You had me at a point where I
would’ve left the entire world behind for you.
- iglovequotes.net
I can’t go home alone again; I need someone to numb the empty feeling of loneliness I get night after night. I hate letting myself get down like this as if I don’t have anyone and it’s the end of the world.
My mind slips back to the one-night stand I had three years ago, nearly to the day. It is the reason I’m feeling this way after all…
Nightmare.
He called me his daydream, whatever the hell that meant. It was probably the sweetest compliment I’d ever gotten from a man. It was a compliment, right?
It had to be.
God, he’d freaking worshiped my body that night too. He didn’t care that I was high on percs. He’d growled and then laughed, and it was like seeing light for the first time in my life. That man made me feel, and for once, I wasn’t trying to block out the pain. I wanted to see him, to remember him.
That story didn’t have a happy ending for me like I’d foolishly let myself believe it would. I guess in a sense, it did, though; it brought me Maverick. However, it didn’t turn out like I would’ve thought when I’d first laid eyes on Nightmare.
He was everything I wanted—the forbidden fruit—or so I thought. Boy, was I wrong, and I took one hell of a big bite.
The first thing I noticed about Nightmare that day we pulled into the shitty beatdown hotel parking lot wasn’t the long, dark, wavy hair shadowing part of his face. Not even the black tattoos painting his skin or the thick, corded muscles overtaking his massive body.
It was the jagged silver strip running through one of the deep brown depths of his eyes. It started at the far corner of his eyebrow and sliced straight over his eyelid, nearly touching his nose. It was tiny but must’ve been a significant enough wound to change the color of one of his irises.
It was creepy and enthralling how he could stare me down like he could see completely through me. He wasn’t fooled one bit by my loud mouth or the too-bright-too-fake smile that I always wore. He saw me for me; the plain-Jane, broken Bethany.
My life wasn’t butterflies and rainbows. It was rough, and my mask was the only thing I owned that I could hide behind. Well, besides my best friend Princess. I hid behind her beauty a lot. She’s not like me. She’s strong and never lets anyone push her around, and it made me gravitate toward her like a dog to a bone.
My phone goes off, the ringtone blaring Avenged Sevenfold loudly. Grabbing it quickly, I take off into the bathroom, so it doesn’t wake up Maverick. He fell asleep in the car after I’d picked him up on my way home from the restaurant. As much as I want him to be up and alert so I can spend some time with him, you don’t wake a toddler at bedtime; you just don’t do it.
“Hello?” It’s whispered in a rush as I close the thin bathroom door and swipe across the screen to answer.
“Hey! Are you having sex? Oh, my God, why in the hell did you answer the phone?”
Her excited rush has me breathing out a giggle. “No. dumbass, Mav is sleeping, I was running.”
“Why were you running if he’s asleep?”
“Because my ringtone would’ve woken him up.” With my little boy being around me every moment that I’m not working, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to live without having a kid. Princess has her man and his little brother, who’s not so little. More like a six-foot-three, eighteen-year-old that eats her out of the house practically.
“Oh, well, I feel like an ass.”
“Don’t, you’ll figure it out someday.”
She huffs, and in my mind, I can picture her rolling her eyes. “Viking still says he needs more time with me, to himself.”
“Trust me, don’t rush it. Enjoy each other while it’s you guys. Maverick is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but it’s not easy, Prissy.”
“I must sound so ungrateful to you, and you’re the one always over-working yourself.”
“I don’t mind; he’s worth it. Plus, I don’t like you sending me money. It makes me feel guilty, and I don’t like that hanging over our friendship.”
“I’ve known you my whole life, and that kid is my family too. It’s nothing. Besides, what would I do with it anyhow?”
“I don’t know, go grocery shopping maybe?”
She laughs, and it brings a smile to my face. I miss her so much. I miss the many nights we were off screwing around, just having fun together.
“You’re still coming, right? No excuses?”
“It’s your wedding, I wouldn’t miss it.”
“You promise?”
“For the millionth time; yes. I promise I’ll be there, with bells on and Maverick at my side.”
“Okay…it’s just…well, I told you that it’s going to be at the compound.”
“We’ll be fine. No one will remember me and nobody knows anything about Mav. He’s the only concern I have.”
“Night and Vike have grown close since Nightmare gave up his Nomad patch.” She admits softly.
“He’s not a Nomad anymore?” I trail off, not being able to hold back from asking about him. His name has my mind racing with the few memories I have of him.
“No, he’s not; I thought I told you?”
“You, ah, haven’t mentioned anything.” I would remember if she had; I remember everything she says about him, and it’s been kept to a minimal, even over a three-year period.
“Right, sorry. I don’t want to bring him up. I just don’t want you to be blindsided either. You’re finally coming home after three years, and I don’t want anything at all to go wrong. I need you here, standing beside me when I tie the knot.”
“I still can’t believe he asked you to marry him.”
“Me either. From Viking, it was the last thing I ever expected, but he’s calmed down a bit, you’ll see.”
“Doubt it,” I reply immediately, and she laughs again.
“Okay, you’re right. He’s still a dick, but he’s mine.”
“He is. I’m so happy for you.”
“And I’m so happy I’ll see you guys. It’s been six months since my last visit, and that’s way too long.”
“I know it is; I miss you.” Tears crest and my throat begins to feel thick with emotion. I won’t let her hear it though; I never do. “I have to work early, so I’ve got to get some sleep, but the promise is still good. In three days, I’ll be heading your way.”
“I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
“See you soooon!” she sings out happily, and I end the call with a smile.
I’m a bit leery because, in three days, I’ll see the man who ruined me for anyone else. He’s the man who broke my heart and also knows absolutely nothing about his three-year-old son. If he figures it out, he may also be the man who ends up killing me.
I switch my phone to silent and search out the box of cheap wine in my refrigerator. If I drink enough of it, it’ll make me fall asleep without any dreams taking over my rest. The bad dreams are the worst. During the day, I can block everything out if I stay busy; but there’s free reign on my mind when I’m sleeping.
That’s one thing Maverick will never know—abuse as a child. I’ll spend my last dying breath protecting him if I have to. I never cared about much before him; I would wash any memories I had away with alcohol and sex. If I was giving it up freely, then it could never be taken from me again.
Now, I have this little man depending on me, so I have to be extra careful. That includes not leaving at night unless it’s an emergency or for work. Like tonight, for example, I got off late, but I had to. I make so much more money when I work the night shift, and I need it if I’m taking time away to visit Princess.
I hate not being home to put Maverick to bed, too. That's usually our special time together, and I want him to have some sense of normal. Not just thinking that his mom is gone all the time working.
It’s an unfair balance you have to find it seems. If you work too much, you’re a bad parent for never being home with your kid. If you work too little and don’t make enough money, your kid suffers by not having what they need. How on earth is that fucking fair? It’s bullshit.
I down another glass of the cheap wine and the alcohol’s trance kicks in, making me drowsier from my busy day. It’s enough that if I go to sleep now, I don’t think the dreams of my father will come to haunt me. I can never be sure though.
Peeling off my work uniform, I climb into bed in my bra and panties. I can shower in the morning; right now my body needs rest. Nightmare’s silver and bronze gaze is the last thing I think of as I fall into a blissfully drunken sleep.
I miss him.