Chapter Five
Amy
He was taunting me.
I looked at Eric, the man who had taught me to love someone other than my family, and knew I couldn’t lie to him. No matter how badly I wanted to.
He deserved to know, even if it meant we could not be together. I still didn’t believe he wasn’t tied to the Brotherhood, and if he was willing to lie to my face about it, how could I trust him otherwise?
“I’m pregnant.”
His expression changed from anger to shock, his eyes darting down to my still flat stomach.
“What?”
“I’m pregnant,” I said flatly.
Right after the kidnapping, I had realized I had missed my period and took a pregnancy test on a whim. When the damn thing had come back positive, I hadn’t been able to breathe. I couldn’t be pregnant. I wasn’t mother material, a kid never in my plans for the future. I wasn’t my mother.
But the visit to the doctor had confirmed my worst fears, and for days afterward I had walked around like a zombie, not sure how to take the news. I couldn’t very well drown my sorrows in alcohol, nor did I really want to go have mindless sex either. So, I had turned to ice cream, the only solace that didn’t have some negative impact on the baby growing inside me. If Eric had opened my freezer, he would have seen the obsession with ice cream I was currently having.
Regardless of what was going on in my personal life, there was a kid inside of me, and I knew I had to get used to the fact that I was going to be a mom to a tiny human being, with or without a father.
“Shit,” Eric finally said, his face unnaturally pale.
“Don’t you even dare ask if it’s yours,” I snapped at him, mad and embarrassed.
His eyes narrowed.
“I wouldn’t dare. I know that it is mine. You aren’t like that.”
His words touched my soul. A lesser man would have thought I had slept around and latched onto the first man I thought could take care of me. I didn’t need anyone to take care of me or my kid.
Once I told my family, that is. My dad was going to freak the fuck out, I already knew that.
Eric reached for me and pulled into his embrace, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
“Hell, Amy, I don’t know the first thing about being a dad, but I will give it my all. That kid, he will know who his dad is.”
Tears crowded my eyes, and I allowed myself to press my face into his bare skin, breathing in his scent. His words both elated and broke my heart. We couldn’t be together, yet his fierce promise told me that he was serious about being part of this kid’s life. And I was going to have this child. I wasn’t one to get an abortion, no matter how untimely it had happened. I was no baby killer.
Forcing myself to pull away from him, I cleared my throat.
“I won’t hold you against seeing this kid, but we… I can’t be with you. I don’t trust you, Eric.”
There, I had said it. Just because we had just had mind blowing sex, confirming my worst fear, that I was still in love with him, didn’t mean I had forgiven him, that everything coming out of his mouth was the truth.
His face turned red, and I watched him wrestle with his anger internally.
“You still don’t trust me.”
I shook my head. How could I? He had given me a plausible answer, but it wasn’t enough.
“I-I can’t.”
Eric released a breath, his eyes on me.
“You will trust me. I will prove it to you Amy.”
I wanted him to, desperately. I was scared shitless about having this child, raising it by myself. My dad had been such an important person in my life, and I wanted my kid to have the same thing.
“I need for you to leave.”
His jaw clenched tightly but he didn’t offer up any fight. He walked out of the kitchen.
I waited until the door slammed before I fell against the counter, the tears rolling down my face. I had known that the reunion with Eric wasn’t going to be easy, and delivering the news should have been one of the happiest days of my life.
Instead it was one of my worst.
My cell rang, and I wiped my tears away as I located it in my purse, surprised to see my dad’s number on the screen. He rarely called me. Pressing ‘send’, I held it up to my ear.
“Hey dad.”
“Are you alright?”
There was panic in his voice, and instantly I became concerned. Something had happened.
“I’m fine. Why?”
“Thank God,” he breathed into the phone. “Someone set fire to the club tonight.”
My blood froze in my veins. The clubhouse was where the guys and me spent most of our time. My father’s offices were there, and since it was so close to their house, he spent more time there than he did anywhere else.
“W-what?”
“The damn club is gone,” he said angrily. “Everyone got out okay, and I’ve already checked on your sister. I wanted to make sure that you weren’t anywhere near there, Amy.”
“I’m at home,” I forced out, emotion clogging my throat.
The club was gone. I had spent the better part of my life in that building and hoped that, one day, my dad’s office would become my own.
“I’m fine.”
“Good,” he barked out. “Stay there. I’m sending some of the guys over to guard the house tonight.”
Thank God Eric had already left.
“You don’t have to do that. I can take care of myself.”
“I don’t fucking care. This is not your call,” he answered before clicking off.
I stared at the phone, not believing what I had just heard. My dad was freaking out, that I could tell.
Placing the phone on the counter, I ran a hand through my hair. Who had set the fire? Was it the same one who had torched Roxanne’s shop? While my father had finally launched a small investigation, now that Roxanne was practically part of the Horsemen because of her fiancée, nothing had been found yet. Everyone suspected Grayson Barnes and his patrons.
Miserable, I made my way back to the bedroom, my earlier euphoria now gone. First Eric and now this. When were our lives going to turn back to normal? Of course, now that I was pregnant, nothing was ever going to be the same for me.
And if Eric was part of the Brotherhood…
Throwing my shoes into my closet, I sank down on the bed, covering my face with my hands. I was not the one to have drama in my life. I was not the one who appeared weak or even felt weak when it came to anything.
But I felt it now. I didn’t know what to do about Eric, what to do about my future. I didn’t want to think of the consequences if it proved that Eric was part of the Brotherhood, my father’s worst enemy at the moment. How could I explain that to my dad? He would be so disappointed in me.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I pushed off the bed. I would have to figure it all out.
***
After a restless night, I found myself up early with morning sickness, upending the contents of my stomach into the toilet. At this rate, I wasn’t going to be able to gain any weight with this pregnancy.
After a warm shower and a change of clothes, I felt marginally better, brewing a large pot of coffee to carry out to the bikers stationed at my front door. They accepted the cups gratefully, ignoring me as I told them that this wasn’t necessary. No one was willing to forgo Grant Travis’s direct orders.
That was the sort of respect I wanted from the club.
Not able to leave without those goons following me, I threw myself into cleaning up the spare bedroom that would eventually become the nursery.
A nursery! It was crazy to even think that was going to be the case.
As I started to move stuff out of the closet, I ran across a box full of old pictures, a lump appearing in my throat as I pulled off the lid.
They were pictures of my mom and dad in happier times, when my dad had more hair on his head and the club was in its infancy stage. What would she think about this baby? There was a good chance that I wouldn’t be in this situation if she had still been alive, though I wasn’t blaming her for this life. Truthfully, I didn’t mind the harshness of how my dad had raised me. It made me a stronger person in the end, and the times we did have together were times during which I knew he was trying to do his best to raise me.
Flipping through the pictures, I found one that I remembered, one that was one of my favorites and should have been in a frame on my bedside table. It was a good memory, one that I would treasure for the rest of my life.
***
“Heather! Get out here and bring Amy!”
My mom shook her head as grabbed my hand, a gentle smile on her face. We were making cookies, and I was covered head-to-toe in flour, as was the kitchen floor. Mom’s hand felt warm wrapped around mine, and I walked with her to the garden, where the smell of roses was overpowering. My dad stood near a draped object, his mouth split into a grin.
“There are my girls!”
Mom picked me up, the smell of jasmine tickling my nose as she walked toward him.
“What are you doing, Grant?”
“Giving you this,” he said, pulling off the drape to reveal the bird bath. “I hope this is the one.”
“Grant,” she breathed, walking over to the marble bath, her fingers running over the rim. “This is too much. You shouldn’t have.”
He reached for me, hugging me close to his body and therefore getting flour all over him.
“Nothing is too much for my girls.”
My mom walked over and pressed a kiss on his cheek, her smile blinding.
“I love you so much. You are too good to us.”
He nuzzled her neck.
“I love you too.”
***
I drew in a breath, surprised I remembered that much about it. A month later, she was gone, and my dad was never the same. Their love had been something special.
Could I have that with Eric? If I took away all the background noise, me being a Travis and him potentially involved in with the Brotherhood, I believed I could be that happy with him. After all, he had done nothing but make me happy the times we had been together. And he seemed to genuinely care about me.
In another life, this could have been something special.
In another life.
Placing the picture on the bed, I closed up the memories of my past. Maybe I was like my dad, destined never to find true love or be completely happy again.
But one thing was for sure. The kid in my belly was going to be happy. I was going to give them the world, show them that there was good in this life despite the ugliness that existed, even if I had to forgo my dream of becoming president of the club one day.
I was going to provide the perfect life, even if I didn’t have one myself.
Sighing, I thought about the previous night, when Eric had made love to me on the kitchen floor. It had been a moment of peace in the midst of chaos, and as much as I wanted him to stay, I knew he couldn’t. If only life could be as simple as it had been when we had sex together, the love that was clear in our movements, in the way he touched my body.
I had never felt so cared-for in my life during those moments.
But it wasn’t reality, and reality still sucked.