Chapter Thirty-Seven

 

Anna's found it hard to breathe for a long time now. She can't sleep and she barely can eat. It can't be good for Ava, so she forces the food down anyways and hopes it stays.

There's nothing else to be done, after all. Even if she thinks she knows what that conversation meant, even if she thinks she knows what it was about…

The best-case is that she's imagining things. It will mean nothing in the end. She'll look a little foolish. She'd rather look paranoid in life than look stupid in death. Because those are, in the end, her only two options, really.

She shuts her eyes for a moment and hopes to hell that things can't somehow get worse than they already are. They can't possibly, she knows. They're already as bad as anything could possibly get.

In a sense, it's a blessing in disguise. Looking around every corner, wondering if there's going to be another wild explosion of men with guns… it's really put a fire in her butt. It's really helped to remind her of what she's risking for Ava's sake.

Colors are more colorful, the lights a little brighter. Not an equal trade, but it helps a little bit.

The problem is just not knowing. If only she could… somehow. Just see it coming a little bit. If only she had someone she could turn to, or something that she could do to keep herself safe from harm.

But she doesn't. She can't. That's just the reality of the situation, like it or not. She doesn't like it one bit. Josh would have helped. He wouldn't have stopped for anything.

Not if the way that he'd acted when Ava was missing was any indicator. Not with the way that he'd put himself and his career at risk so many times for her.

Anna swallows hard. He's not here this time, though. So she's going to have to figure out how to keep herself alive on her own. The wedding is the first hurdle.

If she makes it that far, then that will be something. After that, she'll be able to figure something else out, maybe. What, she can't say. Maybe a move out to the countryside.

She could pretend that none of this ever happened, living in a little log cabin on the prairie. Not God damn likely, but it was easy to dream.

She takes a deep breath. No use in fantasies. Not when things could turn ugly any time. She'll have to keep herself under control as long as she can.

Once she's figured everything else out, she can start to imagine what-if scenarios about her romantic life after she's escaped Mitchell's 'clutches.'

She closes her eyes and takes a breath. Somehow she's going to have to figure out a way to give herself some kind of breathing room. Even closing her eyes long enough to do her breathing exercises has been driving her mad.

What if someone were to come in, during those times? What if they were to find her, alone and defenseless, and…

Well, that would be the answer that Mitch would like best, no doubt about that. he'd like it very much if she just went away and wasn't seen again. If she went quietly into death.

That's not going to happen, not if she has anything to say about it. Her hands tighten up into fists. There's only one thing to do. It's a risk. It's a big risk, but there's no other way.

Anna summons up every ounce of her courage and forces herself to ignore the danger and ignore the fear.

She plasters a smile on her face and starts walking outside. It doesn't take long for her to find him. With Ava swaddled in her arms, it's hard for Terry to stay on his guard for long.

"How's she doing," he says, finally. His body relaxes from the military stiffness that he keeps most of the time.

"She's sleepy. You want to see?"

He leans out and Anna turns her daughter to give him a better look, keeping herself in a position to shade the little girl's eyes.

"What a sweetheart. She's not misbehaving too much, is she? I had a little girl, once. She was just as cute and just as sweet as your little one."

"Oh yeah? What happened to her?"

"I still write, twice a month. She's a, uh. Teacher, down in Mesa."

"In Arizona?"

"Yeah, that one."

"Sounds lovely."

"She really is."

"I'm sorry to bother you, Terry."

"It's not a bother, Miss Anna." He straightens up again, that entire bulk of his body coming into line once more as if by magic.

"I'm worried, though."

He relaxes again. "About the wedding?"

Anna shrugs. The sun must be in Terry's eyes, but he doesn't put up a hand to shield them.

"I heard some talk."

"I wouldn't put any stock in rumors, Miss Anna."

"Not about that. I heard, um. Some very… concerning conversations that suggested that there might be some…"

His face goes a little slack, as if he's trying to decide what response he should give.

"What's that?"

"I think someone's trying to kill me."

Terry's jaw sets itself. It's not hard to see that a man his age… Anna might be the same age as his daughter. She might have a little baby of her own.

"What gives you an idea like that?"

"I heard someone talking about 'getting rid of her again.'"

"You have any idea who it was?"

"I know that he did some things you're not supposed to be doing on duty after the conversation I heard. But no, I don't. There was a man and a woman and they seemed to have some kind of arrangement. But… there's so many women around helping out with wedding planning, you know? I don't know most of them."

Terry's jaw juts off to the side.

"I hear you. I'll look into it."

"I'm sorry to have brought this to you, Terry. I know I'm just making things hard for you."

"Don't worry about it, Miss Anna. You're good people. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you anyways. So don't you worry for a second that I'd be unhappy with looking into something like this for you."

"I really can't thank you enough."

"Well, don't thank me until I've got something done."

"Okay." Anna reaches up on the tips of her toes and presses a kiss to Terry's cheek. He smiles down at her with his leathery, deep-lined face.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I don't think Ava would ever forgive me if I did. Wouldn't want to do anything to piss off a little cutie like that. They can turn on you, you know."

"I know exactly what you mean," Anna says. She smiles at Terry again. "I'll let you get back to work."

"I'll look into that thing for you."

"Thank you again."

"Don't mention it."

He stiffens again. Anna steps back and starts making her way across the lawn, back inside. There's not much she can do. Not on an estate owned by the very man that she knows, deep down, is responsible for whatever is going on.

Not with the entire staff practically worshiping the ground that he walks on. But that doesn't mean that there's nothing she can do, and she's going to have to do what she can.

Because of all the things that could happen, of all the ways that things could go over the next few days before the rushed-job of a wedding goes forward, a death in the family is the one thing she's going to have to avoid.

She can't do it on her own, and the only other man she knows she can trust isn't around any more. Can't be around any more, because of the choices that she'd made for herself and her daughter.

So, for her sins, she's going to have to deal with things as they come, like it or not.