Tess
Big Joe held the door for me, and I saw the damage the Stripe Backs had done. Bullet holes dotted the walls, and the bar was only half stocked. Morgan gave me a stressed smile before I headed out back.
“Oh, thank God, you’re back!” Minnie wrapped her arms around me and whispered, “He’s such an asshole when you’re gone. Can you believe what happened?”
I caught Trigger’s annoyed expression as he muttered something mean next to us, and Morgan cleared his throat with a warning. Minnie missed the tension and pulled back and looked at me before I could get a word in. “You look thinner. Are you eating? Lord, tell me your secret!”
I shifted in embarrassment. I knew I was thinner. It was what happened when I was at the house. “No sleep.”
“Oh.” Her gaze fell, and she stroked my arm. “Date night tomorrow? I could use some girl time.”
“Sure.”
Trigger’s hot hand landed on my back, and I knew he was growing restless. I waved goodnight and let him lead me in the direction of his room.
He disappeared into the bathroom, and when I heard the water running, I took that moment to head back to my room and get cleaned up. My tattoo was stuck to my shirt, so I cleaned it and rubbed in the sample lotion Mud gave me and quickly slipped into a silky, long-sleeve nightshirt. The USB was in my night table, and I hesitated as it gnawed at my curiosity. What was on it? Did I want to know? I pushed that aside and grabbed my book instead.
I tucked myself under his cool sheets, happy I chose a long-sleeve shirt, and pulled the comforter up under my chin to will my body to stop shaking. I was frozen. Trigger liked to sleep in a temperature reminiscent of the Arctic. Once I created a warm spot, I rolled over, clicked on the little light that hung over the spine of the book, and felt the rush that came with a second book in a trilogy.
Hello, old friends.
I was so lost in my fictional world that I hadn’t heard Trigger come in. The bed dipped, and he lifted the blanket, destroying my hot air bubble.
He missed my glare, and I went back to the words in front of me. I couldn’t help but sneak a peek as he lay facing the ceiling, one arm under his head, his muscles flexed as he thought about something.
God, between the story and this man, I’m doomed.
“What’s on the USB?”
I hated that he interrupted me, but I was waiting for that conversation.
“All I know is he guards it with his life. I wanted to hurt him, so I took it.”
“You haven’t watched it yet?”
“No.”
He stayed quiet after that, so I went back to reading.
The pages couldn’t turn fast enough. I knew it was coming, but when? My eyes and my mind were in a battle as to which could absorb the story faster. My heart was in my throat. Mike was hinting at something, but what?
Suddenly, I gasped and felt my eyes prickle.
“Yes!” I blurted and heard the pillow slap as he turned to look at me. I ignored him and kept one hell of a grip on my book.
I could feel his eyes on me. They made my skin heat up, but so did the scene. He rolled to face me and stared harder.
“Read me what part you’re at.” His tone was raspy and hit me in the center of the stomach.
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
I tried to think of a good excuse, but I was fresh out. I licked my lips. Why the hell not? I dropped my tone to a low, raspy whisper.
“Mmm, you were ready for me.” He groaned as he pushed his fingers in further, feeling her velvet insides squeeze around him.
“I’m always ready when it comes to you, Cole.” She flopped her head against his chest. “Please, I need you.”
I flicked my gaze up to his and was caught off guard by his expression. He looked hungry or pissed. I wasn’t sure which.
“What?”
“Does that turn you on?”
I blushed, thankful the moon wasn’t overly bright tonight, and the little book light was turned away from me.
“Maybe.”
“What exactly about it does? Cole or the sex?”
I wanted to run and hide. Men would never understand the feelings behind a romance book. It wasn’t that the men were sexy, so much as the fantasy was sexy. They were fictional characters, created to make women feel something amazing, make us feel wanted no matter our flaws, something that barely existed in this world. But, shit, there was always hope.
However, I knew this book was based on a true story, so I decided to tread carefully.
“It’s not Cole that turns me on. It’s the way he is with her.”
“Meaning?”
My book flopped out of my hands when I rolled onto my back. I couldn’t look at him. Trigger didn’t do deep feelings, so it was hard for me to open up with him, but I was willing to try.
“Meaning he’s primal, alpha, protective, but all the while she knows he loves her beyond anything else in this world. It’s just so…”
“So…what?”
“Right, I guess. Cole shows romance here and there, but not all the time—”
“You like romance?” He pushed for more answers while I fought to find the right words.
“Not all the time, but yes, sometimes, just to know you matter enough, you know, that they are thinking of you, and you only.” I rubbed my face. I wasn’t good at this—we weren’t good at this. “That no matter what, however angry the guy was, or if there was another girl in the room, you know they only have eyes for you.”
“And Cole is that way?”
I shrugged and rolled my head to look at him straight on. “I don’t know. I’ve never met him. The author sure paints him that way.” I tucked my hands under my cheek so I could see him better. “Can I ask you something?”
“Maybe.”
I rolled my eyes dramatically. “When I was gone, did you sleep with anyone?”
“No.”
“Kiss anyone?”
He flinched, and I got the answer. I hated that it hurt so much.
“You?”
“Never slept with anyone.”
His eyes flickered with anger but paused when I reached out and ran my hand along his tattooed chest.
“Doesn’t feel good, does it?” I stopped to make my point. “To know the one you care for had a little kiss with someone else.”
He took my hand and held it over his heart. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but I went with it. Slowly, he reached out and skimmed his finger along my jaw and stopped at my lips. His gaze landed there and narrowed in on them.
“How did your body react when Clark kissed you here?” His thumb brushed over my bottom lip like he was wiping away the memory.
I went with the truth, because the truth was all I had right now.
“It was confusion mixed with comfort.” I swallowed hard. “But,” his eyes turned up to mine, “it took me a moment to realize what I wanted.”
“What do you want, Tess?” he whispered as his hand brushed over my brow.
You.
To myself.
I swallowed past the giant lump that formed in my throat. My mouth felt dry, and I was sure he could see my panic. I was always nervous to show anything remotely romantic with Trigger. He and I had both made it clear we didn’t want more from each other. I didn’t want to rock the boat. I just got back, and already so much had happened.
“I’m not sure.”
His hand stilled, and I knew he felt my lie.
“Try again.” The force of his glare dared me.
“Fine.” I stared into his eyes and secretly begged his softer side to show itself. “I want what I’ve never had. I want someone to love me.” I thought about Matt and how he’d always loved me, but in a brotherly way. He filled that void, and I, in return, had filled his, but that was different. “Someone who can see past my wall, past all my flaws and mistakes.” I thought about my tattoo, hidden from his view under my shirt. I wasn’t ready to show it to him yet. I didn’t regret it. I was waiting for the right moment. I ducked my head down when I felt my face flush again. “Things like that don’t happen to girls like me. We are unlovable, broken pieces of someone we could have been.” I stopped when I realized my mouth ran away with me. “And you wonder why I read,” I muttered to lighten the mood.
Just when I thought he was going to say something, he grabbed my waist and rolled me over. He pressed against my back and tucked his arm around my midsection.
I let a sad smile creep across my face. I was sure I had just made another wall go up. Trigger wasn’t built to understand what I had said. Though he had his moments, I wasn’t sure how to get through to him, or even if it was possible. For now, I’d hold on to the fact that I was the one in his arms tonight.
“What’s wrong?” I sat next to Clark on the bed.
“I need to tell you something, something that is going to hurt you, but you need to hear me out before you freak out, okay?” I heard him, but his face scared the shit out of me.
“I don’t know if I can take any more hurt.”
His mouth opened, and the words came out, but I soon felt like I was falling down a black hole. My stomach dropped. How could this happen? He just kept going, and the last words that ripped me apart were…
“I’m still here, just in a different way now.”
I shifted to smooth my shirt over my leggings, but it was really so I could buy some time to let the words sink in.
“I don’t understand.”
Clark reached out and cupped my chin. “I love you, but I also love your mother.”
My heart ripped from its anchor and floated around inside, bumping into other organs.
“I want to be with you, Gumdrop, but in order for that to happen, I need to marry your mother.”
“Have you slept with her yet?” I didn’t want to know the answer, but at the same time, I needed to know.
“Yes.”
I stood on shaky legs and leaned against my dresser. “I’m confused. You say you love me, but you sleep with my mother. You say you love me, but you are marrying my mother.”
“I know it’s confusing.”
“No.” I laughed because if I didn’t I would cry, and that was pointless here. “What’s confusing are things like when I had a boy over to help me with a project and you sent him home. I got an F on that project. You act like we’re together, but you’re marrying my mother.” Oh, God, I felt sick.
“I don’t expect you to understand. This is a grown-up matter.”
I glared at him. We both knew I had grown up entirely too fast.
“No, what I understand is that you want to have your cake and eat it too.”
“Gumdrop.” He lifted off my bed and tried to hug me, but I stepped out of his reach.
“Answer me one question.”
“What?”
“Was this just a game to get to my mother?”
“No.” His actions didn’t match his words. “Of course not.”
Punch to the gut.
I was done.
“Clark!” My mother’s voice ripped through the thick tension. “Open the door.”
Clark slowly went over and opened the door. “Felicia, I was just telling Tessa the good news.”
“Well,” she paused to grab our full attention, “we may need to speed the wedding up.”
“Why?” Clark looked interested.
My mother’s hand rested on her stomach, and she smiled up at him.
No.
“Really?” His face lit up. “How far along?”
I shoved him out of the way and slammed the bathroom door in their faces. I sank to the toilet and covered my eyes. My entire world was crashing down, and there was no way to stop it. Sick. This was all a sick, twisted game they were playing. How could he? He was mine. I saw him first. He was closer to my age than hers.
I pulled at the tissues that stuck out of the drawer, tugging it open. Something caught the light, and my fingers brushed over the sharp edges.
I glanced in the mirror and saw how pathetic I looked.
It had never been clearer. I was unlovable, used up, and disposable now.
I took a deep breath and…
My eyes jolted open, and I jumped in the darkness. My skin had a layer of sweat across it, and my heart raced to play catch up. I was not in the house. I was safe, away from them.
I carefully padded across the icy floor and over to the door where I slipped out, leaving Trigger to sleep.
***
Trigger
I slept like the dead. The demons reminded me that I was never free. My father hovered on the edge of my dreams, taunting me to agree to the fight.
I knew it would be a slippery slope if I stepped into the ring. I had a love-hate relationship with it, but, fuck, I felt alive between the ropes.
Sunlight burned through the gap between the curtains. I could use another few hours, but I knew my head wouldn’t allow it.
I flipped the covers off and rubbed my head as I rolled to the side of the bed. I already sensed Tess wasn’t there. I went for my gun when I detected movement.
It took me three seconds to register the little shit on my couch, rolled up like a burrito in his beloved green blanket.
He was dead to the world, and I saw a wet spot on the corner of the blanket where he had been crying. His snotty nose was a bit of a put-off, but I felt sorry for the kid.
Fuck. He is too young for this shit.
I scooped Fin up and tucked him in the middle of my bed. Maybe one of us would get some more sleep.
I wondered when Tess had slipped out and where she was. Last night was heavy, and I was still trying to figure out how to take what she said. Why the fuck were women so damn complicated? I figured I was safer to keep my mouth shut because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.
“Hungry?” Peggy asked when I slid into my booth in the back.
“Yeah,” I huffed into my hands. “Normal.”
“Coming right up.” She swung her hips as she walked away. Peggy needed to stop trying. If I hadn’t made her my old lady by now, it wasn’t going to happen.
Morgan brought me a coffee, and I rubbed my face, fighting the fog in my head. So many things were on my mind, not the least of which was how to get Tess to hand over the USB she had taken from Clark. I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be easy to convince her. I was still working on the problem when I heard her voice.
“Want some company?”
Tess was dressed in jeans, a tank top, and an oversized sweater that hung open in the front. Her hair smelled like that stuff I liked when she blew it dry.
“Sure.” I signaled Morgan to bring her some coffee. He put the mugs down and left us alone. “You get much sleep?”
She wove her fingers through her hair and let out a long sigh. “Enough.”
“What time did you get up?”
“Three something, don’t know.” She sprinkled some sugar into her mug. “I just went back to my room. I didn’t want to wake you.”
Peggy slid my bowl of oatmeal and toast in front of me and glared at Tess.
“What do you want?”
Tess shook her head but granted her a genuine smile. “I’m fine, Peggy, but thanks.”
“Good. One less thing to do,” she snarled and turned, but I caught her arm.
“Bring her what I’m having.”
Tess waved her hand. “Really, I’m good.”
“No, you’re not.” I sent Peggy off. “You need to eat more, Tess.”
She looked me square in the eyes and then glanced over her shoulder. “I lost my appetite earlier this morning.”
“Oh?”
“I decided to open the USB drive.”
I dropped the toast from between my fingers. I knew I was on that thing and what it might show, but I also knew there was a lot more there I needed to see.
“Detective Aaron planted coke on some business guy, and then proceeded to smash his head in.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” She stirred her coffee, lost in her thoughts. “It was weird, though. He kept looking at the camera on his dash, and when he was finished, he said, ‘There, I did as you said.’”
“Hm.” I bit into my toast and let my mind wander over that.
“Your coke has the reaper hood stamped on it, right?”
I squinted at her, wondering how the fuck she knew that.
“Why do you ask?” I’d never let her get that close to it. “You been poking around? Old ladies are not allowed in the back room.”
Her elbows fell to the table, and she put her head in her hands.
“Having a conversation with you, Trigger, is maddening. Remind me to keep shit to myself.”
She stood to leave, and I cursed. “Tess, I didn’t mean to—”
“To what? Accuse me? I feel like I’ve been down this path before, only that time you believed me. What’s changed now?”
Peggy, of course, showed up at that moment and tossed Tess’s food on the table. The toast flipped off the plate and fell on the bench seat.
“Five second rule.” Peggy picked up the bread with her bright orange nails and dropped it on the plate. “All good.”
I grabbed her arm and twisted hard, and she yelped. “Get her some new shit, Peggy, now!” I ordered, and the entire room went silent.
“Fine.” She left with her hand in the air.
“When?” Tess had her eyes closed, and her tone told me she was close to being finished. “When will you see I’m only looking out for the club?”
“You ask a lot of questions. I’m not used to a woman being this involved in my club. It takes a while for any member to be trusted enough to know as much as you do now.”
“Have I ever made you doubt my loyalty?”
I leaned back and crossed my arms after I pushed my breakfast away from me. She hadn’t, but that didn’t mean I could lower my guard. It just wasn’t in my nature.
“Tammy was here a lot longer than you, and she flipped.”
The second I mentioned her name, I saw the fire ignite inside her.
“Don’t you ever compare me to that skank.”
I wanted to lash back at her tone, but I could see she was moments from making a scene.
“She wasn’t always a skank.”
She chuckled, and I could tell I wasn’t going to like this next part.
“Now you’re defending her.” Her head fell backward as she took a moment. “Why did you bring me back here, Trigger?”
“You didn’t belong there. It wasn’t safe.” I hated being asked that question.
“Let me get this straight. You brought me back, for what? An apology to Brick? For lying to me? And here I am trying to help you connect the dots to something so much bigger, and you question me? You want to see some fucking loyalty?” she hissed in a whisper then yanked up her sleeve and showed me the tattoo of the drawing I had traced on her arm.
Holy shit.
“Screw you, Trigger.” She turned on her heel and headed for her room.
Holy shit. She actually got the tattoo, and it looked fucking amazing. By far one of the sexiest things Tess had done yet. It was right up there with her ability to shoot a goddamn gun. My dick screamed at me to go after her, but the bar was filled with members waiting to see what my reaction would be. Sure, they only caught some of it, but I sure as hell didn’t need to look pussy whipped.
“Fresh toast.” Peggy snickered. “Where the fuck is she?”
“Take it back.” I flicked my wrist at her and pulled out my phone.
“Un-fucking-believable!”
I waited for as long as I could before I went to her room, and just as I was about to knock on her door, I heard her talking. I pushed open the door a bit and listened.
“Why are you leavin’, Tess?” Fin was on her bed, sitting inside her duffle bag. Every time she’d put something in he’d take it out. “Take me with you.”
She sighed and sat next to him and folded the shirt that would be going back into her closet in a few minutes.
“I’m just going to visit a friend for a while. Besides, that wouldn’t be fair to your mom.”
“Like she’d notice.”
Tess reached out and ruffled his hair. “What about Gus?”
“He’s okay.” He shrugged. “But if you leave, Uncle Trig won’t be happy.”
“Trigger doesn’t have any room in this club for someone like me, Fin.” She grabbed her stack of shirts and tucked them next to his legs.
“But…” He sniffed, and it took me a moment to see he was panicking. “But what about me?”
She turned and knelt in front of him and tucked a piece of his shaggy hair behind his ear. Her head tilted as a frown broke out across her face.
“You have so many people here who love you so much, Finny. No family is perfect. You have to see past the bad to see the good. Your mom is just a little lost, but she loves you with all her heart.”
“But I love you more.” He lunged into her arms and buried his head in her neck. She leaned back against the headboard and held him as he cried. “I hate that he’s making you leave.”
“Who?” She rubbed his back.
“Uncle Trig. He’s supposed to be my hero, but he’s being an asshole.”
For once in my life, I felt like an asshole. Apparently, it was something I was good at.
“He’s not an asshole.” She started to laugh. “Okay, well, yes, some of the time he is, but under all that crap, he has a huge heart. You two are a lot alike, you know?”
“How?” He wiped his eyes dry.
“You’re both strong, smart people. You’re both looking for love, just in different ways.”
Her words hit hard. Shit, I really was an asshole. It was hard to hear her words, but it was eye-opening.
“Do you love him?”
I held my breath, unsure if I wanted to hear her answer.
“You’re a little young to ask such a big question.” She stood him on his feet and looked up at him.
“I’m five.” He stood a little taller and tried to look strong. I smiled at his feistiness.
“I want to love him.” I hardly breathed at her honestly. “But what’s the point of loving someone who can never love you back? I’ve been there before, Fin, and you know where it got me?” He shook his head. “It got me knocking on the reaper’s door.”
“He loves you too, ’cause you’re pretty, and mom says you make his balls hard.”
She laughed out loud. “Well, thank you, I think.”
“For what?” His brows pinched together.
“For caring about me this much. Feels pretty nice.”
“Can I tell you a secret?”
She nodded, and he leaned in and whispered something in her ear. Her smile dropped, and her gaze fluttered to the floor.
“That’s…” She fought back tears. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, Fin.”
“See why you can’t leave?”
“Trigger?” Brick called out, and Tess looked over at me. Our eyes met, her back straightened, and she made a point to return to her packing. “Oh, shit, were you creepin’?” Brick waved at Tess, not at all caring that he had outed me. “Sorry, but you need to make a decision.”
He handed me the iPad and showed me the email informing me I had to register if this fight was going to happen.
I nodded once before I handed it back to him. “I’ll deal with it tonight.”
“Deadline is seven p.m.”
“Yeah.”
I felt a tap on the back, and Fin stared up at me before he sucker punched me in the balls.
“Come here, you little shit.” I grabbed the back of his hoodie and hung him in the air in front of me. His eyes were bloodshot, and is nose was still snotty. “What the hell?”
He wiggled before he gave up, knowing there was no use. “Stop her, like you always do, or I’ll never talk to you again.”
“Fin,” Tess shook her head, “it’s not up to him.”
“The hell it isn’t!” we both shot back in unison.
“Jesus Christ, he’s your damn Mini You.” Brick tossed his hands up. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this.”
I dismissed Brick’s comment and glared at my nephew. “You wanna toss a punch, at least learn how first. Meet me in the ring in twenty.”
His eyes lit up, and I dropped him to his feet and watched him hurry down the hallway. Nice to see the little shit was feeling better.
I turned to deal with Tess. “Where the hell do think you’re going?”
Tess packed even faster, shoving her clothes in the bag. “I’m going to go stay with Ven and her brother. Take a break.”
I closed the door behind me, then whirled Tess around and grabbed her face so she’d look at me.
Say it.
Fuck me, just say it!
Nolan appeared out of nowhere.
“I do trust you, Tess, more than most here. You’ve proven your loyalty more than once, but this…” My fingers found her arm and held it up to show her. “This is unbelievable.” I leaned my forehead to hers and breathed in her scent. Her body made me feel alive for the first time in…ever. Oh, shit.
Say it.
My entire body vibrated. The truth made me feel weak and vulnerable, but fuck me, she couldn’t leave.
“Don’t leave.”
I felt her shoulders rise and fall before she leaned forward on her toes and kissed my cheek tenderly.
“I’ll stay under one condition.”
I raised an eyebrow, curious what she was willing to bargain.
“What does the key go to?”
Oh, shit. She already knows, just doesn’t remember.
“Pick another one.”
She glared at me, but just as I thought she was going to start packing again, I saw a familiar dark expression flicker across her sexy eyes.
“Kiss me here.” She pointed to her cheek.
I almost laughed but didn’t hesitate. My lips skimmed her cheek.
“Now here.” She slid her finger to the side of her jaw. I obeyed, thinking I had the better end of this deal. “Here.” She pointed to the spot on her neck. “Here.” Her collarbone.
My jeans felt crowded as I licked every spot she wanted.
“Right here.” She pointed to her chest. “And here.” She tapped right between her breasts.
My body hummed as her flavor sank into my taste buds and drove me wild. I skimmed her spine as I sucked at her neck again. I drew in her skin and grazed it with the tips of my teeth. Lost. I was lost in the moment, wanting to suck on other parts of her, when she stepped out of my hold and pressed my arms to my side.
“I’ll unpack.”
“That can wait.” I grabbed for her, but she stuck a finger in my face with a smirk.
“The deal was you kiss me where I said. I never said a thing about anything else.”
I moved to stand in front of her, but her hands fell to my chest.
“I love your alpha-ness, Trigger. That’s no secret.” She bit her lip as she stared at her hands sprawled across my chest. I was sure she could feel my need for her. My blood was screaming her name.
“But, you need to stop lashing out and assuming things about me. So, from now on, when that happens, you can’t touch me until I say otherwise.”
Ha!
I reached for her again, but she grabbed my hands.
“And if you care about me at all,” she studied me, searching for some trace of my feelings, “you’ll respect me enough not to cross that line. If not, then take me.” She stepped back and held her arms open.
Fuck me, she plays dirty.
I dropped my arms and held my switch down.
“I need to work.” I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. “And I need to be away from you right now.”
I stopped at the door and turned.
“Only for you, Tess.” Her eyes lit up, and my gaze roamed her body one last time. “Game on.”
Her eyes widened as my words hit her.