to come see it. I didn’t receive a reprimand, but it was still a CLM.”

“CLM?” I asked, saying each letter separately like he did.

“Career limiting move. The official story became he was hypoglycemic at the time because he didn’t have his insulin with him, and the bimbo became a friend bringing him back to the base.”

“But you didn’t do anything wrong!”

“I know, and everyone involved does too, but the real story was too ugly. The captain went to bat for me, but in the end, he had to decide how important his career was to him. I was an airman first class, and I thought I was up for early promotion. That didn’t happen. When I first became eligible to be promoted to senior airman through regular time in grade, I was passed over again. When I asked about it, Captain Fillerton suggested that perhaps it would in my best interest not to reenlist. It was what he didn’t tell me that told me everything I needed to know.”

“That sucks!”

“Yeah, it does.” He held my eyes for a long moment. “Sometimes things don’t go as you planned.”

I nodded. “You got that right.” I sighed. “I guess we both got fucked, huh?”

Before he could answer I heard the patter of little feet. “Mommy?”

“Yes. baby?”

“Can Theodore stay?”

I looked at Levi. I was sure he wouldn’t mind, but I didn’t want to step on his toes. He held his hand out. She didn’t want to go, but I nudged her toward him. She slowly stepped closer and handed the bear to him. He took it and held it to his ear a moment. He smiled and handed the bear back to her.

“He told me he wanted to live here. I told him that was okay if you promise to take good care of him.”

“I will!”

He nodded. “Then I guess it’s okay.” She turned and dashed back down the hall. He stood. “It’s getting late and I need to go. Thank you for talking to me.”

“Did you find out what you wanted to know?”

He snorted. “That Hamlinton is a town full of gossips and busybodies? I already knew that. But yeah, I think I’ve heard what I needed to hear.”

He seemed so calm and put together. What I wouldn’t give to be so sure of myself. “I’m glad.”

“I’ll be seeing you around,” he said as he stepped out.

I nodded but said nothing as I closed the door. He hadn’t offered to kiss me. I was both relieved and disappointed. I didn’t have any right or expectation that we could start our relationship again, but there was a tiny twinge of disappointment deep down inside all the same.

He hadn’t said he believed me, but he hadn’t said he didn’t either. I was pretty sure, though, he wasn’t going to stir up a bunch of shit, if for no other reason than out of respect for what we had. That, above all else, was a relief.

I tucked Abby into bed, smiling to myself as she cuddled the bear Levi had given her. That shit Steve had never given her anything, the asshole. Abby in bed, I called Mom and gave her a thumbnail of our conversation. I could tell by the time I hung up with her she was thawing toward Levi, if not his family.

I scurried around, doing laundry and other chores, until I finally threw myself into bed. Tomorrow was going to be another bitch of a day. I lay in bed, thinking. Levi was the same Levi I knew five years ago. Calm, confident, and kind. My breathing became heavier as tears threatened. I’d ruined such a good thing. I should’ve never gone to the barn. I’d deeply hurt the man I loved and lost the best thing in my life at the time. I imagined Abby, Levi, and myself as a family. The family that could have been. That thought was more than I could contain. I hadn’t cried myself to sleep in at least a couple of years, but I did that night.