CHARLEE

Okay, I can do this. 

I probably shouldn’t be standing in front of Drew’s apartment right now but I needed one more night with him before I have to say goodbye. I’ll just have to keep him distracted with sex until he’s so exhausted he crashes. That way, he won’t be able to ask me what’s going on and I won’t have to tell him. Not tonight, anyway. When I finally get the nerve to knock, Drew opens the door so fast, I swear he must’ve been right behind it watching me through the peephole.

He offers me a smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Hey. Come on in.”

“Sorry I’m a little later than expected. I wanted to stop by my place and take a shower first.”

He furrows his brows. “Why didn’t you just shower here like you normally do?”

Because I needed time to remind myself that what I’m doing is for the best.

“Uh...I don’t know. Didn’t really think about it, I guess.”

Drew pinches the bridge of his nose as he falls back onto the couch. “Why are you lying to me, Charlee?”

“I’m not lying to you.”

Oh, the irony.

The leather creaks when he pulls me down on the cushion next to his. “Something happened between when we woke up this morning and earlier in the parking garage. I’ve been racking my brain all day trying to figure out what I could’ve possibly done, but I’m coming up empty. You’ve gotta give me a clue here.”

“Drew, you didn’t do anything. I swear.”

“Then what the hell is going on?” He grabs my hand. “And don’t tell me nothing because I know it’s something.”

So much for the breakup sex idea.

I sigh. “Look, I’ve been thinking about this really hard. Hell, it’s pretty much all I think about.”

He searches my eyes. “Talk to me, honey.”

I close my lids and count to three before opening them again. “I can’t let this thing go on with you and my brother any longer. I’m taking myself out of the equation.”

He blinks rapidly and releases my hand. “I’m sorry, I must’ve misheard you. Could you repeat that?” 

I scoot back a little, needing the physical distance to get through this. “I said I’m removing myself from the equation. You no longer have to make a choice between me and Brody because I’m making it for you.”

His eyes fill with fire as he bolts off the couch. “Are you fucking kidding me, Charlee?”

I stand as well, defenses instantly on alert. “What do you mean, am I kidding you?”

He paces back and forth, raking his hands through his thick sandy hair. “Are you quitting us? Is that what you’re fucking trying to do right now?”

“I’m not...quitting, per se. I’m just trying to make this easier for you.”

He looks incredulous. “And you think giving up on me is the best way to do that?”

I throw my hands up. “I’m not giving up on you! I’m doing this to help you!”

He scoffs. “That’s rich. Everything I put on the line to be with you—because I couldn’t imagine not being with you—was a wasted effort, since you clearly don’t feel the same way about me.”

“What?” I swipe angrily at the tears falling down my face. “Of course I do. I fucking love you, you dipshit!”

Drew shakes his head. “No. You don’t. Not if you’re doing this.”

“How can you not see the selflessness behind my actions?” I pace in a circle, barely able to see through the tears blurring my vision. “I’m sacrificing my happiness for yours!”

“Fuck!” Drew slams the heel of his hand into the wall, creating a huge dent. His nostrils flare as he takes several deep breaths. “This isn’t selflessness, Charlee. It’s cowardice. You’re too goddamn scared to ride out the storm.”

My eyes widen. “What? No!”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “Don’t you get it? There was never a choice, in my mind. It was always going to be you! I thought I made that pretty fucking obvious, but apparently not. I can’t stand the thought of not having Brody in my life but I’d never pick him over you. And he knows that, Charlee. He fucking knows that I’d wind up resenting him for giving me the ultimatum in the first place. He may be acting like an asshole right now but that’s not who he really is. I’ve gotta believe he’ll come around eventually. Clearly not today, and likely not tomorrow, but some day. You know just as well as I do what a stubborn shit he can be.”

“But what if you’re wrong, Drew? What if he never wants to talk to you again? I can’t be the reason that happens.”

Drew groans and looks to the ceiling. “Christ, you’re just as fucking pigheaded as he is.”

I cross my arms over my chest and sigh. “I’m not trying to be stubborn. I’m trying to do what’s right, even if you don’t see it that way right now.”

He braces his hands on my shoulders. “If you walk away from me, I won’t have either one of you in my life. Don’t do that to me, honey. The thought of being without you makes it hard to breathe. You’re my wife, for fuck’s sake!”

I swallow hard as I meet his watery eyes. “I won’t be your wife much longer.”

He takes several steps back, jaw clenching so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t crack. Drew stares me down for a good minute before speaking. “Please leave.”

“What?”

He walks to the front door and swings it open. “Please leave before I say something I’ll regret.”

I gesture between us. “Is that really how you want to end this conversation?”

He drops his forehead against the wood. “You’ve said more than enough, Charlee. Please...just go.” His words are so quiet I have to strain to hear them.

“Drew—” I reach for his arm but he pulls it away.

He shakes his head. “Goodbye, Charlee.”

My jaw drops. “That’s it?! That’s all you’re going to say? This could be the last time we ever see each other. I don’t want to leave things like this.”

He takes another step back, opening the door as wide as it will go. His eyes dart between me and the hallway, silently giving me my answer.

“Drew—”

This time he looks away entirely.

Well, look at that: I’ve been dismissed.

I hold my hand up. “Fine. I’m going. But for what it’s worth, I do love you. More than anything. I hope you can see that one day.” I kiss the tips of my fingers and briefly place them over his heart. “Goodbye, Drew.”

The floodgates burst as soon as the door closes behind me. I’m crying so hard it’d be impossible to drive, so I sit behind the wheel of my car for at least an hour before I can finally get myself together. Thankfully, the trip to my house is only five minutes in the wee hours of the morning. By the time a fresh wave of sadness hits, I’m in my bed, hoping I’ll cry myself to sleep so I don’t have to feel this gut-wrenching pain anymore.