Mark

I’d managed to bring Clyde around, but I wasn’t sure how long it would last. Not when he was planning on moving forward with his mansion heist anyway. Not when he was consumed by the need to help his mother, fast.

I couldn’t argue with his reasoning. Clyde had a mother and he loved her. He wanted to help. He could help. I’d never had that kind of connection. Who was I to say no to him? My foster dads had been nightmares. I’d been locked in closets and slapped. If I had a parent like Clyde has his mom, would I do everything I could to save them?

I didn’t know the answer. That was probably the point, I figured. I didn’t know what the right answer to anything was. I was just a kid that ran away from his foster home and now I was a half past legal and much less than halfway certain about most things in life.

“Whoops.” Clyde bent down to pick up what looked like a thin billfold from the ground. It was shiny black imitation leather.

“Good call.” I said it almost absentmindedly. I doubted he heard me entirely over the sounds of the carnival.

The local fairgrounds were pretty big. Big enough for us to run an effective job with pickpocketing and combing the rides for possessions that fell or got left behind. The people that ran the thing were also more willing to turn a blind eye to what we were doing. Link had warned us not to step on their toes and hand over anything they asked for—you don’t say no to a family and cut those ties—and the crew listened.

“You ever wanted to go on any of these rides?” Clyde jerked his head toward one of the third-rate roller coasters. It was full of kids that were screaming at the top of their lungs, despite the fact that the ride wasn’t that fast or high.

I shrugged. “Not really. I’m sure they’re fun, but I don’t trust them.”

Clyde laughed. I could hear him over the ever-changing music between rides. His laugh definitely sounded better than the pop and rock songs that floated and mashed together. I wanted to block out the world and just listen to him.

While we walked, I could smell the carnival food wafting our way. We kept to the edges of the line between the rides and food, but I could see Clyde glancing at some of the other stalls. We hadn’t really eaten all day and despite his fortitude, I was pretty sure he was hungry.

“Why don’t we buy something?” I looked at the mess of stalls, with most things fried or overwhelmingly sweet.

Clyde’s gaze snapped to me. “What?”

“It’s cheap. Anyway, no one’s going to know if we take a few bucks, first. It’s not like it wouldn’t go to food, anyway.”

Clyde bit his lip. I could see the turmoil he felt at the idea of taking from our earnings before we gave them to Link. I wondered if he was thinking of the crew, or Link’s disappointment.

It’s not like I stole from my cut every time. Buying food wasn’t even something I had thought through before I opened my mouth and suggested it. I awkwardly turned my eyes away from the stalls and added, “I mean, it’s not—you don’t have to—”

“Want a funnel cake?”

I stopped talking. Clyde turned to look at me and in place of the uncertainty, there was only a lopsided grin. He looked relaxed, with his hands in his pockets. “Yeah,” I said. “Sure.”

I was dangerously close to thinking about doing other things with Clyde. We were in such a public and crowded space that a part of my subconscious reminded me we probably wouldn’t be noticed. No one from the crew will be here. You could do it. You could even reach out and hold his hand.

I was so tempted. My hand even started moving on its own, possessed by some desire to have something I knew I shouldn’t want. Fortunately, Clyde had started walking ahead of me. I was saved from my own stupid decision by chance.

While Clyde was at the stall counter, I turned to look around the carnival. For a moment, I wondered what it would be like to live like this—just the two of us, no Link or crew to worry about. Getting by and maybe getting better, over time. What would we look like with jobs?

“You have the weirdest thinking face.” I was startled as Clyde smirked, crowding into my space with a funnel cake on a plate. I could smell the sugar and dough.

I frowned, but I wasn’t angry. “You just have a weird face.”

“Ouch!” Clyde laughed and started off toward the rides. He held the plate between us and I tentatively took a piece of the funnel cake. It was good, even if the amount of sugar and sweetness nearly overwhelmed me.

For just a little while, it was like we weren’t trying to scrape by in life. Like we didn’t have to worry every day about whether we’d make enough money to keep our place with the Rapps. I could almost imagine that we were two guys on break from school, taking a vacation or wasting time at the carnival.

“How is it?” Clyde raised an eyebrow at me. I realized I’d only tried a small piece. He had finished almost one-third of it.

“Good,” I said quickly. “I don’t think I’ve ever had one before.”

“Really? I thought out of everyone, you might have.”

Because I came from an actual home. Neither of us said it, but we knew it was true. Most of the Rapps probably assumed things about me because I’d left a foster home. Link required most of us to tell him some of our past before he let us close to the crew—a cautionary move to ensure that the crew stayed safe.

The Rapps knew where I came from, but only vaguely. I didn’t have to tell them anything they didn’t know, and I’d never wanted to, before. I did good work and that was all that mattered.

But with Clyde, for some reason, I couldn’t bear him thinking I’d just run away because I was a brat or an ungrateful idiot. “My dads weren’t really up for family outings,” I said shortly. “I didn’t go when they decided to have one, anyway.”

There was a lot Clyde could have said. I’d heard most of the usual bullshit—pitying words, assurances that they probably meant well, reminders that sometimes foster families were inexperienced. I hated all of those things.

Instead of saying anything, though, Clyde reached out and pressed a piece of funnel cake to my mouth. I was surprised enough to open my mouth and watch his smile dim. I could feel his fingers brush my lips as he withdrew his hand. The air felt oddly heavy between us—like just enough friction would spark something and start a fire.

“Good?” Clyde’s question wasn’t just about the cake. It was more about this—us two, out at the carnival and barely interested in the work we were supposed to be doing.

God, yes. I’ve wanted this more than anything else. “Yeah,” I replied. My heart pounded in my chest. “Better than good. Great.”

Clyde’s grin made his lips curl upward and I couldn’t look away. Stop it. The instinct to ignore what I felt hit me immediately, but I didn’t listen to it. He said he would try. That means I have to try, too.

We finished the funnel cake and I noticed some powdered sugar at the corner of Clyde’s mouth. I smiled to myself and started to reach over to him. Clyde noticed my movement and his gaze was suddenly heavier, anticipation buzzing in the air between us.

I had almost touched him when something glimmered in my periphery. I was distracted enough by the flash to glance—and then I saw, sitting on the ground by a ride, a watch. It was gold and bright. The first thing that came to my mind was, that will help. It must be expensive.

Without thinking, I darted forward. Clyde opened his mouth, half dismayed and half amused. I didn’t see his face when I left, but I heard his voice saying, “Wait—”

He must have realized after a second where I was going. There was a ride running—one of those rings with people sitting around it, attached to an arm that swung side to side as the seats turned in a circle. It was in full swing, people rushing by with screams and laughter.

I ran right for it. I have to be quick, I thought, and my feet moved faster to get me close to the ride. My heart thundered in my ears and drowned out the sounds of the carnival. I could see a gap between people and the watch sitting on the ground, beckoning me with its shine.

Yes. I barely caught it, fingers closing around the cool metal, when I felt a hand yank at my hoodie. My first feeling was one of dismay and fear—had I been caught? I remembered what Link had told us. Give them what they ask for. But I also remembered Clyde and his mother. I had a sudden rush of adrenaline as I realized that if it came to it, I would try to run. I had to try.

“What the fuck?!” It was Clyde. His voice rose, and I saw one or two people glance back at us.

I stumbled from the way he’d yanked my collar, but I managed to get my footing after a moment. “What did you do that for?”

“You could have had your head taken off, you idiot,” Clyde hissed. He was pulling me by the arm, now. I wasn’t sure where he was going; I doubted he knew, either. Clyde was agitated, and I felt his hand shaking where it gripped my wrist. Was he scared? I was too stunned to ask or say anything. Part of me didn’t believe it. Why would he be scared?

But I could see the side of Clyde’s face and the furrow between his brows. He was worried. He’d been worried about me.

I dug my heels in. When I came to a stop, Clyde turned, probably ready to scold me for what I’d done. I didn’t give him time.

I pulled Clyde in by his shirt. I didn’t care how secluded we were, or if we were out of sight at all. The feeling of his shaking hand on my wrist was still there, even though he’d let go. I made him worry. I felt a mix of emotions at that; embarrassment and guilt at having worried Clyde, along with a rush of—something else. I didn’t know why, but it made me happy that he’d cared enough to worry.

When I finally kissed him, Clyde didn’t hold back. He leaned into me like he’d been waiting for this moment all night. I wondered if he had, or if I was hoping for something I shouldn’t have. I didn’t really care, at the moment. He kissed me back and that was all that mattered.

At least, it was all that mattered until Clyde’s hand snuck under the edge of my shirt. The touch wasn’t as innocent as my intentions had been. I wanted to comfort him—to show him I loved that he cared about me—but things weren’t that simple, anymore.

I managed to catch my breath when Clyde’s mouth left mine and wandered onto my neck. I could still taste the powdered sugar on his tongue. It took a minute for me to order my thoughts with Clyde’s teeth gently scraping my skin. “Maybe we—uh, I mean—”

Clyde must have guessed where my stuttering words were going. I could feel his smile against my neck. “We’ll be fine, as long as you’re quiet. If you can handle that.”

“Shut up,” I immediately replied. Clyde just chuckled. I was sure he could feel my pulse racing. I tried to be firmer. “Someone could find us. You know that.”

“They could, but they won’t,” Clyde replied easily. I realized he was tugging me backward and I tried to concentrate on where we were going. It was suddenly darker. “Now, relax.”

Tents. We were behind some of the tents and I could see what looked like inflation machines for some of the jump houses, along with crates and other big things. Clyde was right; we were pretty much hidden. It was probably the best place we could have run off to, although I didn’t think any place at the carnival was a good idea.

Relax. I repeated Clyde’s words in my head and started to let go. You want it and you’ve done this before. Enjoy it while you have the chance. I shut the worries and questions out of my mind and focused on the moment—on Clyde’s hand on my back and the way he sucked at my neck like he wanted to leave marks.

“You—ah—you’re going to give us away.” I tried to sound warning, but I couldn’t quite manage it. My fingers were curled in Clyde’s jacket and I was feeling dizzy with heat.

Clyde laughed softly against my skin. “You’re the one that’s talking.”

I rolled my eyes but didn’t say anything else. At this point, my complaints were just ambient noise. The carnival was so loud and busy I doubted anyone cared. If anything, we were more at risk of being found by another couple than by any of the workers.

Clyde was a little smug for my taste. I wanted to make him stumble, for once. So, while he was distracted, I started to work at his jeans. Half of me expected him to catch me in the act, but he must have been too preoccupied with my neck.

When I suddenly dropped to my knees, Clyde was confused. It took him a moment to realize what was happening—a moment I took to pull his underwear away and expose him. Let’s see how much he laughs when he’s the one trying to be quiet. I smirked up at Clyde and pressed my fingertips to his hips. “I have to keep my mouth busy, if I can’t talk.”

I didn’t wait for Clyde’s answer. I leaned in and took the tip of his already stiffening cock into my mouth. I felt like I was tuned in to him, waiting for any sound that I could capture amid the noise of the carnival. I felt Clyde’s hand slide into my hair, holding on as if he needed me to keep him grounded.

Before, I’d only felt Clyde. This moment let me finally see him and take everything in. He was just as big as I remembered. I marveled at how he’d managed to make things so painless when we’d had sex in the shower. He isn’t experienced, either. But like always, Clyde made up for everything else with sheer determination.

I liked the taste of skin on my tongue. The faint salt was perfect. I moved slowly and deliberately; I didn’t want Clyde to face the same fate I had, in the forest. Partly because I wanted to give him more and partly because I was selfish and didn’t want to be left waiting until we got back to the hideout.

Besides, this was perfect. We were far from the crew and there was no need to worry. Aside from being caught, of course.

Clyde groaned suddenly, and I looked up to see him pressing a hand to his mouth. He was flushed. I could see the strain it was for him to stay quiet. That was all I needed. I moved away from him, missing his solid heat even though I knew what was coming next.

When Clyde pulled me in for a messy kiss, I was surprised. Most of the guys I’d known hated that. They were viciously clear that kissing after a blowjob was off-limits. It made me strangely warm to think that Clyde just didn’t care. That he wanted me more than he cared about what I’d been doing.

I was breathless when I broke away from Clyde. He had a hand on my neck, as if he wanted to remember what it had felt like. “So, where now?” I smirked a little and glanced at the boxes and things that hid us. “I don’t think you could push me against a tent.”

“That depends. How opposed are you to getting your clothes dirty?” Clyde grinned. I let him pull me further among the crates and tents to an empty spot. There was enough room to lie down and we’d be out of sight.

Clyde glanced around like he was looking for something to put down, but I nearly fell to the ground and pulled him with me. I was too impatient for that. “We’re going home dirty either way,” I pointed out, grinning. “Why not have fun with it?”

Clyde laughed. He started pulling my jeans off—when his hands were on my underwear, I realized I hadn’t brought anything with me. For the first time, I felt a spark of hesitation and worry. I didn’t want this to be uncomfortable.

“I promise this is a coincidence,” Clyde suddenly said. I watched him pull something out of his pocket—a little square package I recognized. Just the sight of it had me relieved.

I laughed shortly and watched him tear at it. “I wouldn’t care if you had managed to bring an entire bottle.”

This time, Clyde wasn’t as slow. As soon as the lube was warm in his hand, I felt one of his fingers press into me. He didn’t hesitate or worry. I felt him pull my legs over his shoulders as he worked, trying to bring us as close together as possible.

There was nothing beneath my hands but short grass and dirt. I wasn’t thinking when I dug my fingers into the earth, needing something to hold onto. My breathing was coming in bursts and I felt like I was going to burst out of my skin.

“Shit,” I gasped, when Clyde pressed somewhere that made me see stars. “I need—”

I needed him, but I didn’t say that. It felt like too much, even though we were so close. I kept my mouth shut and waited while Clyde leaned over me, pressing just close enough for me to feel pressure.

“Look at me.”

“What?” My head was tilted back; I opened my eyes, somehow nervous about what I would see. I felt exposed. As if finding his eyes meant I would be giving away everything I hadn’t said.

Clyde smiled. He leaned over me and I felt his lips press against mine. There was no hurry or flustered movements. It was like we had all the time in the world. As he pulled back, Clyde spoke again, his breath whispering against my skin. “I want to see you.”

It’s too much. Some part of me panicked at the thought. It told me that I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t let him in so close. But I was already this far, and the rest of me didn’t care. I wasn’t about to risk what I had with Clyde because I was nervous. He wouldn’t hurt me.

I hoped he wouldn’t hurt me.

That was a thought for another time. I grounded myself in the moment and the sudden slide as he filled me, heat and pressure blocking everything else out. I groaned at the contact and my hands found his arms. I held him just to feel more of his body.

Laying on the ground wasn’t the best place to have sex, but at that moment, I couldn’t have cared less. Any discomfort was overcome by the rising pleasure I felt as Clyde thrust in and out. I could feel my heartbeat matching the push and pull.

Maybe it was the carnival, or just the time we’d spent together. Something inside of me just let go—I didn’t bite my tongue or my lip. I didn’t hold back from everything I felt. I just let go and moaned as Clyde moved faster. The noise didn’t matter. It was so loud, I didn’t care.

One of Clyde’s hands was on my chest. He pressed against my skin like he could hold my heart. Some part of me wished he could leave a mark there—a reminder that his hand had rested there. I knew he could feel how fast my heart was racing and how shallow my breathing was. He knew how much I wanted this and for once, I wasn’t afraid of that.

Clyde reached between our bodies and suddenly, his hand wrapped around me. I barely had time to register as he stroked me—once, twice, and then I was pushed over the edge. I cried out louder than I’d meant to, and I felt cool air rush against my back when I pushed off the ground.

Just as soon as it happened, I heard Clyde groan and felt his other hand tighten on my hip. Every bit of his heat seemed to burn between us like a fire. We felt closer than words could explain as I tightened around him and I could feel Clyde throbbing in time with my pulse.

When the wave passed, I felt worn out and relaxed in a way I couldn’t describe. My limbs felt loose, and I just wanted to roll over on a bed and pass out. I wished we had a bed to go back to. The thought made me smile a little. Just Clyde and me, curled up in sheets and sleeping in.

“You have grass in your hair,” Clyde said suddenly. He laughed. It sounded amazed—as if he had expected me to say no at some point.

I snorted and pushed myself up onto my elbows. He was watching me, and I realized he’d been watching me the entire time. The thought made my cheeks burn with a blush. For some reason, knowing he’d seen my face while we had sex made me feel weird. Like he had seen something even I didn’t know. Clyde had a secret no one else had.

“We should probably get back,” I finally admitted. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay with Clyde as long as I could, with no interruptions or restrictions.

Clyde hummed in acknowledgment. He leaned closer and I closed the gap between us. This kiss was slower. Quieter, almost. There was no lingering frenzy or need. Just a relaxed acceptance. I tried not to compare it to coming home.

“All right. We do need showers.” Clyde laughed and finally got to his feet. He helped me up, fondly picking grass from my hair.

He was right. We were both a mess and it was awkward to get dressed again. But the mess we’d made was worth it. It was worth it to have just a little time together, I thought. Time when I didn’t worry about the mansion job, or the way Clyde might hate me if I backed down.

Those were thoughts for later. For now, I was content to walk with him as we made our way back to Nicana and the shower that waited for us.