22

Janine

January 2019

“Happy birthday Brandon! Happy birthday to you!”

As the crowd finishes singing, I pick up Brandon, leaning forward so that he can reach the candles on his three-tiered, multi-colored, space-themed cake.

He still doesn’t know how to blow, though, so I end up blowing out the single “rocket” candle for him. Cameras flash away, and the crowd erupts into loud applause.

“Happy birthday, darling,” I say, kissing his little, chubby cheek.

“Not bad.” Dash pats me on the back. “Not the best blowjob you’ve ever given, but not bad.”

I scoff and my cheeks get rosy with blush. “Dash!”

“I’m just messing with you. All your blowjobs are amazing.” He kisses my temple as he places his arm around me.

“You should have been the one to blow that candle out.” “Eh, next year.” Dash collects Brandon from my arms.

“Come on, little man! I have a few people I want to intro- duce you to.”

I watch him leave the table, swallowed up by the crowd in seconds.

A few people, huh? Yeah, right.

After filling my plate with food – grilled shrimp, pork dumplings, stuffed chicken wings, mashed potato balls, a salad of greens and a cupcake from Dessert Fantasies – I sneak away into the pool house to eat, munching as I watch Dash and the guests from the gaps in the blinds.

I only wanted a simple birthday party – just Brandon in new clothes, me, Dash, his mother, Billy (if he could be persuaded to come), a small cake and one present, prefer- ably an educational toy.

But no. Dash’s mother wanted to have a caboodle. Of course, she did. Does she do parties any other way?

She ordered a three-tiered cake, balloons, flowers, bubbles, a clown, a pony rental, and full catering. She invited her friends, too, of course – roughly fifty of them.

Just like at the wedding, I let it go. I know this is one of the ways she’s dealing with the loss of her husband, although it’s hard to believe she’s grieving when she looks ecstatic right now.

I watch as she whisks Brandon out of Dash’s arms and gushes over him. Right now, she’s wearing a lavender dress with ruffles that makes her look like a classy flamenco dancer and, of course, another string of diamonds.

I know she means well. And I’m trying to understand her. I really am. But I know one of these days, I’m going to have to stand up to her and tell her I’m the one who needs to run my life and, just as important, my son’s life.

Maybe when Dash and I finally have a house of our own, a talk won’t be necessary.

I finish eating, smiling in approval of the food – at least Anna has good taste in food – but frowning when I realize I didn’t get anything to drink. I come out of hiding and quickly sneak inside the house, heading for the kitchen.

Here, I hand my plate to a maid and grab a can of soda from the fridge, drinking it against the kitchen counter. I’d like to stay here, too, but Dash is probably looking for me. I head back outside, pausing when I see Billy beside the present table in the hallway, trying to find space for the big blue and silver box in his arms.

At least, I think it’s Billy. I pause to stare at him, soda can in hand.

I’ve only seen him twice – at the bar where I first met Dash and during that meeting where they made Dash CEO and I threw up in front of every shareholder – but I recognize the hair, the same color as Dash’s but neater. I recognize that little frown of his too. He looks better, though, in his royal blue collared shirt and khaki pants. It seems like he’s gained weight and his skin has more color.

Medical school must suit him.

I take a deep breath before approaching him. “Billy, I’m so glad you could come.”

“Janine,” he greets as he turns towards me. “I would have come sooner but one of my professors sent me an email and—”

“It’s fine, Billy,” I assure him. “I’m glad you’re here now.” I set down my soda on a shelf and stretch my arms out to him. “Here. Let me help you find somewhere to put that present.”

He hands the box to me. “Thanks.”

I look over the table, frowning when I can’t find some space myself.

“Wow. Your mother’s friends sure like to give big presents.”

“They do,” Billy agrees.

I try to put the box on top of another only to take it off again as I realize something could get broken inside. “I don’t remember my first birthday but I don’t think I got this many presents.”

“Neither did I.”

“Oh, well. Let’s just put this down here.” I kneel down to put the box on the floor under the table. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“As long as you don’t forget it.”

“I won’t,” I promise as I stand up, shaking some imaginary dust off my hands.

Billy grins then purses his lips, hands in the pockets of his pants.

“What?” I ask him.

He shakes his head. “Nothing.”

“What?” I demand, placing my hands on my hips. “You, uh… you suit Dash.”

“Oh.” I smooth the sides of my skirt as I look away, blushing at the compliment, not sure what it means. “Thanks.”

“I didn’t think he would marry a good woman,” Billy goes on, his shoulders going up and down again. “I didn’t even think he could find one. Imagine my surprise.”

I take my can of soda from the shelf. “I can imagine.” “The timing was just so unbelievably coincidental, you know? I heard about the engagement literally days after Dad said he had to find one.”

“Well, we were planning on getting hitched for some time.” I tread carefully, tapping my finger on the top of the can. “I’m sure he told you that.”

“Yeah, something along those lines.” Billy lets out a breath as he folds his arms in front of his chest. “I just didn’t believe it. And you had Brandon so fast, just like the will said you had to. I don’t believe in fate, but… Dash definitely has all the luck. That, I believe in.”

I don’t answer, feeling confused as I take a sip of soda. What does he mean, the will said I had to? I thought it was just a last wish, like my mother’s.

“I’m glad, though.” Billy pats my arm. “Dash gets his inheritance. I’m back in med school. It’s a win-win situation.” He scratches the back of his head. “I don’t even remember why I protested so much in the first place.”

“What did you mean… something about the will saying I ‘had’ to?” I ask curiously. I lower the can in my hand.

“Oh, you know. I’m sure Dash told you about it. He was furious… but it all worked out, right?” Billy’s eyes crinkle as he smiles, even though I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. “Dad had that clause in his will, only giving Dash his inheritance if he had a…” The color I noticed in Billy’s cheeks begins to wan. “Dash did tell you about that, didn’t he?”

The can slips in my hand, spilling soda down the front of my dress before creating a puddle on the floor.

“Oh, shit.” I step back. A maid scurries over to clean up the mess. “I’m sorry,” I tell her.

“It’s okay, ma’am,” she says. “Though maybe you should go change.”

I look at my dress, dark patches on the yellow fabric. “Yeah.”

“Are you alright?” Billy asks, touching my arm.

“Yeah.” I step away. “I’m just not feeling well all of a sudden. I think I’ll go to the bedroom. Excuse me.”

I go upstairs, pausing in the middle of the staircase to put a hand over my stomach, suddenly feeling sick. I knew Dash was under pressure to get married and have a baby. I knew he wanted to make things up to his family. But I didn’t know there were billions involved or that his shares in the company depended on it.

Why didn’t he tell me? Didn’t he trust me?

Ah, but our marriage is a business deal, after all. I’m just his fake wife. I’ve almost forgotten about that.

And now, I know the real reason for it. I’m just a tool that he used to secure his inheritance.

I continue up the stairs, tears streaking down my cheeks as the pain and betrayal overwhelm me.

Dash never wanted a family. He only wanted his fortune. And now he has it. No wonder the contract said we could get a divorce after five years. He never meant for it to last.

The worst part is that I completely forgot we were faking.

I go inside the bedroom and straight into the bathroom.

I end up inexplicably crying in the bathtub.

Oh, Janine. How can you be such a fool?

* * *

“Janine?” I hear Dash’s voice before I see him. He stands over the bathtub, looking at me with an expression of shock and confusion. “Janine, what are you doing here?”

I can’t stand to look at him. “I got tired of the party.” “It’s over.”

It is. Have I been crying in the bathroom for that long? “What happened to your dress?”

“It’s fine. I never liked it anyway.”

Dash kneels beside the tub. “Janine, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Why?” I look at him as I place my arms around my knees, noting the uneasy glint in his eyes, the corners of his mouth turned down.

He seems really worried, but I don’t care. “Why should I tell you? Why do you care?”

He grips the edge of the tub. “Because I’m your husband.”

“Fake husband,” I remind, glaring. “We signed a contract. Get married, have a child, divorce after five years.”

“Only if you want.”

I look at him. “But you knew I’d want one.” His eyebrows furrow. “Do you?”

I shake my head. “Oh, come on. Stop. You’re a good actor, but you’re not that good.”

Dash stands up, his arms folded over his chest. His blue eyes narrow and crackle with indignation. “Alright. What is this really about?”

I stand up, my hands gripping my skirt. “You only married me because you were going to lose your inheritance.”

Dash’s eyes grow wide. So it’s true.

He swallows and leans closer, his indignation fading now. “Who told you?”

“Billy,” I confess. “It turns out he’s more honest than you are.”

Dash frowns then touches my arm. “Janine…” I slap his hand away. “Don’t touch me.” “Janine…”

“You said there would be no secrets or lies between us, but that was a lie! Everything was a lie!”

He takes a deep breath. “It was a lie we agreed to tell together. I don’t want to get a divorce.”

“Why? Is there ANOTHER secret clause in your father’s will about not getting divorced?”

“No!” Dash yells, offended.

“Why should I believe you?” I place my hand on my chest. “You just used me so you could get your inheritance.”

“You used me, too.”

“Yes.” I step out of the bathtub, pointing to myself. “I did. I did it for someone I loved. But you…” I point my finger at his chest. “You did it for money.”

Dash shakes his head. “I didn’t want the money for me. I wanted it so I could help—”

“I don’t care what your reasons were!” I push him back and clamber out of the stupid tub, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks. “You used me, Dash. You used me to get your money and you’ve known it all along. That’s why you didn’t tell me. Because you knew I would get mad! You knew your motives were bullshit! You knew you were wrong, and you still put a baby in me!”

I go to give him another push and Dash grabs my hands. “I understand how you feel, Janine. I know you hate me right now, but please listen. I—”

“I don’t hate you.” I shake my head, wrenching my hands away. “I hate myself. I’m the one who was stupid enough to trust you. I was stupid enough to think your motives were noble—but we never had anything in common.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“So stupid.” I place my hand on my forehead, feeling slightly dizzy as I look at the floor. “Because for a moment, I allowed myself to believe that everything was real. But it’s all just an act.” My voice trembles as I force myself to ask, “Why did you even go with me to Mom’s funeral?”

Dash says nothing, because there’s nothing to say. I push by him, out of the bathroom and into the walk-in closet. I change as quickly as I can into a t-shirt and jeans. Then I grab some more clothes and toss them into a suitcase. I’m not really paying attention to what I’m doing. It’s totally possible that I just grabbed a bathing suit and a nightgown. I don’t know what I’m doing. Everything is a miserable blur right now, crashing down around my head, and I just have to get out of here.

“What are you doing?” Dash asks, standing over me. “Leaving.” I close the suitcase and carry it to the bedroom, then go to the nursery, getting Brandon out of his crib. “I’m taking Brandon with me.”

“He’s my son, too. And the contract says you can’t leave me.” His voice hardens and strengthens when he says the word can’t. “Not for three more years.”

I turn to face him, Brandon squirming in my arms. “It said I can’t divorce you. It didn’t say anything about me walking out the front door.”

Dash blocks the door into the hallway. “I won’t let you,” he says. “Not with Brandon.”

I meet his gaze, my heart sinking at his hardened expression.

Is he really going to do this to me? Is he really going to deny me my son after he just hurt me in the worst possible way?

I look at my son, sleeping innocently. Can I really leave him?

But I have to. As much as it tears me apart, I can’t stay here with his jerk of a father another second. I can’t keep this stupid act up anymore.

“Fine.” I hand our son over to him, silently promising myself I’ll come back for him. “But I’m leaving.”

I grab my suitcase and my purse, walking out of the room.