I’m not saying I’m old, because I’m only 37. But I’m old enough to say with confidence that I’ve seen some shit in my life, and that surprises are harder and harder to come by these days.

But nothing could be more surprising than this last week with Gavin. At the time, I was more than sure that I was making the wrong choice when I brought him to my office last Saturday.

Then shit just happened, bit by bit.

At first I couldn’t take the way he kept selling himself so short. I had to make him see how incredible he is. He clearly never had anyone to really believe in him, to let him know he’s beyond fucking special.

But that’s where the good deed should’ve come to an end, and I shouldn’t have let myself lose control like that.

But I did. And it was the best sex I’ve ever had.

And every time we’ve been intimate since then, somehow better and better.

The only problem is that I know the two of us are like a bomb that’s long overdue for detonation.

I step out of my shower and get dressed, throwing on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Going into work on a Sunday isn’t unusual for me. I can get more done in three hours on a Sunday then most people get done all week.

I bring my towel and some dirty clothes down to the laundry room. I can hear loud  music and heavy weights clanking in the background. Followed by grunts.

I poke my face in the doorway of my home gym. “Since when did you get so strong?” I say to my son who must be pressing at least three hundred pounds on the bench.

Jayson sets the bar back down on the rack. He looks me up and down as though I’ve done something wrong.

And of course, I have. I’ve been fucking Gavin Delane. But he certainly can’t know that. “A lot of things have happened to me that you haven’t noticed, dad,” he says, averting eye contact with me completely.

At first, I’m speechless. I know he was hurt that I brought Gavin to my office, but that’s not something he’s ever shown any interest in whatsoever.

I walk over and grab a sixty pound dumbbell and start curling it. “You don’t exactly go out of your way to talk to me either. Don’t put this all on me. I’ve been trying my best to connect with you for the last twenty-one years,” I say.

He raises both of his brows. “Your idea of trying to connect with me is working seventy hours a week during my entire childhood?” he says.

I can feel my body tighten, knowing this is already heading in the wrong direction but feeling helpless to stop it. My eyes get hard as I look around the weight room and say, “How do you think we pay for this stuff? How do you think you’ve been getting through college? Do you think this stuff just happens by me sitting around and baking cookies and watching TV with you all day?”

He shakes his head and reaches for his earbuds that are tucked deeply in his pocket. “No, dad, I don’t. I realize that baking cookies is not going to put me through college. But asking me how I’m doing every now and then probably won’t interfere with your bottom line, will it?”

I walk towards him and fold my arms in front of my chest. “My bottom line? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Come on, man, give me a break. You're one of the richest men in Boston. It’s pretty obvious what your priority has been for the last twenty years.”

“Okay, so that makes you one of the richest twenty-one year olds in Boston too, Jayson. That’s not the worst life ever, is it?”

He puts one of the earbuds in his ear, his entire demeanor now eerily calm. “I never asked for that. I just wanted a father who wanted to know how I was doing every now and then. That’s worth at least a few billion in my book.”

He grabs the remote and powers off the music in the gym’s audio system. Then he puts the last earbud in his ear, tuning me out as he lays back down on the bench. There are so many things I could say, probably so many things I should say too…

But instead, I walk away and do what I have to do… head to work, feeling extremely frustrated.

I can’t understand what he wants, and feel like no matter how much I’ve tried to connect with him, it doesn’t work.

I get to my building and see Gavin, smiling and sexy and ready to spend more time with me. Despite shit with Jayson, it still feels amazing to see him. “How long have you been standing here?” I say.

“I got here like a half hour ago, just like you said.”

I look around to make sure nobody’s watching and then grab Gavin’s ass. “Come on, we have work to do,” I say, leading him into my building.

“That’s what you said last time, and look what happened.”

We walk into the elevator and wait for the doors to close. We start to kiss, our hands grabbing onto parts of each other’s bodies as though we didn’t just fuck last night, in my bedroom.

I pin him up against the elevator wall. I reach my hand into his pants and grab onto his dick, already full and hard for me. “Jesus, do you ever run out of come?” I say.

He presses his lips together and squints just a little. His blue eyes get to me every time, drawing me towards him and shattering my will power into pieces. He starts to unbutton my shirt and then grabs onto my chest. “Not around you I don’t.”

We kiss and fondle each other as the elevator rides towards the top floor. As we get even closer, we move apart and make ourselves look presentable. Nobody’s ever in the office on a Sunday, apart from the occasional cleaner or maintenance guy, but I can’t take any chances.

The elevator opens and we walk down the long, quiet hallway that leads to my office. As we walk into my office, I look at the door and nod. ”Can you shut that?”

He grins and then shuts the door. “Lock it too, please,” I add. I turn away and head towards my desk as Gavin tends to the door.

He comes over and sits down on my desk, right in front of me with his legs spread open. As I try to focus on my computer screen, he runs his hands down my arm. “Did you read through all of the prospective client portfolios that I sent you?” I say, my eyes pointed at the screen as I try to stay focused.

“Every single one of them. People make their money in the strangest ways,” he says.

“They do. And as long as it’s legal, we don’t care. Our job is to take that money and make it grow, simple. But first we have to win them over, gain their trust like we talked about. And those clients in particular that I had you look at, they’re a bit stubborn with their trust.”

He walks behind me and starts to rub my shoulders. “You know that’s not fair,” I say.

“Sorry, Daddy, but you’re the one who’s been teaching me that life isn’t always fair,” he says, his fingers finding his way inside my dress shirt. “Not that I didn’t already know that.”

I chuckle and press his hand into my chest. “Fine, keep touching me. See what happens. But don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I say.

I scroll through my emails in an effort to get organized for a busy week ahead.

“Did you ever think that some clients don't want the consummate business exec taking charge of their lives?” he says out of nowhere.

I spin around in my desk chair and look at him. “What’s your point?” I say.

He straddles my hips with his legs and grabs onto my chest muscles. “I’m saying, Daddy, that maybe you need to alter your approach with some clients. Maybe it’s not a one-size-fits-all.”

I reach around his back and pull him into me tightly. “You have my attention,” I say.

“Maybe some clients just need a real simple approach, just someone to listen to them, make them feel heard,” he says.

I lean back and think about what he’s telling me. “You sound like my son right now.”

He takes a deep breath, his eyes suddenly heavy. “I thought we agreed not to talk about Jayson while we’re together?”

I pucker my lips. “You’re making way too much sense on a Sunday morning. Look who’s teaching who now.”

His gaze softens again as he bounces up and down on my lap several times, grinding on my crotch and causing blood to fill my cock instantly. Then he reaches down and grabs my dick. I snap my head back sharply as my hands grab his ass tightly. “We can’t fuck in here, I swore myself off that habit,” I say through a heavy breath.

Gavin slides my zipper down and reaches his hand inside pants. “That’s what you said last time, and look what ended up happening,” he mutters back to me.

Oh, I remember.

Last time… as in yesterday. Gavin was buck naked, bent over this here desk, begging for me to have my way with him.

Which I did.

“Shit, Gavin, you can’t do this to me again.”

He starts to unbutton my shirt, and I follow his lead. “You started it, Daddy,” he says. And before either one of us can think rationally, a trait we both seemed to lose several days ago, our shirts are on the floor.

I stand and pull Gavin towards me, then slowly turn him around so that he’s leaning back against my desk. And just as we start to lose ourselves in the heat of the moment, I hear the worst possible sound I could ever imagine hearing…

My office door swings violently open. Both Gavin and I stiffen in each other’s arms and look towards the door. My adrenaline shoots through the roof as I realize that it’s Jayson, my son, staring right at the two of us.

Jayson squints his eyes and shakes his head. “What the?”

I scramble to put my shirt back on and go to say, “Jayson, I can explain. This… It’s not what it-“

My son cuts me off immediately, his eyes darting back and forth between Gavin and me. “I… I can’t believe this. I really…” his voice fades out as he stands frozen and speechless.

I start walking towards him, but he immediately bolts out through the door. Gavin calls after me, “Cole, wait up!”

Then Gavin lunges for my arm as he fumbles with his other hand to finish buttoning his shirt. “I’m coming with you,” he says.

Still in shock, I jerk my arm away quickly. “Seriously, don’t you think we’ve done enough damage? I can’t believe I let things get to this point,” I say.

Gavin’s eyes look as though they’re about to cry. “We didn’t do anything wrong.”

I bury my face in my hands and shake my head. “No, Gavin, we did many things wrong. This whole thing was wrong,” I say, knowing that my words came out way too harsher than I intended them to.

What a fucking mess.

We stare into each other’s eyes for a long moment, both of us in pain knowing that this whole little fling has just come crashing down.

“I’m going after my son. Please don’t follow after me,” I say directly.

Gavin puts up his hands, his gaze hard and bitter. A tidal wave of guilt washes over my body. This whole thing is my fault, I got Gavin into this mess. But now, I need to get us both out of it.

I turn and go to leave, not saying another word to Gavin. I can’t look back.

I need to find my son and fix this mess, whatever that looks like.

I head straight back to my house, hoping that Jayson is there. When I pull up my long driveway, I spot his bike, and my nervous system immediately kicks into high gear.

I walk into my kitchen and spot Jayson with his head down on the kitchen table. I stand in the entryway, at first unsure of what I should do or say. Then I can hear him crying softly. I walk towards him and put my hand on his shoulder, and for the first time since he was born, a tear rolls down my cheek.

I don’t budge, I just keep my hand planted on his shoulder for the next five minutes as we sit together, in silence. Finally, my son looks up at me, his face red and raw. “You know, I haven’t asked you for actual help in a long time. Today, I just needed someone to talk to. I couldn’t find you or Gavin, so I thought I’d try your office. And then…”

“I know, I know Gav. I should have-"

“Is that why you and mom got divorced?” he says, and then instantly starts shaking his head. “Stupid question. Of course it was.”

“Your mom and I got divorced for a lot of reasons. But yes, obviously my sexuality was a hurdle we just couldn’t get over. I meant to tell you. I was going to tell you.”

“But you didn’t. And I had to find out by seeing you with Gavin. How could you let that happen? How could you be with my friend? My best friend?”

My eyes widen and I hold out my hand, signaling to him the deep confusion I’m feeling inside. “Honestly, I don’t know how it happened. And I’m sorry that you had to find out like that. It… It was never meant to last, and it’s over now.”

But as those last few words escape my lips, I feel a pain so deep and so dark, I literally have to sit down to find my bearings.

Part of me knows and feels terrified about the truth…

I don’t want it to be over.

But it has to be.

Jayson snaps me from a trance.

”I need to tell you something," he says.

"Of course. What's going on"

“I messed up, dad. I messed up real bad."

My heart sinks to my stomach. “What’s going on, Jayson?”

His eyes shift towards the window. I put my arm around him and wait. “ I dropped out of school. I couldn’t keep up with my classes.”

If my face could have literally falling off, it would have. “What?”

“I couldn’t tell you. I should have-“

“You’re damn right you should have told me! What the hell were you-“

“Rachel’s pregnant,” he says suddenly, his face numb.

I try to stay calm so I can sort through what he just said. Hell, I’m not even sure I just heard him right. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?”

He shakes his head from side to side. “You heard me right. That's why I dropped out of school. I started working three different jobs on campus to help get ready for the baby.”

“Jesus, Jayson, I would have helped you out if I had known.”

He looks at me, his face expressionless again. Then it hits me, he couldn’t have told me…

I wasn’t ready to listen.

Something about being with Gavin, his curious mind and willingness to talk about how he’s feeling… It’s been helping me to be more open-minded myself, to listen better.

“I’m sorry," I say to him. I put my arm on his shoulder and say it again, "I'm really sorry, I wasn't there for you. I should've been."

My son looks at me suspiciously, and rightfully so. I brush away a stray tear that starts to roll down his cheek. “We’ll figure this out. I promise, son.”

I can feel my heart open more with each passing moment. Then I remember Gavin, and that look on his face when I told him that I didn’t want him to come with me.

When I told him we were finished.

When I meant it.

Only now, I regret everything I said to him.

And while I still can’t figure out how the hell we came together, I’m now having a harder and harder time imagining how we can ever be apart.

I just hope it’s not too late…