A year ago…
“Ysa…” I whispered in her ear.
She peeked one eye open and smirked into her pillow when she caught me staring at her from my side of the bed. I was lying sideways with my left arm holding up my head.
“How many times do I have to tell you that it’s stalkerish when you’re watching me sleep?” she said as she giggled, trying to play it off like she didn’t love the fact that I did this every morning.
Ysa hated mornings. I swear the girl could sleep in every day if I let her.
“Hmmm…I don’t wanna…ten more minutes,” she mumbled.
“Ysa, it’s seven thirty; you need to get up. The bar opens in an hour.”
“The bar runs itself, I can sleep in for another half an hour. Leave me alone,” she grumbled, pulling the sheet over her head.
“All right, you asked for it,” I warned.
“Sebastian! Don’t you fucking dare,” she threatened, like that was going to stop me. My hand was under the blanket and on her thigh before she even saw it coming. I gripped onto it, squeezing the inner part and making her squirm, laugh, and yell at me all at the same time.
“Are you done? You going to get up now?” I teased, trying not to laugh.
“Oh my God! I hate you. I’m up! Stop,” she yelled, thrashing her legs around.
I stopped and instantly lay on top of her, holding myself up on my elbows but locking her in with my body.
She grinned. “What did you say? I don’t think I caught that part? Did you just say you hated me?” I taunted while she laughed and blushed.
God, I loved that color on her.
“Maybe. What are you going to do about it?” she taunted, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Oh, your smart mouth is going to be the end of you. I think you like mouthing off to me just so I can put you in your place. Don’t you, Ysa?”
She laughed. “Nah, I’m just a smart-mouth kinda girl. Maybe you should put something in my mouth to shut me up.”
“I have other ideas about where I want to put something inside of you,” I responded, trying to control my erection. Too late. Who am I kidding? I was hard the second my hand was on her thigh.
“Oh…I see…” She gyrated her pussy on my cock. “We have time for that, but we don’t have time for me to sleep in?”
“We always have time for that,” I reminded.
She rolled her eyes. “I have to get up, Sebastian.”
“It’s all right, I’m up for the both of us.”
“You’re incorrigible. How can you want in again? We did it twice yesterday.”
“I always want in. I’m an exclusive member to your pussy and I can get in anytime I want. Try and stop me.” I emphasized my words by rubbing my cock against her slick opening. “And I didn’t hear you complaining when I had you coming in my mouth and then again on my dick.” I leaned in to kiss her neck. “Multiple times.”
She slapped my back.
“Ow!” I jerked back and she used the momentum to slide out and away from me.
She put her fingers in the air in a stopping gesture, backing away, knowing that I was going to come after her.
“No! I need to shower, and according to you, I have a bar to run. No sex,” she stated and I cocked my head to the side. “Until later,” she reasoned, walking away.
I quickly followed her into the shower and we started the day exactly how it was supposed to be. It had been two months since I found my way back to Ysa. We were falling into a comfortable routine of getting to know each other in ways that we hadn’t before. See…before, we were playing house; this time, we actually lived in the house and worked together in a partnership, or at least tried to. I had taken a sabbatical from Yachting Enterprises; I didn’t need the money, I had plenty of that.
Ysabelle was my number one priority.
Julia still lived in Miami but moved closer to her parents so they could help with Christian when I wasn’t around. She knew where I was. I was completely honest on the direction my life was going to go; no more lies. I had learned the hard way that they caused my own demise. She didn’t have an opinion when I told her my decision of going to find Ysa; it was like she was already ten steps in front of me and expected it. I think she was surprised that it took me almost two years to figure out she was the missing piece all along.
I did a lot of soul-searching in those two years, and I truly believed that as much as it hurt to be away from each other, we both needed that time to re-group and evaluate what we wanted out of life. What was important to us as individuals.
I had never been alone before. I always had a woman by my side, even in my college years after Olivia; it was purely sexual, but it was companionship nonetheless. Subconsciously, everything I did after the divorce led me right back to those bright green eyes that showed me the world.
Divorcing Julia was the biggest mistake of my life. I should have never married her in the first place. Again, my mistake. I loved her; I still love her. The same goes for Olivia…I was entirely too young to know what it meant to be absolutely and completely devoted and entranced by someone, to be with someone that you can’t be without. To physically ache in ways that you literally felt like you were dying when you were apart. I thought I knew pain and loss when I lost Oli–it wasn’t even close to what I experienced when Ysabelle walked away from me that night at The Gala. To have looked into the eyes of the person who completes you and see that you have hurt them with all your actions and possibly your words, killed me inside.
I stopped living the second she walked away from me. I moved in an autopilot state of mind, where I thought I needed to make things right with Julia. She was my wife…again–huge mistake. I did everything for everyone else. All my decisions were based upon what would make someone else happy. I didn’t say what I wanted, what I desired, what I fucking needed to keep going.
And that made me a coward.
I had almost two decades worth of regrets.
Ysabelle is my reward. She’s my happy ending.
Although, we have progressively moved slower than I would have wanted. Yes. I wanted to marry her, I wanted to watch her belly grow with my children and know I put them there. That we created life together out of our love. I wanted the good, the bad, and the ugly…the fights, the makeups, and everything in between. I wanted a life with her and only her, to grow old together and know that I had spent every day of my life with my perfect woman by my side.
I wish it were that easy.
The God’s honest truth was that she didn’t trust me. Ysabelle could hide from everyone; I’ve seen it and experienced it first hand. However, Ysa couldn’t hide from me. Her emotions, thoughts, feelings, were all governed by a façade that she put up, and she didn’t even realize she was doing it. It’s fully engrained in her; it’s all she knew.
I had the privilege to have knocked it all down, with no right, might I add. Only to have personally placed each slab precisely on top of each other and built it right back up. No one did that but me.
I lived with that regret.
It’s no longer on my terms…it’s on hers…
And that scared me more than anything.