Chapter Nineteen

 

There's something very strange about the entire thing that transpired there in the darkness. No doubt, it was seen—when Josh walked back up to the van, nobody said much. He had an 'I don't want to talk about it' look on his face, and people seemed to notice it.

Anna, however, noticed just about everything else. But not that. She had been thinking on more than one occasion that Josh reminded her of Mitchell. The temper, the bull-headedness.

The way that he acted like he was in charge. Of course, it was worth noting that in both cases, they were right. It was easy to notice the way that she acted around both of them, too.

With Ava back in her arms, it was easier to see things clearly. Easier to think. It wasn't going to stay that way, but for the moment, her panic levels were through the floor. Practically zero. Anna hadn't felt this good since she was a little girl. And maybe not even then.

She did her breathing anyways. She felt deliriously happy—which, if Linda heard her say that, she'd just say that it was a little bit manic. She'd say that Anna needs to keep her head on her shoulders.

It's not over yet. She's going to have to figure everything out all over again. She's going to have to buckle down and get back into her life. The panic will come back. It's not gone forever, and it's probably not even gone for very long.

But it's gone for now.

She'd compared Mitchell and Josh many times. It was hard not to. They both acted similar. They both had been the only men she really knew, the only men that she'd ever been in a position to rely on.

The differences—if there were any, which for all she knew, there might not be—wouldn't show themselves right away. That, though, back there… that was a difference.

Mitchell had never stood up for her, not once. Once or twice, he'd gotten dangerously close to it. But he'd never gone through with it. She wondered, vaguely, if he ever would.

Not that she deserved it. She shouldn't get funny ideas in her head about things like that. It's too dangerous, too flighty.

She shook her head. No. Stop thinking that way. She can't afford to keep beating up on herself. No way. Can't afford it at all. She won't keep doing it. No chance.

Deep breath. In, one two three. Out, two three four.

She slips into the car beside Josh. They should have brought Ava's car-seat, but she just… it hadn't occurred to her. So Anna holds her in her arms and Josh drives slow back to the apartment.

They drive in silence. Even Ava is quiet. She's tired. She can barely keep her eyes open, even as her mother smiles down at her, playing with her eyes and making silly faces.

If she falls asleep before they get home, she'll wake up again as soon as she's set down. That's how it always goes. But if Anna can just keep her awake a little longer…

The car eases slowly to a stop outside the apartment. The engine stays running.

"Aren't you coming inside?"

Josh looks at her like the question doesn't make sense. "I just thought… let me get you something to drink. A coffee. Or a beer. Or something."

She can see him deciding. And she can see when he decides he will, an instant before his hand moves over and his wrist flicks the keys into the 'off' position and pulls them out.

Ava squirms, momentarily alerted by the jingle of keys. She doesn't have enough energy to really investigate, though, and a moment later she's drifting again. Anna opens the door and holds her daughter tight. She'll be hungry, no doubt.

Soon, she'll want to be fed, once she's slept a little. But until then, she's too tired to think much. She fusses a little as Anna reaches for her own keys, in her purse. The jingle draws less squirming and less attention this time. Sleep is right around the corner.

Anna fits the keys into the lock and opens the door. Detective Meadows catches it and holds it open as she steps inside. The lights of home are a comfort. Anna heads up to the second floor, and the detective isn't far behind.

She gets inside only a moment after Ava's eyes drift shut again, and this time they stay shut. Her mother makes a bee-line for the crib and sets her down, laying the blanket out over her and tucking it around the sides.

She doesn't hear the sound of Josh's footsteps coming up behind her, but she feels it when his arm encircles her waist as he leans over. It feels sexual, like he's claiming his territory. He probably isn't thinking of it that way, though.

"She's lovely," he says softly.

"Yeah, she is." Anna can't take her eyes off her daughter for a minute. Just the fact that she's right back where she belongs.

For a couple of hours, she's got peace. For a couple of hours, she doesn't have to worry any more about what's going to happen next. Ava's back, and there's nothing to worry about. Nothing at all, nothing in the whole wide world.

Anna doesn't know who moved first, but she knows that by the time her lips pressed against the detective's, they both knew what they wanted.

Hormones and emotions and everything be damned. There could be a thousand ways to explain why she's doing what she's doing. Linda might not approve, but it's not her decision, it's Anna's.

Her body fits into his comfortably when he wraps his arms around her. The softness of her body compliments his hard lines and muscles, even as his hands start to explore further across her skin.

His fingers find her aching nipples and trace a circle around them. It draws out a gasp. He doesn't pinch them. Instead, his hands dip lower, lower still, until his fingers trace the waist of her jeans.

"Are you sure about this," he says. His voice is low and soft, and he doesn't look like he's going to be upset if she says no. But that doesn't mean that she's going to change her mind.

Anna nods and presses a kiss into his collar bone, where his shirt separates. He undoes a button on her jeans and the zip comes undone loudly beneath it. The jeans come off easily. They were tight a few months ago, and yet now they feel almost as if they're threatening to fall off. They do.

Josh pushes her back onto the bed, and she lets him. It's hard to know what to expect from the detective. He's unpredictable in all the best ways. When he lifts up her hips and dips to her knees, his mouth finds her folds…

Anna's head presses back into the heavy fabric of the comforter and her eyes roll a little in her head. Is this what it feels like when a guy goes down on you? She's been missing out.

His tongue dances a circle around her clit, each little movement sending a heavy jolt of pleasure right through her. Her vision's blanked out, her body turning off anything that's not essential to making sure that the pleasure continues unabated.

His fingers find the spot below and he probes there, as well, the feeling of fullness complimenting the pleasure that his tongue is giving her deliciously. Nothing else matters, not right now. Her muscles tighten up, more and more, as orgasm approaches.

And then, all at once, her body goes slack again. She lets out a long breath as his mouth continues to pleasure her as the orgasm rolls through her body in waves.

She hears Josh's zipper being undone, somewhere far away, and knows what's coming, and there's nothing that Anna wants more than to give it to him.